My life… is painful…
My life…never again will be full of adventures…or friends…
My life…as fearless Bex Baxter is over…
I was a spy at Gallagher, but I dropped into depression when Grant dumped me… they tried everything to get me out of it but nothing worked…and after a while they kicked me out so that I wasn't there problem anymore. It might have gotten worse when Macey started dating Grant.
Macey stopped talking to me as a friend; she only talked to me as her worst enemy. The rest of my so called friends followed her lead, but they broke my heart even more because they explained to me that as a spy I was now useless and I was even worse as a friend. Then to top it all of Liz said it to me. The girl who never says anything mean to anybody even when she got beat up she couldn't say anything mean to Tina, but she could to me in the nastiest voice ever.
My parents heard about my problems at Gallagher and didn't want me back and since the Blackthorne Boys were staying at Gallagher till my class graduated I was sent there… feeling more alone then in the beginning of all this.
Now that I was older I still couldn't forget anything about anybody at Gallagher. Still I was in the same depression…just deeper.
I lived in Tennessee and sometimes I would see Anna or Tina when they were in the break of their adventures as spies. I never did see any of my old friends or boyfriend. I still never forgot the few moments that I was in the right brain….and they all seem to be the bad parts….
"Bex…" Grant called me in the middle of the night in the academy it was normal for us to call since Liz fixed my cell phone to work in here and Grants to. Also it was past curfew so it was normal for Grant to call me and for us to talk on the phone. We might be spies but when in a school full of them you really have as much luck of sneaking out as someone at a normal school...with are school having Guards at every corner and our upgraded security out you didn't stand a chance.
"Yeah Grant…" I said normally
"I have to tell you something." He said. I started to freak on the inside.
"I kind of guessed that when I picked up the phone." I said doing that kind of half laugh thing… He didn't laugh with me though.
"I'm breaking up with you." He just came out with it that made me stop laughing and smiling and worrying it just made me freeze…
"What?" I asked in the smallest voice that I bet anyone has ever heard.
***
At that moment Grant had started my slow painful death.
***
"Rebecca Baxter to the Headmistresses' office please…" The voice was heard over the loud speaker when I was in Cov Op's. Everyone looked at me since I barely do things now I sit in the back only speaking when called on and never going to town.
I just got up and walked there not even think of what I could have done wrong. I used to do that a lot now I useless don't think of anything that often.
I opened the door to see Mrs. Morgan there giving me a head shack signaling me to sit.
"Bex…What happen…" See asked me… It wasn't a hard question to answer but I didn't talk or see or even think of his name since that day that ruined my life.
"You have to tell me Bex so I can know for sure… so we can get you help." She said that to me and I broke down in my new Rebecca way. I just said his name.
"Grant…"
***
Grant loved me once as Bex Baxter, Now I Rebecca have said It to the world, to the one person that I Rebecca have said it to the world, to the one person that I thought would understand but she didn't. I used to say his name with just love, now I say it with pain and love that I was missing.
***
I was walking back to me room on a Saturday from my therapist that still wasn't helping me or the medicine they said would. Everyone was at town today so I didn't have to worry if anyone saw me crying so I walked slowly.
By the time I had gotten to my room I was to tire to cry so I was silent, but when I opened the door I found out I wasn't to tire to cry because I knew when I saw them I was wrong…
Grant was in my room, but he wasn't here for me he was kissing Macey, this time I really did brake down… crying not at all caring if they heard I wanted them to… How could she…My best friend with the love of my life...
"No…" I said quietly but they heard me…they just didn't care…I looked at Grant with his normal face…but Macey was holding up a smirk on her face because she had won…Macey wasn't just holding a cover over her parents; she was under cover in front of me.
"No…" I said again backing away slowly… then running down the stairs…
***
I never found out when they got together, but I didn't want to ask Macey she was only mean to me after that.
***
"You know… Bex you really should get over him…he is… there's no hope." Macey said to me before walking over to her normal table with the boys, and Cammie and Liz. Cammie and Liz sit there because of Jonas and Zach even if they our a little upset with Macey they are still friends.
She walked over to them and Grant's arm snacked around Macey's waist.
That's when I knew for sure I will never be over it…ever.
***
In the few seconds I dread every few days when I had time to think and I had nothing to do at all, I would wonder how long Macey has hated me, wondering if Cameron and Elizabeth only liked to sit with her because she really was mean, and they were scared,…I sure was.
***
"Cammie, Liz where are you going…" I asked them, they were usually gone before I was back on Saturday.
"Well, Bex do we have to tell you cause you never tell us anything." Cammie said…ouch that hurt.
"What?"
"Well if you haven't figured it out you are in some kind of thing and you don't talk to us anymore so what's the point…" Cammie continued, "We don't want you in our room anymore."
"Why?" I asked still stunned.
"If you don't have ears you really can't be a very good spy...and since were talking about that you aren't a good spy and you never will be, and you were never a good friend either… so here is your stuff now go…" Liz said I can't believe she said that, it really stung.
I picked up me packed bags and went to the passage way that I knew Cammie knew nothing about since she marks all the ones she finds, this one wasn't marked ,and since I found it a while back I had already had a bed set up, for nights I just couldn't face the world.
***
My friends didn't want me anymore than Grant did and I was left alone once more.
***
"Rebecca, it seem's your problems have only gotten worse and we have no other choice but to kick you out…" Mrs. Morgan said.
"Have you already called my parents…?" I asked her in my new monotone voice.
"Yes, and-"She started but I cut her off.
"When am I going home..." by home I meant back to my parents, Gallagher was no longer a home to me.
"Your not, they said that there was no way that they would be able to help you anymore then we can here, so you will live at the Blackthorne Academy until your class graduated, that is when they will bring the Blackthorne Boys back to the academy and we are no longer aloud to keep you there." She said this but all I was really thinking of was the first part it was obvious that she was being nice about that parent thing, that they really didn't want me back with them, I would be a pain to them, and they were just another person who grew tired of me.
***
Mrs. Morgan didn't want me as her problem; neither did my parents, which were the last of the things that were keeping me alive.
***
It was cold here, and the only door that was unlocked was the one they wanted me to stay in, but I wouldn't go in there because I knew for a fact that that room was Grant's when he was staying here because he told me…
Gallagher would order food from places near by and the deliver guy would drop it off. It was always something small when the guy would show up, this being Blackthorne they sometimes just wouldn't come because of hatred of the school. The power went out every so often and it freaked me out big time...I was over my fears for a while because of the time it went out at Gallagher when Grant and I were together, and he held me after I told him of the story of why I was scared but all I could do was sit in the hallway missing him, having dreams that he still loved me.
Now I was sitting in Tennessee at a small fast food place looking out the window till I saw a couple kissing. I stared at them imaging if that was me and Grant. Then discovered that it wasn't hard to imagine because the guy was Grant and the other was Macey…They were still together, and I still wasn't over him.
I got up out of by seat because I couldn't take it anymore passing them…but this time they didn't notice… I walked over to my car driving to the only place I could think of that would bring me to peace.
The cliff by my house… when you look down it you would see the crashing dark blue water that was so full of mystery.
I got there… just in time not slipping on anything at all and it was still morning, so the only thing I could blame this on was Grant.
I love you Grant…
And with that last thought I drove…right down to the mysteries of the water, off the cliff.