Chapter 1: Life reconsidered
Rory had always been the responsible one, the sensible one that everyone could trust with anything. She was always the one people came to when they found themselves in trouble. She'd never found herself in this particular situation before, sure she'd done stupid things she regretted but this, this was definitely taking the cake.
She couldn't do this. Not right now at least.
She didn't have a home. She'd moved in with her mom in Stars Hollow again, she'd said it was only temporary for the last many months. The problem was she'd made no effort in finding a steady job or an apartment for herself. She just floated around her childhood home and town, not really doing or accomplishing anything, and she had no one to blame but herself in the end.
She needed to get herself and her life back together. Get her thoughts straight and find her priorities. She couldn't continue being the scared little girl who'd run to her mommy every time something didn't go according to her plan. Especially not now.
She could do it, dammit. She'd graduated Yale, lived on the road following Obama and traveled around the world, chasing the story. She'd been published in The New Yorker and she'd seen plenty success from just that, but somehow, it just wasn't enough. She didn't have anyone to share her success with. She didn't belong anywhere, sure she'd had her shoebox-sized apartment in Chelsea, but it wasn't really home.
She'd flailed around, trying to find a meaning with it all.
It wasn't until she'd met Logan in Hamburg a year and a half ago, that her life seemed to have taken a nosedive. Beginning to lie to her mom, to her family and friends. Her job opportunities seemed to have shrunk in, and the few things she actually got to write, she couldn't seem to find the motivation for. Her money slowly dwindling out as had her job-opportunities and she had to move from her apartment, the apartment she hadn't lived in for much more than a month at a time since she got it. Sleeping on Paris' hypothetical couch and finally, finding her way back to Stars Hollow and her mom.
Meeting Logan only seemed to heighten her feelings of loneliness, even with her boyfriend back home. She'd had an affair with an engaged man, been with someone other than her boyfriend back home in the States.
It was just so easy and comfortable. Being with Logan again. She didn't need to worry about anything, because he always took care of everything. Always made sure she was alright and took care of herself, especially after her grandpa had died. He was the same old Logan and she quickly fell into the role of the old Rory, even when they both knew they'd changed.
She couldn't do that anymore, not now, never again.
With a huge worried sigh, Rory Gilmore sat on the overly uncomfortable yellow plastic chair, looking around the room, taking in the people loitering around the room, as people rushed in and out of the back rooms.
Mostly families, women with small children playing on the floor or bouncing on their mothers' knees. There was the occasional single woman, like her, that looked around the room uncomfortably before sitting down, effectively ignoring any and everything around them until their name was called to go in the back.
The waiting was perfect for her to begin making plans, to begin on one of her lists but once she got out her pad and pen, she was blanking what she wanted, what to put on her list. She had no pros or cons, no idea what she was going to do, if she even was going to do anything at all.
Maybe she'd been wrong? Maybe those tests weren't trustworthy and she'd just done them wrong. That was a possibility – hadn't there been some story about the false positives once or twice? That could've happened to her, no doubt. There was no reason to begin rearranging her life even more than she'd already done.
Cutting off the affair with Logan after she found out Odette had moved in meant she'd also had to cut out the guys. She couldn't take them from Logan and she wasn't willing to hear about his fabulous wedding to the French woman. She wasn't jealous, she just didn't need that kind of information at the moment. She had enough on her plate as it was, thank you very much.
It'd been two months since her and the guys' last hurrah. She missed them more than she cared to admit. She missed the stability Logan offered in her mind, but she couldn't go back to him, he was set on marrying Odette and she couldn't really blame him. She'd turned his proposal down and had done nothing to discourage him from his engagement the last time she'd seen him. Besides, wasn't she on her way to moving on from him, from their illicit affair? She'd agreed to the last hurrah, knowing she was on her way to better things, or at least she'd thought that.
Shaking her head at her thoughts. A month apart. That was all. A month between the two of them, what the hell had she been thinking? Particularly now – what was she supposed to do? There were of course ways to figure it out, but did she really want to? Did she even care? She should know for sure after today, hopefully, but did she want to know? Would it be easier to deal with if she knew? She didn't think so. She still didn't have any plan on how to tackle the situation or how to tell everyone. This was too much, too heavy for her. Where had she gone wrong?
The squeaky voice calling her name pulled her out of her own spiraling thoughts and got her moving from the chair and the many waiting families and women, walking into the back and finding the door that belonged to the person she was here for.
"Come on in, Rory."
Rory looked at the smiling middle-aged woman who'd opened the door before she even got to knock and making her presence known. Rory nodded and took a deep breath, trying to find her courage and take the steps into the room.
It felt like she was sealing her faith with those slow steps.
"Now, why don't you tell me why you're here, Rory?"
Nerves rising, sweat developing lightly on her forehead and she looked around the room with wide eyes, making sure no one else was in there to overhear their conversation. It was ridiculous! She was a 32-year old woman, for God's sake!
"Yes, well." She started out, wringing her hands around themselves. "My period is late and I would just like to, well you know, make sure everything is in order, Dr. Johnson."
The older woman smiles softly and looks at her knowingly. "And how many tests told you what we both think is the reason for your missing period, Rory?"
Laughing nervously, Rory shakes her head. "Well, I've heard you can get a false positive, right Dr. Johnson? Maybe it's just that… four times in a row. It could happen, right?"
Dr. Johnson shook her head with a small laugh. It was just typical Rory Gilmore, having taken four tests and still doubting the results. "The chances of four tests being wrong is alike winning in the lottery, Rory."
Rory sighed and nodded, looking down at her hands. She already knew, deep down, that she'd been stupidly naïve, that she'd been fooling herself with those thoughts. Four tests in a row doesn't get it wrong. The fact that she'd been nauseous for two weeks straight and curled her nose at the smell of the Chinese her mom had brought them last week from Al's, should've been enough of an indicator.
"Let's just make it official, shall we?" Dr. Johnson asked softly, standing from her chair and began gathering the needed instruments for the test. "It'll only take a few minutes to confirm our suspicions."
Those minutes felt like the longest in her life. They shouldn't. It should've been when she was at home, in her childhood-room, sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at the four tests lying on her nightstand. Those should've been the longest minutes in her life, but she'd been delusional, she'd thought it was an honest mistake. She couldn't simply be... It just wasn't in her plans, in her sight for her future.
"Our suspicions are clearly confirmed, Rory." Dr. Johnson said, bringing her out of her thoughts once again. "Congratulations. You're going to be a mommy."
Looking down at her still flat stomach, trying to come to terms with her new situation, trying to figure out what to do. Just staring at her stomach like the little thing growing inside her had a plan to get them out of this mess. "Thank you." She said silently and looked up at the older woman, taking a deep breath. "Can you- you know, see how far I am?"
The problem at the forefront of her mind. She needed to know, like she needed to breathe to keep alive. She couldn't live with not knowing, but Dr. Johnson didn't know that. She didn't need to know the reason Rory desperately needed to know how far along she was.
"You don't have any idea when conception could've been?"
Slowly she nodded. "There are two occasions, but they're a month apart, so I'm not sure, Dr. Johnson."
The doctor nodded, pushed some buttons on her computer before looking at Rory again. "When were they?"
Quickly biting her lower lip and licking her lips. "The first was May 6th, and the second was June 10th."
Dr. Johnson pushed some more buttons and nodded before looking back at Rory. "With those dates, you're at least 7 weeks pregnant, if not more. Is that specific enough for now or do we want to be even more specific?"
Scratching her cuticles Rory hesitated before shaking her head. "Can we be more specific? I really need to know the exact date, Dr. Johnson."
The older woman smiled softly and nodded. "Of course, Rory. Just go get comfortable on the gurney and I'll prepare everything for a sonogram. We'll know exactly how far along you are soon."
The gurney is hard to lay on, cold and lonely. It would've been more comfortable if someone was with her, but she couldn't tell anyone. Couldn't drag anyone, not even her mom, into the mess that was her life right now. Would she be able to do that to a baby? Could she get back on track before the baby came? What did she hope for? When did she want the baby to have been conceived? What would be better? She hadn't a clue.
This just added to her already messy situation.
"Just pull your shirt up and the pants down a bit, Rory." Dr. Johnson said, standing at the side of the gurney, turning on the frightening machine, grabbing the small wand and squirting a clear gel on the flatter side of it. "This might be a bit cold, but it'll heat up soon, alright?"
Rory nodded hesitantly and the doctor pressed the wand to the lower part of Rory's stomach, moving it around slowly while looking at the screen before she held the wand still and smiled, looking at Rory and moved the machine slightly, making sure Rory could see the screen too.
Lifting a finger to a little white blob inside a mass of black. "Here's your baby, Rory."
Lifting to her elbows she looked at the little white blob intently. That was her baby, the next Gilmore, her child. This little white blob just made it all that much more real. She was going to be a mother. She was going to be responsible for another human being.
"And there's only one baby, developing quite nicely Rory." Dr. Johnson said happily. "You can even see it's developing more features and from the size of your baby, I'd say you were in the 11th or 12th week, making the date of conception May 5th and your due date would be around January 19th to the 26th."
Looking at the doctor in silence Rory blinked quickly, trying to understand what she'd said, what that meant. It was all so confusing and happening so quickly, she couldn't follow. Through the rest of the consult she stayed quiet, everything blurry in her memory, nodding at times but not listening to Dr. Johnson. The only thing in her mind was the fact that she indeed was pregnant and that she was quite far along.
Finally getting out of her doctor's office and in her car, she took deep breaths and looked at her lap. All the pamphlets she'd gotten from Dr. Johnson about motherhood and pregnancy. The prescription for prenatal vitamins needed to be picked up. All the new dates with visits to her doctor needed to be put into her calendar.
She needed to get control of her life and get everything in order. Preferably right now.