Title: The Dark Art of Pole Dancing
Characters: Harry Potter, Voldemort

Notes: I seem to be spewing out the idiotic one shots today.

"Lucius. You have information on the Potter boy's whereabouts?"

"My Lord…the Potter boy is currently dancing."

"Dancing? Dancing where?"

"At a disco, my Lord."

The-Lord-Who-Lived sighed. "You know, Lucius, I was once a dancer."

Lucius coughed to hide his amusement. "In- Indeed, my Lord?"

"Yes, Lucius…I was a pole dancer…"

And this time he couldn't suppress it. He snorted.

"Ahem. Sorry, m'lord. Do carry on."

"Yes…I was, of course, exceptionally famous and exceptionally handsome…those were the days."

"Indeed, my Lord."

"But then…I was fired. I was only fifty-four, and at the prime of my career, I was fired! Those were the days of ladies and champagne and poles, Lucius! Millions of different poles I danced upon, all over the world!"

Lucius winced at the image.

"But…where was I? Oh. I was fired. Yes, fired! The disgrace!"

"Oh, yes, my Lord."

"So then I became a Dark Lord. Bitches love Dark Lords."

"I quite agree, my Lord." Lucius said carefully, smirking.

"But- I think I've still got it, don't you agree?"

"Oh, of course, my Lord!"

"I should show that Potter who's boss, no, Lucius?"

"Oh, of course, my Lord!"

"I shall challenge him to a pole dancing competition!"

"Oh, what a fantastic evil plan, my Lord!" Lucius agreed.

"Call the Death Eaters! They must see that their Lord is superior in the Dark Art of Pole Dancing!"

"Bellatrix shall be delighted to attend, my Lord."

"Which disco is this?"

"The Hogwarts Disco, my Lord."

"Then I shall meet you there!"

"Goodbye, my Lord."

.

Harry was having a great time at the Hogwarts Disco. Everyone looked slightly disturbed at his method of dancing, but hey. Originality, no? He was dancing on his pole and he didn't have a care in the world.

Suddenly, Voldemort appeared.

"POTTER! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A COMPETITION IN THE DARK ART OF POLE DANCING!"

"I…I accept, Voldemort!"

Voldemort summoned up a pole. It was black and shiny. Harry's was silver.

"I shall choose the music! The students shall choose a winner! You begin…NOW!" Dumbledore announced, flicking his wand. Music began blaring from the speakers.

'This is in the bag,' thought Harry. 'The students love me! I'm the Chosen One!'

'Like I said- Bitches love Dark Lords,' thought Voldemort. 'I'll win for sure.'

And so they danced.

As they had a shimmy-off, Lucius snapped a few pictures, sipping his cocktail. "They don't know they're being photographed for the Daily Prophet, do they, Dumbledore?"

"Indeed they don't, my dear Lucius," he chuckled, winking. "By the way, would you care to join me in a waltzing contest?"

"Of course, Headmaster, of course."