Buffy and Spike surveyed the array of make up and props that surrounded them. They were a small theatre just outside Sunnydale in a stuffy dressing room preparing for the show. They were replacing Wily Whedon the Magician and his obligatory glamorous assistant Gorgeous Greenwalt. Unfortunately the pair had become happy meals for some local fang boys and our favourite twosome found themselves being asked to stand in…
Buffy picked up a prop and started to practice a trick which raised an eyebrow from Spike.
"Uh luv… Shouldn't I be doin' that?"
Buffy grinned "Can you do magic tricks Spike?"
"Well no… but…" Spike hesitantly replied.
Buffy arched an eyebrow "But what Spike?" Buffy retorted.
"You get to do the magic because you're a man?" she emphasised the last word making Spike shift uncomfortably at the reminder that he was in fact a monster.
"Well yeah… I mean no. I didn't know that the Slayer did magic. Thought that was Red's job."
"Of course you did Spike." answered Buffy sarcastically. "This is the 21st Century Spike. Don't you remember Women's lib? You should be used to females taking control since you killed two Slayers."
Spike growled "Ok I get the picture Slayer, you'll be doin' the magic and I'll be the gorgeous assistant." His face brightened and the trademark smirk began to appear.
Buffy gave a dismissive snort so Spike added under his breath
"Pity your magic didn't work on Peaches and Nancy Boy, eh pet?"
****************************************************************************
It was only a couple of hours before the show was due to start. The costumes Buffy had asked for were hung in a corner. She couldn't wait to see Spike's reaction to his. Buffy giggled at the thought.
Spike walked through the door after spending the last half hour inspecting the stage. He glanced over at the plastic covers hung in the corner.
"Are those our costumes Slayer?" Spike questioned while clearing a space in the room so he could get changed behind a curtain in privacy.
"Yep." replied Buffy with an evil glint in her eye that made Spike extremely nervous. Had she devised some evil plan?
"Wanna see yours?" Buffy grinned. Spike responded with a "Do I really want to?" glance. She answered by pointing at the bag containing his "outfit"
He slowly pulled down the zipper and peered inside. What greeted him was a very nasty sight for the master vampire. Inside were a florescent pink taffeta dress and a matching bow.
Spike moved his head towards Buffy very slowly and whispered
"Are you sure this is mine?" unwilling to pull the contents out of the bag.
"Absolutely." Buffy answered, unable to hide her smile. "It's something drag queens would usually wear."
"I'm a drag queen now?" glared Spike in astonishment. "I am not dressing like a poof, that's Angel's job."
Buffy relished the opportunity to tease the peroxide vamp, so she retorted. "I don't know Spike. Maybe you'll find that you like it."
"I bloody hope not!! exclaimed Spike.
****************************************************************************
Spike had plucked up the courage to take out the pink "thing" he was supposed to wear. Right now he and Buffy were arguing about if he was going to wear it.
"I am not, or never will, as long as I live were anything remotely PINK!" Spike hissed.
Buffy whipped out a stake and positioned it over Spike's heart. Spike shrugged his shoulders and held up his hands in submission,
"Go ahead Slayer. Wearing that thing would be more than my unlife is worth."
"What you won't even do it for me?" Buffy put on an incredibly sexy pout. Even if I promise to give you more than a crumb after the show."
That did it. A bulge began to form in Spike's pants and he agreed to wear the hideously pink taffeta dress.
****************************************************************************
Spike was about to put on the dress, when Buffy stopped him by placing a hand dangerously near his thigh. Spike had to close his eyes for several seconds before he could speak.
"Yeah Slayer, what now?"
"You do realise that you are going to need your legs waxed." she answered.
It took several moments for the realisation of what Buffy was suggesting to sink in and then…
THUD!!
Spike was on the floor, out cold.
"SPIKE!" Buffy shouted in his ear. You're supposed to be the Big Bad for gawds sake!"
Buffy resorted to another tactic. She knelt down beside him.
"Oh Spike, remember that extra large crumb I promised you." She whispered in her most seductive manner.
Spike quivered as the vibrations of Buffy's voice sent shivers down his spine. He opened his eyes slowly.
"I remember Slayer… but a man's got pride ya know. If I go through with this I want some of my crumb up front." replied Spike in an equally sexy voice.
Buffy became distracted by some very NC-17 thoughts that her friends at One Good Day would approve of.
Spike could sense her arousal and decided to take the initiative. He moved towards Buffy so that their faces were only inches apart. A questioning expression spread across his face. "Well Slayer?"
She responded by meeting his lips with her own. Both enjoyed the resulting sensations. Fireworks were exploding inside them as a chemical reaction was made that no magical spell could reproduce.
Spike pulled away gently. He averted Buffy's gaze for a second before piercing it with his wonderful blue eyes and adding quietly "Thank you Buffy."
"It was my pleasure Spike." Buffy replied beaming.
She took his hand a led him to the couch and asked him to take his clothes off but leave his underwear on, for now. Spike duly obliged.
Spike tried not to grimace as Buffy began to pull the waxing strips off his muscular thighs. A smile crept across her face as she gazed at the sculptured sight before her.
****************************************************************************
Buffy and Spike stood behind the scarlet velvet curtain, both shaking with nerves, and unconsciously holding hands. They could hear excited children on the other side, together with mumblings of the adults.
The ageing compere graced the stage to lukewarm applause, and introduced the new "mystery" act. The curtains swept back and Slayer and vamp stepped forward. As they did so there was a loud crash as the curtain pole crashed to the stage showing its 50 years of age, narrowly missing the two performers. Thinking quickly our favourite twosome pretended it was part of their act.
Buffy looked divine in a charcoal velvet suit with matching top hat and hair pulled back into a ponytail. Spike was equally splendid even though he was wearing the hideous pink taffeta dress. There was no mistaking his rippling muscles through the material. All the females in the audience strained to getter a better glimpse of the gorgeous assistant while trying to keep their salivating to a minimum. The males, however, could only scowl, while secretly being impressed.
Buffy performed all the usual tricks like the rabbit being pulled out of a hat and a disappearing assistant. But now it was time for the final trick - sawing the assistant in half. Spike gulped at the thought, and twiddled nervously at his Minnie Mouse bow. Buffy shot him an evil grin as she fantasised about being that close to his manhood.
The ornate wooden box was wheeled onto the stage. Spike took another nervous gulp and the hairs on his neck began to stand up. Buffy secretly squeezed his hand and then very slowly let it go.
BANG!
A balloon went pop in the audience and Spike's bottle nearly followed it *until* he remembered his crumb.
Buffy began waving the sword wildly in the air and made elaborate gestures with her arms.
[She'd make a great trolley dolly] thought Spike [especially naked]
[Don't go there Spike or I might saw off your little soldier - and we wouldn't want that!] thought Buffy as she read Spike's mind.
The box was open and Buffy beckoned Spike to step inside. He gave Buffy one last sorrowful glance before waving to the audience and awaiting his fate inside the box.
Spike curled up in a ball once inside the box so that his body was in one section of the box. Slowly he began to hear the scrape of the saw against the wood. He began to say a silent prayer as the metal blade crept towards him. Because of his larger size there were only a few millimetres between the blade and his toes. Spike started to feel dizzy as Buffy swung the box around a little too much for his liking.
A few minutes later he heard the click of the two halves coming together and he stretched out his fine muscular legs but he could not breathe a sigh of relief as the box was too cramped.
Buffy opened the box and Spike made his dramatic, slightly hammy entrance, milking the audience for all it was worth. He soon stopped though when Buffy gave him stake sharp looks to stop what he as dong or he was dust!
Both took their applause from the audience and went back stage.
****************************************************************************
Waiting for them were Trish, Meredith, Gillian and Stacey. Buffy introduced them to Spike. The girls looked up and down his body *very* appreciatively.
"'Ello ladies. What can I do for you?" asked Spike
"Wouldn't you like to know." muttered Meredith under her breath huskily.
"Would I now." smirked Spike making all the girls blush, including Buffy. What's this One Good Day?" he asked, indicating their t-shirts.
The girls paused to answer. Finally Stacey spoke up. "It's um like an unofficial Spike appreciation society."
"You mean a FAN CLUB!" Spike grinned, almost jumping up and down in the pink taffeta dress.
Seeing Buffy becoming uncomfortable Meredith added "Buffy's a member." and an evil grin began to appear on her face.
A devilish grin spread across Spike's features matching Meredith's. He turned towards Buffy. "Is she now? You never told ol' Spike that." He paused. "What exactly do you do at One Good Day?"
A smart young woman in a wheelchair spoke up. "Um we have OGD Sinners. I'm number 46. We also have…" Stacey cringed slightly " Streaking Spikes and Chocolate Naked Spikes that we keep in our vault."
"Chocolate Naked WHAT?!!" gasped Spike.
"Here let me show you." Buffy took one out of a Tupperware box that Meredith was carrying. We eat them head first."
"Tell me Buffy are there any Chocolate Naked Angels" asked Spike smirking.
Buffy smiled. "Not that *I'm* aware of."
"Would you like a chocolate Naked Spike?" asked Meredith, fluttering her eyelashes. Spike took one from the box. He was about to chomp his face off when Buffy stopped him wearing a huge grin.
"Not that head Spike, the *one* further down."
Spike's eyes grew wide like saucers when he realised what she meant.
THE END
Buffy picked up a prop and started to practice a trick which raised an eyebrow from Spike.
"Uh luv… Shouldn't I be doin' that?"
Buffy grinned "Can you do magic tricks Spike?"
"Well no… but…" Spike hesitantly replied.
Buffy arched an eyebrow "But what Spike?" Buffy retorted.
"You get to do the magic because you're a man?" she emphasised the last word making Spike shift uncomfortably at the reminder that he was in fact a monster.
"Well yeah… I mean no. I didn't know that the Slayer did magic. Thought that was Red's job."
"Of course you did Spike." answered Buffy sarcastically. "This is the 21st Century Spike. Don't you remember Women's lib? You should be used to females taking control since you killed two Slayers."
Spike growled "Ok I get the picture Slayer, you'll be doin' the magic and I'll be the gorgeous assistant." His face brightened and the trademark smirk began to appear.
Buffy gave a dismissive snort so Spike added under his breath
"Pity your magic didn't work on Peaches and Nancy Boy, eh pet?"
****************************************************************************
It was only a couple of hours before the show was due to start. The costumes Buffy had asked for were hung in a corner. She couldn't wait to see Spike's reaction to his. Buffy giggled at the thought.
Spike walked through the door after spending the last half hour inspecting the stage. He glanced over at the plastic covers hung in the corner.
"Are those our costumes Slayer?" Spike questioned while clearing a space in the room so he could get changed behind a curtain in privacy.
"Yep." replied Buffy with an evil glint in her eye that made Spike extremely nervous. Had she devised some evil plan?
"Wanna see yours?" Buffy grinned. Spike responded with a "Do I really want to?" glance. She answered by pointing at the bag containing his "outfit"
He slowly pulled down the zipper and peered inside. What greeted him was a very nasty sight for the master vampire. Inside were a florescent pink taffeta dress and a matching bow.
Spike moved his head towards Buffy very slowly and whispered
"Are you sure this is mine?" unwilling to pull the contents out of the bag.
"Absolutely." Buffy answered, unable to hide her smile. "It's something drag queens would usually wear."
"I'm a drag queen now?" glared Spike in astonishment. "I am not dressing like a poof, that's Angel's job."
Buffy relished the opportunity to tease the peroxide vamp, so she retorted. "I don't know Spike. Maybe you'll find that you like it."
"I bloody hope not!! exclaimed Spike.
****************************************************************************
Spike had plucked up the courage to take out the pink "thing" he was supposed to wear. Right now he and Buffy were arguing about if he was going to wear it.
"I am not, or never will, as long as I live were anything remotely PINK!" Spike hissed.
Buffy whipped out a stake and positioned it over Spike's heart. Spike shrugged his shoulders and held up his hands in submission,
"Go ahead Slayer. Wearing that thing would be more than my unlife is worth."
"What you won't even do it for me?" Buffy put on an incredibly sexy pout. Even if I promise to give you more than a crumb after the show."
That did it. A bulge began to form in Spike's pants and he agreed to wear the hideously pink taffeta dress.
****************************************************************************
Spike was about to put on the dress, when Buffy stopped him by placing a hand dangerously near his thigh. Spike had to close his eyes for several seconds before he could speak.
"Yeah Slayer, what now?"
"You do realise that you are going to need your legs waxed." she answered.
It took several moments for the realisation of what Buffy was suggesting to sink in and then…
THUD!!
Spike was on the floor, out cold.
"SPIKE!" Buffy shouted in his ear. You're supposed to be the Big Bad for gawds sake!"
Buffy resorted to another tactic. She knelt down beside him.
"Oh Spike, remember that extra large crumb I promised you." She whispered in her most seductive manner.
Spike quivered as the vibrations of Buffy's voice sent shivers down his spine. He opened his eyes slowly.
"I remember Slayer… but a man's got pride ya know. If I go through with this I want some of my crumb up front." replied Spike in an equally sexy voice.
Buffy became distracted by some very NC-17 thoughts that her friends at One Good Day would approve of.
Spike could sense her arousal and decided to take the initiative. He moved towards Buffy so that their faces were only inches apart. A questioning expression spread across his face. "Well Slayer?"
She responded by meeting his lips with her own. Both enjoyed the resulting sensations. Fireworks were exploding inside them as a chemical reaction was made that no magical spell could reproduce.
Spike pulled away gently. He averted Buffy's gaze for a second before piercing it with his wonderful blue eyes and adding quietly "Thank you Buffy."
"It was my pleasure Spike." Buffy replied beaming.
She took his hand a led him to the couch and asked him to take his clothes off but leave his underwear on, for now. Spike duly obliged.
Spike tried not to grimace as Buffy began to pull the waxing strips off his muscular thighs. A smile crept across her face as she gazed at the sculptured sight before her.
****************************************************************************
Buffy and Spike stood behind the scarlet velvet curtain, both shaking with nerves, and unconsciously holding hands. They could hear excited children on the other side, together with mumblings of the adults.
The ageing compere graced the stage to lukewarm applause, and introduced the new "mystery" act. The curtains swept back and Slayer and vamp stepped forward. As they did so there was a loud crash as the curtain pole crashed to the stage showing its 50 years of age, narrowly missing the two performers. Thinking quickly our favourite twosome pretended it was part of their act.
Buffy looked divine in a charcoal velvet suit with matching top hat and hair pulled back into a ponytail. Spike was equally splendid even though he was wearing the hideous pink taffeta dress. There was no mistaking his rippling muscles through the material. All the females in the audience strained to getter a better glimpse of the gorgeous assistant while trying to keep their salivating to a minimum. The males, however, could only scowl, while secretly being impressed.
Buffy performed all the usual tricks like the rabbit being pulled out of a hat and a disappearing assistant. But now it was time for the final trick - sawing the assistant in half. Spike gulped at the thought, and twiddled nervously at his Minnie Mouse bow. Buffy shot him an evil grin as she fantasised about being that close to his manhood.
The ornate wooden box was wheeled onto the stage. Spike took another nervous gulp and the hairs on his neck began to stand up. Buffy secretly squeezed his hand and then very slowly let it go.
BANG!
A balloon went pop in the audience and Spike's bottle nearly followed it *until* he remembered his crumb.
Buffy began waving the sword wildly in the air and made elaborate gestures with her arms.
[She'd make a great trolley dolly] thought Spike [especially naked]
[Don't go there Spike or I might saw off your little soldier - and we wouldn't want that!] thought Buffy as she read Spike's mind.
The box was open and Buffy beckoned Spike to step inside. He gave Buffy one last sorrowful glance before waving to the audience and awaiting his fate inside the box.
Spike curled up in a ball once inside the box so that his body was in one section of the box. Slowly he began to hear the scrape of the saw against the wood. He began to say a silent prayer as the metal blade crept towards him. Because of his larger size there were only a few millimetres between the blade and his toes. Spike started to feel dizzy as Buffy swung the box around a little too much for his liking.
A few minutes later he heard the click of the two halves coming together and he stretched out his fine muscular legs but he could not breathe a sigh of relief as the box was too cramped.
Buffy opened the box and Spike made his dramatic, slightly hammy entrance, milking the audience for all it was worth. He soon stopped though when Buffy gave him stake sharp looks to stop what he as dong or he was dust!
Both took their applause from the audience and went back stage.
****************************************************************************
Waiting for them were Trish, Meredith, Gillian and Stacey. Buffy introduced them to Spike. The girls looked up and down his body *very* appreciatively.
"'Ello ladies. What can I do for you?" asked Spike
"Wouldn't you like to know." muttered Meredith under her breath huskily.
"Would I now." smirked Spike making all the girls blush, including Buffy. What's this One Good Day?" he asked, indicating their t-shirts.
The girls paused to answer. Finally Stacey spoke up. "It's um like an unofficial Spike appreciation society."
"You mean a FAN CLUB!" Spike grinned, almost jumping up and down in the pink taffeta dress.
Seeing Buffy becoming uncomfortable Meredith added "Buffy's a member." and an evil grin began to appear on her face.
A devilish grin spread across Spike's features matching Meredith's. He turned towards Buffy. "Is she now? You never told ol' Spike that." He paused. "What exactly do you do at One Good Day?"
A smart young woman in a wheelchair spoke up. "Um we have OGD Sinners. I'm number 46. We also have…" Stacey cringed slightly " Streaking Spikes and Chocolate Naked Spikes that we keep in our vault."
"Chocolate Naked WHAT?!!" gasped Spike.
"Here let me show you." Buffy took one out of a Tupperware box that Meredith was carrying. We eat them head first."
"Tell me Buffy are there any Chocolate Naked Angels" asked Spike smirking.
Buffy smiled. "Not that *I'm* aware of."
"Would you like a chocolate Naked Spike?" asked Meredith, fluttering her eyelashes. Spike took one from the box. He was about to chomp his face off when Buffy stopped him wearing a huge grin.
"Not that head Spike, the *one* further down."
Spike's eyes grew wide like saucers when he realised what she meant.
THE END