Second in a series. Alright... this one takes place after they've gotten married. Enjoy. I own nothing.
The secret side of me, I never let you see
I keep it caged but I can't control it
So stay away from me, the beast is ugly
I feel the rage and I just can't hold it
Remus stood leaning against the wall outside the door to the cellar, trying to gather courage to step inside and walk down the stairs. He could just see his wife through the doorway into the next room. Dora was sitting in the kitchen at the table, reading - or at least pretending to. He knew that in actuality she was not taking in a word of the page she had now read at least five times. And who could blame her for being distracted? This was their first full moon without him taking his Wolfsbane potion. He, too, was anxious; it had been almost six months since his first real transformation. Dora had never been around when the wolf was completely in control... He'd tried so hard to hide it from her.
It's scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls
It comes awake and I can't control it
Hiding under the bed, in my body, in my head
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?
Finally, gathering his courage, he opened the door and walked down the stairs. He looked around with a hollow ache in his chest, staring at the damage he had caused all last year. They had moved into his house; the combined money of the Tonks and Sirius had been enough to let him stay there all through Harry's sixth year and eventually let the two move in. He brushed his fingers lightly over the claw marks on the wall, some of them nearly seven feet up. He was taller in wolf form. He felt the beast whining, clawing at his mind, and he wanted it to stop, wanted it to be over...
I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster
He fell to his knees, groaning, fighting it with everything he had. But already he felt despair, knowing he was losing, knowing it would hurt more if he kept fighting. And yet he didn't stop. He hated it, hated it so much... And that hate scared him. How much more he would feel when the beast had completely taken over he didn't know...
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
He screamed, a long, drawn-out wail ripping itself out of his throat, and he felt himself losing control, drifting away as the beast reared its ugly head. He tried one more time, desperate, terrified. "No!" But the word became a howl, and he was gone...
My secret side I keep hid under lock and key
I keep it caged but I can't control it
'Cause if I let him out he'll tear me up, break me down
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?
The wolf raised its head, sniffing the air, its lips pulled back in a snarl. Blood... it wanted blood. Craved it. Desperately. But there wasn't any... And then, just like that, it smelled something. Something delicious. Something warm and red and sticky... It dived toward the corner, where Remus, its human counterpart, had carried some raw meat down earlier. Moony tore into the meat hungrily, blood dripping from its maw. Snapping jaws sent flecks of saliva and blood flying onto the walls to join the other stains. For now, it wasn't the wolf's blood...
I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster
Moony growled angrily. There was no more meat. Anywhere. No more blood. No more delicious crunching bones. Why not? The wolf wanted more. It whined softly, then growled, then howled, an eerie, haunting, unnatural sound not of this earth. It fell silent suddenly, its ears pricked. What was that noise? A human, that's what it was. The wolf had tasted human before, completely on accident. It still remembered finding the body, already dead. But freshly dead. The human's blood had still been flowing...
I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
Somewhere deep within Moony, Remus was screaming at the memory. James, Sirius, and Peter, the other Marauders, had assured him the human was already dead when he found it, but he'd always wondered. But now even that small piece of Remus, the part that couldn't do anything, was completely gone, leaving nothing but the wolf... And the wolf wanted blood.
It's hiding in the dark, it's teeth are razor sharp
There's no escape for me, it wants my soul, it wants my heart
No one can hear me scream, maybe it's just a dream
Maybe it's inside of me, stop this monster
It bounded into a corner, growling. It could still smell the human, somewhere. It saw a sliver of light through the crack underneath the door. Yes, that was where the scent of human was coming from. It bounded up the steps, its claws sinking into the wood. It dived at the door, throwing its full weight against it, but was thrown back as though by an invisibly hand, rolling down the stairs even as it shrieked. In anger, it tore at its own skin, lapping up the blood, delighting in the taste. So delicious... so delicious... It went back in for more.
I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster
Moony was feeling lightheaded, staring at the walls that seemed to be spinning around it. The wolf was standing in puddles of its own blood, and even it had to admit that, much as it wanted more blood, it could get no more from its own body. Angered by this fact, it threw itself at the walls, sinking its teeth and claws into the wood, ripping, tearing, pulling, breaking...
I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I've gotta lose control, here's something radical
I must confess that I feel like a monster
Hours later, long after the wolf had returned to tearing and ripping its own flesh, long after the blood had dried on the wall, long after the crying human woman on the other side of the door had run upstairs to her bedroom, a wolf howled, the growled, then whimpered. Slowly, that whimper became a moan, that moan became a groan, and that groan became a scream as Moony became Remus, a broken-hearted wizard who needed to see to his injuries. The ones that would heal, at least...
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
And he hated it.