I glared at his glorious, inhumanely beautiful face.
It was hard not to forgive and forget. I could easily forget all the pain I'd endured, if it meant a day- no, an hour- with him.
But I wasn't sure it was in my best interest to fall hopelessly in love with him. Again.
What if he left me again? I knew I couldn't handle the pain, it'd be even more unbearable the second time…
I remembered what it had been like when he'd left the first time;
The pain, the hole that kept opening it, my insanity with the voices- well, his voice, only-, and the crazy level of suicidal missions and plans all to hear his voice. Better yet, the motorcycles, the guys at the bar, cliff-diving.
All were pointless distractions from the agony. From the knowledge he didn't love me. Didn't want me. It was insane. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, was just… there.
So I wasn't sure if I was ready to go back into all this crazy mess of true love. Wait, true love? I did not just think that. The only thing that was true about out love was that it was nonexistent.
He had come in to neighborhood, only him. His family- coven, I thought bitterly- were all elsewhere. And it made me wonder what they were all doing right now… Alice, probably shopping. And Emmett was probably cracking a lame joke somewhere… But I had a feeling at least one of the Cullens disliked me still for tearing their family apart. Again. Although, I never had anything to do with it, or, maybe I did. Maybe it was my fault all those years ago, that I wasn't enough to hold Edward's attention.
"Bella?" His velvety smooth voice, asked, laced with concern. Concern? For what? Not my safety, I didn't think so at least; but rather, that his act was falling short… No, I didn't believe that.
But why would he come back now?
"Why are you here now?" I asked, and my voice, even chiming like bells as it was, belied some of my pain.
I just couldn't understand. Maybe I was the first intellectually incompetent vampire…
"Where else would I be?" Edward asked lightly, like he couldn't think of somewhere else he'd rather be.
I could. Out with his… distractions.
"But what about you, Bella? How are you?" He continued, like he really cared.
"Oh. I'm okay, I suppose." Nothing of this scale had happened to me yet…
I could see we were dancing around what we wanted to say. What I needed to say.
It was obvious that I wasn't over him.
That I never would be, I'd never met anyone like Edward. And he didn't even want me.
But it was no matter. Maybe he'd see reason, and until then… I'd just have to bear it.
I love you, Edward. I wanted to say it so bad, but I couldn't, the words, they caught in my throat.
And I was afraid of rejection.
Ouch. That was tough to swallow. But, I hadn't seen him in 50 years… it was to be expected I was self-conscious.
But I love you anyway.