Title- Relief.
Characters- Mainly Finn, but appearances from Rachel, Quinn, and Puck.
Summary- Finn's immediate reaction after Rachel breaks the news to him about Baby Drizzle's parentage.
Disclaimer- No, I do not own Glee.
Warning- One use of the 'F' word. Sorry.
He wasn't the father.
He wasn't going to have to be the father.
Rachel had said something about some disease that you can only get if you're Jewish or something. Finn didn't really get that part. I mean how could a religion give you a disease?
Anyway the important thing was that if 2 people were having a baby and one of them was Jewish then there was this thing you should get the doctors to test for. That's what Rachel had told Quinn anyway.
Nothing to worry about though right? I mean Finn wasn't Jewish, Finn didn't really consider himself to be much of anything, but he certainly wasn't Jewish.
As for Quinn. She was the poster girl for non-Jewishness, being best friends with Jesus and all. So, again, nothing to worry about.
Only Quinn was worried. Really worried. Worried enough to have a "serious tete a tetes" with Puck, according to Rachel. Tetes a tetes?? Rachel was hard enough to understand in English let alone European. His confusion must have been easy to see, because Rachel explained that Quinn and Puck had what looked like a tension filled heart to heart.
Quinn and Puck.
Puck. His best friend. His best friend who happened to be Jewish.
Rachel was looking at him. Seeing if Finn was catching up with what she was telling him.
He was catching up. Well from the rage he was feeling he guessed he was all caught up thank you very much. He was gonna punch something!
He was gonna punch someone.
Before he started crying, he was gonna punch someone.
But wait. Wait wait wait. Puck and Quinn? Really?
"Are you sure Rach?" he choked out.
Rachel looked up at him through half closed eyelids.
"I'm pretty sure Finn" Off his look she continued softly and almost reluctantly "I wouldn't have told you if I wasn't sure. I wouldn't do that to you."
Finn nodded to himself. But wait a minute. How would Quinn know for sure who was the father?
Hottub.
God you are so stupid!
Finn had been surprised when Quinn had announced her pregnancy. Cos, well, they hadn't had sex! Then she had explained about hottubs, and breeding grounds, and million to one shots, and Finn had had to believe. Because what was the alternative? Quinn was his girlfriend, and Quinn was pregnant, so Finn was gonna be a dad.
Stupid stupid stupid.
She knew you'd believe it. Not only had he confirmed himself as the idiot he'd always known he was. Not only had his girlfriend cheated on him. With his best friend! But she'd known that he would be stupid enough to believe her lies.
That's how much she thought of him.
Finn's so dumb he'll believe he got me pregnant without us having sex. He really is that big of a moron.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself dumbass. She was right wasn't she? You bought it hook line and sinker. You got yourself a job. Let's not forget you couldn't even get a regular job idiot. You had to pretend to be in a wheelchair and get Rachel Berry to threaten them into hiring you.
Then you handed money over to Quinn for her medical bills. For baby "Not!Drizzle."
She lied to you and she used you and she counted on you being really really stupid.
And she made you make your mom cry.
Your mom worry.
Your mom stay up till 2am where you could hear her next door crying 'cos she couldn't sleep from worrying.
And you'll never forgive her for that. Never.
You'll never forgive him for it either.
Rachel's watching you with concerned eyes. Ready to comfort you, to listen to you, to be there for you.
But all you feel is anger.
You're turning away from Rachel, and the comfort she could bring, the new start she could offer.
You're turning towards the rehearsal room where you know they are.
You're running.
You hate Quinn so much.
But you find yourself hitting him.
Over and over and over again.
You're not feeling any better though. With every punch you're feeling worse. And you know you're close to crying.
Punch.
Don't cry.
Punch.
Whatever you do don't cry.
You wish you'd stayed in the hall with Rachel. If there was one wish that you could be granted.
Right here. Right now. If there was one wish you could be granted it wouldn't be to have never met Quinn. It wouldn't be never to have met Puck. It wouldn't be to erase all the lies of the past month. God help you, it wouldn't be to erase all the tears your mom wept.
Your wish would be selfish.
You would wish that you'd stayed in the hall with Rachel.
Because she would have fixed you.
Even as you think it you know it's stupid. Just one more stupid idea from a never ending line of stupid ideas from Finn Hudson. But you really want to believe she could have fixed you. Saved you from feeling this. Saved the tears that were about to fall from falling. Cos she was Rachel Berry and if she couldn't fix you who could? Who would want to?
But no. Instead you ran to them.
Stupid.
And now you're hitting him.
And would somebody for the love of God please stop you before you really hurt him.
It's Noah for God's sake. You're going to kill Noah.
Then you feel hands pulling you back and you still want to cry but this time it's out of relief.
You hear yourself shouting, and Puck shouting, and Mr Schue shouting, and it sounds so wrong. In this room where you're happier than anywhere else. Where songs and music and laughter, and yes, even love fill the air. Now there is only shouting and you wonder if it will ever feel like it was before.
But you think it probably won't. Because now to go with the shouting, you hear the crying.
Quinn's crying but you don't hear her, you only see the tears on her face, and you can't bring yourself to care. Not even a little.
But you hear Rachel crying, and it breaks you because she looks terrified. And because you know, somewhere deep inside yourself where you don't like to look, that it's not the first time. Not the first time you've made her cry, and probably not even the second, and now you're doing it again.
But the thought hurts too much so you go back to the anger.
You demand the truth.
Quinn tearfully delivers it.
Only Mr Schue and Ms P look shocked.
You realize they all knew.
You always were the last to catch on. Last to write joined up. Last to understand fractions. Last to know your girlfriend didn't love you and your best friend didn't love you.
"But did you love them?" a voice inside your head whispers.
But you don't listen because you're done with them and you're done with glee and you're done with everything.
You're just done. So you leave. Not a Rachel Berry worthy storm out granted but what you lack in style you make up for with dramatic impact.
As you half walk, half jog, out of school, you try to hold onto the anger cos with it comes this feeling of righteousness( and that right there only shows how much you tried to be the boy Quinn wanted you to be you tell yourself).
But the anger isn't strong enough because it's never been your strong point.
Guilt takes over.
You've always been good at that. You and Noah both. Cos yeah you may be dumb, and Noah's not that much better, but you're both smart enough to know that the both of you are weights tied around your moms necks and that any possibilities you have are ones you stole from them.
So guilt's there. Guilt's there but it's not alone.
Guilt's there because what you're feeling feels an awful lot like relief.
You're not gonna be a dad. At least not anytime soon.
And, really. What do you do with that?
Thank you Quinn. Thank you Puck. Thank you for not caring enough about me. Thank you for cheating on me Quinn. Thank you for not having my back Puck.
But most of all.
Thank you for fucking up a couple of months of High School for me.
But not the rest of my life.
And where is the righteousness if all you feel is relief?
And where do you go from here?