Title: Watch Out, Soldier (Daddy's Got a Shovel and He's Never Been Sane)
Category: Thor/Avengers
Genre: Humor/Drama/Family/Romance
Ship: Darcy/Steve, Darcy & Tony (family), Tony/Pepper
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 1,906
Summary: Tony is none too happy that his daughter is dating Captain America; cue the shovel talk. Steve has never been a coward and he's not going to start now.

Watch Out, Soldier (Daddy's Got a Shovel and He's Never Been Sane)
-1/1-

"I'm having a heart attack!" he exclaimed. "Everybody panic!"

Pepper turned, frowning at him. "I'm not sure that's possible…"

Sighing at her lack of drama, Tony rolled his eyes. "Fine, I'm having an arc-reactor attack."

She scoffed under her breath, lips twitching with a smile. "You are not. It's probably indigestion… Did you even eat today?"

"Now is not the time, Pep. We have a problem!" he declared, waving a dismissive hand at her concern. "One I might need you to be an accomplice in…"

She blinked at him. "Uh… huh… And this…" She waved a finger at him. "It doesn't have anything to do with finding out Darcy and Steve are dating, does it?"

"What?" He drew his head back and scoffed. "No! This has nothing to do with Captain America trying to defile my daughter!"

Her eyebrows rose slowly.

"I mean, I have no opinion on that. She told me I was not allowed to have an opinion on her social life, in part because mine was, quote, 'a train wreck that might have single-handedly made STD's mainstream…' Slightly hurtful, but not without merit." He shook his head. "So I don't think anything… Not about how they've been dating for a few weeks now, that Cap might have put his chivalrous paws all over my little girl, or that JARVIS has footage of her leaving his apartment as six o'clock this morning, disheveled and possibly wearing a man's shirt."

"Tony!" she exclaimed disapprovingly. "You can't tape Steve's apartment to see if he and Darcy are… are… sleeping together."

"It's a safety precaution. I have footage on everybody." He smirked then. "You want to know who's sneaking in and out of Natasha's air vents…" He wiggled his eyebrows.

She slapped at his chest with a folder. "You can't break Darcy's trust like this. You're lucky she even told you she and Steve were dating. I told her she should wait until she thought it was serious, but she—"

"You knew before me?" he interrupted.

She paused, turning her eyes away, mouth agape. "I…" She sighed. "I… might've happened upon them while they were… spending time… alone.. together…"

Tony blinked at her and then very carefully turned to face her, his eyes wide and searching hers. "Did you walk in on Captain America having his way with my daughter?"

Pepper flushed pink. "I-I… Not in so many… words. It was more of just a… a very… heated embrace."

"Were they wearing clothing?"

"Tony…" She shook her head, waving a hand. "I really don't think this is appropriate. I—"

He turned on his heel and walked away then, stalking right out of his shop and into the general populace of the building. He searched every face he passed, looking for anyone familiar, someone who might know where Red, White, and Blue was currently stationed. And then, rolling his eyes at himself, he demanded, "JARVIS, where is Rogers?"

"Captain Rogers is currently on the twenty-third floor, sir. He just finished a meeting with Agent Coulson and is now on his way to meet Miss Darcy for their dinner date."

Taking an abrupt right, Tony walked toward the elevator and climbed on; he didn't have to push a button as JARVIS understood his intentions and automatically took him down to the twenty-third floor. As the doors opened, Steve stood on the other side. He offered a nod toward the oddly subdued Tony before stepping onto the elevator and pushing the button for the main floor.

Tony didn't bother covering his obvious staring, arms crossed over his chest as he peered at the soldier, clean cut and serious. He was wearing one of his plaid shirts, pressed and unwrinkled, a pair of aviators hanging from the neck, and a brown leather jacket that made him look just a little less Leave it to Beaver. Tony understood the general appeal of him; he was apple pie America, whereas Tony was the booze and reality TV of modern America. They were bound to clash; he was sure he represented everything Steve didn't like about the world he'd been dethawed in.

Tired of his staring, Steve cut his eyes toward Tony, sighed, and then turned to meet him head on. "Was there something you needed to talk to me about?"

"JARVIS, emergency brake," he ordered.

The elevator very suddenly stopped, so much so that the two men inside were nearly rocked off their feet.

Frowning, Steve raised an eyebrow. "Are you going to explain why you—?"

"Are you sleeping with my daughter, Captain Rogers?"

He stuttered to a stop, not having expected that line of questioning.

Very seriously, Tony walked toward him, his head cocked slightly. "I'm not sure how much Darcy's told you about me, about my not being there for her like we both wanted…"

Steve tilted his chin stubbornly. "She explained that you gave up rights when she was a baby but watched over her from afar… That you deeply regretted not being a part of her life." His expressed softened to sympathy. "She's made it very clear that she respects and loves you."

Tony might have preened over that at any other time, but he merely filed it away for later. "Darcy took after her mother in a lot of respects. Smart, beautiful, terrible taste in men…"

Steve frowned.

"Unlike her mother, however, Darcy thinks more with her heart… She falls in love quick and she gets hurt just as fast." He took another step forward and stared up at the soldier. "So you can see how I might be worried about team dynamics if you date my daughter, sleep with my daughter, and then hurt…my. daughter."

"I don't plan on hurting Darcy.".

"Nobody plans to, Rogers. Things happen… People get frozen in the ice after saving the world from Nazi's, leaving their one true love behind." He laughed, circling away, his expression cutting. "They become superheroes and put everyone they care about as risk. They throw caution to the wind and sleep with a few fangirls, forgetting about the girl they have at home." He wagged a finger. "And Darcy… Darcy's the girl who trusts, she's loyal, she forgave her college boyfriend both times he cheated, that she knew about. She let her biological father into her life even knowing he's an alcoholic asshole who gave her up when she was three months old…"

Steve shuffled his feet, waiting his turn to rebut.

He stared him down. "So you can see how things don't go according to plan. Which is why…" He nodded. "You'll get it when I tell you that you can't be what Darcy needs. You can't be there where she needs you, you can't promise you won't hurt her…" He nodded, clasping his hands at his back. "You've only been together a few weeks, you can make up an excuse. Play the 'looking out for her' card. You're just the type of hero who makes the sacrifice play, remember?" He hummed approvingly. "She might ignore you for a while but eventually she'll forgive you…" He cleared his throat and stepped back, looking to the elevator doors. "Good chat, Cap. Glad we cleared some things up."

Grinding his teeth, Steve drew in a deep breath. "Nobody is ever going to be good enough for her in your eyes, Tony." He glared. "And if you knew me at all, you'd know that those things you talked about, those mistakes, they're not me… I won't cheat on her, I'll always try to be there, and if— If I ever thought she was in danger, I would do everything in my power to keep her safe." He stood a little taller. "I didn't lose the love of my life when I was frozen. I cared for Peggy and I missed her terribly, but… I love Darcy… I'm in love with her." He stared him in the eye as he said, "We've been together for a year and a half. After Pepper found out about us, we talked about it and decided to make it public…"

Tony's eyes shot wide. "Impossible," he argued. "There's no way you could've hidden a relationship from me that long. I know everybody's business. I'm nosy; it's one of many character defects."

Steve's mouth twitched with amusement. "Maybe you weren't as good at being nosy as you thought you were."

"I've made it into an art, Rogers. There's no way you snuck a relationship with my only daughter past me for over a year."

"I am an expert tactician," he reminded, his brow raised. "And your daughter is more like you than you think… Or at least knows you better you think."

Tony's mouth was agape as he gave it thought. "A year and a half?"

He nodded. "Give or take a few months."

"So asking you to break this thing off…?"

"You can ask, but it won't be happening," he said staunchly.

Tony frowned, turning his eyes away, brow furrowed. "Fine." Changing tactics, he looked at him once more. "You can date my daughter, woo her with your 40's good boy charm…" He waved a dismissive hand. "But just so we're clear…?" His brows hiked. "If you ever hurt her, I'll make you into Capsickle 2.0, and this time, not only will they not find you, they won't be able to dethaw you."

His jaw ticked, but he gave a short nod of understanding.

Finally, they both turned to face the doors and JARVIS turned off the emergency brake, allowing the elevator to descend smoothly.

Just before they reached the main floor, he asked, "Are you going to tell Darcy about this?"

Steve turned to look at him, a wry smile on his face. "I can fight my own battles…" He shook his head. "And I don't think you need any more working against you."

He shrugged. "So I accidentally blew up her iPod when I modified it last week… She should get over that."

He sighed, long and suffering. "It was three days ago and it singed her hair when it blew up."

"I heard that's fashionable these days. I was doing her a favor," he dismissed.

Exasperated but amused, Steve shook his head and stepped off the elevator, waving a hand back at his teammate in farewell.

As he started across the lobby, Tony hopped forward and held the door open. "Take care of her," he shouted, a thread of anxiety lacing his voice.

Steve stopped, turned back around, and nodded, his expression sincere.

Tony was surprised by the relief that flooded him. As he stepped back in, smoothing his hand down his shirt to find his composure, he let JARVIS close the elevator doors and return him back to the floor his shop was on, where he imagined Pepper was waiting for him, ready with a lecture.

Steve epitomized much of what Tony wasn't and so he should have been exactly the type of guy that he would want to date his daughter. But Cap had been right, nobody would ever really be good enough for Darcy. She was too important to him, too everything for anybody to be worthy of. Still… Steve Rogers wasn't the worst person he could pick. He had more morals than most. Tony would just have to see how things played out and, in the meantime, he could have a black-up plan in place.

"JARVIS?"

"Sir?"

"How is that freezing agent coming along?"

Author's Note: I'm not going to say this is definitely in my Darcy Stark series because I have an idea of how I'm going to introduce Darcy/Avenger to that 'verse that I think will be quite fun. Until I write it, however, I can't say that this completely fits with it. Still, this was written with those characters/backgrounds/histories in mind.