A/N: Please R&R. Constructive criticism is welcomed. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned below. I am merely messing around with their thoughts.
He hated himself.
Living each day was painful, to say the least. His infatuation had reached a point where thinking, about anything at all, brought him in a direct course to the object of his affections. He despised the weakness of it. How he would stare off into the space these periods of time during the day and wonder what the other was doing. It wasn't like him at all, to be like this---to be this lovesick.
He used to hold pride in the fact that he didn't have this sort of problem. Watching amusedly as the rest of his friends complained about their other half, he'd told himself that he was never to be caught dead in those situations. He didn't want a liability. Not when it would reduce him to this sort blithering mess. Yet, fall for it he did.
He tried writing it off as mere admiration, friendship if you please, at first. But it soon became clear how unlikely that possibility was. Not because he didn't admire her, far from it, but because he couldn't stop at just that. He desired more, he needed more. It was an addiction so complete he knew he would break if he stopped. He took what he could, absorbing the little smiles she sometimes flashed at him, clutching tightly at the warm sort of feeling it created in his heart. It felt almost like he was hers, in a way. Hers to use as she pleased, because he wouldn't be able to leave her, wouldn't be able to bear the thought of her leaving.
Desperately, he tried severing those useless bonds of emotion that had twined itself around him, forcefully drawing him back to get more of her each time. He had no such luck, of course. She was all he could think of. So much so that it hurt. So much so that he despised and hated himself. Hated himself for believing in something that he knew could never happen. Despised himself for hoping, that some day, a miracle could happen and they could be together, when clearly, no such thing could ever happen.
Day after day, he watched her, surrounded by a thick mist of happiness and melancholia at the same time. She, of course, wouldn't know. She, of course, wouldn't want to know. She, of course, wouldn't want him. Not her, Kuchiki Rukia, one of the shinigami from the soul society. What future was there to be, after all, with himself, a high school student? No, he kept his weakness inside him, fearful of ever revealing it.
Kurosaki Ichigo will not have a weakness. He will forget this silly infatuation and move on.