Hey! Anybody miss me?!
...Didn't think so!
Here is my Chrissy present to anybody who liked the story, doesnt hate me and anyone who finds this amusing!
Now, i own nothing. NOTHING! *sobs*
Enjoy! XD
Zombies in Neverland – A Peter Pan Parody.
Told by Charles Mallory-Darling.
Prologue:
"So, this is what happened, y'know, before I dropped in and made everything so much better…..
Sometime after Wendy Darling-(my ancestor) and Peter Pan-(some random guy) went on their first adventure, and got into fights and other stuff-you know how it goes- Peter eventually ditched Wendy, and kept on coming back for all the girls in her family. (Uh. Sexist much?)
But good ol' Pete stopped doing that when he succumbed to evil and corruption, leading to him becoming the undisputed-(nobody with the balls to dispute) ruler of all Neverland.
For a while everything was just fine and dandy-meaning Peter and his unkillable army of zombies had taken Neverland, burning, pillaging and murdering all over the place. Until it was discovered that Peter's greatest enemy; Captain Hook….HAD RISEN FROM THE DEAD!...-haha gotcha! Nah, what really happened was that he never died at all. As the super-scary giant crocodile which supposedly killed him tuned out to be just an extremely realistic pool floaty!...Dun. Dun. Duuuuun!
Anyway, Hook eventually returned to ask Tinkerbell's hand in marriage. (Yup. He always had a crush)
So, long(ish) story short, Hook and his new wife (Tinkerbell-who turned out to have a real thing for metal prosthetics) amassed an even bigger (and considerably less dead) army and kicked Peter off the throne-(metaphorical throne, it was actually more of a futon.) The disgraced leader escaped before facing justice, vowing to return, more powerful that ever….That's where I come in apparently.
-Beep. Beep….Beep. Beep
"Wha…? Oh, another call" –I really can't deal with this kind of effort so early in the morning. I mean it's only….oh. The numbers on my clock glowed dimly. It was past 9:30. Ooops.
-Beep. Beep. My phone beeped insistently. So I picked it up and said in my sweetest voice; "What the hell do you want?!"
"What?-How DARE you speak like that?!" my dean of year sputtered.
"Is that a question?" -Yes, my wits are still razor sharp, even in the morning.
"Yes. No!-You are heading for weeks' worth of detention young lady!"
Aww, look, I've gone and made him angry now…. "Why the hell do I care?"
"MALLORY! Why must you always punctuate every sentence with such vulgar language?!"
"Sir that was not vulgar, bad language is saying things like-"
"STOP! Don't speak, don't think, don't BREATHE. Just come into school at once!"
"Bite me"
"WHY YOU!-" I slammed the receiver down. This was the beginning of a beautiful day.
So that's me: Charles Mallory-Darling. –Well, it used to be Charlene, but I always hated it. So now it's Charles…Problem?...Didn't think so.
This is the story of a great adventure; a tale of romance (eheh. Not), Heroics-(Not up my alley) and friendship-(uh. Nuh uh). But if you're not interested, I assure you that there is a taser involved…
Okay?! Crapola?! Mindblowing?! TELL ME!
And this is a prologue, its meant to be short!
And i have no patience or stamina, so chapters may be short, not this short, but shortish.
And...(okay, thats enough!)
Ta ta!