Chapter One

Disclaimer: Rent isn't mine!

So, I'm sort of running out of steam with my other story: 'The Dramas of Holidaying with Angel', and rapidly running out of ideas, so I decided to start a new story to turn to if this happens again. If you have other ideas for the other story, email me on or review. I'm not abandoning the other one, I'm just slowing down with it, so that I can write quality, because I'm writing a lot of crap at the moment, instead of taking my story anywhere where I want it to go. So this is a new one that may sound a bit outrageous in terms of the whole concept of the plot, but bear with it… hopefully I can make this as good as the other story. Another note with this one, I want the readers to have more input. A few of the people that I know personally who've read it say that they want more of a say with what happens. At the end of some chapters, there's going to be a question with a multiple choices. Answer in a review or an email what option you want and I'll incorporate it into the story. This one's also going to be a long term story, so that it'll be there for me to turn to when I'm having a bit of writers block. Anyways, on with the story! Enjoy!

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"God, Collins, you sound so crazy!" Angel said, slapping him lightly on the arm. He stuck his tongue out at her and took her hand, tracing the lines on her palm. She giggled and pulled her hand away, "That tickles. Anyway, I find it hard to believe that you used to be into girls."

"Yeah, I did…" Collins smiled at her and turned to look out the window, "They were all one night stands though. I still think about some of the girls that I left sleeping early in the morning with no explanation."

"You're an asshole…You left them with nothing?"

"Yeah, but if I had have offered them explanations then I mightn't have been able to leave them ever, and I wouldn't have met you, Ang."

"Then I'm glad you left them…"

"Me too…"

XXXX

Collins squinted against the harsh light that streamed through the window. He groaned and tried to sit up. His head spun and he lay back down again. Empty bottles littered the floor and there were pizza boxes staked on the kitchen benches. If she'd have been alive, she would have been out there cleaning them up. But then if she had have been alive, then the apartment probably wouldn't have been in such a mess anyway.

"God Angel…" His voice was hoarse and his head pounded like a beating drum.

He bit his bottom lip and sat up. He rubbed his cheek with his fingertips. The floor was hard and he could feel the lines between the tiles imprinted on his face. He stood and looked around the apartment again in dismay, "Shit." He said, pushing some of the bottles out of his way with his foot. They made a tinkling sound that made his head pound.

After showering and forcing down some coffee, he took a box from under his bed and sat down on the floor, leaning against the wall. He put the box on the floor in front of him and opened the lid. He flicked through the photos of Angel like he did every morning. Like every day, he smiled at certain photos, he came close to tears. He listened to the tape that Angel had made for him before he died. He sat on the sofa and put the tape in the player. He leant back and closed his eyes and let Angels sweet voice wash over him:

"Hi baby, well it's me… obviously. If you're listening to this, then I'm gone… and you have all the stuff that I left for you. I hope you like the apartment. I know that you're probably still trying to find a way to deal with this, if I know you as well as I think I do, and I do. And also, if I know you as well as I think I do, you're going to listen to this tape every day. No matter what I say, you're going to listen to it every day. I hope you don't miss me too much… oh god, that was a stupid thing to say… of course you miss me. I think I miss you too, if I can miss someone wherever I'm going. Shit… I don't want to die, Tom. I don't want to leave all the others, especially not Mimi… I don't know how she's going to cope without me. That sounded so bad… I mean, could my head get any further up my ass… I just think that she's going to end up on drugs again. I don't want her to be a junkie anymore. Can you keep on her back about staying off drugs? Roger too. I don't think that he can handle a trauma like this… I think he's going over the edge. Make sure that Mark gets laid. Find him a nice boy… or girl…and get him laid. That's your new mission. I want Maureen to start being nice to Joanne or fin someone new, and I want Joanne to find a nice girl who treats her right! And you. I want you to find…find someone to love you, and I want you to love them. I need you to love them like you loved me. Jesus, that's so hard for me to say. Please just don't be all mopey. I know that you're going to drink copious amounts of alcohol, and you're not going to leave the apartment for months, and you're not going to go into our room for another few months. You're going to look at the box of shit I left you every day… Please, when you feel ready, I want you to call the others, because they're going to support you in whatever you do. I made a tape for all of them too, just to make sure. Anyway, baby, this is the last tape that I've made and my throat is beginning to burn… I don't think I can talk much more. So I leave you with I love you and goodbye…"

Collins looked at his hands and began to cry as the song that Angel had taped after her message. It was their song, the one that they always danced to, sung when drunk, the one that was playing all the time on those late nights when they just lay in each others arms. He mouthed the words, unable to make his voice work and pictured her sitting net to him, dancing along next to him and singing at the top of her lungs.

He sat for an hour and then looked up. He looked around and sighed, "Fuck." He said, standing up, "This place is a fucking mess."

He began to clean. He put all of the bottles in the bin and put the pizza boxes outside on the fire escape in a garbage bag. He cleared everything off the tables and put it all in the trash. When he was done, he surveyed the room. It was better, but could never be perfect without his Angel.

He sat on the sofa and out his head in his hands.

There was a knock on the door.