Title: It just happened
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. The characters of Drake & Josh belong to Nickelodeon!
About: The story starts after Megan left Drakes room in the episode "Josh is done".
Note: I'm a german girl… my english is NOT perfect. Please don't be so strict when you read it!
Drake looked at the ping-pong table and sighed. He remembered the movie Forrest Gump and how Tom Hanks played ping-pong all alone, but he wasn't in the mood to rebuild the table just to play a few minutes. It wasn't the same without Josh.
He turned on the music, climbed up to his bed and laid down. He wasn't really tired but on the other hand he wasn't in a mood to do anything else. He didn't want to talk to anyone. Even if Megan would have agreed to play ping pong with him, he really doubted it would have been fun.
He grapped his old teddy and put him on his chest. He never did that since he was way too cool for a teddy, but his mother knew him well enough to never put Mr. Cesar away. And now he was seventeen years old, playing guitar and singing with his own band, dating girls almost every day, he was good looking, charming… and alone with his old teddy.
„Well, Mr. Cesar, how are you?" Drake asked the toy. When he was a little kid he had spoken to that teddy very very often, almost every night, especially after his father died. He was just five years old and way to young to realize what had happen. His mom was pregnant with Megan and after the accident happened his grandmother was living with him and his mom for a few months to help them.
Drake only remembered his mothers tears and how she always tried to be strong for him. And how she told him, that it didn't matter that his father wasn't coming home anymore because somehow he would be always there. Mr. Cesar was a present his father brought him from one of his business trips and so that teddy had become something special for Drake. It probably wasn't really a father's gift, but he liked to think that way. Drake didn't even remember his father, he was too young when he died by a car-accident on his way home. He just knew the man from some pics and some very fading memories. And he didn't think about his father very often. Especially since his mother was married to Walter Nichols – who Drake would named as his father by second. Walter was a typical father-type. Very boring, very bourgeois … but very likeable.
So if someone asked for his father, he would answer: "Walter Nichols." A good guy, a good father… not really cool, but he made his mom happy and so Drake was happy.
„You know, right now… I can tell you, life sucks", Drake told the teddy on his chest. „I was thinking about a lot the last week – I had a lot of time to think. And I have to admit thinking isn't funny. As long as you don't question everything it's fine, but when you start to ask yourself about the reasons for everything… it probably turns out really bad for yourself. So it seems that I don't have any real close friends. And I think I never had a really close friend, you know, someone who knows everything about me and someone who… kinda belongs to me. Until Josh came along. I never thought about that before and it never mattered. I am Drake. For all my life people just loved me for who I am. And the only person who knows me better than anyone else… dumped me for who I am. Kinda ironic, isn't it? It's ironic…"
Josh crossed his arms in front of his chest and leant against the door frame. He knew he should have said something, it wasn't nice to overhear someone, but he kept standing in the door. When he was on his way into his room he met Megan on the stairs and all she said was "You broke it, now fix it". And when he arrived at the door he heard Drakes voice so he waited at the door.
Drake looked at the teddy and started to play with his ears. It still hurt. It was a few hours ago that he almost cried in front of the entire class just to tell Josh, that he was sorry. It wasn't planed, it just happened. It was humbling and Drake had left school as fast as he could after he almost broke down. Well, not really as fast as he could. He waited at the floor for one or two minutes, but nothing happened. Josh didn't came out and then Drake left. Thank god no one was home when he arrived – still wet from the chemical-shower. „Well… I guess I failed as a friend or brother – or both. And I guess… now I get what I deserve – nothing. But do you know what hurts the most? Not to be needed. I am useless. And not to be missed, that hurts, too. O, and getting replaced is also not funny. I've never got dumped before, it really sucks."
Josh closed his eyes briefly. He never expected to hear these kind of words from Drake Parker ever. His stepbrother was best known for his unconcerned behaviour. He was selfish and ruthless – and careless. He never talked about his feelings or thoughts. That probably was the reason why Josh was still shocked about what had happened in the class this morning.
„It's been a week now… it feels like forever", Drake kept talking. „Maybe it would be easier if we wouldn't live together. I thought about moving into the guest room, but… if I'm gonna do this it's like giving up on him… on us, you know? And as long as we're still living in the same room and he doesn't move out… there's still hope that one day he's gonna talk to me again. Even if it's just a good night or good morning or hello – just something. Or maybe he starts to wake me up again? Or maybe… he still ignores me until the day he leaves for college."
Josh was attempted to say something. Since the morning, since Drake had left the classroom he was thinking about what to say. He knew they had to talk. They couldn't ignore what had happened. And he wanted to talk to Drake, he just wasn't sure about what to say. Should he tell him that he would forgive him and they'd be friends again or should he tell him that he couldn't take it anymore because even though Josh believed his brother's words from the morning, he knew nothing would change between them.
„I got a B in english this Wednesday", Drake told Mr. Cesar. „Do you believe that?"
I don't, Josh thought and raised his eyebrown.
„I've never got a B before in english – or in any other subject", Drake continued. „That's cool, I mean, it's a B. I was… so proud. I mean, I'm sure it's just because Mrs. Hayfer is gone, but who cares? It's a B. And if this would have happend two weeks ago, Josh would have been proud of me, too. But now… he doesn't care about it anymore. He doesn't even turn around when Mr. Fynch gave me my essay. So I got a B and no one cares about it. I mean, yeah, sure, Mom was proud. But come on she's my mom, she loves me no matter what. It's different with Josh. He's the smart one and he always tries to teach me something. Most of time he fails in it. But he always got good grades and I… don't. I don't know, it's just… it's different when he says, he's proud of me. It means something."
Josh realized that he was smiling… because he was proud. And he also remembered when Mr. Fynch said „Well done" to Drake, but he thought it meant „Another good D for you" – as always.
„He's not coming home", Drake said sadly and took a deep breath. „I know he hasn't to work this afternoon. So I guess he's hanging out with … the others or maybe Helen, just anyone but me. And I lie on my bed and talk to a teddy." He squeezed the teddys bully and prodded it's nose with his finger.
I am not hanging out with anyone, Josh thought and swallowed. The whole afternoon he was walking around, thinking about what to do and what to say.
„I got a job at the music store in town two days ago", Drake told Mr. Cesar. „I… I was thinking that if I take a job and save the money I could buy Josh a new bike, I mean, I broke the last one so it's the least thing I could do, right. With working every day and every weekend I could get enough money for a new bike at christmas. It's expensive, almost 500 Dollars, it's a lot and I do not really enjoy working. Most of time it's annoying and christmas is far away. But… well, I thought if I could do this then Josh would see that I take the responsibility for what I did and he would believe me that I'm sorry and then he would… well… whatever. Anyway, this morning I saw a new bike in the garage and when I asked my mom about it she told me that they had bought Josh a new one. So lets face it: He has a new bike, new friends, good grades, no rash anymore and a date with a really cute girl… and I have a B no one cares about, a job I do not need anymore, a zit on my face, a roommate that doesn't talk to me and a humiliation that lasts forever. Or at least for the rest of school days."
Josh rolled his eyes. That was too much to take, what had happend to Drake Parker, the funny boy who loved his life and never cared about anyone or anything? Josh never expected to end up in a situation like this.
„You know I don't get this whole done-thing", Drake said with a low voice. „I mean, I know that I shouldn't have left without him and … looking back now I can say it was so not worth of it. And I knew that this test meant a lot to him, but it was just a test and he didn't even lost a grade, he got an A+ for it in the end. So what's the point of this whole punishment? And if it's so easy for him to cut me out, how less does he care for me? I understand that he's angry and I would also understand if he would yell at me – god I would love that. I would prefer him yelling on me over ignoring me."
Josh slammed the door behind him and walked over to Drakes bed.
Drake looked at him, still holding Mr. Cesar and waited. Since when was Josh home? Did he heard what Drake had said? And if he did, how much did he heard? "Since when are you here?"
"You want to talk?" Josh asked. "Fine, lets talk."
Drake sat up and looked at his brother, still hold Mr. Cesar and swallowed. The look in Josh's face wasn't forgivingly. He looked angry. "Josh…"
"You are selfish. You are the most selfishst person I've ever met in my entire life! You don't care for anyone but you. You are ruthless, which is a result from being selfish by the way. You hurt me – more than once, Drake and for most of time you didn't even realize it, just because you don't care. You forgot my birthday, you… you forgot me… for god sakes. And that makes me the one who doesn't care about you? Really?!"
Drake just looked into his brothers eyes – blue eyes, angry blue eyes. This would'nt end up in a good way. He nodded and swallowed again to suppress the upcoming tears. Now Josh was yelling at him, but it wasn't better than being ignored. "Look, I know I made some mistakes or maybe a lot of mistakes, but whatever I did to you, I would have never ever cut you out of my life to punish you!"
"You never had any reason to even think that your life would be better without me! I'm just a geek, I'm not selfish or ruthless nor did I ever anything bad to you! And by the way, I am not doing this to punish you."
"I never meant to hurt you."
Josh closed his eyes and shook his head. "And that is what makes it even worse." He sighed and climbed up to Drakes bed to sit down beside him. "So, how are your hands?"
"My hands?" Drake asked confused.
"The accident, this morning…?" Josh reminded him.
"O!" He looked on his hands. The shower was way more painful than the chemical stuff. "Nothing, it's okay, I'm fine. My hands… are fine."
"Good." Josh nodded and looked down. The situation was weird. He was angry and hurt, but at the same time he was sorry.
Drake was nervous. Josh was here, right beside him and he knew he needs to say or do something to prevent that he would leave again. But he had no idea what to say or to do. He was afraid to say something wrong. "And… how was the date with the girl from the supermarket?"
"Horrible", Josh answered. "She hadn't any sense of humor."
Drake nodded. He tried to smile, but he felt insecure. "Sorry to hear that."
"Well, at least she was hot and a good kisser", Josh answers and smiled when he saw Drakes confused face. He knocked his upperarm and nodded. "Hey, even though you do not want to see a girl again, kiss her, right? That's what you told me."
"You act as if it was something bad when I told you to do that", Drake remembered.
"Yeah, I did. I always do, don't I?" Josh closed his eyes briefly. Smalltalk wasn't the answer to their problems. "Drake, listen… it's not that I don't miss you. Even though it might be easier for me now with Helen and the others and with school… and with life, it's also… well…"
"What?"
"It's boring." Josh hunched his shoulders. "It's probably a great life for someone who never knew what it means to share life with you, but… I can tell you, it's boring."
Drake felt a little relived. At least Josh missed him. But somehow he knew there was more in common. "There's a but, right?"
"Yes, there is", Josh tooke a deep breath and swallowed. This wasn't easy for him. It would have been easy to call it even, forgive his brother and be friends with him again, that would have been easy. But the next Drake-moment would happen really fast and he was not willing to get back where he was coming from. "I can't keep living like this", he said and looked at Drake. He looked so scared, so vulnerable and it hurt Josh. He never saw his brother like this. "And … I doubt you will change and I am also not sure, if I want you to change."
"What does that mean?" Drake asked. "If I'm going to change you will hang out with me again, but on the other hand you don't want me to change and so you don't wanna hang out with me anymore?" He blinked nervously. "I would prefer the changing part. At least I can try. I… I have a job, a real job, at…"
"I know, I heard it", Josh nodded and gave him a smile. "That's a nice thing, Drake, it is. But… be honest, if I wouldn't have say that I'm done with you, would you've tried to renew my bike?"
Drake wanted to say yes, of course, but he knew he wouldn't have. He wouldn't have cared about the bike for a second. "Probably not, but that doesn't matter. Now I am tr…"
"Probably not", Josh nodded.
"But…", Drake was searching for the right words, but whatever he wanted to say he couldn't find any words to defend himself. Josh was right, he wasn't a good brother to him. He was selfish and ruthless and it was only a matter of time before Josh was done with him. Now it happend. "So that's it? You're done and I… have to deal with it."
"Yeah, I guess that's it." Josh looked down for a few seconds. It felt like a break up, it was the end of a relationship, of a really strong relationship, even if it had it's weakness. It was also a very long relationship. For more than three years Drake Parker was his best friend, the person he told everything, the person he trusted for more than a hundred percent. The last week wasn't that bad, just different. He missed Drake, missed having fun with him – but he also enjoyed being with people who treated him with respect. And in the long term the respect was the better choice.
"Look…", Josh frightened when he turned his head to Drake and saw tears on his brothers face. He was sitting beside him, he didn't move, he just sat there with tears all over his face. His hands clutched the teddy as if he tried to hold himself onto the toy. Josh reached for Drakes arm, but the second he touched him, Drake pulled away and looked him in the eyes. That look frightened Josh again. There was nothing to see in his eyes, they were just empty and cold and tear-stained.
"Don't touch me", Drake hissed. "Never touch me again. And never speak to me again. You want us to be done for good… here we go."
Josh looked after his brother, when he left the room and slammed the door. He felt guilty. He knew he was right to do what he did but even though he knew it, Drake was still his brother and he loved that guy and to see him crying was really hardcore, especially because it was his fault. He saw the picture with him and Drake as Blues Brothers on his desk and felt even more guilty. "Damn it."
Drake stood in front of the mirror in den bathroom and looked on himself through tear-stained eyes. He hated what he saw, whoever it was, just a boy who wasn't worth of believe in that he could change, just a boy who wasn't worth of giving a chance to, just a boy who wasn't worth to forgive, just a useless loser.