Authors Note: This is my very first fanfic, so please be kind. All reviews are greatly appreciated and will be taken seriously. I greatly appreciate any and all feedback. Thanks for reading.
Jack had spent the last year running. Not towards anything, not with any particular goal in mind, quite the opposite in fact. He was running away. Away from Cardiff, away from planet Earth, away from all of the memories and reminders. His daughter, his own flesh and blood, hated him. He hated himself too, so he couldnt really blame her, but still, some part of him did. He wished she would understand, forgive him, thinking somehow that would make the better. He knew he was kidding himself. Nothing could make this better. He spent every night getting as drunk as he possibly could. Sometimes he would take comfort in, well, anything really. He was always too drunk to care. Most of the time he just crashed drunkenly in the alley nearest to whatever pub he was at that night. And every night, not matter where he was, or who, or what, he was with, he had the same nightmare, and every morning he awoke in a sweat, calling out that name. He wished he could die. He constantly started bar fights or went chasing trouble, hoping once, just once, someone might actually kill him. But that never happened. Every time someone killed him, he came back, screaming his way back to life. And every time he came back, he had the briefest moment where the thought he could feel that man holding him. The Captain couldnt even bring himself to think that name anymore. It just hurt too much. Every morning when he heard himself saying it, he broke down crying. He was a mess, a complete disaster. He had run into the Doctor once, on some planet or other, at some pub or other, and even the Doctor had seemed concerned for him, and tried to ease his pain by introducing him to new man. It didnt work, Alonso kept the immortal company for about a week, before even he had found the older mans grief too much to bear. Everything just kept getting steadily worse, it was al spiraling out of control, and Jack had no idea how to stop it. Nothing was right; this just wasnt the way the universe was supposed to be. In his opinion, the whole universe should have stopped revolving the momentthat man, died. But it didnt. So he would carry on, as best he could. Which wasnt very well.
This morning was just like every other morning. He awoke, screaming that name, from the same nightmare that awoke him every morning. The nightmare where he killed that man, where he was the one responsible for his death. Where he was responsible for lots of peoples death. And then, as always, he had the horrible realization that it wasnt a dream. That he was responsible for that mans death, and so many, many others. As he came back to harsh reality he got up and wiped off the filth he had accumulated from sleeping in the alley, being extra sure to keep his RAF coat clean. He always did, because he knew how muchthat other man, loved his coat. He stumbled out of the alley, still slightly hung over, and looked around, trying to remember where he was. Then it came to him. He was back on earth. In Cardiff. Of all places! The cargo ship he had hitched a ride with had, for some reason, stopped on earth. And he had gotten off. Now he was wondering why in the world he had gotten off. He didnt want to be here, he wanted to be anywhere but here, as far across the galaxy, the universe, as he could go. He needed a way off this sad little hunk of rock, now. He scanned the solar system with his wrist strap. There was nothing. Bullocks. Finally, after stewing and lamenting his situation for a very long time, he decided to go see Gwen. It had been awhile, and she probably had had her baby by now. So, grudgingly, he headed towards her flat. As he was walking he bumped into several people by accident before deciding he should probably actually look at where he was going. As he did, he saw a man in a very familiar looking suit walking across the street. Deciding to take a chance, he started following the guy. After several blocks the man that Jack was following glanced behind him. Jack almost broke down. It wasnt him. He didnt know what he expected, he knew the man hethat man, was dead. As he knelt on the sidewalk, trying to gather up the courage to go on, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He glanced around quickly then looked up into a pair of very family stormy blue eyes, before losing consciousness.
This time he awoke with a start, not from a nightmare, but from the memory of what had happened. Surely he was mistakenbut, those eyes No, it couldnt be! He looked around. He was lying on a couch in a small flat. The TV was turned to some boring news channel or other, and he could hear the hiss of water boiling in the kitchen, which must be behind the wall. He could also hear someone doing something in the kitchen, it sounded like dishes clattering, probably someone fixing the tea or coffee. But who? The noses stopped and Jack could hear the person coming out. He looked, and sawno, it couldnt behe saw Ianto!!! Carrying a tray with a couple of cups and a pitcher on it. Jack could feel himself staring, with his mouth hanging open, but he couldnt help it. It was Ianto!! He was supposed to dead! But he was here! Standing right in front of him! Alive! But Jack felt frozen, unable to move or even form a coherent thought. He was afraid that if he did or said anything that this all might vanish, that it might be a dream or some elaborate form of torture.
Then Ianto came to the couch and sat the tray on the table, then sat down slowly on the couch beside Jack. After handing Jack a cup of coffee and taking one for himself, all without looking at Jack, he finally took a deep breath and turned to face Jack, giving him the unsure little half-smile that always made Jack just want to hug him and make everything better. Jack couldnt think of how to respond, so he just took a sip from his cup, and then jerked his head up to look at Ianto, a shocked expression on his face. Iantos smiled turned into a full one, the kind that made both his ears lift up a little bit. Jack hadnt seen that smile in so long. After what seemed like a millennium but in actuality was probably only a few minutes, Jack managed to whisper, so quietly he wasnt even sure he had said it out loud, Ianto?
Yes Jack, its me. The man responded in his gorgeous Welsh accent.
But, how? was all Jack managed to stutter out. He couldnt believe it, this wasnt real, this man was supposed to be dead! He just couldnt wrap his mind around it, and that was saying something.
Well, its complicated. Basically, when you kissed me, right after I died, Ianto saw Jack wince, but continued, some of your immortality was transferred to me. I dont know how, or why, but thats the best we can figure. After you took off, Gwen put me into cryo-freeze, not for any logical reason, just because it was difficult for her to let go. Then, when you came back 6 months later and abruptly left again, which I think was incredibly rude by the way, you shouldve just stayed gone and not make Gwen go through all that. Anyways, after you left again Gwen had me defrosted, because she was lonely and I was the only one left, so to speak. Right before they were about to freeze me again there was a blip on the monitor. Gwen wouldnt let them refreeze me, even though they all told her it was just a fluke. She stayed by my side for days, not letting anyone take me away. You know how stubborn Gwen can be. Over that time the blips got stronger and more regular. After about a week I woke back up, I came back to life, just like we saw you do so many times. I dont think I fully understand what you have to go through every time you die until after that experience. So Gwen and Rhys took me in and took care of me. It took me over a month to be able to take care of myself, it was just hard to deal with reality again. Anyway, in that time Gwen had her baby, a beautiful little girl that she named after Toshiko. Once I was back on my feet Gwen and I started trying to figure out what had happened. After another month or so she went back to the police force because she couldnt stand just sitting around, and I kinda became Toshikos nanny. Its not perfect, but its not a bad living, and I found out Rhys and I have a lot in common. Ianto stopped talking and just let Jack absorb it all in.
Jack took several deep breaths. He could feel Iantos eyes on him but could not bring himself to look at the younger man. Finally he looked up and their eyes locked. They held the gaze for several moments, while Jack continued to process. This was real! Ianto was really here, alive, with him! He hadnt killed hishe hadnt killed Ianto! When the shock and relief started to wear off other thoughts started to find their way in. Like, why was he just sitting here when the man he had been mourning over for the past year was right beside him? At that thought Jack abruptly leaned over and planted a not-so-chaste kiss on Iantos lips. The Captain felt Iantos shock, then felt him relax into the kiss and then start to kiss Jack back, hard. Jacks last coherent thought was All is right with the universe.