Yellow Zone Y-15
3pm
No other mechanized weapon in Nods Arsenal was more fearsome than the biblical Avatar Warmech. Standing at roughly 20 feet and coloured in sleek gunmetal black with pulsing crimson orb-like lights on its torso, it was one hell of a sight. Each thundering footstep it took shook the earth and caused small mutant animals to bury themselves in fear. Even Nod militant groups stayed clear of the Avatar, as it had a knack for stomping fellow troops to death underneath its talon-like feet. Its type-48 Obelisk Rail-Cannon mounted on its left forearm was devastating to GDI vehicles and structures. The beam would just punch through armor effortlessly and basically blow anything up. If the Avatar wasn't fearsome enough, it also had the ability to steal parts from already functioning Nod units in the field, destroying it and the crew within…
So one might ask: with such a weapon, how could Nod ever falter in the battlefield? The answer is simple…
The Avatar Warmech sucks ASS.
X
The huge walker fell forward like a massive tree severed at the stump. The force of gravity drove it downwards and sent it smashing face-flat onto the barren landscape; kicking up a shockwave of dust that fanned out for several hundred meters. For a good two-minutes, the Avatar just lays there, dejected. Then slowly-painfully, it hobbles back onto its skinny legs and stands straight, still shaking nervously.
From within the vehicle, Master Sergeant Bob was at the controls, with his co-pilot Stacy. The cockpit they were manning was to say the least, a work of pure genius. Instead of control toggles or even a steering wheel, Bob instead navigated the Avatar by way of a colourful dance mat adorned with arrows that was welded to the floor. His feet moved in a blur as the arrows blipped on and off at random to the hip techno music blasting out of the wall-mounted speakers. Stacy, thankfully, was only in charge of the complicated weapons systems; a single, large red button with the word 'Layzer' written on it.
"Ah, shit! I hate driving this stupid piece of crap. DDR was a nice stroll compared to this!" Bob fumed. He was average in height, weight, and build. Basically he was just average. As a Nod standard, he wore a grey sports jacket with detachable hood and faded grey jeans; the official uniform of most Nod lackeys. At times it bugged the crap out of Bob that some Nod troops could dally about dressed as cyborg-ninja's or juggernaut dudes decked out in bulky black armor and waving flamethrowers about. But no, it was OK. It came with a HOOD.
"Ow." Stacy said simply. She was upside-down and collapsed on top of the main control panel; thanks to the Avatars graceful fall from before. Stacy was dressed in the same 'fashion' as Bob, except she had a small Hello Kitty button on her uniform.
"Ok, there, and…argh..come…….ON!" Bob mumbled as he forced the Avatar to hobble along. Next to him, Stacy slid herself off the panel and took her seat again.
The front viewing window of the Avatar showed an exciting view of barren deserted landscape for thousands of miles. If lucky, one would spot a CACTUS about, then you had to make a wish. So yeah, it was a boring view.
"You alright Stace?" Bob asked, not taking his eyes off the arrows at his feet as they did their best to induce a seizure.
Stacey shrugged and patted her short brown hair. "Why..."
"For de glor-eh of NOD!" Bob yelled, trying to stay in beat. "But seriously, why couldn't they just stick us in a Raider buggy or something? I mean, just what the HELL is the point of building a biped walker in the first place? Think of the production costs, and the fact that this machine is so tall that it increases the chances of getting hit by any sort of forward-aimed firepower by a shitload."
Stacy smirked. "Logic."
"Damn right. I mean, who gave the go-ahead for these things?"
X
"Sir." Some faceless general entered a dark room in some unknown location.
Seated at a throne in the middle of the room was Kane himself, flicking through a dirt bike magazine.
"Huh?" Kane looked up the guy, narrowing his eyebrows.
The general posed rigidly. "The Avatar Warmech project was a complete failure, sir. Many problems were found with the vehicles stability and balance. The control scheme was incredibly difficult to work effectively. The fact that it was designed to kill fellow units to increase its firepower instead of having these parts installed prior to construction was beyond stupid."
A pause. Kane takes it all in silently. Then he shrugs nonchantly.
"Oh, well. That sucks." Kane replies calmly. "Just answer me this, is the vehicle big and menacing?"
"Yes it is, sir."
"Does it shake the earth when it walks?"
"I believe it does, sir."
"And you say the control scheme is hard it use?"
"Yes, apparently, there's no way to control it without prior skill in Dance Dance Revolution."
Kane clasps his hands together in front of his face.
"Interesting. I want them deployed in battle immediately."
"But sir-"
Kane immediately gave the young general that 'look' of his.
"…As you wish."
X
"Anyways," Bob mused. "Our patrol's over, let's head back to base already. I wonder if that stupid Tiberium Infusion upgrade's ready."
The Avatar wobbled along; waving its arms around frantically to keep its balance.
Then, Stacey spoke up alarmingly.
"GDI."
"WHAT?" Bob screamed.
He couldn't believe he had missed them. A whole convoy of GDI Tanks and an endless river of random infantry had materialized out of nowhere All of them were now staring straight at him.
"Ideas?" Stacey asked, her tone defeated.
Bob was silent.
Then it happened. It started as a soft creaking sound and then increased in pitch. Many of the GDI troops exchanged worried glances; never having seen an Avatar Warmech before.
It came as a shock to the GDI battalion when the strange robot slowly keeled over and fell flat on its face.
"What…the…F&(?!" One salty Commando cried.
GDI took a moment to recollect themselves, and then began moving off into the distance; ignoring the fallen walker.
After they had all gone, Bob just shook his head from within the Avatar.
"Irony." Stacey quipped.
"Let's…just go home."
Once again, the Avatar got back to its feet with all the grace of an epileptic hobo on crack, and set off once more.