A/N: This is my first Natsume fic, and I hope I do not disappoint! I love this fandom quite a bit, and I plan on writing more for it in the future, especially if you all enjoy!
Disclaimer: Characters don't belong to me, just the writing!
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Could We?
Tanuma was waiting outside for him when school ended. They had never made any prior arrangements to walk home together, but a routine had been started nonetheless with their silent agreement. Tanuma would wait for him in the halls or outside the school, and as long as there were no youkai to deal with or distractions from Nishimura, Kitamoto, Taki, or Sasada, Natsume would find him and they would slowly make their way down the path until they reached the outskirts of the forest and it was time for them to go their separate ways.
Today Tanuma was leaning against the wall, fanning himself with a folded up piece of paper with math equations scribbled in the margins. The sun was still high overhead, beaming down on the concrete which held its heat and made the day feel even hotter. Natsume wiped the sweat off of his forehead as he hurried to meet his friend. Tanuma wasn't in much better shape himself; a strip of moisture had accumulated on his upper lip, and his shirt was clinging to the dampness of his chest.
"You didn't have to wait for me," Natsume said, as he always did. Tanuma smiled and shrugged, waving his paper fan in Natsume's direction to give him a slight breeze. Without saying anything else, they began to walk, the pavement hot beneath the soles of their shoes.
"What do the ayakashi do in this weather?" Tanuma asked when they were a few minutes away from the school grounds. "Are they out?"
"Mmm." Natsume cupped his hands over his eyes. "I see a few. I guess it depends on the variety of Ayakashi."
"What about Ponta?"
"Ponta?" Natsume's eyebrows bunched together in such a comical fashion that Tanuma had to suppress a chuckle at his confusion. "Do you perhaps mean Nyanko-sensei?"
"I still don't understand how that fat cat is supposed to be your sensei."
"I don't understand it either for the most part. But he gets temperamental in the heat. I left him some watermelon this morning to cheer him up."
"A cat eating watermelon? How odd."
"It is odd, isn't it?" Natsume smiled, though his eyes trailed off, seeming to hone in on one of the sad memories he always kept close at hand. Tanuma sighed. He knew better than to call Natsume and his lifestyle odd, but it always found a way of slipping out. The poor boy had heard the word thrown at him enough, along with liar, freak, and faker, and Tanuma hated to see the grief it caused Natsume to hear it. He hadn't meant it in that way; the oddness of Natsume's world was something he loved, something he wished he could be a bigger part of.
"Odd, but cute," Tanuma amended. "Taki would go crazy if she could see Ponta with a watermelon."
"I bet she would."
They kept walking until they reached the bridge and river, a place where Natsume was frequently accosted by ayakashi seeking his services. Tanuma scanned the area for suspicious shadows, but nothing seemed wrong with the bridge today. At least he hoped nothing was wrong. Natsume had fallen into the river so many times that Touko-san was beginning to suspect he was doing it on purpose.
Natsume also paused before the bridge, looking down into the grassy area surrounding the riverbed. There was nothing there when Tanuma followed his gaze, but the way Natsume's eyes moved back and forth across the grass indicated that something was moving in his line of sight, something only he could see.
"What is it?" Tanuma asked, squinting his eyes at the empty space. More often then not, he could not see with the clarity of Natsume's eyes, but every now and then he could catch sight of the form of the spirit, even if he could not speak with it or flesh it out.
"It's chasing a butterfly," Natsume said with a light laugh. "It looks like a little bear wearing a Noh mask."
"A little bear wearing a Noh mask," Tanuma repeated, forming the image in his mind. He could see a blue and black butterfly flying over the field, and he placed the imagined creature right below it, grasping not quite high enough with his tiny paws.
"We should get moving again," Natsume said, although he remained where he was, gazing at the ayakashi. "It's too hot to just stand around."
"Then let's cool off." Tanuma grabbed Natsume's arm and dragged him to the riverbank. "We can stick our feet in."
"Knowing my luck, I'll probably get pulled in by something." Natsume folded his arms across his chest, looking hesitant as he watched Tanuma pull off his socks and shoes and roll up the legs of his pants. "If I come home wet again..."
"You won't. I'll look out for you."
Natsume grumbled, but kicked his shoes off beside Tanuma's.
"By the way," Tanuma said, raising his head to the lowering sun. "Did they pass out Career Planning forms in your class today?"
"Mhm. I had forgotten about it, though."
"What are you going to put?"
"I haven't decided. I'm not exactly sure what I can do. Even if I do something simple like become a salaryman, I'll still have youkai appearing all over the place. And I doubt co-workers would be as... understanding... as some of the people at school have been." Natsume's eyes darkened, and Tanuma could only imagine that he was drawing up memories of his childhood once again, of all the hateful people who had called him a liar. He rested his hand beside Natsume's so their fingertips were touching together, hoping it would provide some amount of comfort.
"And you won't become an exorcist, will you?"
"I couldn't. Natori is always saying that I'll have to chose between ayakashi and humans, but I can't just ignore that both of them are suffering." Natsume wiggled his toes underneath the water, stirring up ripples. "Natori works part-time as an actor. Maybe I should do something like that. Then no one would care if I was behaving oddly."
"No, don't," Tanuma said, frowning. He had no grief against Natori as a person, but the way Natori often looked at Natsume bothered him. There was too much tenderness, too much honey in his voice when he spoke and indulgence in his smile. Natsume deserved to be treat gently, but Tanuma was troubled by the idea of Natori being the one to do it. Sure, Natori could understand Natsume's burden and see the spirits that surrounded him, but he didn't feel Natsume's desire to help them and treat their conflicts as more than just a game of collecting servants and sealing away danger. Tanuma couldn't see the ayakashi, but he at least understood and respected Natsume's good will in his dealings with them.
"What, you don't think I'd make a good actor?" Natsume asked, trying for his best sultry gaze. When Natori did it, it seemed as if the atmosphere around him lit up and sparkled, but for Natsume, it just looked painfully cute, like a little dog pretending to be a lion.
"Or maybe I just don't want you to be seen by anyone else," Tanuma said in a quiet voice. "But back on subject. Is there any other profession where you would be able to deal with ayakashi on the side while still earning money? Maybe you could be become a monk like my father." Tanuma thought of Natsume with his beautiful honey hair shaved, and his lips twitched. "Or maybe not. Maybe I could be a monk and hire you."
"You don't need to involve yourself. And you certainly don't need to pay me if I'm not doing anything to benefit you." Natsume grimaced as he swished his feet back and forth in the water. "I guess I could always go into folklore studies. Chances are good that there are already people like me in that field, and I'm sure I could learn things that could help me out with the youkai. I just don't see myself doing anything that will earn me that much money. But I don't want to disappoint the Fujiwaras."
"I'm sure how much money you earn isn't first among their concerns." Tanuma inched his fingers closer to Natsume's. "As long as you have enough to get by, I'm sure they'll be happy."
"What about you, Tanuma? What are you going to write?"
"Looking after you."
"Eh? Now's not the time to be joking."
"I'm not joking. Not exactly." He brushed a strand of hair from his eyes. "But I would like to do something where I would be able to support you. Maybe I could be a monk after all. Or help Taki pick up her grandfather's research."
Natsume pulled his legs of the water and hugged his knees to his chest. "You don't have to. It really would be better if you didn't get involved."
"Better for who?" Tanuma reached over the rest his hand against Natsume's arm. It was warm, and slightly slick with a film of sweat. His fine blonde hairs tickled against Tanuma's fingers whenever the half-hearted breeze brushed between them.
"Tanuma..."
"I really can't see a future without us together. I think it would be nice if I was able to work with you at my side. Could we?"
"Could we? What you're asking is if I would be willing to put you in danger for the rest of your life. Which I'm not."
"The more experience I have, the more prepared I'll be to protect myself. And you."
"I don't really need to be..." He trailed off, shaking his head. "Well, I can't say that. Nyanko-sensei wouldn't be happy if he knew I was brushing off all the times he's helped me out. But I'm going to do everything I can to make sure I won't risk anything important to me, including myself, in the future."
"I can help with that, too. I'm not feeling an obligation towards you, all right? I just want to be with you. Now and in the future."
Natsume leaned his head into his knees, hiding his expression. "If you keep this up, the atmosphere is going to get all pink and sparkly again," he muttered.
"Just like in a shoujo romance. And that would be the part where I kissed you."
"Kiss?" Natsume raised his head just a little, and Tanuma took advantage of the opening to lean down and join their lips. Natsume was too shocked to give him much of a response, but there was something about the taste of it that Tanuma liked. His breath was warm and hot, and his tongue sweetly smooth, and although it was already sweltering, Tanuma enjoyed this kind of heat, the feeling of being pressed against another person. He twined his fingers into Natsume's hair, toying with the damp strands that passed against his skin.
When they drew apart, Tanuma almost burst out laughing at Natsume's face. His skin had turned bright red, and there was a small trail of saliva trailing lewdly from his lips, which were wet and slightly swollen. His eyes were a bit unfocused, and fell on a spot over Tanuma's shoulder. "It caught the butterfly," he said in a hoarse whisper.
"Did it?" Tanuma reached out to brush the saliva away. "What's it doing with it?"
"Nuzzling it with his nose. An Eskimo kiss? And now letting it go." Natsume's look of confusion dispelled, replaced by a contented smile. "He just wanted to say hello to it because he though it was beautiful."
Tanuma watched as the butterfly fluttered away. "I'm glad you don't have any wings, Natsume."
"Do you think I would just leave, if I could?" He leaned into Tanuma, pressing his forehead against his shoulder. "I'm afraid. For me and for you. But I'm not going to run away. That's all it is."
"Then it's okay, then." Tanuma ruffled his hair. "And I still want to fill out those forms together. Could we?"
"We could." Natsume closed his eyes and smiled, all of his sad memories for once far away from him. "I think that might make me happy."
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A/N: Thanks for reading!