Hey I made a new Fanfic about Naruto because reasons. TRIGGER WARNINGS SUICIDE, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, BLOOD, GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF WAR, RAPE, AND TORTURE. You have been warned. Also this is a bullshit crack story where my character has the magic powers to persuade just about anyone to be friends like Naruto. Enjoy~ DISCLAIMER: KISHIMOTO OWNS ALL NARUTO CHARACTERS I JUST LIKE TORTURING THEM YAY PSYCHOANALYSIS
The funny thing about living is that no matter how hard one tries, they will always die in the end. Some people live like there about to die and some live like their already dead. I wish I could say that I was one of those who lived their life happily instead of forcing themselves to lie to the world with a smile. I don't want this life to be a lie.
...(^-^)...
Oh yeah that's right I died, didn't I tell you? Well it wasn't pleasant, but suicide never is. I pulled a Shisui, funny name 'death water' oh the irony, I jumped off a cliff near my home town and drowned. On purpose of course. I used to think I did it because I was bored but really it was because I was so immensely broken that I couldn't bear to even function anymore. But enough of that, let me tell you what it was like to be a fetus.
Warm, so warm like you could feel the love of your mother wrapped around you, almost visible to your developing eyes. Really it feels so good and now I know why babies cry when they are ripped from that wonderful place. I cried, long and loud. I came out kicking and screaming because it was cold and I was so scared. I had no idea what was happening. Even though I had a long 3 months to figure it out I don't think it really clicked until I was out of the womb.
One of the first things I hear is a woman screaming and fucking giants cooing all too close to my fucking face. It was the equivalent of your annoying flat mate banging slamming all the cabinet doors open at 4am on a Saturday. I can't even see yet so my eye lids are basically glued shut and scared the piss out of me, literally. The next thing I try is weakly trying to grab hold of anything near me so that the goddamn giant that were carrying me around don't drop me. Then I get jostled as giant number 1 places me into a pair of ripped as fuck arms which were also hard as fuck. My squishy little baby brain was not appreciating the iron bars it had been placed on. Oddly enough though the smell of the person seemed really familiar like when I was in the womb. It smelled like ashes and pear blossoms, which was a super weird combination. Next thing you know I'm suckling a boob and ready to pass the fuck out.
...(^-^)...
The funny thing about being a baby is time. Like it passes really frikin fast, like a bullet train. On second you could be in one person's arms and the next you could be in a crib. Really fucking weird. Also your vocal cords are not developed at all so the best you can do is swear in your head and make screeching sounds. Like imagine being 3 weeks old and trying to do anything other than make screeching sounds. You literally cannot. Anyway, after a little while I can finally open my eyes and what's the fucking first thing I see? A giant ass human with the prettiest damn black eyes I have ever seen. Like they reflect everything and are they sparkling?
Apparently this is my mother. She has long swaying, blue-black hair down to her butt and pretty black eyes that I can swear turn red sometimes but might only be a trick of the light, and she's fucking insane. Also she's apparently Mikoto Uchiha, as in the matriarch of the Uchiha clan aka Susanoo-no-Mikoto. And even if I wasn't a complete Narutotard if the uchiwa literally everywhere didn't clue me in then everyone's favorite red head Kushina motherfuckin Uzumaki did. Seriously I woke up one day and all I see is red hair and violet eyes full of sparkles and I actually shit myself because I am a baby after all. Anyway that's how I learned that Kushina is my godmother and apparently I am an acceptable brat because I tried to bean her in the face with my favorite stuffed snake toy upon waking up.
That's beside the point my mother is literally insane. She left a kunai in reach of my crib, used kanton to light a fire like 5 feet from where I was playing, and practiced shuriken-jutsu while leaving me alone for hours. Also the Japanese language is bullshit. There are so many different meanings for one word its hard to know what the hell they are even talking about.
Although to be fair my first few weeks are spent shitting, eating, and a fuck ton of sleeping. I'm a fucking baby after all, it's what we do. This is how I spend my next year, I eat, play with Orochi-chan my favorite stuffed snake, sleep, attempt to learn Japanese in my waking hours, play with Kushina's hair, and try not to get killed again by my crazy mom. Yeah you heard that right, I named my stuffed snake Orochi-chan. Did you know Orochimaru is still in Konoha? I feel bad for the guy I mean it's pretty much canon that he was ordered by Danzo to do those tests and he is the only loyal Sannin still in Konoha. His teammates abandoned him first and I really love the fact that he is into science. Like the dude almost singlehandedly brought about the frikin scientific revolution so yeah I like him a little bit. And as soon as I can take more than a few wobbly steps I am so seeking him out to be science bros, the Uchiha can suck a fat one. Well most Uchiha anyway, Mikoto is cool and so is Fugu-face, that's what I call my new dad. I think this life is already shaping up to be more fun than my last one. Now, I think I'm going to take a nap and plot… Well what did you expect! Of course I'm going to change the plot for my name is Seika Uchiha and Kisimoto can go suck a big one because I'm in charge now!
HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE IT! PLEASE REVIEW I REALLY REALLY WANT TO KNOW HOW I'M DOING!