AU - So this is my first fan fiction ever. Be nice, please - I'm just starting out. Finding Sky is such an underrated book so I thought I'd add my story because these characters will seriously not get out of my head. I'm hoping to write a story for all the Benedict brothers but only if you lovely readers think I should. Well, that's enough of me babbling nervously. I hope you like it.

Chapter 1 - Jealousy

Xav's POV

The newlyweds are finally back from their honeymoon and, of course, in true soul finder fashion are being nauseatingly lovey-dovey. I watched at Yves boasted about Phoenix's first ever A - showing complete strangers the sacred essay while sitting with most of my family in the cafe. She elbowed him in embarrassment and Yves dramatically falls to the floor clutching his stomach, teasing a giggle out of Phee.

I wanted what he had. Not that I wanted her in anyway, Christ she seemed like more trouble than she was worth - but not to Yves, and that's what I wanted. Someone who could cause me all the difficulties in the world and I'd still keep coming back for more. A soul finder.

Phee raises her eyebrows at me and it's only then that I realise I've been staring. Yves hasn't noticed, too wrapped up in making sure everyone - even the random old man shuffling past - knows Phee's doing well. I pull a face at her to cover up my jealously and she rolls her eyes at me. I love Phee in the same way I love Sky: like a little sister. Though I'm definitely sure she would decimate me in a fight, so maybe like a big, scary sister. But I can't help but resent her a little. Hell, I resent her, Yves, Sky and Zed. I love them, of course I do. Their family. I'm just jealous of what they have. I know it's the same for my older brothers.

No one thinks it's fair that the two youngest found their soulfinders first when they've been searching for so long. I honestly don't know how Trace has managed, I'm slipping already and I'm only nineteen. Mum and Dad are too wrapped up in the perfectly matched soulfinders to notice though. They haven't noticed my wisecracks getting nastier instead of lightly teasing. They haven't noticed that I'm drifting - no job, no university place, not even any applications. They haven't even noticed the frequency which I've been getting drunk at. I don't know why it hurts so much. But it does.

I physically shake my head to wake me from my selfish thoughts. Uriel gives me a sympathetic smile. Only he knows the full extent of the turmoil going on in my head. It was an accident really, my telling him. I'd gone up to Denver to visit my older brothers, and get away from Zed simpering over Sky, lovingly calling her 'baby.' Vic was busy forging the documents Phee would need to start high school and Trace had pulled the late shift. Will was around somewhere but he's so laidback I seriously doubt he'd understand. He's content to wait until his soulfinder falls in to his arms. Me? I wanted to travel around after I graduated. The family said no. Said it was too dangerous for me to go on my own. Anyway, I'd gone out and the more I thought about it the more angry I got. What if, because my family couldn't understand I can look after myself, I'd missed my chance to met her? Sky and Phoenix are both from England, so why should I only look in my little corner of Colorado?

I'd gotten drunk, angry and violent. I'd picked a fight with some guy. He was married but I saw him work the gold band off his slimy finger and hit on girls young enough to be his daughter. Something in me had snapped. I honestly couldn't stop hitting him, over and over until he was curled up in the foetal position sobbing. Whoever he was, he had someone waiting for him at home. Someone who'd be hurt if she saw him like that. I didn't and that's what made me angry. I could hit on every girl in this bar and no one would get jealous. Hell, I'd given up on that long ago. Because they weren't her, whoever 'her' was.

Anyway, I'd stumbled in to my brother's flat drunk and bleeding but not caring enough to fix myself up. Uriel had been up, doing whatever it is nerdy guys such as himself do on Saturday nights.

'You too, huh?' Uriel had said coolly as if this was a daily incident, coming over to help me walk.

I slurred something at him, even I'm not sure what. Apparently, I wasn't the only one suffering. Apparently my straight-laced older brother was suffering too. And thus he became my favourite brother, I poured my frickin' heart out to him. I even cried. Though the next day I told him I'd kick him so hard he wouldn't be able to have kids if he breathed a word to our brothers. It became a regular occurrence really. He'd fix me up until I could do it myself. And physically I was always fine, Uri knew that mentally was completely different. The saddest thing of all wasn't me crying like a two year old. No, it's that Uri has given up completely.

'I doubt I'll find her now. Even if I did she'd probably be happily married. I couldn't force her to be with me. I just couldn't, Xav.'

His eyes had been downcast as he explained how on earth he could possibly understand what I was going through. Then he's carried me to his bed, saying he'd take the couch so the others wouldn't find out, and tucked me in like when I was a scared eight year old again, healing horrifically hurt strangers for the Net.

I can't keep doing this - disappearing in to the dark recesses of my mind. I'm becoming introverted - the complete opposite to the happy-me.

Xav, you okay, kid? Uri asks me in my mind.

He knows I don't want to bring attention to my messed-up head. And what better time to ask than when the whole family is distracted by the arrival of another golden couple.

Yeah, I'm fine. Jesus, have you seen Sky's get-up? I sent back to him, trying to distract him from my wallowing,

Oh. My. God.

Even telepathically Uriel sounds like he can barely contain his laughter. We try because, damn she may be small but Sky's scary, but we burst out laughing.

'Oh ha, bloody, ha!' Sky glares at us.

She's wrapped up like an Eskimo, she can barely move for all the layers. Her arms stick out at her sides as she waddles towards us. Glowering at Zed, she sits beside Phee. The old me, the happier me, would have teased Sky but not now. Because I know what her reply will be. See, she's dressed up like Chewbacca because she has a cold. In reality Sky only has a minor case of the sniffles, but Zed was acting like she had full-blown phenomena. Seriously, he woke me at six in the morning to check on her. Sometimes I hate my gift. Who the hell wakes up at six in the morning? What is that? Jesus.

Coffee, I need coffee.

AU - So, I hope you liked it. I know there isn't much plot at the moment but I was trying to show Xav's state of mind before I launch in to the plot. Tell me what you think? Thanks for reading.