Title: "Silent Lucidity"
Author: Onyx Wildcat
Chapters: Finished
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Sam Winchester/ Castiel/ OFC
Warnings: Minor Language
Spoilers: None
Feedback: Always welcome^_^
Disclaimer: I don't own anything that pertains to the Show Supernatural Universe. This is merely for non-profit entertainment for other writers/readers who enjoy the 'What If' pondering when thinking of Supernatural and all it's Supernatural goodness. The song lyrics belong to their owners.
Onyx's Note: I started writing this 5'13'09 and just now finished it 5'22'09. It's a bit of a Song Fic, but not in the normal way. It has several different lyrics plucked from a variety of songs to add more emotion to the story. And yes, this is a 'Lost Scene' based off of the Second to the last Episode of Season Four of Supernatural before their Season Finale, 'Lucifer Rising'. It's not amazing...just, interesting. An evil brainfart you could say lol. And on that note, please enjoy!
* * * * *
From the night comes a roar of thunder,
Beholding light on the spell you're under,
And the signs of death descend your way,
Fighting back from the devil's hunger,
Freeing souls from their chosen number,
And the sword of right will guide your way.-"Blinded" by Queensryche
His heart quickens, pain swelling against the delicate nerve endings that stream through his body as he tries in vain to find a comfortable position on the hard mattress centered in the middle of the anti-demon-panic room in Bobby's basement. He wants it to stop…the undeniable need, a hunger so great he can't fight it back with just will power alone. He hates what this gift…this curse has made of him. Turning him into the very thing he was born to Hunt…
A monster.
A violent shiver runs the length of his body as the fan in the ceiling continues its endless rotation. The ambient noise becoming a maddening sound in it's eternal cycle that continues to pound against his ears, his mind caving in on itself as the poison in his blood begins to eat him alive from the inside out.
Will it ever end?
Looking for salvation, I'm blind.
Thought contamination, I find.
Greedy spiders talk to me in my head.
I think I'm drifting. - "Hero" by Queensryche
His mind drifts off as the vision of his brother, Dean, a nasty hallucination that nearly broke him…swims in and out of his thoughts as tendrils of sleep begin to slither against his exhausted body…seducing him into a dreamless void.
Where perhaps, peace…may be waiting with open, forgiving arms…
* * * *
But then…a sound, ever so faint yet different from the familiarity of the room… Catches his attention, causing him to unravel his long frame from his fetal position and bring his tired gaze toward the locked door.
See the demons all around and sometimes
I feel like one of them. Feel the rage is building inside,
I walk to the final edge, I'm dreaming…-"Hero" by Queensryche
Throat tight and dry, he forces himself to clear his throat. "You're not real." He hears himself groan as he sits up, the slow ache beginning to devour the last of his strength, causing his limbs to tremble.
"I'm Not?" A soft lull of a voice counters in question causing him to grow an unconvinced look. "You don't remember me, do you Sammy?"
Sam narrows his eyes at the young woman standing in front of the thick steel door. Dark hair pulled back in a long braid, black long sleeved turtle neck, blue jeans and boots. He shakes his head, "sorry. As far as I know, you're just another hallucination." he quips in a bitter tone and blinks the exhaustion out of his eyes.
She cants her head to the left, a quiet curiosity on her doll like features. "You really don't…" She states thoughtfully and begins walking forward, her footfalls soft in their approach. "I'm not all that surprised…" she pauses, a slight smirk curving her full lips, "well, alright. I am." She says and walks closer to him on the mattress.
Sam is thoroughly confused at this point. "Who are you?" He asks, not sure if he should play into this illusion or not… "Because if you're just going to bash me and tell me what a monster I am, I've had my fill."
She finally sits herself down on the mattress to his right and places her hands on her thighs. "To tell you the truth Sam, I'm really not supposed to be sitting here with you right now." She explains and gives Sam her eyes…
Which he notes, with a silent awe, they aren't a natural color for a human to have… They're too light. The soft amber yellow of a cat with splashes of crimson around the pupils. They're eerie…
"They bother you, don't they?" She asks suddenly, which causes Sam to blink at the question.
"What?" He asks and watches as a quiet smile pulls at her full lips.
"My eyes…they bother you." She states and her voice…it sounds so familiar to him…but he can't place it.
Sam thinks for a moment and then says, "no they're just…" he trails off, unable to find the right words.
The smile remains when she finishes his thought for him, "…unnatural?" She watches him frown and give a bashful nod. "It's alright, I get that all the time."
This causes his brow to furrow as he gives her his eyes, questions dancing within their depths. "You never answered my question." Sam states and can't help but swallow an uncomfortable lump of anxiety from the back of his throat as her gaze appears to be looking right through him, reading every broken line of his mangled soul.
"You wouldn't believe me, even if I told you." She retorts in playful tone and looks to her feet, finding them fascinating.
"At this point, I don't believe in anything." Sam grumbles and uses a shaky hand to push the sweaty strands of hair away from his face. "All of this…pointless."
Her eyes seem to flash an emotion he can't quite grasp when he meets her gaze again. As though there's some kind of ethereal fire burning there… "I'm surprised at you Sam." Her tone is even this time, getting his full attention. "Before you lost your brother to hell, you believed in us…"
Sam's eyes widen as he realizes with a hint of disgust who he's talking to. "You…You're an Angel." His voice holds a great deal of not only bitterness, but repulsion as a painful knot forms in the pit of his stomach.
"My heart bleeds for you Sam." She says softly, the sorrow in her voice is almost palpable as she searches his gaze.
A nasty smile appears over his chapped lips when he sneers, "You have no heart."
The expression on her face never changes, even as his words stab painfully against her unwavering compassion for him. "When you prayed…I was the one that listened. I always have…even when you stopped speaking to us…to me." She explains and reaches toward his face to touch him but hesitates when he jerks away from her as if she were poison.
I see faith in your eyes
Never you hear the discouraging lies
I hear faith in your cries
Broken is the promise, betrayal
The healing hand held back by the deepened nail- "The God That Failed" by Metallica
Pain shimmers through her iridescent irises as her hand falls back to her lap. "It hurts… To know you've turned your back on me."
He lets out a dry chuckle and gives her his narrowed gaze. "It hurts? Oh that's rich…" Sam quips and has to force himself to keep eye contact with her even though doing so makes his stomach tighten. "You don't feel. All you Angel's care about is yourselves, you don't care about us." He stops for a moment as the threat of tears begin to sting his vision. "If you're such a great listener, where were you when I needed you the most? Where were you when Dean was torn apart and all I could do was watch?" He growls, the pain in his voice causing her to search his gaze. "Where were you?"
There's a strange emotion in her luminescent gaze as she looks back at the pain reflecting in the unshed tears of his eyes. "I couldn't interfere, no matter how much I wanted to." She explains, her features softening. "You think I enjoyed watching you suffer? Feeling your pain at the loss of so many loved ones?"
Rape my mind and destroy my feelings
Don't tell me what to do
I don't care now, 'cause I'm on my side
And I can see through you
Feed my brain with your so called standards
Who says that I ain't right
Break away from your common fashion
See through your blurry sight- "Escape" by Metallica
Sam smirks, his tone cold, "yea, I do." He retorts and looks away from the heat of her eerie gaze. "I'm nothing to you."
Her change in tone makes Sam sit up straight. "I will not sit here, knowing that at any moment I could be pulled away while you sit here and wallow in this…filth that's invaded your mind and have you chastise the very reason to why I'm sitting in here with you." She says in a firm voice that seems to echo softly all around them, even when the sound is gone…the emotion swirls in the stale air. "Have you any idea of who I really am, Samuel?"
Sam looks at her with a confused and slightly fearful expression and merely shakes his head…unable to get a clear word to form in his suddenly dry throat. There's something in her eyes…that terrifies and amazes him into silence.
A thoughtful look falls over her features as she worries her bottom lip between her teeth. She seems to be fighting some inner dialogue, her arched brows knitting together as she remains quiet. Finally, after what seems like an eternity, she brings her eyes to his and holds a gentle smile on her lips.
"Call me Gabby." She says suddenly, her right hand extended to him in greeting and notices the confused look he's giving her. "It's okay Sam, I won't hurt you."
Sam blinks, his brow furrowed and with a shaky movement, takes her much smaller hand in his out of habit and feels a jolt of electricity slam his senses as soon as his flesh makes contact with hers. Unable to pull away, he finds himself lost in those strange, pale, cat amber colored eyes of the young woman sitting next to him. The feeling of her skin, warm and real, pressed against his…
His lungs heave and he's suddenly able to breathe a little stronger, the ache in his body less than before. And as she takes her small hand away from his…he looks at her with a clearer head. "You…just did something…" Sam stutters out, unable to finish the words that become trapped in the back of his throat. He takes a breath and tries again. "What did you do to me?"
Her features never change…except for the odd shimmer that seems to pulse within her gaze. "I touched you." Gabby replies gently and sees the confliction peering back at her through his hazel blue/green eyes. "Why is that so odd?"
Sam let's out a sigh and shakes his head, "would you stop with the games?" He asks, frustration evident in his voice. "You just did something to me."
Her composure never falters, the look in her eyes as calm as the ocean itself…and yet, Sam can sense that just beneath that serene surface…a terrible energy waits. As though deep within her eerie irises lies a sleeping leviathan, waiting to unravel itself and strike with enough power to rip him from this existence and send him hurtling, screaming, into an endless abyss of which there is no escape.
The melodious lull of her voice pulls him out of his thoughts, "My…touch, has been known to heal the sick. My presence alone has been known to bring hope to hopeless…" She explains when Sam interrupts her.
"So is that it?" He sneers and turns his body toward her, "you're here to what… Inspire hope?"
"You're a real downer, you know that?" She retorts in a normal tone, catching Sam off guard. "Here I am, tryin' to get you to pull that big head outta your ass and make you feel better and you're just actin' like an ungrateful four year old."
The look on Sam's face is just priceless as he stares at her, his jaw slightly agape.
She actually smirks at his expression. "Here I am, trying to be nice. But you know what Sam?" Gabby pauses and crosses her arms under her medium bust, "poeticism just doesn't work on you." She sees the surprise on his face and chuckles, "and no, I'm not like Cas. I do have emotions, just as many as you do and it hurts just as much when you step all over them. There, happy?"
Sam is at a loss. The transition from cold and calm to suddenly having a personality that not only he, himself, but Dean would find attractive? Talk about a mind screw. His impression of Angels has been one where…they hold no real personality. They're cold, calculating and unfeeling. Living sentinels that are the chess pieces for God. Weapons for a hypocritical higher being that doesn't seem to have the slightest bit of worry as to what happens to the Human Race.
"What?" Gabby finally asks, once again…pulling Sam from an inner dialogue. "You seem shocked."
Sam licks his dry lips and takes a quick breath, trying to ease the chaotic emotions swelling in his chest like ravenous insects. "What do you want from me?" His voice…fills the quiet with such, despair as the question lingers on the edge of his lips, his eyes seeming so old…so tired as he looks at her.
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so…- "Fallen" by Sarah McLachlan
She lets out a soft sigh, unfolds her arms and reaches over to gently pat his thigh with her left hand before bringing her hand back to her body, letting it fall to her lap. "I'm not trying to hurt you, Sam." Gabby explains in a gentle tone and feels the pain in his eyes. "And to be honest, why I'm here…"
Sam searches her face as her voice trails off, waiting for her to say something, anything…just to fill the silence that seems to be closing in on them.
Finally, she raises her eyes to his and what he sees there…makes his breath stop.
She's suddenly directly in front of him, having made no sound or indication that she'd moved in the first place as she's almost literally in his lap, with those eyes… God her eyes…
A whisper invades his thoughts and never touches his ears, but the feeling of it…like feathers trickling ever so lightly along his skin causing him to shiver at the intensity of it.
Screams from a new love
the passion was burning, it singed in a stare
Free under the night sun
The fear of the hunger will always be there in my mind
Time after time the morning will close a new page- "The Whisper" by Queensryche
"Open your Eyes Sammy." He hears her voice in his head before her lips, so full and soft, press gently against his…
* * * *
He blinks, his body still aching when he notices… He's still lying on the stiff mattress in the center of the anti-demon-panic-room in Bobby's basement. In the same position he'd been in after the Hallucination of his brother Dean…calling him a monster. Blinking, he hears something out of place and peers over himself… Only to notice that the make shift bindings of handcuffs are opening on their own accord…
He goes to sit up when his attention is pulled toward the door…and watches in silent curiosity as it opens, giving him his escape. He stands up cautiously, afraid that this itself is just another hallucination…
They've given me a mission
I don't really know the game yet
I'm bent on submission
Religion is to blame
I'm the new messiah
Death angel with gun
Dangerous in my silence
Deadly to my cause- "Speak" by Queensryche
* * * *
Castiel stands in the shadows as Sam makes his way upstairs, and watches him vanish through the doorway before stepping forward. He looks over to the door of the anti-panic-demon-room…and with a wave of his hand, causes the heavy door to swing back into its frame, the mechanism locking it in place.
He steps forward, walking slowly toward the stairs and senses someone behind him. "They're asleep." Castiel says in his rough monotone and turns in time to see Gabby leaning against the now closed door to the anti-demon-panic-room.
"For now." She replies, her voice a rich lull as she pushes away from the door and walks toward him. "Well, until Sam finds what he's looking for in the yard."
Castiel narrows his eyes at her. "We are not to interfere." He says and watches her chuckle at him. "You know our orders."
Her eyes flash wildly under the dim lighting as she meets his gaze. "Oh Cas, such a good little soldier." Gabby chimes with a slight tone of sarcasm and watches with silent delight as his jaws clench, a very human gesture. "You know what my being here means."
Castiel searches her gaze and appears almost…afraid for a moment before replying, "yes Gabriel, I know."
"Then fear not." She says and places her right hand on his cheek. "What comes to pass is not the end, my brother." She pauses as he looks down, causing her to place both hands on his face regaining his attention. She speaks…but it's not her spoken words he hears filling his mind…but something entirely different.
'You must trust your own heart, Castiel. Guide the brothers toward salvation, not damnation. When they need you the most, you must follow. Therein lies the true path of god.'
His eyes widen as a gentle smile whispers across her full lips. She merely nods and lets her hands fall to her sides. "Go now, Cas… There isn't much time." And as she says this, she takes a step back…
Allowing Castiel the full view as three sets of wings stretch forth from her back, absorbing the shadows around them, unfolding until the very last flicker of light is engulfed…
If I cried me a river of all my confessions
Would I drown in my shallow regret
As the walls are closing in
And the colors fade to black
And the night is falling fast and deep into the sea
And in the darkness all that I can see
The frightened and the weak
Are forced to cling to mistakes they know nothing of
At mercy are the meek- "Black" Sarah McLachlan
The sound of flapping is all that's left to linger against the old basement walls as Castiel stands there for moment…trying to understand what he's just witnessed…confliction evident in his eyes…before vanishing into the night himself.
Dear God,
I can't believe in...
I don't believe in...
I won't believe in heaven and hell.
No saints, no sinners, no devil as well.
No pearly gates, no thorny crown.
You're always letting us humans down.
The wars you bring, the babes you drown.
Those lost at sea and never found,
And it's the same the whole world 'round.
The hurt I see helps to compound
That Father, Son and Holy Ghost
Is just somebody's unholy hoax
And if you're up there you'd perceive
That my heart's here upon my sleeve.
If there's one thing I don't believe in...
It's you...
Dear God.- "Dear God" by Sarah McLachlan
-Fades To Black-