"I don't talk, I haven't said a word in nearly four years. A lot of people want to know why, of course I never told them. But I'll tell you, I don't really know why I'm telling you but let's do this.

I'll start from the beginning: hi, my name is Piper Chapman. I'm 26 years old, I grew up with a lot of money and got everything I asked for from my parents but that changed when I was 11. At that age my parents died in an accident, I didn't have any family and I got lost in the system. I've been in many foster families, none of them really wanted me. They just wanted the money that they were supposed to use to take care of me, and of course the men liked the fact that I was a young girl that they could use for their own pleasure. I ran away from the family I lived with at the time when I was 16, I never finished school so I wasn't able to find a job. I lived on the street for a few months, I had no one to talk to. That's when I met him, he called himself Kubra. I was kind of scared of him, but he turned out to be really nice and he actually wanted to help. He taught me how to deal drugs and I was pretty decent at it but I didn't like doing it. So I asked Kubra if there was another way to make money, Kubra learned me how to fight and I got into the world of underground street fighting. It turned out I was really good at it and I won a lot of fights. I made good money, I fought for 2 years but when I was 18 I had to stop because I was too old. I went back to dealing and started to see the fun in it, Kubra gave me a better job. It was now my job to deliver the drugs, I liked it, it meant I got to travel a lot. One of the addresses I had to go to a lot was the band death maiden, they used a lot of drugs. I went to their show once, it sucked….

Moving on,
one day I was delivering the normal amount of heroine to them and as always they were happy to see me, and even more happy to see the drugs. A daughter of the drummer came looking for her father, apparently she never met him. the drummer was not what the girl wanted him to be, I could see that. She went to the bathroom and I talked to her, I learned her name was Alex Vause and she grew up with only her mother. She asked me what I was doing here and I told her about the drugs.

Long story short, I gave her my number and asked her to call me. Not to get her involved in the cartel, just because I wanted to see her again. Alex did call back and I asked her out on a date, she said yes. We went on a date and many more followed, I never really told her about my family or how I got involved in the cartel. She didn't ask.

I loved her, hell I still love her. But she didn't love me enough to stay, she left and broke my fucking heart. I begged her not to leave but she left anyway. After that I started using the stuff I was supposed to deliver and Kubra send me to a rehab. I spent a lot of time there. I felt so stupid, I almost killed myself with those drugs. I asked Kubra if I could stop working for the cartel, he understood my pain and let me go. I am still grateful for that, but I don't see a reason to live anymore. I don't have a job and very few friends, only one really. Only one stayed after I stopped talking.

I feel pathetic because I realise I still love Alex and I still hope she will come back, even after 6 years. And the sad thing is, she's probably living her live right now. Maybe she has a girlfriend, maybe she is traveling, I'd never know because I haven't seen her since she left me. I am probably never going to stop loving her, but being here, telling you my story, even talking, is the first step of me trying to enjoy my live again.