Mr. Uzumaki's Maid Dragon「渦巻さんちのメイドラゴン」

Chapter One: Introduction (Which is Quite Troublesome)

Hi everyone.

Uzumaki Naruto here.

Other people call me Uzumaki, or Fishcake, or Nathaniel, or Nicolas, or Menma, or Blondie, or Hokage-sama, or even just plain ole' Naruto.

Yeah, I went by a lot of names after the number of years I've lived on this planet.

Gets kinda boring after a while – I think I lost count after two-thousand-and-five-hundred years – but that's what you get for being an immortal supernatural ninja badass who was only trying to save the world and all that.

Right, so if it wasn't so clear before, I am the same Uzumaki Naruto from the time and era of Ninjas and Samurais and super powerful humans who can spew fire from their mouths.

The very one.

Now see here, I may be immortal, but I'm still human.

I think.

Speaking of immortal, you may be wondering just how I got my immortality, right?

Eheheh, funny story, actually. To be honest, I wasn't exactly trying to get this immortality, but life just apparently enjoys fucking me in the face.

And not the pussy-licking or sixty-nine-ing kind of fucking me in the face.

But the kind where you find out that the she was actually a he and a dick suddenly whacks you in the face kind of fucking me in the face.

No homo by the way.

Anyway, the circumstance that led me to my immortality was kind of fucked up, and by all means wasn't an intentional one either. In fact, it's the kind where you just got no choice but to take it, ya know? Kinda like how Arthur was a girl instead, but she just had to grab the sword in the stone 'cause it was her destiny and shit, and had to masquerade as a guy for how many years?

Yeesh.

Poor girl.

So yeah, as I was saying. What lead me to what I am now is complicated.

Like, really complicated.

So complicated, in fact that I just don't wanna tell ya.

Seriously though, I don't wanna tell ya.

I don't.

Ah, but what led me to just talk to you folks all of a sudden during this bright sunny day with no clouds whatsoever?

Well-…

"Uzumaki-san, dinner's ready!"

Turning around, I took a look at my fellow blond maid who was cooking dinner for us and my other housemate. With horns sticking out of the side of her head and a big fat reptilian tail falling out of her rum (Please don't tell her I said that, she'll cry the entire day and try to make me eat it! Gross! I've had reptilian tail before, and let me tell you: disgusting!) as if she was cosplaying some sort of cosplay of some shit.

With yellow and red central heterochromia eyes – those are the kind where the eyes are dual colored rather than two separate eyes being different colored, by the way – and a bubbly smile on her face, the girl cheered as red smoke emitted from the pot. Which is worrisome, I have to add.

By the way, her face isn't the only thing that's bubbly.

Just sayin'.

The girl lifted the pot of smoking food.

"Today we're having porridge!"

"Alright, be right there…"

Replying back the usual way I do, I nudged at the little ball of electric doom that rested her head on my lap.

"Kanna-chan, time to eat."

Opening her blue eyes, the violet-head yawned cutely – I swear I keep seeing floating hearts and bubbles every time she does something cute and adorable – and sniffed the air.

"Ooh. Tohru-sama, is that the super duper lava crunchy porridge of horrible explosion?"

Who the fuck makes up these kinds of names?

Seriously! And I thought my dad was bad at naming stuff!

My fellow blonde nodded happily and said, "Yup! With just a little bit a spice so to not make it too spicy for you, Kanna-chan!"

Nodding, the adorable little girl hopped off of my lap and couch and headed for the dining table.

Sighing to myself, I stood up and walked towards the dining table, stepping over the wagging tails of the two dragons next to me.

… What?

Oh right!

Recently, I got visited by dragons from another dimension! How surprising is that!?

I mean, after being subjugated into war, the end of the world being neigh, some evil god tree or whatever threatening to end all human race and two maniacs hell bent on ruling the entire world… not to mention a super-hot goddess who will stop at nothing but to enslave all of humanity, you'd think I'd be used to this kind of shit.

But nope.

For the first time in a 1000 years or so, I got the biggest surprise in my life.

Dragons.

Motherfucking dragons.

And to make it even more surprising, one dragon is actually in love with me!

How crazy is that!?

I mean, sure I'm like this super handsome, all-powerful, ramen-loving, and charismatic sort of guy and shit and can attract all kinds of girls towards me with just a sigh and is like, super good in bed, but to get a dragon to fall for me?

That's… that's like a new record, ain't it?

Anyway, I'm getting off track, so let me get back on it while I eat this super suspicious, bubbling red porridge of doom.

Sigh, takes me back to the good ole' days with the Curry of Life…

So as I'm trying to drink ice cold water to cool my tongue, let me get to how I met these two lovely dragons from another dimension with the power to wipe out humanity in like, a few days I think.

Let me see…

I think it was on a normal, cloudless, sunny day…

A Thursday, I think…

Oh, by the way, this might be the last time I'll be talking in first person. The rest of the story might be in third person, but who knows? The author of this story has many stuff to think about, what with his other stories and such.

The title of this story is also under works right now, so please, bear with it.

Either way, let's rewind back to a couple weeks back, shall we?

No scheduled updates for this story.
Will be updating as I feel like it.

Also, first ever Kobayashi-san Chi no Maid Dragon crossover!