Wind buffeted her at all sides--seemingly strong enough to hold her up, letting her lean against a cushion of air until it betrayed her, pushing her down, making her fall, and then laughing at her, whistling in her ears, making her want to clap her hands over them. Clammy hands. Shaking hands. Cold and confused, emerald green glanced around hopelessly, wandering.
Where am I?
Who am I?
She hesitantly took a step forward, her short auburn hair momentarily blinding her as the wind whipped it around her face, only to end up falling flat on her face.
I can't walk. What's wrong with me?
She crawled. Wincing at the surface that could've been ice for all she cared, she pulled herself up slightly, crawling on her knees and elbows, her hands had already suffered from enough abuse. Her breath was harsh, ragged, pants that just weren't like her....
No, that wasn't right.
I don't know who I am. What can I say about myself that would make a difference?
Elbows came down, landing on air. Gasping, she backed up hurriedly, trying to calm down her accelerating heart that thumped even louder than the wind around her. Licking chapped lips, she nervously peeked over the edge of the building.
The Sakura trees are in bloom. Mama always said that I was as beautiful as the Sakura trees. I always thought Mama was as pretty as the sea. She was a lot more like the sea than I thought. Always so calm and quiet and beautiful, easy to love. Then, somehow, one thing would go wrong and she would become angry, whirling her winds around in a tempest, knocking ships down and sinking them to the sandy floor.
Sakura trees are lovely when they're in blossom. They look so gentle, and everybody loves them.
Sakura...
Maybe that is my name. Sakura.
Smiling dreamily, she hardly noticed when she slowly through the harsh concrete until she felt herself falling down with a thump, and warmth all around her. Her skin tingled, the air around her felt cold, even though she knew it was warm outside her own aura.
Gasps around her.
"No, we must stop--"
"How could she reach us, here?"
"No! Xiaolang, stop! Don't go!" A woman...her hair piled up in a bun on top of her head, eyes widened in shock and fear.
She looks like Mama when I first killed a Li.
Sakura's breath caught in her throat. No....
I didn't do it. It wasn't me. I didn't do it. Mama, please, believe me, I never did it! No! Noooo! Quiet sobs, hysterical screams, pleads, desperation as her beloved mother slowly shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes.
I never raised my daughter to kill a Li. The Li's don't lie. The mirror does not lie. It cannot lie. You killed him! You killed Clow's son!
"Nooooo! Mama! Mama!" she wailed, hands clawing the air desperately as she pleaded, begged. ("She's mad, there's no danger from her now..." "But still, you don't know what could happen, she's still powerful..." "What are you standing there prattling about for? Stop her!")
Mama...Mama...please...don't leave me....
I'm scared. Don't leave me. Please.
Her eyes widened as she looked more closely at the woman in front of her. In her hand was a fan, and before her, a glowing emblem rose into the air, locking itself around her...it looked so familiar.
No...
she's a Li.
I'm going to die.
Sakura raised her head, her eyes beseeching. How must she look to her--eyes red and puffy, her nose slightly swollen from crying, her dirty, tear-streaked face begging. The Li's were proud. They did not care for beggars. They had often told her not to be so kind to them--you never knew when they could turn around and stab you in the back.
To which she would point out that she and her mother had once been such people.
They would say, "Ah, yes, but we knew your mother from before. There was no doubt in our minds that she was good and her daughter would be the same." Then they would pat her on the head, and she would smile, pleased.
When they found...it...out, they just shook their heads sorrowfully. She knew they were thinking, We never should have trusted her. Her mother is good, but she was a beggar like all the rest.
I never did it. I never did it. She made me do it. I didn't want to do it. I would never have killed Xiaohu, never.
I loved him. I would never have killed him.
He never loved me. He always ignored me. He loved...Meihua.
Meihua was everything she was not. She had poise, she could fight skillfully, she was a girl that all the Elders thoroughly approved of. Not that the Elders didn't like her, Sakura, it was just that they thought she was a little too bumbly, a little too dense, a little too cheerful, trusting, naïve.
It didn't help that Xiaohu was to be the future Clan Leader.
A Clan Leader's wife had to be everything the Elders envisioned her to be. Everything Sakura was not.
Looking up, she saw the accusation in the woman's eyes. Hate and anger burned in those liquid brown orbs, accusing her, again, of something that she simply did not do.
"Please...I never did it...I would never have...have killed him. Please! I-I--" She couldn't see, a red haze flew up in front of her eyes. Familiar, a part of her, powerful--
No...NO! It'll kill them! No...I can't kill them. I swore-I swore I'd never kill another, especially not a Li.
"No...." She wasn't sure who said it, maybe it was herself, maybe it was them when they saw what she had transformed into, if only partially. But still, she tried, desperately to get it to listen to her, to obey that order.
It wouldn't listen to her. It never had.
No. Don't do this to me again. No, stop, stop!
A figure came before her eyes. Clothed in green with a sword in his hands, chestnut hair blowing in the gust of wind that had suddenly come upon his command. She smiled slightly...
He always did like a dramatic entrance.
Her breath suddenly caught in her throat.
Him.
Shrieking in delight, the red haze fully overtook her body, transforming her into a machine. A killing machine.
No. Not again. No, no, no. Run, please run. Oh, run....
I'll kill him. I'll kill him again if nobody stops me...
Nobody can stop you. Face it. Nobody can stop you but yourself.
They were face to face. His amber eyes were resolute, determined. Her heart broke, just looking into them. I didn't think they could break so many times...once when he denied me, twice when Mother left me, thrice when Touya ignored me...and now this.
No...I can do this. I won't kill him.
He looks too much like him for me to kill him.
I can stop. I know I can stop. Somehow, some way...
there has to be a way!
She was fighting him now. Magic crackled in the air, whipping at the two combatants, both of them never caving in. He swung his sword at her, she dodged easily. Their bodies moved in a dance, delightful to the untrained eye, deadly to the eye that knows that, no matter what:
one of them was going to die. If this kept up, one of them was going to die.
"I'll kill you."
He is not Xiaohu. Xiaohu was never like that. Xiaohu couldn't hurt a thing, he loved everything too much. This is not Xiaohu.
He tightened his grip at his sword, coming towards her.
Just stay still. Stay still and you'll win. Stay still and he'll kill you, but you'll still win. You'll finally win over that...thing...inside of you.
It doesn't even matter anymore what happens.
I'm tired.
Let me sleep.
We could rule the world...
No...I don't want it...all I want is him...
you and I, so much power when put together!
Just leave me alone. Let me sleep. I want to sleep.
Mother...
Sakura's brilliant green eyes overflowed with tears of joy as she looked behind the boy at a woman dressed in an emerald dress matching her eyes exactly smiled at her and gently swooped down, planting a kiss on her cheek.
Now is not the time for sleep, Sakura, she chided gently. Sleep, and then what will become of the Li Clan? You owe Xiaohu, you owe it to him to stay awake, and change what will happen.
Mama...don't leave me again.
I won't, dear. You can sleep after you've done your work, but not before. You know the rules.
Sakura smiled. Hai, Mama, I know the rules.
The rules...they were simple. If you owe somebody, pay them back in any way you can. No matter what.
Taking a deep breath, she faced the boy. Raising her arms in front of her, palms downward, fingers pointing straight ahead, she murmured softly the spell she had learned as a child...
"Lashi no kanere
isaga mareni kono
hanto ki san mi
miro ko sata..."
Seeing the boy being surrounded by pink lights--my aura; I don't think he likes pink, somehow, he's grimacing--she quickly grasped his hand, then wrapped the other around his neck, burying her face tightly against his chest. He stiffened.
We're off.
She smiled, almost giddily.
I'm going home.
Sooooooo...what do you think? Better than my other ones?
...have you read my other ones?
Ah, well, whatever....
By the way, those words up there? That spell? It's not in Japanese...^.^;;; I made it up. If it sounds like something in Japanese, then...whoops. It's not Japanese. If you thought it was, it isn't.
And also...I forgot the disclaimer....::sighs:: ANYWAY!!! ::coughs:: Cardcaptor Sakura does not belong to me, it belongs to CLAMP, a wonderful group of four ladies that have published many other magnificent works.
You see that blue button down there that says "go?" Click on it, and leave a review!
I'm also looking for a beta reader--someone who criticizes, not praises. If you think you're worthy, come along and HELP!! I need it. I think I can deal with up to...three? If that many people actually read, anyway.... ::grumbles slightly under breath::