When I was 14 my mother died from an abnormally large brain hemorrhage that left my father devastated and my family broken. As a result my dad had to take extra shifts at his job as a contractor to compensate for the fact my mom wasn't here to pick up the rest of the financial slack anymore. It wasn't easy to live like that; I was the only one around to take care of my younger brother and sister, James and Lauren. It was difficult for all three of us to deal with the loss of my mother but after a few months, things slowly began to move like clockwork again.
I thought my dad finally pulled himself out of his grief after a year and a half passed but it turned out to just be the calm before the storm. He seemed so calm, so content, but eventually his facade began to crumble and his walls started to come down around us all. It started with the drinking. My father sought his comfort from the bottle.
"Caseeeeey!", shouted the graying man in a drunken stupor, his boots hammering up the stairs in search on the young girl.
Casey tucked herself back further into the small closet in her parents room. Mildew stained dress shirts and aged work boots stuffed with holey socks lie abandoned around her as she attempts to tuck herself away from the man's line of sight. As she hears heavy footsteps coming down the hall towards her hiding place, she sucked in a large breath of air and holds it within her lungs. She attempts to make herself as small as she can possibly muster when she sees the tall, bulky man enter the room, stumbling slightly.
The man looks around the room puzzled only to catch a glimpse of the small child's foot inside the disheveled closet. He lurches forward quickly, catching Casey by the arm and yanking her up out of the closet, miraculously managing to stay on balance despite his drunken state.
Gripping her arm tightly in his hand, he flings the young girl to the floor in front of him. Hitting the floor hard, Casey reaches for her arm to only see it beginning to turn shades of purple and blue across her alabaster skin. Tears begin to well up in the small child's emerald eyes as she looks up above at her father. Looking down at his young daughter, Jonathan Novak contemplated what to do with this sort of youth rebellion that had started to surface in Casey. Raising his open palm he swung as hard as he could, making contact with the right side of her face and sending her flying across the hardwood floor.
"Daddy!" The young girl shrieked, connecting with the floor yet again, reaching to cover her face with her hands. It was as if no one else in the house could hear the struggle arise.
She whimpered softly as she saw a drop of warm blood fall from her nose to the stained wooden floor. She refused to look back up at him, knowing what was coming next and that it would only make it worse for her. Slowly her father begins to remove his leather belt, pulling it out of the loops of his pants and then palming it in his hand. He smacks his palm with the worn leather as if to test it then pushes the girl down to lay flat on her stomach.
By now a small puddle of blood has formed under the red head's face from her nose bleed and is smeared along her cheeks, mixing with the silent tears. She presses the side of her face against the cold wooden floor silently waiting for her punishment. Her father presses his boot to her shoulder, forcing her body flat against the floor as he rears his arm back in the air, belt at the ready. Swiftly he brings it down upon her small body striking her multiple times along her spine.
Whimpering loudly the tears begin to flow freely as she grips the sides of her shorts in her hands to keep from lashing out. Lashing out only makes it worse. She bites down on the inside of her jaw only to have a metallic taste flood her mouth. With every strike it seem her father only gets angrier and forces the belt harder and faster. She can feel the pain coursing through her body as the punishment ends as quickly as it began. Her father shakes his head and the throws the belt down on the ground beside his daughter and calmly exits the room. Casey doesn't dare to move as she whimpers quietly into the floorboards. They were the only ones that listened.
My crimson curls whipped back in the wind as if fire ravaged the skyline, buildings set ablaze. Steel and concrete constructs all around me as if it embodied my life in an attempt to tell me something I already knew about myself. Lashing against my face like a scorching whip, singeing emotions into my skin to be read by others.
I take in the breathtaking view of the city scape in front of me as I stand, gripping the railing overlooking the river below me. Chilled by the darkened, gloomy sky coupled with the breeze, I can barely muster the strength to wrap my arms around my slender shoulders. I feel numb inside as the memories of my childhood wash over me like a cold, sorrow filled shower. The tips of my fingers tingle as the oncoming New York winter approaches us.
Shifting in my heels, I scan the desolate surface of the icy blue liquid that tempts me over the edge. I can't help but to think of Alex and what she would say if I ever mentioned the thought. The idea of Alex crossing my mind throws me into a guilty loop. How could I do this to the woman I love? How could I put her through pain like this? I shake my head, my eyes beginning to gloss over.
Looking down at the river below me, I slowly shake my head. Silently I slip out of my heels and press my stocking clad feet against the cold, stained pavement. I need to feel grounded, I don't know if I can go through with this.
I glance around me, looking for passing patrons but all I see is a clear view of the pedestrian walkway. I take that as my sign and slowly begin to climb the railing in front of me, lifting my toned body over it with ease. My hands grasp for the handrail behind me as I gaze down at the frothy blue water, stirred violently by the wind.
I force my eyes shut as I feel the wind attack me, fiery curls flying in every direction and my suit jacket flailing in the wind. My grip slowly begins to ease as I attempt to relax my body. My stomach is flipping and I feel as though I'm going to be sick, but that doesn't matter.
I push off slowly with my feet, releasing the rail from my hands as I plummet like a rag doll. The last thing I remember is tumbling through the air and then connecting with the chilly water. It felt like concrete, but after that, I was out like a light. What I didn't know is that this was only going to be the beginning for me.