Apocalypse Blues

Magneto gasped in pain while enveloped in complete darkness. He suddenly found himself suspended between four stone obelisks covered with Egyptian hieroglyphs in the middle of an ancient, dimly lit chamber. Reliefs and murals covered the walls which were guarded by giant, animal-headed statues. "What happened? Where am I?"

The lighting dimmed and pulsed as a low, ominous wail filled the chamber. Magneto gulped and braced himself as a tall, imposing figure floated down from an opening in the ceiling. The grey-skinned figure was dressed like a warrior pharaoh while illuminating a bright, iridescent light. "Who are you? What do you want?" Magneto found himself unable to move or use his powers. "What have you done to me?"

"Well, well, well. Just let me guess. Magneto, huh? Ooo, I'm really impressed!" The glowing figure boomed mockingly. "So you're the so-called Master of Magnetism, ahahaha!"

"So-called?" Magneto yelped, offended. "Listen you! I'm the greatest, most powerful..."

"You're jokin', you're jokin'! I can't believe my eyes!" The figure cut him off while getting in his face. "You're jokin' me, you gotta be! This can't be the right guy!"

"What the?" Magneto was stunned. "Are you singing?"

"He's average, he's ugly! I don't know which is worse!" The figure guffawed while flipping Magneto upside-down in amusement. "I might just bust a gut now if I don't die laughing first!"

"I'm ugly? Look who's talking!" Magneto snapped at the figure's tattooed face. "And how dare you refer to me as 'average'!"

"A sad, crazy specimen you have turned out to be!" The figure began to prance about in midair. "Playing games trying to achieve mutant supremacy!"

"That was my subordinates fault!" Magneto protested. "They were the ones who destroyed three strip malls while playing their latest round of Acolyte Tag!"

"Your plans are junk! You think too small! You don't know how to have fun!" The figure scolded him. "So step aside, the master's here, to show you how it's done! Whoa!"

"What?!" Magneto yelped.

"Whoa!" The figure corrected.

"Whoa!" The animal-headed statues wailed backing him up.

"Who are you?" Magneto demanded. "Some kind of pompous, mutant Broadway wannabe?"

"Whoa!" The figure floated over and loomed over Magneto. "I'm the great Apocalypse!"

"Same thing," Magneto groaned.

"My plans are back in motion while proceeding apace!" Apocalypse continued to sing and strut around in midair. "To jump-start the evolution and lead the mutant race!"

"You want to try leading my team of fools?" Magneto was stunned. "Good luck!"

"As for the lowly humans, well, most will not survive!" Apocalypse declared. "For that's the price that must be paid to see my mutants thrive!"

"Whoa!" The animal-headed statues wailed while swaying from side to side.

"Nooo," Magneto moaned at the spectacle.

"Whoa!" The statues crooned.

"Ohhh!" Apocalypse howled.

"Whoa!" The statues did a line dance.

"Yeah!" Apocalypse grinned. "I'm the great Apocalypse!"

"Oh gosh, I can't take this anymore!" Magneto yelled and began to violently thrash about. "Release me now or you will face the dire consequences! You'll rue the day you messed with me and pay for your offenses!"

"You're jokin', you're jokin'! I can't believe my ears!" Apocalypse laughed spinning Magneto around. "Would someone shut this fella up? I'm drownin' in my tears!"

"Ahhhhhh!" Magneto yelped tumbling end over end.

"It's funny, I'm laughing! You really are too much!" Apocalypse brought Magneto to a stop. "And now with that admission, I'm going to do my stuff!"

"Huh?" Magneto blinked woozily. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm gonna do the best I can!" Apocalypse grinned slapping Magneto on the back.

"Oh no...aggghhhhhh!" Magneto yelled as he helplessly went spinning around again.

"Whoa!" Apocalypse laughed skipping about. "RNA being spliced to me is music in the air! For I'm an unflawed demigod! Powers beyond compare!"

"Make it stop! Make it stop!" Magneto wailed.

"But a god must have disciplines to enforce one's decrees!" Apocalypse declared throwing an arm around Magneto's shoulders. "Which means of course, it's time old boy, for you to work for me!"

"Whaaa?" Magneto gasped with his eyes going in circles. "You are insane! My obedience you will never obtain!"

"Oh brother, you're something! You put me in a spin!" Apocalypse chortled. "You aren't comprehending the position that you're in!"

A network of strange control devices began to weave over Magneto's skin. "It's settled, get ready! My horseman of warfare!" Apocalypse grinned evilly. "For I'm the great Apocalypse and you ain't going nowhere!"

"No! No!" Magneto felt the control devices brutally take over his mind as one of the large stone obelisks opened up. Apocalypse casually tossed Magneto into it before entombing him inside. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

THUD!

"Yaaahhhhhh!" Magneto yelped as he found himself lying on the floor of his bedroom while entangled in a sheet. He lay there for a minute trying to collect his thoughts.

"That's it! My dreams are getting way too realistic," Magneto gasped before slowly climbing back into bed. "No more French mocha ice cream midnight snacks!"

Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the song "Oogie Boogie's Song".