AN: Originally posted on tumblr. Was incredibly stressed when I wrote this, so apparently my cool-down activity is Buguese/Aqune fluff/angst/borderline stream-of-conscious-writing. I don't know what it was supposed to be, and I'm sort of torn over whether past tense would work better, but it turned out interesting.
She isn't a servant anymore, she's an equal.
She isn't a child anymore, but a young woman.
She may be a human, and that isn't changing. But it's workable. Despite that, she is gentle, beautiful, loyal, compassionate, devout… surely, he could spend all day making a list of her positive traits. But time is short.
Buguese loves Aqune. He can try to resist those feelings as much as he wants. Make a list of the complications in his mind that starting a relationship with her might bring. But when all is said and done, he knows it's the truth, he knows he isn't going to stop feeling that way. But does she love him? Rather, why would she ever love him? That is the biggest doubt which plagues Buguese's mind.
He used her. He must live with that guilt every day. From the day he found her in the forest, he took advantage of her powers. She said that it was her choice to be there. That she wanted to help the Insector people. Yet Buguese knew Aqune worked herself to exhaustion each day, praying to the Oracle so she could bring just a faint bit of light to the world of darkness. On top of that, she did the cooking as if she was some kind of maid. At first, he didn't make her fight. But Mantid ordered it. He couldn't go against any order from Mantid. At least that's what Buguese convinced himself. But he still knew it was wrong. He knew Aqune hated to fight against other humans… her "friends". Unlike the chanting, she never said she was okay with this.
Why would Aqune possibly choose him, even if he did let her go? Could that possibly make up for anything? If he were in her place… well, Buguese was not a forgiving person at all. Unless it came to Aqune, that is. He knew that to be one of his worst flaws. But even if he was, could he forgive someone like… himself in this case?
All of that aside, he knows he has competition. His former arch-foe, Hunter Steele, more specifically. Aqune loves him. At least, that's what Buguese believes. She was always willing to put her life on the line for him. She always tries to support him. Around him, she shows so much more liveliness. Perhaps, he brings out a side of Aqune that Buguese can't. Does Hunter Steele love Aqune in return? That, Buguese is much less certain of. But she loves him. That's the way it appears.
The war between humans and Insectors has only just ended. There is still a vast amount of uncertainty towards what the future will bring. How everything will fit together. Will humans and Insectors remain in separate worlds, even though now they have no reason to be fighting? Probably, that's the way most people want it. Most Insectors still don't like most humans, and surely the humans feel the same. To be at peace with someone isn't the same as being friends. Buguese himself still doesn't think highly of humans other than Aqune. But as it stands, Aqune is a human. If they are to live separately from the Insectors, then naturally, Aqune would leave. Nothing ties her to the Insectors any longer. And if… no, when that happens, there would be no good reason for Buguese and Aqune to see each other ever again. This is the thought which troubles Buguese the most. Even if he can't be with her, to not even have her close… it stings the heart he wished he didn't need to have. Of course, it was selfish of him to want her to stay. What even gave him the right to ask?
In an Insector village near the site of what was Mantid's castle, Aqune has made a fire, and stirs something in a large pot which hangs over it. She volunteered to make meals, and do what she could to try and comfort the Insector people who lost their homes in the fiery destruction that came in the final battle of the war. The Spider Riders have all been helping out in various ways. Buguese is aware of this, but has been busy with work of his own. He doubts Aqune would want to spend much time with him anyway. But he decides, today, to finally go over to see her. If his time to do so is short, he shouldn't let it all go by.
Aqune pours some of the soup she made into a bowl. She repeats this action several times, doing so quickly so it remains hot. She starts to hand the dishes out to the people who gathered there.
"Please enjoy."
"Thank you, Miss Spider Rider," a young girl responds.
"You're very welcome," Aqune replies. She's practically beaming. Buguese can tell as he watches her from a distance. When he sees she's done handing food out, he decides to make his presence known.
"Aqune!" he calls out awkwardly.
Aqune turns around at the sound of her name, a hand covering her mouth, which was otherwise hung open in surprise. She lowers it after a moment of simply staring.
"Buguese!" she smiles at him as she replies. "What are you doing here?" She runs up closer to him.
"Nothing," he replies, realizing only once he's said it how stupid and transparent that sounds. "No, rather… I wanted to see you."
"Okay," Aqune says. "Is there some sort of problem?" She glances around, immediately seeming concerned. "Should we go somewhere more private? I don't want to worry anyone."
"No, it isn't that," Buguese answers. "I simply wanted to see you. There hasn't been much opportunity, recently. Though, I wouldn't mind a little privacy."
"That's true," Aqune replies, her voice showing relief. "Let's take a walk. But first… I don't think I should leave this fire going."
Buguese simply nods, and watches as Aqune hurriedly takes care of it. And thus, the two start walking.
"The land is already looking very pretty." Aqune is the first to speak and break the silence, as she observes the grass which was never there for her whole life.
"It is," Buguese agrees. "The Insector lands are even more beautiful than I imagined."
"And everyone seems happier too," Aqune adds. "All people need to live under light. They need resources to live on. It still pains me to think of the Insector world as it was before."
"Yes," Buguese says. "But you helped us a lot during that time, much more than you were ever given credit for. And now, we should be able to make due. You are not obliged to continue helping us, of course."
"I know," Aqune answers cheerfully. "I want to. Even though this world looks better now, there are still problems and still work to be done. This place may not be where I was born, but it is the only home I've ever known. To simply walk away just because I can isn't even something I would consider. It was my idea to get the other Spider Riders to help out too."
Buguese is silent for a moment as he tries to take in what she says. It's a bit surprising, but not terribly, coming from her.
"I see," Buguese replies. "But aren't you excited to live in Arachna… with the Spider Riders?" He cringes just from saying those words. Buguese hopes he didn't make his frustration too obvious, at least.
"I think that would be fun. But…" She stops mid sentence.
"But what?" Buguese asks.
"I'm not really certain what I want for myself," Aqune continues. Her body is shaking slightly. She starts breathing in slowly, to calm herself. "My life has never been about what I personally want. I've simply done what needed to be done. I've thought to myself of things I would like one day, things that would make me happy. But now that it comes down to it, I'm starting to have doubts. Maybe what I envisioned in my head still isn't realistic today."
She reaches out her shaking hand, taking hold of Buguese's cape in it. The girl moves closer to him, their bodies nearly touching.
"What, exactly, did you envision?" Buguese questions. He is concerned for her, naturally, but isn't sure what he can do or say. Hearing her answer might help.
"I would be a Spider Rider, as you said," Aqune explains. "Going on new adventures, helping people who are in trouble, having friends by my side. However, when I think of the people I want around me, that always includes you, Buguese." She looks up into his eyes, her own face reflecting pain. "That can never happen… I know. Your place is here, as the ruler of your people. You don't even like the Spider Riders and I don't think they really like you. So it doesn't matter to them that I do."
Buguese wants to embrace Aqune then and there. To erase her suffering somehow. But he knows it's more complicated than that. She's right, that her desires are something that can't happen. At least not any time soon.
"My life, Aqune, belongs to my people," he starts. "Mantid brought them to downfall, and I've devoted myself for a very long time to undoing this. To bringing the Insector race to the prosperity we deserve."
"I know," Aqune interrupts. "I think there's no one better suited for such a role than you. And I would never want to get in your way. To steer you away from that. If I can't have what I wished for, at least you should be able to have your wish."
"But can't you have enough of it?" Buguese asks. "Without me, can't you still have the life of happiness you deserved? The very life I deprived you of?"
Aqune looks confused.
"Buguese, you didn't deprive me of anything. I'm sure my fate was determined by Spirit Oracle. And if not for that, I may have never met you… or we could have met as enemies. I don't even want to imagine what my life would have been like if that were my fate." Aqune's body is now pressed all the way to Buguese's, her grip on him tight. He flinches.
"Aqune…"
"That you feel like you wronged me… Well, it does make me happy, because it shows that you really did care about me. But I don't want you to feel that way. Because in the end, I was glad to have met you. I only wish I'd gotten to know you more. But you were always distant."
"My dear Aqune." If Buguese was one to break down crying, he would have now. Instead, he wraps his arms around her as well. The two are entangled. "To see me that way, you are an amazing person. But I suppose you always have been. Your position was not one that anyone would envy, and it would be easier for the both of us if you blamed and hated me. But if you won't, I have no choice but to accept such sincerity. And I would very much like to remain a part of your life."
"I'm really glad," Aqune tilts her head up towards him. "Maybe if I hated you, it would be easier to choose. But I could never hate you."
"Aqune, what if you don't choose?"
"Hm?" She blinks at him, confused.
"It may not exactly be the future you envisioned, but couldn't you be a Spider Rider and also spend some of your days living here? And maybe one day find an answer?"
"You may be right," Aqune replies. "I was thinking about that as well, even if it isn't definitive. In any case, I'm very glad to know I'm welcome here, even if I'm not an Insector."
"Of course." Buguese is glad for her to be so receptive of his ideas, ideal solution or not. And of course, to be able to hold her. Certainly a sign that she isn't unhappy being with him. "If you were to leave… it would never satisfy me." He tries not to tighten his grip, hurt her, as he struggles to form words he feels he shouldn't even say. "I needed to see you now because I feared I might never see you again."
Aqune gasps.
"That won't happen, Buguese!" She is resolute.
"That is good to hear."
One day, Buguese hopes, he will be Aqune's ultimate choice. It should be blessing enough that she likes him, that she sees him among her friends and wants to get to know him better. But he knows there will always be a hole in his heart if he's ever without her. How can he one day be the choice which she would pick without a doubt? For now, he has to be there for her. He has to become for her what the Spider Riders… what Hunter Steele can't be. The most important person to her, whom she would want to spend a lifetime with, just as she is to him. Buguese knows that will be difficult, if not impossible. But as he embraces her now, he knows he has to try.