" Tempation. " Flander's stared wide eye, drinking every word that feel from the reverends lips like desert dwelling heretic. " It takes on many forms; but for this sermon we shall focus on sexual damnation." Lovejoy drawled; voice monotone and flat. Uncaring and cold as he pushed through the sermon. Was anyone listening? Ned Flanders was, he always listened as closely as he could. Mentally filing away the man's lessons like it were spoken from the very mouth of god them self. Set upon a pedestal, Nedward regarded Lovejoy as a man of god. He embodied everything he wanted to achieve in his spiritual journey.
" Our culture, was saturated with sexual temptation. From cologne to body wash; it has become apparent in all we consume. The very hands of Satan has taken hold of commercialism. " There was pause, the reverend shuffled through his notes. Taking in a breath for speaking once more. " In Galatians 6:7-8, we read." Lovejoy continued, speaking slow and without breath. " Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows." Ned leaned forward, wishing he had brought a notepad to write on. " The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction." It was then he rested himself back against the bench.
The sermon drew sighs of exasperation from the church members. Lovejoy had a way of stretching a topic so far and so long that a hour would feel like two. But Flanders, he enjoyed every second of it. And when the Sermon came to a end. Lovejoy closing the visit with a prayer and amen. Ned was the first to stand and approach but the last to leave. With his son's close at hand; Ned quickly closed the distance between him and the Reverend.
" Howdy doody Reverend, Riveting sermon as always!" Lovejoy regarded him with a lazy stare and a tight lip. " And as always; Thank you Ned." Flanders grinned wide, his eyes crinkling with emotion. Whenever he spoke to Lovejoy his spirit sung. " I actually have some questaroonies for you!" There was a pause, Lovejoy seemed to be thoughtful before speaking. " Of course you do Ned. "
Flander's rubbed at his son's head; Todd only smiled in response not minding his fathers affections. " Of course I'll wait for everyone to say their goodbyes! Wouldn't hog your time." Lovejoy's shoulder's sagged a sigh escaping his lips. He must be tired from the sermon, Ned considered as he stepped back and watched as Lovejoy shook the hands of his members before they exited the church. Him and his boy's; they never was bothered by waiting. Patience was a virtue and Ned tried his very best to be overflowing with it. As well as teaching his son's to be.
With the church emptied out besides Ned and his children. The Brunette was rejoiceful to step close and speak. " Reverend, regarding your sermon. " Ned started. " As you know I have two son's who are, growing up fast to quickly." The toyed with the bottom hem of his sweater as he spoke. Nervously tracing the stitching. " You went over Temptation and the need to resist it; but...what would be some helpful methods?"
Glancing back at his son's Ned made a distressed face. Then re-situated his attention onto Lovejoy. " I want to know what to teach my son's when temptation rears it's head." Timothy's lip twitched at the corner. His gaze glassy and tired. Ned felt a stab of guilt for bothering the man so soon after a long sermon. " Well." Lovejoy said. " idle hands are the devil's workshop" Ned's mustache wiggled as he pursed his lips. " Teach them to vent their sexual energy through hobbies and physical activity."
It was so simple; Ned was surprised he didn't already think of it. His life was a string of repression. His 'negative' energy only escaping when he unleashed jumbles of speech or got sudden intrusive burst of thoughts and daydreams. In fact, he liked that idea so much he even considered trying it. Though, he always tried what the Reverend suggested. " Why that's a lot simpler then I was expecting Reverend. Thank you!"
" Is that all Ned?" Timothy questioned, expression as flat as the sound of his voice. " Why yes reverend!" Nedward smiled and stuck out his hand to shake Timothy's. They grasped hands and Ned, just like every other time, marveled at how rough Lovejoy's hands felt. Rough and strong compared to the softer ones Ned kept. " Thank you again." He said, pulling his hand away before his palm could start dampening with sweat. Before the bubbles would start popping in his gut and the feelings of-Admiration? He assumed so, unsure of what emotion licked up his chest from prolonged contact.
Home was warm and comforting. Full of love and memories. Even if those memories brought bouts of sorrow for the women he had lost. Nedward still basked in the safety of his house. From his study to his kitchen, every detail of his home was set up to be comfortable. A personal paradise for him and his family to dwell. Nothing seemed to disrupt this feeling of peace and happiness Ned had achieved.
Yet; there was always a pinching in the back of his head. And as he tiled his head backward against his recliner cushion. It seemed to worsen. The feeling trickled down his neck and over his shoulders. Tense and full of pressure. Sometimes it was so bad that Ned couldn't clear his head of it. Even when he rolled and massaged his neck and shoulders; Ned couldn't rid himself of the sensation.
Carefully he lifted his tea mug from the side table and clasped it firmly between his palms. Even if it never helped, Ned kept trying tea and hobbies. Warm bathes and gentle music. His boys were the least stressful thing in his life right now. They seemed to take care of themselves, besides his occasional guidance. They had learned so well and Flanders heart swelled with pride.
Head falling forward, Ned sipped from his cup. His thoughts lingered on the sermon Lovejoy had so; soullessly delivered. It seemed just yesterday Timothy was bright, fresh face in his otherwise repetitive world. Ned wondered where that smile had gone over the years. But smiling or not, Lovejoy still captured his attention. And Flanders still wanted to talk to him as much as he did in the beginning.
The footfalls of his son Rodd stirred him from his thoughts. Ned looked up form his tea, not realizing he had been staring at the dark swirls and smiled at his little boy. " Daddy." Rodd said as he leaned back on the balls of his feet. " Do you think Todd and I could watch the Miracles of Jesus? " Leaning forward, Ned hummed to himself. " Did you and Todd finish your chores?" His son gave a quick nod.
" Then I don't see why not." Delighted at his answer, Rodd ran off to fetch his little brother. Which gave Ned time to quietly escape to deposit his mug in the kitchen sink. After which the man quickly left the home to do some yard work. After church, Sunday's were always a tad slow. Flanders tended to move through the day on auto pilot; though lately that seemed to be his default.
Life had changed so much the death of his wife. And it seemed no matter how many months passed his heart still ached. Timothy had reassured him that time heals all wounds; but when was that time to come?
Monday morning came all too quickly. Ned jerked away in his bed. Hair a mess and mustache disheveled from a hard nights sleep. He peered at his alarm clock and gasped in shock. Having slept in thirty minutes. The man rushed to get ready for the day. Then just as quickly darted down the hall to wake his boy's.
" Boy's!, we're-" Swinging the door open, Flanders stopped mid sentence. Their beds were empty. A burst of panic caused his heart to pound fast. Ned was practically frantic as he darted around the house calling for his son's. It wasn't until he spotted a neon green sticky note attached to his coffee pot that he stopped searching. With trembling hands he plucked the note from the pot and read it over.
- Dear daddy,
You looked so peaceful sleeping. I woke Todd up myself and we got ready by ourselves. Don't worry, I made us toast for breakfast and it was no problem getting on the bus. We both hope you have a good day.
love, Rodd -
Eyes fluttering, Ned leaned back against the counter with relieved sigh. " Oh thank God." He exhaled, hand coming up to wipe at the sweat on his forehead. There was a moment where he just stood there. Staring at the note with tired eyes. His worse fear now was loosing the rest of his family. His son's was all he had left now and if he lost them, Ned honestly didn't know what he would do. Though, despite the lingering anxiety that grabbed tightly at his chest. Ned felt a small surge of pride. His son's had really gotten up and went to school all on their own. A tear slipped from his eye and Ned caught it fast before he started blubbering like a fool.
Instead of throwing away the note. Ned folded it up and slipped it into his wallet. He would scrap book it later, so he would always have it to look back on. No longer feeling like his heart would burst from his chest. The older gentleman made a single cup of coffee for his to go cup and made his way outside. Homer was the first face he got to saw that morning and oh how it filled him a feeling of great frustration. But his expression said something totally different as he approached the fence to greet the man despite his feeling. "Howdy diddily doody, neighborinoeeno! Hows the morning treating you?"
Homer groaned, showing his dislike for Ned quite plainly. The display rubbed Ned nerves like a sandpaper to foam. But he smiled wide, pushing away the tingle of annoyance with a chuckle. " It's going fine-" He over pronounced Neds last name, practically spitting it. "-Flanders. " Pointing to his chest with his thumb, mister Simpson seemed mighty proud of himself as he spoke. " It's my day off today. " The brunette 'ohed', giving a enthusiastic nod. " Ain't that grand, what doodly do you plan to ding dong do on your diddily gosh darn day off?"
He watched as homer rolled his eyes. Why he was so quick to get annoyed with Ned, Flanders didn't really know or understand; but he had always felt the other had no right to get upset with him when he wasn't even properly dressed and-was that a mustard stain on his robes? His attention had drifted over the man's body as he spoke and like a gush of wind, His attention went flying out the window. Homer's voice started to become muffled behind a high pitch tone in his ears. Ned stared, smile falling into a flat line as he lost himself to the seemingly empty space of his thoughts.
" Flanders?!" Quickly he tried to refocus; only to get the strange sensation of being outside himself. Floating. And watching himself. Slower then before, Ned smiled brightly. But he didn't feel anything. Just emptiness as he went through the motions. " Are you even listening?!" Ned chuckled, "Oh wel-diddly-ell, forgive me Homer guess i'm just distracted today. " Sighing, Ned took a deep sip from his coffee. " Have fun on your day off Homer." He watched Homer leave before he let himself go to his vehicle; Monday was a day in the leftorium-And Flanders was already pretty late.
He had to make haste.
Or so he thought. As he turned the ignition his car sputtered and hiccuped. At first he blinked and remained seated, so full of surprise that he just wasn't clicking to the situation. He tested the ignition again and got the same results. Most would be at least annoyed, but whatever annoyance he felt Ned snuffed out with a smile. " Oh well, the car needed a tune up anyway. I'll just, do that tomorrow." Flanders left his vehicle and felt a small pinch in the back of his head.
How long did it take to walk to the mall? He pondered while he leaned his hind quarters against the side of his car. Way too long he concluded with a small tsk. The pinch returned. A tiny pain that squeezed at the edge of his hairline and neck. Just like that his day had been changed. It wouldn't hurt business too badly closing for one day; though it did hurt his pride. Rattling his mind, Ned contemplated what to do with himself. Usually he would open The Leftorium and work there for five hours; that was five hours of his day trashed. His upper lips shifted upward as he thought, jostling his mustache and wrinkling his laugh line. Springfield wasn't the biggest city. There were plenty of things to do on a Friday morning.
All was fine. Nedward started walking, deciding to simply let his body take him to wherever it will. A fog had fallen that morning. Leaving him squinting as he walked down the sidewalk to his unknown destination. "Dandy morning friend!" Ned exclaimed to a passing stranger. They gave him a uncertain smile and as they passed said, " It is isn't it." It on like this. Flanders wandering the the neighborhood until the sweetly built houses bled into the sights of the city. Ned always felt strange being in the city. There was so many things he objected to when he roamed the shops. Springfield had a way of selling poorly made goods with a inflated price. He had yet to find a reliable place that would sell him something that wouldn't break in a week.
At first he passed the little shop tucked away in the corner of two larger shops. There was no way it was there before, Ned knew just about every shop that was along this street. The building was painted purple, it's letters a fancy cursive. ' Essentials ' It read. Already his curiosity was peaked. Turning on his heel Ned strolled to the shop. With no hesitation he entered and was pleasantly surprised at first. It was a book store? As he entered he viewed shelves of novels, mostly paper back, that was lined up similar to a library. As he peered near the back of the store, there was a arch way that lead into another section of the store. The clerk greeted him politely. " Good morning sir, are you looking for anything in particular? "
He grinned back at the clerk. She was plump and wore a simple black shirt and jeans. Her round face was adored with different piercings, one on her bottom lip and one on her brow. Both was which Ned was against in someone's pretty face; but of course he would keep that too himself. He always taught his boy's, ' if you've nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.' Approaching the first Shelf Ned replied just as sweetly, " Oh no, I'm just browsing. You're a new shop right?" Nimble fingers slipped over the spine of a book. He pulled it free carefully and looked over the cover. " Yeah we are, just opened yesterday." Blood rushed straight to his face as he looked over the books cover. It featured three, unclothed people. One a woman and two mean, groping all over each other. Quickly he shelved the book and moved onto the next one thinking he must be in the romance section. Cheeks still powdered with blush, Ned kept his cool. Better not let one thing mess up his visit right? " That's very exciting!' He said back, only to choke on his own words when the next book was somehow too similar for words. Flanders shoved the book quickly back in place. Maybe a new book wasn't a good idea.
Worried about what else he would find; Ned was uncertain about venturing to the next room and too flustered to continue looking through the literature. " Sir are you okay?" The woman asked, her tone filled with unchecked humor. He must have been blushing more then he thought and that fact had him ducking head down. "I'm diddily ding dong dandy! " Taking in a breath, the man continued to the archway. Surly the rest of the store had something interesting to offer? He paused in the door way. Brown eyes blowing wide as blood colored him from his ears to his neck.
Distressed at what he was seeing; Flanders spun on his heel and sped towards the main entrance. " Have a nice day sir." He heard her say through a muffled laugh and through his utter embarrassment Ned felt another tighter pinch at the back of his neck. " Oh have a gosh diddly darn wonderful ding dong day!" He said. Hands trembling Ned threw the door open and hurried to leave only to come chest to chest with another person. " Heavens to betsy!" He gasped, stumbling back and looking up at the taller gentlemen. His heart stopped, head going light and stomach flip flopping at who he ran into.
" Riddly-reverend lovejoy, this is noodly-not the storinoe I should be in, I promise I doodley-didn't know what it was about." Flanders spluttered, hands clutched to his chest and words coming out in a fast slur. Lovejoy only stared, expression unmoving and cold except for the small twitch of his thin lips. The Reverend side stepped, holding the door open and gesturing for Ned to exit. He did so swiftly, only turning to look at Timothy with a complex stare. " Reverend, are you going in there? " That would be, wrong wouldn't it? Thoughts raced through his head. Lovejoy going into a-Naughty shop? Did he know what it was? If he did was he a paying customer? Ned swallowed, damning himself for his prying nature.
The man audibly sighed and looked over his thin shoulder's to meet Ned's eyes. " Only to leave a strongly worded letter." Of course; Nedward immediately feel guilty for thinking otherwise. " Right." He wavered, " Of course. " Sweat collected at his brow, threatening to slip over his temple. " I'll leave." Pressing his lips tightly together. He quickly turned and made his way to the sidewalk. This was far too much excitement way more then he bargained for. Giving one last glance at the Reverend. Ned watched as he entered the shop. Knowing what he was walking in on. And being who he was. Nedward felt like he was seeing a true contradiction. Lovejoy was a true man of God. Someone Ned looked up to. Someone of restraint and conviction.
Whoever owned that shop was in for a real treat.
His legs felt wobbly as he continued down the street; still shaken by what he had stumbled upon. He had turned around, going the same way he came. That had simply been too much excitement for him to handle and home was beckoning with promises of safety and censorship. Though, as he glanced at his watch he noted that it had only been three hours. HE had planned to spend five hours out and about. Just enjoying the day; but his nerves demanded something else. Maybe he could get started on fixing his car sooner rather then later.
The strings of virtue was arduous. Nedward grabbed at the ends of it; struggled to clasp and pull himself above the chaos that was mankind. Humanity coiled in his gut, tight and venomous and when he wanted it least. It would come slithering up from his belly and through his throat. Spilling over quivering his lips in twisted masses of compunction. Yet he could not stop it. He was only human. And it was this mortal, flawed happenings that pulled him from his bed. It was what drove him to be the very best he could be. Despite the vile short comings of his soul. And those flaws only became more apparent as his mind drifted back and forth to the sex shop he had just visited.
The walk home was faster then the journey from it. A smile curled his lips as he walked up his driveway. After that, incident it was nice to be home. Going inside, Ned was quick to change into a black tank top and wore jeans, figuring there was no need to ruin his nice clothes. Making his way through his home; Flander's entered his garage. He opened the it up to let the air and the natural light in. When he popped the hood of his car a familiar voice called from across the fence. Ned sighed, shoulder's sagging. 'Now Neddy, he hasn't done anything wrong.' He reasoned, quickly gathering himself and putting on his happiest smile.
Exiting the garage, Nedward was met with the clueless stare of Homer Simpson.