"When we last left Freakazoid, he was about to be devoured by a giant, man-eating watermelon..."
"I know what you're thinking, where did he get those snazzy looking sunglasses?"
"Well, I'd tell you, but I'm about to be digested by a giant man-eating watermelon and converted into poo, poo is gross! Now, back to the story!"
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Is this the end of Freakazoid? Will he be devoured by a giant man-eating watermelon and converted into poo? Is the sky blue? Is Family Guy really as great as people say it is? Why does Jimmy keep on cracking corn? Will Disney ever stop making High School Musicals? All these answers, and more, after this..."
"And now, a word from Dr. Phil..."
"Hello, I'm Dr. Phil, and today I'm here to talk to you about the dangers of drunk driving... It's bad! Don't do it! Oh, you can think about doing it, but don't do it, thank you..."
"This has been a message from Dr. Phil..."
Cue intro
Super-teen extraordinaire
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
Runs around in underwear
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
Rescues Washington D.C.
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
Unless something betters on TV
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
His brain's overloading
It has a chocolate coating
Textbook case for Sigmund Freud
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
Check out Dexter Douglas
Nerd computer ace
Went surfing on the internet
And was zapped to cyberspace
He turned into the Freakazoid
He's strong and super-quick
He drives the villains crazy
'Cause he's a lunatic!
His home base is the Freakalair
Freakazoid! Fricassee!
Floyd the Barber cuts his hair
Freakazoid! Chimpanzee!
Rides around in the Freakmobile
Freakazoid! Freakazoo!
Hopes to make a movie deal
Freaka me! Freaka you!
He's here to save the nation
So stay tuned to this station
If not' we'll be unemployed
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
Freakazoid!!!
"Uh...Can't breathe!....Can...feel...bones...cracking!....Can't....stop...talking...like...this...no...matter...how...hard...I...try!...this...could...be...the...end...the...only....thing...left...to...do...is...scream!"
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Freakazoid let out a super weak low tone scream.
"It...can't...end...like...this...got...to...think...of...a...plan!"
"Wait!...that's...it!...I...can...generate...an...electrical field....through....my...body...and...hopefully....destroy...this...thing!
"But...I...could...end...up...burning...up...my...circuits...but...it's...worth...a...try!"
Freakazoid begins to electrify himself, glowing in a bright white light, this causes the giant watermelon to explode into a thousand pieces, sending Freakazoid hurtling through the sky.
"That was too easy! Usually I have to think of a witty joke to get out of that kind of situation!" Freakazoid broke the fourth wall as he fell through the sky.
"Oh no! This is bad!... seven dollars for a cheeseburger? What a ripoff!"
"Wait a minute... I'm falling! Hey, this is kinda cool!"
Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away...
If you can use some exotic booze
There's a bar in far Bombay!
Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away!
Come fly with me, lets float down to Peru...
In lama land, there's a one man band
And hell toot his flute for you,
Come fly with me, let's take off in the blue...
"We interrupt this program for a pointless news bulletin..."
"My fellow Americans... We are doomed, and we are all going to die... And I'm not wearing any underwear today..."
"This has been a pointless news bulletin, now back to our regularly scheduled programming..."
"Welcome back to the show, I'm still falling!"
"You know, this reminds me of a time I went skinny dipping down in Florida! I'd show you a clip, but all the censor people would mutilate me with an ax!"
"We interrupt this program to increase dramatic tension... And yes, we know this is starting to get old, interrupting the show, and quite frankly, we don't care! So there! Take it with a grain of salty salt water! This is our show, we can do whatever we want! Because its our show! Thank you, now back to the program..."
"I've got to think of something quickly, before I end up making sweet intimate love to the ground!"
"What, no quick thinking? No last minute rescue? No deus ex machina? What's the matter with you, I thought this was a fanfic, not some kind of Dr. Seuss book!"
"Hey, I take offense at that!"
"Sorry, doc."
"Oh, come on! A cameo by Dr. Seuss? Oh, we have got to work on your writing, bub!"
After several more minutes of falling, Freakazoid finally lands, taking a tumble down a cliff in the style of Family Guy...
"Oh come on! A freakin' Family Guy reference?! That's it, cut!"
"I gotta talk to the writer about this!"
"Hey, writer! I got's to talk to you bout something! It's important!"
"Oh... W-w-what is it?"
"Wait a minute... you're just a kid? What's a kid doing writing my show?"
"Don't you mean fanfic?"
"Show, fanfic, whatever! Now, can we get back to the subject of why a kid is writing my show?!"
"You mean fanfic!"
"Answer me!"
"Well... I...I'm a big fan you see, I thought I'd do your show justice by writing a story... about...well...you..."
"A story, about me? I'm touched really... But your writing stinks!"
"My writing stinks? Oh poo!"
"Did you just say poo?"
"Why yes, as a matter of fact..."
"I hate poo! How dare you mention poo in my presence!"
"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!..."
"A few hours later..."
"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"
"Twenty four hours later..."
"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!
"A...A...Are you done yet?"
"Ah.... give it a few more minutes..." said Freakazoid as he looked at his watch.
"Okay..."
"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I HATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! You with a passion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Now are you done?" the writer asked.
"Yeah.... I'm done!" Freakazoid replied.
"Good... You were starting to give me a headache!" the writer said.
"Now then... What were we doing again?" asked Freakazoid.
"You were saying my writing stinks and you hate my rotten guts..." said the writer.
"Oh, yeah!" said Freakazoid
We interrupt this program for.... to be honest, we forget... in the meantime here's a cowboy wrestling a bull for no reason!"
End of Chapter 1