Disclaimer: I don't own SoN. All I own is my imagination. :)
She lost her mind.. or so she claims. Not good enough for love or any type of intimacy, everyones out to get her, she says. Once things went wrong she couldn't handle it.. she cracked. Can she handle the disasters that must occur before things go right again?
She doesn't believe in love. Sex is easy girls come to her she gets what she wants and moves on. If she was to throw emotion of any kind the equation would be out of balance. Everything would fall apart. See she has lost everything and is too scare next time she may just loose her self.
Spencer lost her mind. Ashley lost a piece of her soul. What happens when they find each other? Will they realize they aren't so broken? Or run from it all?
The Girl Who Cried Insanity
Chapter 1
The door stood feet above my reach, with its dark shade being my only scenery. The cold steel handle made the skin that decorated my fragile hands crawl. This was like every other time, they can change the name, building and even the shrink but all these hospitals were the same. They made me feel almost as crazy as my parents believed I was. They all had stone brick layouts that held old overly kind receptionists. Their waiting rooms have always consisted of a few worn out chairs and magazines from before I was born. I have been going to places like this for two years now, ever since the incident. My parents and doctors are convinced I would somehow open up and be cured but I'm incurable, I'm crazy not sick. There's no vaccine or medication to cure insanity, there's nothing to be done so I find no need out of spilling my soul.
Two month ago my father got the brilliant idea of trying to move out here. He claimed getting away and having a fresh start would help "my problem". So that's how I ended up here in my new shrink's office in Los Angeles, California. We finally got down here a week ago from Ohio, I hate it but my brother said that's because I'm crazy.
"Spen-cer Car-lin" I say my name slow enough so the elder receptionist can jot it down. She then handed me a pink slip and pointed me towards the C wing. As I begin my walk down the hall I remind myself why I'm here, I need more pills. I can't believe I have my first "appointment" before my first day of school, shows where my folks priorities lie if you ask me. They rather have a normal child than a educated one...
"Room 203" there it was the room I was gonna waste an hour of my life in, I don't know why I didn't just skip like originally planned. The moment I was gonna bail the door screeched open and a gorgeous brunette in her mid thirties appeared. Maybe therapy won't be too bad.
"Spencer, right?" I nod and keep my attention on her. "Nice to meet you I'm Christine, come in and sit down." I did as I was instructed. She went to the desk at the far corner of the room and grabbed a small note pad and a pen then headed her way towards me. "Lets make this simple, just tell me a few things about yourself, simple things." This happened every time I stared off new so I basically scripted what to say.
After 30 minutes she began to ask questions and then there came the seemingly simple question I despised so much. "Any siblings Carlin?"
"Yea I have two brothers Clay and Glen, Clays adopted though but he's more of a brother to me then Glen" I stated rather nonchalantly.
"Oh but Spencer don't you have a sister?" Her eyes squinted as if to question me themselves. And this is when I began to hate this lady.
"I did" I say barley audible as I started getting up. "Well it was nice meeting you but considering all the nut jobs there must be here in LA I think I should be going. So if I can just get the nice little prescription I needed I'll be on my way" She reached for the blue pad that sat in the small draw next us but seemed to not be giving up.
"What happened to her?" I hate when they try to get in my brain. I'm sure if I was ever to let them in they'd run screaming any ways.
"Look I have school tomorrow so if I could just get that, I'll be on my way" I say as I snag the blue paper from her hand. "I don't think I'll be coming back though doc, I feel cured it's a miracle. You're a miracle doc. " I laugh as I leave the office. Hopefully I can find a way to stay true to those words and never return to a place like this. Now off to get these pills. Off to feel nothing.
Ashley's POV
I take a seat on the stool, as I let the light sink into my skin. I absorb the presence of the locals who flood this cafe every open mic as I've done every time I've taken foot on this stage. I then see Jamie walk up the stairs and grab the mic. I couldn't help the sigh had been released from my lips. Like every other time I sit here with my guitar on my lap but always for others, I play guitar and they sing.
I wait a few second before I begin to strum. The sound of the guitar starts to penetrate through me, taking over my mind in a way only music could. See music bleeds through me, my veins leak the melody of the songs I've written. I hear everything as music, the rhythm of a tapping pencil, the sounding of a chattering jaw, truly anything can be music. But nothing so beautiful like the sound of my fathers old Gibson. Jamie's voice echoes through the walls of my mind as my fingers take over the song. When she finishes I get up and give her a hug. "You did amazing James, like always" She smiles the dorkiest smile I've ever seen and hits my arm gently.
"You didn't do so bad your self Casanova. Now how about you stop flirting with me and get your guitar, we have a party to hit up"
"In your dreams Jamie, you're not my type" I say with a slight laugh. I give her a playful grin and grab the guitar case off the floor. Me and Jamie have been friends since the diaper days. We have gone through everything together including coming out. I laugh every time I think about it. That must have been why we got along so well, we were both obviously gay. It's been apparent even in our memories. I remember Jamie use to chase after girls in kindergarden and in early elementary she use to persuade me in to kissing her as "practice". Although I would never see James as more then my strange but lovable best friend, we have always been ones to let the sexual thing take its role.
"Ash!, Have you even been listening?"
"Yea, yea of course" I smirk at the sight of her eyes rolling ".. I want booze, let's go"
"Fine, but just so you know I was talking about the fine red head that's staring you down" She says with a annoying smirk plastered on her face
"What red head?"
"She's right behind you raping you with her eyes. So you have about two-seconds to snag her before James turns on the charm and shows her the right choice" I turn my head to find a sexy little red head staring right at me. Score, the nights just begun and I'm already guaranteed a lay.
"Clearly she already knows the right choice" I give my friend a wink and head to the overly eager girl. The girl I have now decided to refer to as red head was in a tight black dress that hugged her at all the right spots, her eyes were the lightest shade of green with nothing but need and lust reflecting out of them. I study her for a minute before she had me against the bar her lips attacking mine and her hands ready for exploration. I quickly grab them before I take her in front of everyone and pull her to the bathroom and into a stall. Within minutes I have her screaming ecstasy in my name. Once we were both satisfied I walked out and took the guitar in my hand. With a few subtle signals to James I was out the door.
"And she was?"
"A 7" We both have smirks take over our faces while we climb into the bright yellow porsche know as my baby. A girl has never gotten a rating above an 8 from me. Sex is usually alright, sometimes good, rarely great, and I've never had amazing.
This is my first Fanfic and I this idea has been lingering in my mind for a while so I thought why not give it a try?.. Please R&R and tell me if you think I should continue. I know it started a bit slow but I hope you keep reading and enjoy. :) Thanks.!