Logan Mitchell was eight years old when he first crossed paths with James Diamond. James was silhouetted against the blue sky in perfect clarity, arms held out straight and looking like a god holding court over his worshipers from a mountaintop. His mountain was a set of monkey bars, though, and there was no one to behold his beauty except Logan himself, who stood under a nearby tree unable to look away.
Then suddenly the boy took a tumble from the equipment, falling headfirst onto the grass below, and Logan immediately rushed over to kneel next to the prone body. "Are you hurt? Need CPR?"
The boy looked up in surprise, trying to focus on the voice but the fall had knocked his head around a bit. "CPR?"
"Yeah. Are you breathing?"
"I...think so?"
"Let me see." Logan leaned down and pressed his lips to the boy's while placing a hand over his chest like he'd seen on the medical shows. After a few moments he lifted his face away and stared down into wide hazel eyes. "Don't talk. So I can see if you're breathing."
The boy remained quiet, pretty sure he was breathing. Isn't that something he would know by now? "Am I gonna live?" he teased finally.
"I think so. Is your head okay? Are there three of me? Or even two?"
"What?"
"How many Logans do you see?" Logan asked, biting his lip.
"What's a Logan?"
"That's me. I'm Logan."
"Oh. I'm James. I see one Logan."
"Good. Does your head hurt?"
"No."
Logan reached forward and felt a few spots on James' head.
"Ow ow ow okay! It didn't hurt until you did that! Knock it off!" James smacked Logan's hands away.
"Just making sure you're okay."
"I'm fine. I fall off every time I try that."
"What? You did that on purpose?"
"Not the falling. I was trying to do a backflip. On the bars."
"A backflip?"
"Yeah! Pretty cool, huh?"
"You're crazy! You could seriously hurt yourself!"
"But wouldn't I look great doing it?" James smiled and looked off into space, no doubt picturing the adoration of many.
"Yeah, until your funeral."
"Did you do it, dude?!"
The new voice came from behind. Logan turned to see a smaller boy running up excitedly. He was clad in a helmet, knee pads, and elbow pads as if ready for battle.
"Nah, I fell again," James said with a sigh. "But I bet it looked cool! Did it, Logan? Did it look cool?"
Both boys stared at Logan in anticipation, hope in their eyes.
"No, it didn't look cool! It looked dangerous! You're both crazy!"
James shrugged. "Oh well. Your turn, Carlos."
Logan's jaw dropped. "Wait, now you're gonna do it? You guys are gonna kill yourselves!"
"We do it all the time," James argued as Carlos pulled him up.
"But your head...your neck...you could break your..." Logan watched Carlos climb up the side of the bars. "Oh, that's it. I'm getting Kendall."
He rushed away and the remaining two looked at each other. "Who's Kendall?" James asked.
"I don't know. Probably his big brother. Whatever." Carlos maneuvered his body onto the crossbars. "So, closer to the edge?"
"Yeah, but you're short so it should work from there."
"Cool." Carlos carefully stood, feet braced on the outer bars, then got into a semi-crouch. "Okay, totally gonna nail it this time."
"Oh no, Kendall hurry! He's about to do it! I can't watch." Rushing back toward the monkey bars, Logan covered his eyes but peeked through his fingers, cringing.
Kendall glanced down at Logan in amusement, then his gaze swung back to the boys as they approached the bars. "He's got a helmet on. How much damage can he do?"
"He could break his neck! Stop him!"
Carlos went for it then, pushing his body up and back and around and landing flawlessly with two feet on the bars. He gasped in shock, James doing the same (all of them doing the same, actually), before his feet slipped and he over-corrected, falling to the left. James started to move but Kendall was faster, getting there just in time to catch Carlos like a bride.
Carlos grinned up at him. "Thanks!"
"No problem! That was wicked."
"So you saw it?"
"Totally!" Kendall grinned, too. "I'm Kendall."
"Carlos! Thanks for saving my life."
Kendall laughed. "Yeah, anytime." He set Carlos down on his feet and backed away a bit.
Logan shook his head, annoyed. "You're as bad as they are. He could've been hurt."
"But he wasn't. He did it. A life without risk is a life unlived, my friend."
"Oh, not that again. You use that to explain every stupid thing you ever do."
"That's because it works." Kendall nodded his chin toward the fourth boy, who was watching with arms crossed over his chest. "What's up? I'm Kendall."
"James."
When there was nothing further offered from James, Kendall turned to his right. "Hey. Carlos. Really nice moves."
Carlos beamed and high-fived Kendall. "Thanks!"
The boys started to walk away but James' voice stopped them. "Hey. Logan. Thanks for uh...saving my life." He grinned and Logan grinned back, feeling like the sun was shining on him.
"Anytime. Be more careful, alright?"
"I'll think about it."
They smiled at each other for a moment more before Kendall pulled Logan away.
Logan went home that afternoon feeling like he'd made a new friend, even though he was pretty sure he annoyed James with his overcautious tendencies. He'd hung out with Kendall for the rest of the weekend, the two excited about the upcoming first day of school, and when Logan caught sight of James in line for the classroom next to his, they smiled at each other. James had the most perfectly straight teeth, white and blinding when his lips curved up at the sight of Logan, and his hazel eyes seemed to sparkle in the sunlight. It wasn't until Kendall nudged him that he looked away with a mental sigh and listened to what Kendall had to say. "Dude, Shannon keeps looking over here and giggling. I think she likes me."
Logan chuckled; of course Shannon liked Kendall, all the girls did. He'd only lived here two months and had already discovered that. Kendall had a quality they were drawn to, even at eight years old he shined as the kind of boy who would grow up to become a fearless leader, sailing to the ends of the earth to rescue them from dragons and evil villains. It was what had drawn Logan to him as well, the protective side that assured Logan he would always be safe when Kendall was near.
Logan certainly wasn't jealous; girls scared him anyway. He didn't understand them and with most mysteries his instinct was to dig deeper, to analyze and explain, but with girls he shied away from the knowledge. He wasn't sure he wanted to understand them.
"I thought you weren't into girls," Logan said to Kendall. "You said they're not as much fun as boys."
"They're not, but her brother works at the arcade. If she likes me, maybe we can get free games out of it."
"That would be cool," Logan agreed, eyes cutting over to look at James again. James was messing with his hair and fixing his collar as if getting ready to perform on a stage and Logan tilted his head in amusement. "What is he doing? This is school, not a talent show. He looks great."
After glancing over, Kendall shrugged. "He obviously is into girls and wants to impress them. Whatever, that Carlos kid is way more fun. Wonder what class he's in? Wow, Shannon is really into me, she won't stop staring over here. It's kind of freaking me out."
Logan casually twisted to his right and found Shannon. The moment their eyes met she smiled and waved, her face lighting up, and Logan's own eyes widened before he blushed and turned away fast, feeling his face heat up.
"Logan, say hi!" Kendall hissed, and because Logan had been raised to be polite, he did.
Feeling more eyes on him he glanced up and met a confused hazel gaze that hardened into steel as he watched. James glared before shifting his focus to someone next to him and whispering something.
Logan spun back around, feeling like a yo-yo, and suddenly Shannon waved again and called out, "Hi! Are you new this year?"
"Uh..." Was she talking to him? Kendall nudged him. "Y-yeah."
"I'm Shannon! Where are you from?"
"Far." It was the best he could come up with. His cheeks were flaming and he could feel Kendall's amusement next to him.
"Dude, it's you she's into!" Kendall whispered.
"Welcome to Minnesota!" she smiled, her friends giggling next to her and it all made Logan extremely uncomfortable.
He mumbled a quiet "thanks" before shifting to his left, where he was once again assaulted with angry eyes. He didn't know what he'd done wrong to make James look livid. Logan opened his mouth to say something, but before he could utter even a word James crossed his arms over his chest and turned his back on Logan, effectively dismissing him.
That was the first time James Diamond broke Logan Mitchell's heart.
From that day forward, it was as if their meeting in the park had never happened. Logan didn't seem to exist for James, though occasionally Carlos would talk to him when they ran into each other. Kendall had discovered that Carlos was in a special class for kids requiring extra attention. Logan made the mistake once of saying that Carlos must be slow, and Kendall jumped down his throat and made it clear there was nothing mentally wrong with Carlos, he just had a hard time focusing. But whenever they came across Carlos, he waved excitedly and ran to them when he could, gushing about the latest bit of fun in his life. If James happened to be with him, James ignored them and found someone else to speak to.
Logan asked Kendall about it once, why he thought James hated them, and Kendall shrugged it off-he didn't much care and figured James wasn't worth his time. Logan wished he could shrug it off, too, but sometimes he'd catch James laughing during recess, or with an arm around Carlos as he dragged him over to the jungle gym, and a pang of longing would hit him. He didn't know why he cared, hated that he wasted his thoughts on someone who didn't deserve them, but James Diamond was radiant. Even at eight years old, he exuded such confidence and beauty that he commanded attention from everyone, seemingly without trying.
It wasn't until the following school year that they shared a classroom, and that was tough on Logan because this time Kendall was shoved into a different one. Kendall had been his best friend from the day he'd moved to Minnesota, greeting him as they were moving into the house next door and making sure he was always taken care of. Suddenly Logan was left to fend for himself, and as the nerdiest kid in class he was teased relentlessly. James of course ignored him rather than tease him, and somehow that hurt more than if he'd joined in the teasing.
For almost the entire year James had only spoken to Logan when he was instructed to, and then it was with a sort of disdain. By the time Teacher's Day rolled around, Logan had given up on ever winning James over. His best friend in the classroom was Shannon, who'd made it her mission to attack anyone who had anything negative to say about Logan now that Kendall wasn't constantly at his side. Kendall was pretty sure Shannon had a crush on Logan, and though the idea made Logan nervous, he'd found Shannon to be a good friend even if he didn't understand how anyone could look at him when James Diamond was in the room.
On Teacher's Day Shannon brought an apple and a balloon for Mrs. Tate. Most of the other kids brought cards, plants, and stuffed animals. Logan had remembered her once mentioning a book she'd had as a child and how she wished it was still in print because she had fond memories of her mother reading it to her each night before bed. With his own mother's help, they'd tracked the book down on eBay and purchased it-luckily it hadn't been too steeply priced.
He arrived in class that morning to the sight of James presenting Mrs. Tate with a huge bouquet of roses, putting everyone else's gift to shame. James was obviously proud of himself as he strutted to his desk, and Mrs. Tate joked that her husband had better step up his game because even he had never given her such beautiful flowers.
Shannon sighed and set her meager gifts with the others, Mrs. Tate thanking her as she found a place on her desk for the roses. Logan dropped the book next to the roses and made his way to his own desk, about to sit when there was a gasp that had everyone turning to stare at Mrs. Tate.
"Logan Mitchell! Oh my gosh, is this from you?!" She held the book in her hands and turned the pages lovingly, tears in her eyes when she looked up to find him.
"Um. Yes, ma'am. I remembered you talking about it."
"I can't believe you found it! I've always wished I could read this to my daughter, and now I can. Thank you, Logan. Thank you so much," she gushed, unable to tear her eyes away from the book.
There were jealous glares on all sides, but Logan hadn't done it to gain favor with the teacher-in all honesty, he didn't need it. He'd done it to make her happy, to give her a gift she would truly enjoy. Once class began the glaring died away, all except for one boy whose eyes cut into Logan from across the room. Logan felt that hazel gaze burning into him, searing him with anger as he tried to ignore it but his cheeks felt hot and his body cold and how had he managed to make James hate him even more?
At one point Logan finally turned to meet the gaze, and James shook his head before looking away. After that there was no more staring, but as the class filed out for recess James passed his desk and hissed, "Like she doesn't love you enough already? Such a little kiss-ass."
Logan sat in stunned silence, tears burning behind his eyelids, wondering why he cared so much that James hated him. He watched James storm out of class, still beautiful even though his face was flushed from anger and his hands were clenched into fists. Shannon told Logan not to worry about it, that James was just a jerk, and though Logan nodded, he didn't quite believe it. Not after the way James had treated him that first day at the park. What happened to that James?
That was the second time James Diamond broke Logan Mitchell's heart.
Fifth grade brought about a few changes in Logan's life. One, he was reunited with Kendall for class, and his relief over that was palpable. Kendall made jokes about how "poor Logie missed me" but Logan didn't even care-having Kendall with him again was worth a little ribbing, and Logan could tell that Kendall was happy about it, too.
After an entire year of being ignored by James, Logan was also relieved that they were not in the same class this time. It had been difficult to refrain from staring, and this way he didn't have to worry about it. James had gone back to ignoring him after the Teacher's Day debacle, and it continued to hurt. Now there was no reason to come into contact with James at all other than the times he was with Carlos when their paths crossed; at those times it was as it had always been, James finding interest elsewhere until Carlos was ready to move on.
Kendall's favorite thing in the world was hockey, and after two years of badgering Logan to try out for the team, Logan finally did. It was mostly to shut Kendall up, because he didn't for a moment believe he'd actually make the team. He did, though, showing quick reflexes and skill at the net, and then suddenly James was in his face again. Had he known he would make the team he never would have tried out; he had no desire to be anywhere near James Diamond.
Logan considered dropping out but Kendall talked him into staying, not understanding why he was so set on leaving. He'd never been able to talk to Kendall about James, though they'd talked about everything else in Logan's life. He wasn't sure why, maybe because he didn't want to admit that James got to him so deeply, or maybe because he knew that once Kendall was aware that James was upsetting him Kendall would have to do something about it. All Logan wanted was to be rid of James, to never see that achingly beautiful smile again because it hurt that it was never aimed at him, not once since that first day of third grade.
But Kendall convinced him to stay, Kendall needed Logan, he said, and so Logan suffered being near James while James continued to act as if he didn't even exist. Each day it got more difficult, though, because James was impressive on the ice. Logan missed more than a few pucks flying his way due to his attention being on James rather than the game. He couldn't help himself, James was flawless out there and moved gracefully and everything James did, he was beautiful and Logan hated him for it, hated everyone James smiled at or high-fived or even criticized. Why couldn't James even look at him?
They settled into a disgruntled co-existence, teaming up on the ice but otherwise not acknowledging each other-or at least Logan tried, it was hard not to get caught in James' tractor beam when he was in eyesight. Carlos made the team as well, and it was also his first year in regular classes so they saw more of him, though he was in James' room and not theirs. Carlos never tried to bring the two together, nor did Kendall, and for that Logan was grateful.
The talent show was Shannon's idea. After hearing about it she ran up to Logan at recess, babbling about tickets to the local amusement park and a piano and Logan's mother and once Kendall finally got her to slow down, the story came out. The school was holding a talent show, the winning student receiving four tickets to an amusement park, and she felt Logan had a chance of winning due to his skill on the piano. His mother had been training him since he was five, piano being the thing he and his mother shared and bonded most over.
Logan shot down the idea immediately, the vision of himself on a stage with the entire school staring at him resulting in the beginnings of a panic attack. He expected Kendall to laugh it off as well, but Kendall surprised him by agreeing with Shannon and encouraging him to compete.
For a few weeks it was a vague idea running through his mind, but nothing more; he wasn't really gonna do it, was he? Kendall brought it up daily but never more than once, sensing that Logan was uncomfortable with the idea.
It was Logan's mother who finally convinced him to go for it. He mentioned it in an offhand manner one night after dinner as they were sitting down at the piano for their nightly "date." His mother promptly wanted to know more and suggested songs for him to play. He continued to fight the idea until she brought up his father's favorite song, which was Logan's favorite to play. It was a haunting melody that always assaulted his mind with memories of his father, leaving him melancholy but feeling as if his dad was watching proudly from Heaven. Logan imagined the happiness on his father's face if he managed to win a talent show with the song he'd cherished most, and that was all it took. He practiced hard for a week, even bringing Kendall over to critique him though Kendall swore he didn't know good from bad; all he knew was that when Logan played that song it was almost enough to bring him to tears. He said if Logan didn't win, he'd personally strangle each judge one by one.
The day of the show Logan was nervous, wondering why he'd ever thought he was good enough to compete against anyone. There were dance numbers, singers, bands performing, and even though it was only fifth grade, these kids were gifted. He thought he might still have a shot anyway, he was talented, but then James took the stage. James blew everyone out of the water, his voice like an angel's and his natural ability to shine putting everyone else to shame. As Logan was the only entrant left to compete after James, he almost pulled out. There was no reason for him to even take the stage, it was clear that James would win and that he deserved to.
As he was making his way to the coordinator of the show, he glanced one more time toward the stage and froze; James was watching him in that moment, acknowledging his existence, and the words that spilled from his lips brought a blush to Logan's cheeks. "Yeah you got that something, I think you'll understand. When I feel that something, I want to hold your hand."
Logan couldn't move. He was mesmerized, unable to even turn his head away as his jaw dropped slightly. James turned away and continued singing as if the moment had never occurred between them, Logan wondering if he'd imagined it but really, it didn't matter. Whether it was real or not, it was enough to immobilize Logan until the song ended, and at that point it was too late to back out. He joined in the wild applause, returning to himself when James approached the side of the stage. Heart thundering once again, Logan watched James come closer and finally, there. There it was, the hint of a smile from James (probably more of a smirk, but it was enough), and Logan's heart soared. James moved past him, the coordinator announced Logan's name, and then it was showtime.
The lights were hot on him as he took a seat at the school's piano, and he willed himself to get into the zone. He was almost there when a voice yelled out "Kick their asses, Logan!" Giggles erupted from the audience and he heard a teacher scolding Kendall. Only Kendall. He shook his head to clear it, then with a deep breath he began to play.
For the next five minutes he was in another world, eyes closed as the music flowed from his heart to his fingers, visions of his father running through his mind. The silence after he hit the last note was deafening, and then the kids went wild. He'd expected the adults to appreciate his talent, but not his fellow students-wouldn't they be more into James' type of performance?
James. Logan stole a glance at the side of the stage as he stood up from the piano, and what he saw sent ice shooting through his veins. Gone was the smirk, the warmth Logan had glimpsed from eyes that were more green than brown when he was excited. The daggers were back, slicing into Logan's core so deeply he was almost afraid to exit the stage and approach James, but he did. He shook as he did it, but he walked past James with his head high and wishing Kendall was there to protect him.
The entrants were called onto the stage and the winners announced, and when James was given second place the auditorium screamed for him and he managed a huge grin that lasted as he met the eyes of so many adoring girls in the audience but Logan, who had been placed next to him, felt the tension rolling off him in waves. When Logan's name was announced as the first place winner, he couldn't even manage a smile but did give a slight bow as he heard Kendall and Shannon chanting his name in an attempt to get everyone else doing it—and of course, because it was Kendall, it worked.
The excitement died down and Logan was instructed to pick up the tickets at the front office later. He nodded, desperate to get away from James, and almost made it but James grabbed his arm as he passed and hissed angrily, "Why can't you just go back where you came from?" James shoved Logan away and stormed off, and Logan stood there frozen watching him go with tears burning his eyelids and his throat choking up.
That was the third and final time James Diamond broke Logan Mitchell's heart. He vowed that from that day forward, James would never have that kind of power over him again.
Five Years Later
Logan lifted a hand into the air to catch the fruit snacks Kendall tossed his way. Ripping into them, he grinned and thanked Kendall, who reached across the table and grabbed Logan's cookies in exchange.
"You really need to stop eating so many sweets," Logan chastised. "Your mom gives you healthy stuff for a reason."
"Fruit snacks are not healthy, they're mostly sugar." Kendall popped an Oreo into his mouth, running a hand through messy blond hair. The bangs had grown down to his eyebrows again and when it brushed his collar, he knew it was time to get it cut; he was just lazy about it.
"Not this brand. I read the box the other day at your house, there's sugar but it's the kind you find in fruits, the good kind that breaks down into carbs and gives you energy."
"Of course you read the box, you're such a little nerd," Kendall teased, and Logan smacked him lightly. It was strange that when Kendall said it, it never bothered him—maybe because he knew Kendall appreciated him in spite of his nerdy qualities, and sometimes even for them.
"Forewarned is forearmed, my friend."
Kendall laughed. "Is that your new catchphrase? You've been saying it a lot."
"Because it's true. Just like your thing about a life without risks."
"True, but you don't believe in that one."
"I never said that. I only said you use it to justify things you shouldn't do."
Kendall studied Logan for a moment, tilting his head. "Your hair's getting long, too. Want to go with me this weekend to get our hair cut? And wow, that sounded girly."
"Kind of, I guess," Logan smirked. "But yeah, it's time. I noticed Carlos is looking a little shaggy, too. Where is he, anyway?"
Shrugging, Kendall replied, "Who knows. Probably got excited because it's meatball sub day and he's trying to convince the lunch lady to give him extra. She does have a soft spot for him."
"Yeah. But if he still wants my help on his math homework, he'd better hurry. We've only got twenty minutes left."
Just then Carlos' voice grabbed their attention. "Guys! Look who's here!"
Their heads swung over and when Logan saw a tall, gorgeous brunette approaching with Carlos, his stomach dropped and the air left his lungs. No. No, not you, it can't be you. Anyone but you.
James Diamond had his hands in his pockets as he stood behind Carlos, who was gushing about how James had moved back and they had a few classes together and wasn't it great? He'd missed James so much! Kendall gave a small smile and a nod to James, and next thing Logan knew Carlos was shoving him over to make room for James to sit next to him. Without even thinking about his actions, Logan kept scooting over until he was off the bench and standing, grabbing his backpack and tossing his lunch bag into it. "I'll catch you in history, Kendall."
He made it all the way outside before Kendall was there, stopping him with a hand on his shoulder. "Dude, what's wrong? You remember James, don't you?"
"Yeah, and you remember how he hated me?"
"That was like five years ago."
"It was four. He was still a jerk when we got to junior high and then he moved, and I was happy to see him go. I don't need that asshole in my life again."
Kendall's eyebrows raised in surprise; Logan was not the kind of person to aggressively hate someone. "Dude, was there something I didn't know? I've never seen you like this."
Logan sighed. "It doesn't matter, and no, there was nothing. He just hated me no matter what I did and I don't need that kind of drama in my life. I've got enough to worry about with colleges already wooing me and hockey practices and the tutoring I'm supposed to do this year and oh let's not forget choir practice and there's a lot, okay? A lot. I don't need James Diamond's shit on top of everything else."
"Alright, calm down." Kendall rested his hands on Logan's shoulder, looking him in the eye. "If he starts anything, just let me know. I'll take care of it. But that was years ago, he's probably grown up some. Give him a chance before you avoid him like the plague. For Carlos' sake, if nothing else."
"Carlos was his friend before and we managed to avoid each other. I'm not worried about it."
Rolling his eyes because Logan was obviously more than worried about it, Kendall reasoned, "Yes, but we're closer to Carlos than we were then. He's always with us. That means James is probably going to be with us a lot."
"Not with me. You guys hang out with James all you want, I'll be perfectly fine studying and eating lunch in the library."
"Logan, you're overreacting. At least go back in and say hi to the guy."
"Nope. Not gonna happen. I'll see you in history." Logan spun around and trotted off toward the library, feeling more than hearing Kendall sigh but Kendall let him go.
By the time the bell rang dismissing them from lunch, Logan had a plan in place to deal with James. It was the same plan James had used with him years before, and after deciding it was the right one, Logan put James out of his mind and left him there. As far as Logan was concerned, James Diamond didn't exist.