Lost My Mind

by howdoievenenglish

Gamzee Makara has strange, recurring night terrors. When he meets someone new, will he be able to keep them a secret? What if his nightmares start to bleed into his personal life? What will Tavros think? Gamzee has always been different, but what if this sends him over the edge? For Tavros, what will life be like when turned upside down? Humanstuck AU.

1. Introduction

He ran. That was all he could do in this type of situation. Even if it was useless anyway. He had had this dream before, many times in fact, but that didn't make his terror any less real. It didn't make the bloody corpses everywhere any less haunting. His pulse was racing as he made his way through the streets, the one that never seemed to change. Everything was too monochromatic, too similar; the buildings had no windows or doors and were the same shade of white, the same height and width. The roads were just as plain as the skyscrapers that seemed to stretch beyond the pallid sky. In short, everything was blank. Tasteless. Whatever people there had been were now just lifeless cadavers, whose brutal murders had left them covered in their own blood. The sad thing, the boy thought bitterly to himself, was that the scenery was still as colorless as ever.

He knew he was the only one left. And the thing that had caused their untimely end was coming for him. He turned a corner and leaned against the building, closing his eyes and trying to catch his breath.

A shadow loomed over him and he opened his eyes in horror. The figure was largely human, save for long horns that curved near their bases and razor sharp teeth. His irises seemed to glow red, which only added to the appearance of a madman given by his strange makeup and wild hair. It grinned, its mouth never moving as he spoke.

"You see this? You see what you did, Gamzee?"

Here the boy closed his eyes once more and grasped his head in a futile attempt to drive the creature's voice out of it. He said "no" over and over, the very thought of being responsible for someone's end terrifying him.

"This was because of you. If only you would accept it, accept me, then you could stop their suffering. Do you hear their cries, Gamzee?"

And he did. The boy imagined could hear faint laments, could feel their anguish in his bones. He wanted to scream but knew if he tried he could not manage even a whisper. Accept what? I couldn't have done this.

The chuckle that escaped the beast's throat seemed to reverberate throughout the entire cityscape. "Don't be stupid, Gamzee. You know what you are. You know that we are the same. Two halves of one whole. I am simply the half that has embraced his insanity, has let go of foolish inhibitions. You know you have always been strange. You aren't meant to be sane. Let go of your sanity, Makara."

The boy began to slip out of his dream as faint, shrill chirps grew louder and louder. Echoes of "Let go of your sanity, Makara" followed him until he opened his eyes.