Bakugo has anxiety, and he really likes Izuku. But he hasn't had the courage to tell him..until one morning at 5am.
Bakugo woke up this morning much earlier than he needed to. His body woke him up in a panic. He didn't know why he was awake. He went to bed late the night before.. and he shouldn't have woken up before his alarm. But he did.
The panic is terrifyingly bad this morning. His chest hurts, he feels nauseous, and is shaking. He made a quick trip to the bathroom and tried to go back to sleep. It was 5am. He didn't need to be up until 6:20. He was full of anxious energy.
He also had screwed up dreams. Dreams about his best friend, Good olé Kirishima finger fucking him. And he didn't like it. But it was happening in the dream and he couldn't stop it. It wasn't a super sexual dream, more like something that was just happening in the background. But it was disturbing. He didn't like him like that. Kiri expressed to him once that he was bi. He had a girlfriend, he was with Mina, but Mina also had kinks and she was super okay with her and Kirishima having a threesome. Not something Bakugo was into though. He only wanted one partner. Just one. Is that boring? Maybe. But who gives a fuck?! Not Katsuki. But he didn't need his best friend showing up in his dream finger fucking him.
He rolled over to his left side. He was so, so nauseous. Sleeping on the left side helps with acid reflux, and he was sure that was all that it was.
10 minutes later it wasn't acid reflux. He was running to the bathroom in his dorm and dry heaving. Fucking anxiety. If anyone knew that the great, and powerful, Bakugo Katsuki, was an anxious mess who dry heaved in the morning thanks to his panic.. no one would take him seriously. Or so he though.
His mom was the only one who knew. She tried to get him to take anti anxiety medication and go to a therapist.. and he did for awhile. But when he got into U.A, he didn't have time for it anymore. And the medicine messed with his quirk.
He was able to pin point with his therapist when the issues started. It was after he almost killed his childhood friend with his quirk. It was when he was 6. He really liked Izuku back then. He was his best friend, and they were playing in the park one day having a tickle fight. He lost control of his quirk and blasted Izuku across the park. He hit a tree and was hospitalized for 3 weeks.
Bakugo was never the same. He also stopped being nice to Izuku after that. He was too afraid that he would blast him again. He needed to gain control of his quirk, and until he did, he needed Izuku to stay away from him. No one blamed him for the incident. There were also plenty of witnesses that saw what happened. But it scared him.
Izuku was fine, no brain damage, only a few broken bones. And he also had no memory of Bakugo almost killing him. Bakugo didn't talk to anyone for weeks after it happened. That was when the nightmares began. The nightmares that would haunt him for the next 10 years. They decreased over time. But for awhile there, there was barely a night where he wasn't waking up in a panic.
When he found out Izuku was going to UA the nightmares came back. The thought of him getting hurt again was more than he could handle. He told him not to go to UA.. but of course he didn't listen. Izuku also developed a quirk Katsuki didn't know he had, and when he saw how it broke his body.. it made him even more anxious. He didn't want Izuku to get hurt again. As much and he didn't like to admit it to himself.. he still really liked Izuku.. but ever since he hurt him, he didn't think he deserved him. And he also bullied him like crazy. But the nerd was always so nice to him. He admired him.
Katsuki has had control over his quirk for a long time now. It no longer activated when he got nervous, or too excited, or scared. But it used to. He had a hard time with people touching him because of it. Whenever he would get startled when he was younger, a small explosion would go off. Although that hasn't happened in a few years, it still bothers him. Kirishima and his hardening quirk was the only thing that he saw would be able to handle an explosion. So he was able to touch him without Katsuki freaking out.
After dry heaving in the bathroom he laid back down hoping to fall back to sleep. His mind wandered to something he thinks about far too often.. and he couldn't sleep. He was thinking about what would happen if Izuku ever died because of him. It freaked him out. The only thing he wanted was for Izuku to be safe.
He needed to get out of his room and get some water. It was 5:40. He wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep. He put on a pair of black sweatpants and shirt, and took the elevator down to the common room. Nobody should be awake this early. He made his way to the kitchen first get some water. He decided on tea instead, and put the kettle on the stove. As he was getting out a mug, he heard footsteps coming his way.
"Are you making tea?"
It was Izuku. What in the world was he doing up this early? He was the reason Katsuki couldn't sleep. He was the last, and yet the only person, he wanted to see this morning. He got out two mugs.
"Mmhmm.. I'll make you some."
He was too tired to argue or give a snide remark. His kindness didn't go unnoticed by the green haired boy. He gave Katsuki a warm smile and sat on the couch, he didn't want to crowd him. He was also pretty sure he was being so nice because he was tired.
When the kettle started to whistle, Katsuki poured it into the two mugs, put in some tea bags, and added some sugar and milk. He then carried the cups, along with some spoons, over to the couch and set them down on the coffee table.
"They need to steep."
He then sat on the couch next to Izuku, and hugged his knees to his chest. He was hyper aware of how vulnerable this made him look. But it was just Izuku, and he didn't care right now. He needed the pounding in his chest to stop, and his jitters to go away.
"Kacchan..why are you awake?"
He should be asking him the same question. Does he normally wake up this early? Wouldn't put it past him. He was wearing sweatpants and a plain blue tee, and had on fluffy slippers. He looked comfy and cute. His cuteness was one of the things Katsuki really liked about him. He also worked out like crazy and was pretty toned. Katsuki himself had a pretty rocking body too. And Izuku definitely took notice. He has always found him super attractive. But over the years he really started to grow stronger.. and if showed.
"Can't sleep..why are you awake?"
Can't sleep, was better than, I'm really fucking anxious. He seemed to buy it.. a little anyway. He grabbed the tea and mixed it a little before taking a drink. A smile came across his face.
"Just enough milk and sugar. Thank you Kacchan"
He inched closer to Katsuki. Katsuki gave him a side eye but didn't object to the warm body starting to nuzzle up next to him. He reached to get his tea, mixing it and taking a drink. He really was pretty good at making tea. He moved his knees down a little so he was in less of a fetal position.
"Hmm. Glad you like it."
The tone of his voice sounded almost sad. He was deep in his thoughts, trying to fight the darkness away. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was starting to shake. Dammit. Not now. Not in front of Izuku.
"K-Kacchan?"
Without thinking Katsuki put down his tea on the side table, and pulled Izuku towards him, and into his lap. He hugged him tightly from behind to his chest. Izuku's knees where up, and his body was being covered by katsuki's. After a few moments he grabbed onto the strong arms holding him and embraced him back.
Tears were starting to form in Katsuki's eyes. He wanted the embrace and warmth of Deku's body against his. The soft pressure he was giving him as they were hugging, was so calming. He felt so weak. But he couldn't shake his thoughts of Izuku dying. He nuzzled his face on Izuku's shoulder.
"Please let me protect you.. I don't know what I would do if I ever lost you Deku. I need you."
Hearing those words caused so many emotions to spark in Izuku's head. He was happy that Katsuki wanted to protect him, excited to hear him express his feelings towards him, scared that this was all just a dream, and sad because Katsuki sounded so broken. Izuku turned around to face Katsuki and placed his hands on the sides of his face.
"Haven't you always protected me Kacchan? You will never lose me.. I'll be by your side always."
He then moved his hands off his face and wrapped them around his waste. Although it wasn't his intention, he was straddling him. There were only so many comfortable ways to sit in someone's lap on a couch. Katsuki returned the hug, and they stayed like that in silence for a few moments.
"Hey Nerd?"
"Yea?"
"I really like you."
"I really, really, like you too Kacchan"
Both boys hearts were feeling so full. This was a confession they have been wanting to make for Awhile now. It wasn't how Katsuki planned it, or how he ever thought it would happen, but there was something about this morning that really made him no longer want to hide how he felt.
After awhile Katsuki lifted Izuku's head off his chest, and ran his hand through his hair looking at his face. He was absolutely perfect. The freckles dotting his face made him look so adorable. His green eyes were so bright, and warm, that he was melting. And his lips. He couldn't stop staring at them.
Katsuki licked his lips. "Can I kiss you?"
Izuku's face lit up with a warm expression of excitement, and happiness. He moved both of his hands to the back of Katsuki's head, a bit his lip.
"Yes"
Katsuki slowly moved Izuku towards him, slightly tilted his head, and gave him a sweet, passionate, and long kiss. Izuku gladly returned it running his fingers through Katsuki's hair.
Katsuki pulled away after a few moments, touching his forehead to the smaller boys in front of him's, and laughed. His laughter made Izuku laugh too. Both boys were laughing and holding each other.
"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that." Katsuki with a smile.
"Oh, I'm sure I do Kacchan." And they kissed again.
They eventually shifted their bodies so they were laying on the couch. Katsuki was behind Izuku and had his arms wrapped around him. Izuku rested his head on katsuki's bicep, and closed his eyes.
Before they knew it, they were both fast asleep. Little did Katsuki know, but Izuku was also awake because he couldn't sleep. He had a bad dream. He dreamed about Katsuki dying. It made him so upset he didn't even want to be in his room anymore. Seeing Kacchan out in the common space was like fate. They both needed each other in that moment. They needed to make sure the other was alright.
A few hours later they woke to the sounds of their classmates taking photos of them with their phones, and a few of the girls squealing at how cute they looked.
Katsuki realized quickly where they were and got up, startling Izuku.
"We fell asleep." Izuku said smiling at him.
"Yup..and we need to get ready for class..."
Izuku nodded in agreement, and they stood up. Izuku turned towards Katsuki and spread his arms out and wrapped them around Katsuki's neck.
"Carry me back up?"
Katsuki smiled and tried to ignore all of the fangirling going on around them, because of how cute Izuku just sounded.
"Okay Nerd"
He picked him up and they walked to the elevator back to their rooms.
It was like a weight was lifted, Katsuki was so happy.
After years of nightmares and bad anxiety, it all stopped. He was finally with the one he loved. Izuku was finally his. And he would protect him forever.
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