A/N: This was a request from SamanthaHunter. The idea for this story belongs to them. The plot itself is mine. I hope you like what I've put together for you! Enjoy!
Full Summary as I ran out of space: A Harry Potter and Fullmetal Alchemist Crossover. As Ed dies he is once again pulled into Truth's domain but this time it's Truth that wants Ed's help. After jumping dimensions Ed finds himself as a hat. Yep, you read that right - a hat. The sorting hat to be specific. All because some guy is going to trespass into Truth's domain and come anyway relatively unscathed. Truth does not like that. The catch? Truth has no idea when it's going to happen. Follow Ed through literal centuries of not a lot until it all goes down in the 1990's.
He had lived a good life. Not as long as he would have liked but he knew that. He knew that using his own body as a Philosopher's Stone would shave a few years off his overall lifespan. At the time he was okay with that, there was never a grantee that he'd live to the next day anyway. But now, after everything that had happened – everything he managed to live through – he wished he had a couple more years. To enjoy the peace and the simple joy of being alive.
He wasn't going to complain too much though. All in all, he ended up with what he needed. He got his brother his body back, saved the entire country and by some extension the world, travelled all over, married the girl of his dreams, had two amazing children and five lovely grandkids that he spoilt rotten.
So at age eighty-five – ironically, the percentage of her life that she had given him – he was content to go and meet his maker.
He did, however, always think it would be more dramatic. In a fight or an explosion or something to that effect; but no.
He passed quite calmly. At his desk, in his study, on top of an open book. He had closed his eyes for a nap – five minutes and then he'd get back to his research. The next thing he knew he was on the floor surrounded by white.
Standing slowly he realised his joints no longer ached and his eyesight had cleared. Feeling slightly put out he began to move. As he turned he saw a massive stone doorway. Engraved on the stone appeared to be a gigantic castle of some sort. It had countless turrets and a gothic atheistic which he appreciated. He never grew out of his (alleged) terrible sense of style.
A strange door for supposedly leading to the afterlife.
It was reminiscent of a certain gate that he had visited multiple times in his youth.
Stepping closer to inspect the words surrounding the image that he hadn't noticed earlier, he realised he wasn't alone.
An ominous presence filled the space – one he knew well. Too well.
Continuing his study of what he identified as mostly Latin, Ed spoke out into the void without turning.
"Hello again you devious bastard."
"Mr. Al-chem-ist, how you wound me! Don't you know you're my favourite?" The faceless silhouette sing-song-ed melodramatically.
"I thought you were done messing with me? I beat you." He called out. And then to himself "Can't I at least die in peace?"
"True you did beat me. That's why I'm here. I have a proposition for you Mr. Al-chem-ist."
Quirking an eyebrow intrigued but still justifiably wary, Ed turned from his inspection of the door to face Truth once again.
Instead of the normal crouch and superior smirk that Ed was used to seeing when he entered Truth's domain; Truth was standing, arms loose at their sides and not a grin in sight. Truth was mimicking Ed's own body – they were equals.
"So, what's this proposition?"
Truth clapped their hands and gave a gleeful smile. "I'm so glad that you're going to hear me out!"
Ed just crossed his arms impatient.
"Well," Truth continued, choosing to ignore Ed's irritation. "at some point in this other dimensions future a load of really bad stuff is going to happen. Think of the Promised Day and times it by two. No wait, times it by four."
Ed was shocked but tried not to let it show. Was it really going to be that bad?
"This one person is going to cause a load of hassle and step into my domain a bunch of times, but this world doesn't have Alchemists so I can't doll out my usual punishment. My reach there is limited as they don't perceive me the way your world does. There's a block on me so to speak. I can do some form of punishment, but it won't be as noticeable as I would like. So, I want to send someone I trust to oversee things a bit."
"You trust me?" Ed questioned incredulously, disbelieving what he was hearing. This world could block Truth?! How was that possible?
"Sure I do." Truth shrugged. "You beat me, and you can't meddle in my domain anymore Mr. Ex-al-chem-ist." The taunt was subtle but it was there and Ed bristled slightly at the reminder.
"I suppose that's fair." He relented.
"Plus you're in the process of dying so you'll be able to squeeze through the dimensional tears." Truth added bluntly without emotion. He was stating a fact.
"Gee, thanks." The sarcasm dripped from Ed's voice and Truth grinned at him.
"You're welcome. So, back to topic; these four people are planning to bewitch a hat and I want you to become this hat's soul so to speak. Similar to what you did with your brother."
Ed curled his fists. He did not need a reminder of that.
"And do what exactly?" Truth wasn't making any sense here and Ed was slowly losing his patience. His temper had gotten better of the years and being around Truth always seemed to cause it to spike. He let out a slow breath to ease his temper a little.
"Sort."
"Sort what?"
"Children."
"Children."
"Yep."
"Why?"
"Because that's what the founders of Hogwarts decided on."
"What the fuck is Hogwarts?"
"A school for magic." Ed was dumbfounded. Magic only existed in children's books. He'd read enough to his own children to know.
"You're not pulling my leg?" Truth grinned widely and Ed realised his wording error.
"The real one or…"
"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT YOU BASTARD!" Ed exclaimed, giving up on holding in his anger.
"Alright, alright." Truth raised their hands in mock surrender. "And no I'm not puling your leg. Real or otherwise. Completely serious. When have I ever lied to you Mr. Ex-al-chem-ist?" They finished seriously.
Truth may be many things. A manipulative, cheating bastard for sure but they were no liar. They were known as Truth for a reason.
"Fine. Go on." Ed surrendered with a dismissive hand.
"Right then. As I was saying. The founders of this magic school were puzzling over how to sort their students in these groups called Houses after they've passed on. They came to the conclusion of bewitching something with each of their ideals and make it somewhat sentient so it can make the choice for them. One of them offered their hat. They're also going to give it a power called Legilimency so it can read the minds of these kids, see their personality traits and predict what they'll do in certain situations."
"So basically, you want me to be the judge of children. At how old?" This whole thing just got weirder by the second.
"Eleven." Truth stated.
"Right so at age eleven you want me to see into their still developing brains and decide which House to put them in and affect the rest of their lives with said judgement. You do remember what I did at that age right?" Ed asked in disbelief. What the actual hell?
"I'm not likely to forget Mr. Ex-al-chem-ist but yes. That is the gist of it. But remember that these children are not like you. No one is like you. That is a compliment by the way." Truth grinned again and Ed chose to ignore the so-called compliment.
"All because one of them at some point is going to mess with your domain."
"Multiple times." Truth informed him again. Truth seemed more annoyed than anything that this was going to happen and that they couldn't do anything to stop it.
"Yeah, I don't think so. I don't owe you anything."
"That is true." Admitting that almost sounded like it hurt them. "But what if you don't have to stay a hat? You can turn into your human self any time you want!"
"Still not buying it. Can I go to the hereafter now?" Ed started to move away from Truth trying to find an exit or something.
"What if I send some reincarnations of people you knew your way?"
Ed stopped moving, his back still to Truth. "That'll just be painful." He whispered but there was nothing in Truth's Domain to act as a buffer for sound and he knew that Truth had heard him.
He was so done with this conversation now. He wondered what his funeral would be like? Who would turn up? Would it be a military funeral? No, Winry wouldn't let them do that and he technically wasn't even part of the military anymore anyway. He hoped she wouldn't cry, he always hated it when she cried about or for him.
"What if there's a bad-ass looking sword that you can control?" Truth sounded somewhat desperate now. It was a strange feeling; to know he held power over Truth. What other people would call God.
He paused in his exploration for the exit.
"How bad-ass?" He asked hesitantly as his curiosity got the better of him.
"Made of solid sliver and forged by Goblins. The best weaponsmiths in this world. Ruby incrusted hilt. You can change the shape of it depending on whose wielding it but you'll ultimately control it unless you choose not to."
Ed turned back round to face Truth with a sly smile. Dammit, if he wasn't suckered in by libraries it was weaponry. He had turned his own arm into a weapon for years after all. Also rubies, they were red and red was his colour.
"Sold."
Truth grinned. Though this time there was nothing malicious about it.
The stone door opened with a creak and the little black hands that Ed was too familiar with reached out and grasped him gently. They slowly pulled on him, encouraging him to walk with them instead of being dragged. Truth didn't say anything more until Ed already had one foot through the doorway.
"Thank you Edward Elric. Though, there is one little snag." Ed quirked an eyebrow in question. "I have no idea when all this is going to happen so enjoy your time until then. Bye!" Truth finished so fast that Ed almost didn't catch it all.
"You bastard!" He yelled as the gates clanged shut with finality. Ed's vision turned black as he passed out for the journey through dimensions.
Truth just waved with a smile at their favourite Alchemist as the gates shut; the clang reverberating in the nothingness. The gates dissipated slowly, and Truth turned away.
"Who to mess with now I wonder?"