A/N - I wrote this for the Writers Anonymous: Alternate Format Challenge. :) I'm going with epistolary style.
For this one, I'm playing with an interesting fan-theory on Savitar's true identity. Enjoy!
Also, this story is automatically assuming that season 3 will have a happy ending. It may not. But I like happy endings, so here this is...
.
Dear Iris,
I assumed you'd find this eventually. After all, you're only the smartest journalist in all of Central City. So, I'm leaving this note to explain what this is.
After we defeated Savitar and saved you, I went in search of answers to his identity, who he really was. That journey took me across space and time, and with the help of some friends, I located the frightening and heartbreaking truth in a series of letters in that other timeline. It's why I didn't tell you where I went. I knew you would have discouraged me. At any rate, I leave these letters here as a reminder, in the hopes that I can prevent myself from ever making such horrible mistakes as Savitar did.
I think I finally understand what you and Jay were trying to say when you guys told me that we speedsters aren't gods.
Love,
Barry
P.S. Yes, I know we're going to talk about this later...but for now...read on.. I know you're too curious not to. I made a note of the timelines and re-wrote the dates to make them more coherent.
Alternate Timeline 1
Date: 06/02/17
Dear Diary,
I miss her so much. I'm going crazy. I can't sleep anymore. I think I'm seeing things, dark creatures in the corner of my eyes - thought there was a Time Wraith yesterday, but there was nothing. Wouldn't have made sense, anyway. I haven't been able to run, not like I used to. Every day is harder than the last. Caitlin is gone. She turned into Killer Frost. Cisco will barely even talk to me. In fact, it's been a few days since I've seen him, too. At least Wally and Jesse are keeping us safe.
I told Iris. I told her there would be no Flash without Iris West. I wasn't lying.
I want to bring her home, but I cannot.
Barry.
Date: 06/29/17
Dear Iris,
The love of my life,
It's been a month, now. My therapist recommended I write to you, so I am. I guess I should be putting down my feelings, but I'll be honest...I just feel dead inside. Nothing else. There's nothing to tell. All I know is that when you left, you took the light with you. It's black here, now.
Barry.
Date: 07/10/17
Dear Iris,
The love of my life,
The other day, Wally took down a metahuman who could bring himself back to life, even after he fell into a vat of boiling chemicals in a factory. I ran some tests on him when he was locked away (I think they only let me because they were surprised I was interested in anything). Unfortunately, there was nothing conclusive as to why he is capable of doing this, only that his cells can regenerate perfectly, even from nothing.
I shouldn't even think about it, and I know you wouldn't want me to, but his ability is giving me some ideas. I'm going to do a lot of research this week.
Because no matter how hard it gets, I won't run back in time again.
You're always in my heart,
Barry.
Date: 07/11/17
Iris,
The love of my life,
God, I miss you so much. After the nothingness went away, it's been nothing but unending pain. The only thing that's keeping me going is this small, little hope that I'm holding onto, like a light in the night when you know there will be no sunrise. I can't bear to go on without you, but I must.
If I put all of my mind, heart, and soul to it, I know I can do this.
Give me strength,
Barry.
Date: 07/14/17
Therapist says I should be focusing on the future, not the past. Thing is, she doesn't realize that I am. I can never imagine a future without you, Iris, and we all know that the possibilities of science are limitless. They can regrow body parts now, and they talk of brain and body transplants being a very real possibility.
My idea isn't so far-fetched, really.
Date: 08/04/17
Iris, love of my life,
I finally decided to run again for the first time since the night you died. It felt better than I expected. I want to do more of it now. I'm actually a little surprised I can still tap into the Speed Force.
I miss you more than I can express.
Love you for eternity,
Barry
Date: 08/22/17
My beloved,
Guess I'm going to have to research medication for speedsters. I've started hearing a voice in my head and having vivid dreams of a mountain sanctuary, far from here. In my dreams, you're there. I wonder if the afterlife is real, and if that's where you are. If, on the off chance, it's you...please, give me a sign, a sign that this project will work.
Love,
Barry.
Date: 08/23/17
Iris,
The voice is getting louder. It's not so bad, though. I think it's me. He likes to talk about you. Says you are in the sanctuary, safe and sound. He's very optimistic. He believes the project has potential to be a success.
The upside? I don't need any medicine for optimism and hope. It's actually helping to keep me going. I think I'm starting to feel a little happy, too.
Date: 11/23/17
Dear Diary,
I know I would normally write to Iris here, but I have no need. She's been speaking to me, too. She told me about the sanctuary, about the Philosopher's Stone. I did some research.
I quit scheduling visits with the therapist. Haven't been to S.T.A.R. Labs as much. Wally tried to come by the house the other day. Told him I was busy with work stuff.
This is not their business.
I will bring Iris West home.
Barry.
Date: 01/10/18
Dear Diary,
The new year is looking up even more. I've located the Philosopher's Stone. It's in that mountain sanctuary/temple thing. Of course, she was trying to tell me all along, and I just didn't realize it. I'm going to run back in time to get it. It's in the past. The past is the key to the future.
And there's no worry. She told me that removing the stone from that time period would have no significant effect on the future, so no timeline disruptions.
More importantly, it won't be long before I'll be able to bring her home.
...
I returned. I have the stone! There was a man there. He saw my speed, called me Savitar. He bowed.
Funny.
Oh well. Time to get to work.
...
I opened the box. The stone is beautiful. Without flaw. Perfect. I hear Iris all the time, and she's happy. I'm happy.
I can never forget her.
Date: 04/13/18
Nothing is working. I was wrong. The me in my head was wrong. Now Iris is gone. I can't hear her anymore. I tried everything. I ran every test. I have done nothing but try and unlock the stone's potential. It has let me run impossibly fast, so fast, in fact, that I can travel through time and dimensions without blinking an eye...but beyond that...nothing. No life giving trick. Nothing.
Savitar. That man from the past called me a god.
What kind of a god can't renew life that has been lost, though?
The people here, I see the way they've been looking at me. One of them tried to get me to return to the mental clinic. I had to laugh. I'm fine. But I think they're going to be impossible to stay around. I should probably leave soon (and take some of the equipment from STAR Laboratories while I'm at it). Besides, I need some time to figure out how to bring Iris back.
There is a way. I know I can do it.
She can't be wrong. She told me I could be with her forever. She told me I would never lose her.
Date: Unknown
Savitar. Savitar. Savitar.
God of Speed.
...
I can't believe how her death still hurts so much.
Date: 04/30/18
I've found that the Philosopher's Stone has some rather interesting effects on different individuals. It can even grant powers to those who have none. After running a few tests, I've concluded that it is a conduit for channeling dark matter and energy, which bends reality and space-time. It seems alien in nature. Like a piece of technology far advanced when compared to our own.
If only I knew how to use its full potential.
I did a brain-scan, and it appears to have altered some of MY chemistry, as well. Interesting. It must be how I am able to run so much faster, now.
Date: Unknown
Savitar, the God of Speed.
Innate, the need to lead,
Perfection defeat inadequacy
Better to face the light than be left in darkness forever
I won't give in, never
She needed me
She relied on me
She loved me
But...
I failed her
I betrayed her
I tried to lift her up, but I dropped her instead.
Forgive me, because I will fix this. I always do fix it. When I put my mind to it, I will always succeed.
I KNOW I CAN BRING YOU HOME. NO ONE CAN SAY OTHERWISE!
Date: 5/05/18
I'm going to take some time off. I'm leaving Central City today. They tried to tell me my name is Barry Allen. But I know better. They want to deceive me, these people. They are not true disciples.
I'm Savitar.
I am a god.
Date: 09/17/18
Dear Iris,
The love of my life,
I wish you would talk to me again. I miss your voice. I've created a new armor out of the strongest alloys known to man. Had to steal it, but it should have been mine, anyway. I know you would agree. I digress. It's a major improvement to my friction proof suit. I wonder why I didn't think of this sooner. Would've saved me some trouble. Maybe I could have even saved you.
Unfortunately, my goals have met with some rather irritating roadblocks. I have concluded that I cannot bring you back. Not by myself, anyway.
I will make every last human on this planet recognize me as God, then, I will finally have the power to restore you.
Love always,
Savitar
Date: 11/03/18
These fools. They thought they could resist, but they couldn't. The acolytes are blessed with the powers of the Philosopher's Stone. Those who oppose me have them stripped away, are humiliated, then destroyed. No one will ever defy my will. There is too much work to be done for them to waste time, to hesitate to kneel, for them to not give their all to me.
Today was glorious, though. After the demonstration was complete, the entire city knelt, trembling in awe, respect, basking in my glory.
Never again will this country defy me.
Time to see to the world's submission, now.
Date: 12/25/18
Dear Iris
I succeeded by Christmas in bringing this world to its knees. Who could have thought? There are pockets of resistance, of course, but no one can stand up to me. No one. They never see me coming. Most of them can't even see me, now, I vibrate at such a high resonance. I am definitely God. After all, isn't He supposedly invisible to the simple-minded? And even if I'm not God, does it really matter? All that matters is if the people in the room in which you stand believe you are, and have no power to say otherwise.
Most importantly, though, after all this hard work, there will be a way to bring you back.
With the might of their belief, with my own powers, and the powers of every metahuman, I can make this work.
You will come home, Iris.
Love,
Savitar.
Date: 01/01/19
Dear Love, Iris,
Another setback. And on the New Year, no less. An unfortunate omen.
I had no idea of the insurrection building within my own ranks. I should have, though. I thought I was beyond such simple mistakes by now. Apparently not. Some of those people from before have infiltrated the ranks of the pure. They are good at this fight. They had turned some of the top disciples with their poisonous lies. Execution was swift and just.
They will no longer doubt that I am God.
Not much longer now, I'm sure, I'm going to hold the ritual soon. With the power of their belief, the disciple's ACTUAL powers, and the Philosopher's Stone, I WILL resurrect you, Iris West.
Love always,
Savitar,
Date: Unknown
(Note - this message was originally scrawled on the wall of a power-dampening cell. I copied it to paper.)
...
Betrayal.
They have turned against me. But this puny cell cannot hold me forever, even if it has cut off my connection to the Speed Force. I am Savitar. I will find a way.
I will bring her home.
.
Date: 11/06/2058
(Note - I found no messages between this year and 2019)
Dear Iris,
My love,
I have no idea where to start. It's been so long since I've written down my thoughts...but now seems a good time for one last letter. A bit of irony and nostalgia, one might say.
Anyway, everything I did as Savitar - it is impossible to accept. I'm never going to be whole. At least they tried, my good friends. They fought to bring me back, to save me from what I was. They've mended my mind, mostly...but my heart, my pride, and my soul are all broken.
And this life is hell.
Now, I prepare to do the one thing I swore I'd never do - alter the timeline again. I'm leaving a message for Captain Rip Hunter in the temporal zone in case this goes bad - worse than before, I mean. I'm going back, and I'm locking Savitar away in the Speed Force, forever. I know that this will prevent me from healing, but at least the people of Earth will never have suffered his wrath. After all, he was a creation of Flashpoint. I owe it to them...and, to myself.
Give me strength. I know that I may never see you again. Perhaps I will live forever in the Speed Force, raving mad, but it's a fate deserved.
I hope there is an afterlife, and I hope you are there in it, because even after everything, nothing hurts worse than your absence from my life. I will always love you, across space and time, and no matter what happens...
I will always be yours,
Barry.
Timeline Unknown
Date: Unknown
(Note - I found this message in the Speed Force.)
Dear Iris,
Love of my life,
My soon to be Queen and Goddess
Why is it that I am my own worst enemy?
I met myself, from the future. He was powerful, but...not me. He was not Savitar. He called himself the Flash. He said he had come to stop me. We fought. He won by stealing the Philosopher's Stone and gaining even greater power. And he locked me away in the Speed Force, in eternity itself. He took the stone with him, the key to my escape.
But, never doubt me. I'm coming back. Even I cannot stop myself for good. I've finally realized what I need to do. I cannot defeat the Flash. Not he who locked me in here, anyway. I must go back, to when he is weaker, younger. I'll manipulate him into bringing the stone back to me, so I can escape. And when I do, you'll be there. Don't worry, my love, I will bring you home before you can die. By taking your life, personally, I can bring your soul to the Speed Force and resurrect you here. This is what I wanted, and what you would have wanted. Together, I will be God, and King of the Speed Force, and you shall be my Queen. The stone will make us equals in power. No one will stop us, when the time comes. We will show this world that our love is eternal, just as the Speed Force is, and that no one can defy God and Goddess.
Forever yours,
Savitar, the God of Speed.
.
Current Timeline
Date: 06/02/17
(Note - this was written after I returned from my discovery of Savitar's identity...by me, here and now...)
Dear Iris,
My Love,
I'm looking forward to my return to Central City. It's been interesting, this case I'm following, but I miss you and the team. I know it's silly to write a letter, when I could just send a text or call, but it seemed, I don't know, sentimental, I guess. It felt like the right way to say this, at least. Anyway, after everything with Savitar, I just want you to know that nothing I can say or do would ever express what you mean to me. There is no Flash without Iris West. I feel nothing but joy that we saved you...and we even saved Caitlin. We stopped that prophecy from coming true.
Everyone's happy again. Well, close to it. I couldn't fix all of the problems caused by Flashpoint, but at least we have them under control now. For once, everything is going smoothly. I wonder how long that will last? Still, if I've learned anything, it's that things will always get better.
And that belief coupled with your love will always see me through the darkest nights.
Can't wait to get home and fall into your arms.
Love,
Barry Allen.