TRIGGER WARNING - CONTAINS SOME MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM TO THE END. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters used in this story. They belong to the CW and other parties.
AN: Hi everyone, In this story the Salvatores are over 500 hundred years old as in the books but that's where all the similarities between my story and the books start and end. Some characters are a bit OOC and pairings may change on a whim. This is AU and it will not run in the same order as the tv show and will not have the same antagonists either.
"It's a yearning," Bonnie says, her voice sounding hollow even to her ears. "A longing so deep it shocks me…but…it's tinged with fear. That makes me think that when I finally do find what I'm looking for or it finds me that-"
She stopped and cast weary eyes at the therapist sitting across from her who had been furiously scribbling away. Bonnie wasn't completely sure how to finish that sentence… the emotions inside of her felt like a whirling tornado that wanted to destroy her. A rage that was red hot and all consuming, burning, burning away at her. The only other emotion that rivals it in intensity is a fondness that creates butterflies in the pit of her stomach and steals her breathe and makes her feel like she can conquer the world.
If only thoughts of a longing for someone or something left her confused, exhilarated and scared out of her mind, what would the real thing do?
"Yes," Her therapist prompts, her placating facial expression causing the crow's feet around her eyes to become prominent.
"My time's up," Bonnie says slowly, bringing her eyes to rest on the grandfather clock in the far corner.
"You can certainly welcome to continue talking if you wish,"
"I can't," She says standing "Elena will be here today,"
##
The congregation of faces in the parking lot draws attention, seeing as it's comprised of the IT people. Caroline, head cheerleader, brutally honest socialite and pseudo-event caterer (never doubt her, she can do it all). Matt, Quarterback and resident good guy. Tyler, Jock that – almost every girl wanted and all guys envied – almost. Bonnie, cheerleader and good girl; supportive and modest
There is a few hanger ons. Wanna bes whom Caroline were currently shooting glares at for trying to intrude on a private moment where they welcomed one of their own back into their folds after a summer of pain and realization that her parents were lost to her.
"Elena," Bonnie whispered when her best friend stepped out of her Aunt Jenna's car, clad in jeans, a long sleeved t-shirt and converse on her feet. She was clutching her messenger bag in front her in a way meant to protect.
Elena brushed a piece of her long brown hair behind her ear walked over to them and was enveloped in a mass of warm limbs and whispered "Welcome backs," A few cleansing tears were shed and Caroline even refrained from commenting on Elena's deteriorating fashion sense.
All was good…until the roar of an engine broke up their little gathering; a sports car parked a few spots over and out came a guy with hero hair clad in European leather and what Bonnie was pretty sure Ray Bans shades. She shivered under the late summer sun, there it was again. A bubble of fondness bursting in the pit of her stomach and making her smile like an idiot.
"Woah," Caroline whispered "New? He has to be, we don't have hotties like that in Mystic Falls."
"Hey!" Matt, her boyfriend of 1 and ½ years protests.
"Except you Mattie," Caroline tries to save.
"Hot back," Bonnie says and everyone looks at her, "What? It's basically the only thing we have unobstructed view of from here,"
Elena simply looks on with mild curiosity before turning her attention to Caroline whom has her arm outstretched for her to take.
"Bons?" Caroline says, her other arm outstretched to her. "Come on,"
Bonnie tears her eyes away from Hot Back and takes Caroline's arm. "On we go!"
##
New Orleans 1864
The giggles she lets go is like a beacon of light and Stefan follows it, wanting to catch her so she could turn her smile on him and he could feel the warmth of her happiness wash over him.
"You're too slow," She teases lightly and she turns the corner, her skirts swishing around her ankles and her voice beckoning to him.
He forces his feet to go faster until he can almost touch her, he grabs her by the edge of her dress and they both fall to the ground in a mass of limbs and skirts. She's giggling again which he takes as a sign that she is uninjured.
"Mr. Sal-" She stops herself from addressing him formally since they are in private "Stefan," She begins again "You're no good, I'm supposed to be helping mama peel potatoes for the soup but instead I'm here running around with you,"
Stefan snickered into his hand "You seemed to enjoyed being chased Miss Tyler. Did you not join in this game willingly?"
She casts her mock disapproving green eyes on him as he helped her up. "That's not the point, you're older." Stefan wants to smirk and tell her 'You wouldn't believe how much older,' but a pain is spreading in his chest and it hurts to even think about making a joke about his immortality.
"Don't leave me alone," He says it flippantly but it hints at the sadness he holds underneath. His double meaning isn't caught by her but her eyes watch him steadily as if she has an inkling.
It should scare her; the way he looks at her like he knows her inside and out and how he thinks she is both strong yet fragile. But it just seems to make sense to her. She shakes her head and watches him.
"I have to go before I get yelled at," She says after a while gauging him with her unwavering green eyes. He didn't want or need her sympathy. It wasn't going to help him. "I'll be back later," And she took off, navigating the halls and leaving him up to his own devices.
He knows he shouldn't be here, with her. Not just because of stupid social norms of this time period but because he will be her doom. She's closer to a witch blood line than she has ever been before; born into the paternal side that holds no power.
Soon, he thinks. Soon.
His nephew finds him standing in the hallway, watching the area that had just been vacated just minutes before and he inclines his head "Uncle," Stefan says, brushing past him and retreating to his room.
Present
Bonnie is doodling on the edges of her notebook, waiting for Mr. Tanner to begin his class. She didn't even notice the class had become quiet until the thud of books hitting the wooden surface of a desk was the only thing she heard.
Her head snapped up, looking for the source of the noise. Her eyes locked with green grey eyes and she sucked in an unnecessary breath. Hot Back was in her history class. She hadn't seen him since this morning when he pulled up in his vintage sports car.
A zing of recognition mixed with the same fluttery nervous feeling she had been plagued with all summer ran through her and she shivered, wondering if he felt it too because he looked at her with an expression of awe and probably fear which had Bonnie frowning, turning away from him and using her curly chocolate locks as a barrier from his probing stares.
Elena watched the exchange with keen interest, the way Stefan's eyes almost never left her not even when he saved her from Mr. Tanner's victimization and Bonnie turned shooting him a thankful smile.
"He so has the hots for you," Was the first thing that came out of her mouth when they exited the classroom, walking across the quad to where they usually sat when the weather was nice. Bonnie frowned not exactly sure what Elena was on about.
"Stefan," Elena said again "You should go for it,"
Bonnie stopped "You sound like Caroline,"
Pause
"Are you okay?" she asked and Elena instantly went into defensive mode, folding her arms over the chest and straightening her spine. Bonnie bit her lip; whenever Elena projected her friends' personalities it always meant that she wasn't holding up well.
Bonnie sighed and put her arms around her friend, and burying her face into the taller girls' thick tresses until Elena relaxed into the hug and reciprocated. "I'm always here for you okay?"
Elena nodded and wiped the few tears that escaped her eyes. She smiled at Bonnie "Let's go,"
"Have you seen him up close and personal?" Was the first thing Caroline asked when they sat in their usual position, Bonnie in the middle, Elena to her left and Caroline to her right.
"Oh yeah," Elena said "We have History with him, he could not take his eyes off Bonnie and he defended her when Mr. Tanner decided to bully her."
Caroline's eyes lit up and Bonnie could almost see the wheels in her head turning.
"I feel like I know him," She started before Caroline was finished scheming. "I kinda felt like I was struck by lightning when I first saw him."
Caroline and Elena became silent, watching her intently before sharing glances with each other. Caroline finally squealed "Love at first sight!?" while Elena chuckled
Bonnie rolled her eyes but didn't refute her friends' claims because the fluttering feeling in her stomach only increased with the thought of his name and his piercing green grey eyes.
"So," She changes the subject somewhat subtly but Caroline and Elena still share a knowing look "I spent the summer with my Grams, she let me sit in a few of her collage classes and she let me in on the family secret, that we're descendants of witches from Salem."
Caroline rolls her eyes, bending her head back to stare at the sky.
"She taught me how to read palms." She continued "And since you're a little Miss Doubty Pants, I'll start with you,"
Caroline reluctantly gave her friend her hand after a mini stare off.
Bonnie centred herself just how her Grams taught her. Caroline's wrist was securely trapped in her left hand while her right hand hovered over the open palm. She waited to feel something, anything.
Caroline scoffed after a while. Well at least she could feel Care's irritation, she thought a bit bitterly and she was about to release her friend's wrist but her head slumped down so her chin touched her chest and then rose back up just as quickly. Her eyes were half lidded and her voice came out raspy as if she were a three pack a day chain smoker. "Care,"
A shiver of coldness ran through Bonnie's hand and she wanted to pull away but one word flashed into her mind, causing her breath to hitch and her throat to close up.
DEATH .
The five letter word flashed through her head repeatedly making her more than eager to give Caroline her hand back. But she could still feel it, a feeling of death and decay clawing its way up her arm and restricting her throat. A distant scream reverberated in the depths of her mind and she let go abruptly.
Caroline mirrored Elena's frown "You okay there Bon?"
Bonnie let out a shaky breath and ran a hand through her chocolate locks "Yep, peachy."
"Whatever," Caroline said dismissing her friend's freak out but certainly not before giving her another questioning look as if to say; spit it out and then engaging Elena in conversation.
She had walked into a wall. No that wasn't right, there weren't any walls in front of the girls' bathroom. It was a wall of lean muscle, she stumbled back about to fall flat on her ass when hands flashed out and lightly grabbed her hand and her waist, steadying her and in the process pulling her against the wall of lean muscle.
Her right hand, the one that wasn't being held by his is splayed on his chest, in attempt to keep a modicum of space between them. A zing passed through her body so fast she inhaled deeply, her eyes widening and her stomach fluttering so much she thought she's either vomit or pass out.
"Sorry," Bonnie said when he let her go. She rubbed the place where his bare skin met hers, goose bumps had broken out over the surface of her skin and she suddenly felt a not totally unpleasant shiver working its way down her spine.
She looked up and captured his green grey gaze. His eyes were sad and old; like they had seen the turn of the century.
"Your eyes –" Bonnie began without thinking.
"Yes?" He prompted in that intoxicating voice, his eyes dropping to watch the words roll off her tongue.
"They're bottomless…and old," She tilted her head to the side and frowned slightly.
He mirrored her frown, his forehead brooding. "Is that a bad thing?"
She looked at him, her face turning blank. "Yes, it means that you shouldn't be here,"
She looks taken aback at her own proclamation and she opens and closes her mouth a few times, probably searching for words but then she gives up and she flushes. Stupid she chides herself.
"I'm so sorry, I don't know what I'm saying. I'm Bonnie. Bonnie Bennett. Thank you so much for helping me out in History. Tanner always looks for victims." She grimaces for a second before offering him her hand to shake and he takes it. His hands are cold and calloused and he shocks her by raising her hand to his lips and ghosting a kiss to the back of her hand. Her eyes widen as another shock of pleasure zings through her body.
"A pleasure," He lets go of her hand "Stefan Salvatore."
She smiles at him, "Is that Italian?"
He smiles and she smiles back at him thinking that she might like to see it more often.
"Well Stefan, it's a town tradition to have a back to school party every year," She shuffles around to find the flyer Caroline had shoved into her hand after she had kissed her cheek in greeting earlier. "You should come."
He peruses the flyer and Bonnie says on a whim "Here's my number," She reaches out to take the paper back from him and scribble her phone number onto it. Their hands touch and linger when she returns it "Call me if you can make it,"
#
"Whatever this is, I don't want it," Bonnie said storming into her grandmother's study and pacing the length of it twice.
"Girl stop wearing a path into my carpet and greet your grandmother right before I put you over my knee,"
Bonnie sighed and relented, sitting in the chair on her grandmother's left.
"Grams, I did just as you told me with Caroline and I tried to read her palm b- but… I felt something,"
Sheila stopped her writing and peered at Bonnie over her spectacles. She stood when she realised Bonnie was struggling to say more. She knelt in front of her granddaughter and clasped her hands.
"What is it?"
"I ...felt Death," She laughed derisively "I'm really losing it,"
"I think it's all the Sci-fi," Bonnie muttered to herself.
Sheila's face clouded over with worry which had Bonnie gulping, her own worry mounting.
"Grams, I think this is the part where you reassure me that I'm not going crazy,"
"You're not going crazy child," She said then stopped and spoke more to herself "This is happening sooner than I thought,"
"What is Grams?" Bonnie asked slowly, her voice low and slightly raspy.
"What happened today, anything special?" Grams said placing a smile on her face and rubbing circles onto the back of Bonnie's palm.
"Not really… It was basically a normal day but- there was a new guy in town," She said and Sheila leaned forward slightly "Stefan… Salvatore,"
Sheila let go of her breath in defeat, maybe? She furrowed her brows and then absently said "Let's talk later. We'll do dinner tomorrow."
Bonnie frowned but nodded and left her Grams staring out of the window. Her Grams has never been known to have all the screws tightened properly in her head and has been known to go a little heavy on the booze at any given time, so it was easy for Bonnie or anyone really to brush off her weird episodes.
She taught Occult for Christ's sake!
#
Bonnie liked going to the cemetery on days when she felt overwhelmed and burdened. She'd sit at her mother's grave and talk her troubles away. Her mother had died when she was really young, she didn't know her much about Abby Bennett but she missed the symbol that her mother would have represented if she was still present and all the things that they'd never get to do together.
All the missed birthdays and sleepovers and spa days. All the quality time they could have had if she hadn't been driving back to Mystic Falls that day in the pouring rain. She guessed that this was better than having her mother for 16 years and then having her torn away from you like in Elena's case.
Bonnie heaved a sigh and cast a fond smile onto Abby Bennett's flat grave stone, brushing away debris and placing a single white rose on top.
"Hi mom, I'm a junior now!" She placed some fake enthusiasm into her voice and chuckled before sobering "Elena's back and she seems better at least. And there was this new guy, Stefan. Elena and Caroline insists that I get to know him because apparently he was staring at me during History, which is ridiculous right? … But it feels like I know him somehow."
"Grams taught me palm reading which would have made for a fun party trick if it didn't actually work and freak me out. I used it on Caroline and I felt …death."
Bonnie shook her head and bent it so she could look at her hands that were playing with the hem of her skirt. "Again… silly."
A blur of movement flashed in her peripheral and her head snapped up to survey her surroundings. A fog had rolled in all of a sudden and Bonnie stood looking past headstones to see if anyone else had come to pay their respects.
She found no one and she turned, grabbing her messenger bag and slinging it over her shoulder but she stopped her movements when she noticed a single black rose and a black feather in place of the white one she had deposited earlier. Bonnie looked around again; a frown tugging at her lips and a bit of fear creeping up her spine. She picked up the items carefully, not sparing a moment to examine them just heading for the exit as fast as she could.
#
Drying her hair, she padded out of her bathroom; her eyes straying over to the rose and feather that she had haphazardly placed on her desk.
She had examined the feather on her walk home, it was too big to belong to any of the birds she knew around the area and it was midnight black. But if she had to hazard a guess, she'd say it was a crow or a raven. Obviously a mutated one.
The rose on the other hand looked, freshly cut; the thorns still intact. Bonnie threw her towel in her the hamper near to her desk and picked up the rose carefully, lifting it to her nose. She inhaled deeply and sighed, flashes of a dark greenhouse flashed in her mind and she tightened her grip on the flower.
"Ouch," Bonnie said releasing the flower and letting it fall to her desk in order to examine the prick on her finger. She watched the blood swell from the tiny puncture and she pressed it to her mouth; using her tongue to clean the salty- coppery fluid away.
Bonnie picked up the flower once again, reaching over to stick it into her cup of colourful markers and gel pens. It looked strange among all the colour, the blackness of the petals seemingly sucking all the colour into its dark depths.
She reeled and shook her head, now stowing away the feather into the bottom draw of her desk among loose pages of notes and doodles. Her phone buzzed on her nightstand pulling her away from thoughts of oversized birds and a fog suddenly rolling into Mystic Falls.
#
"Hello brother," The voice came from behind him and he didn't turn, just wiped away the sweat on his forehead and rolled his shoulder.
"Hey," The voice grew irritable and Stefan turned slowly to see a smirk finally settling itself onto his older brother's face. "This is no way to greet your favourite brother."
"Only brother," Stefan says in a tone that suggests if they did have another brother; the title of favourite brother and Damon wouldn't even be used in the same sentence.
Damon scowls before it's replaced with a sly smile. "Haven't seen you in what 40 years? What have you been up to?"
There is a pause in which Damon stares at Stefan expectantly and Stefan tries to not let the panic he is in show on his face. Because Damon tends to ruin things, either by mistake or on purpose in his quest for self-destruction. It's beautiful but selfish, and his selfishness is what warps the self-destruction into something ugly and wide spreading; ruining everyone and everything in its reach.
Stefan feigns nonchalance "Oh nothing much, just homesick," He tries not to flinch as the words escape his lips. After he had killed his father and burnt their childhood home down, Stefan had made his need to escape this place and put any reminder of her far, farbehind him.
"Oh," Damon says and folds his arms over his chest, the material of the dark t-shirt stretching across his muscles and he lets his head rest against the doorframe. His methane blue eyes are trying to ignite the lies that Stefan has relinquished and that has settled between them making the air heavy with tension. "Well, I'll be around. It's high time we caught up little brother."
Stefan grimaced when Damon had left the room. The lies had left a bitter taste in his mouth but he gulped and ignored it. He would protect her from Damon's influence.
He recalled them in the 40's, Damon had found them again or possibly he had been keeping tabs on Stefan in case he found her or more likely, she found him. He had extended his bad influence toward her and she, so innocent and full of wonder at the darkness that he exuded had relented and let him be her death.
Stefan shook off thoughts of the past and reached for the weathered photo he kept in a delicate wooden box with carvings of birds in flight on it. It was a gift from her. He lifted the lid to reveal a portrait of her with long curls, a smirk on her full lips and a glint of mischief in her eyes.
He closed the lid and his eyes. Maybe this time things could be different, he mused and his desperation crept up on him and he wondered how long he could lie to himself.
#
Bonnie let Caroline dress her because she had stood in front of her closet for the last 30 minutes in her bathrobe just staring at the multi-coloured wall of clothes willing something good to just leap out at her.
Caroline waltzed in, looked at her thoughtful face and parted her clothing until she found a summer-esque mid-thigh peach dress, with a thin brown belt under the bosom and she recovered a pair of flat, brown ankle boots from the back of her closet.
Caroline put the dress into Bonnie's hands and sat at her vanity, reapplying her lip gloss. "Hurry, Matt's meeting me there and," She winked at Bonnie in the mirror "You're meeting hot back."
Bonnie flushed at her words but instead of replying; busied herself with getting dressed.
The party is just an excuse to get drunk and scope out the freshman because it is more or less for the high schoolers. A few older and younger people manage to go by unnoticed and Bonnie stands around with a drink in her hand, which she doesn't intend on drinking because of her inability to hold her liquor. Her phone chirps with a text and she looks down. Elena nudges her and then motions to Stefan who is weaving his way through the crowd towards them. Elena gives her a sly smile and a wink and slips past Stefan, whose eyes harden when they see her.
Bonnie frowns at the gesture but it's forgotten when his green eyes meet hers and there is an electric current passing between them. Bonnie feels warm even though the material of her dress is light and airy.
He pins her with a look that has her squirming and shifting her weight from one leg to another. "Hey,"
"Hi," She says and then brings her cup to her lips to sip on the bitter liquid just so she would have something to do with her mouth.
"So this is it huh?" He asks over the increasing volume of the song, "Back to school party," He looks around at the crowd of high schoolers and refrains from frowning, it was pretty shitty.
She shrugs and voices his thoughts "Pretty shitty," She says "But any chance to socialize and get hammered and we'll take it,"
She flushes as he laughs.
His laugh is pleasant as well as the accompanying smile he gives her. Bonnie's knees suddenly feels weak and the pounding in her chest becomes harder. She steps back and casually leans against the picnic table, tilting her head and smiling at him.
The innocence is evident on her face and suddenly he wants to run and hide. Run from her and the damage he can cause her. But he's selfish as well and he can blame Damon and call him the bad brother all he wants but he was just as bad probably more so. He wished he was more selfless for her sake but he isn't and he reaches up without thought and lightly brushes his fingertips against her soft cheek.
She's surprized but the jolts of pleasure that run through both of them has her relaxing into his touch. How he missed the feeling of her soft skin against his. She smells like vanilla and wildflowers and it's familiar and warming and he smiles fondly thinking of France in 1640 in a small cottage; his lips pressed against her pulse point on her neck and her hands running through his hair.
I can resist everything except temptation. He thinks and he whispers in an affected voice, without thought
"You are so beautiful," Her eyes find his and she pulls away from him. Indicating they take a seat further away from the music on the wooden picnic table and watch the bodies moving on the make shift dance floor in what passed for dancing.
"Where are you from?" She asks, taking another sit of her beer and not looking at him.
"Italy. But I consider Mystic Falls to be my home," He says "I grew up there but I moved away when I was younger and now I'm back to live with my uncle,"
"In the Salvatore Boarding house right?" She asks and then elaborates when he looks at her questioningly "It was run as an inn by a lady named….. Poppy, I believe, when I was younger but no one ever really used it because we have very little tourists so she moved." She shrugged.
Stefan stared at her in silence for a long while and she finally looks at him again. Her eyes are lighter now, the colour of antifreeze and Stefan can hear the pounding of her heart. She clears her throat and glances down at the wrist watch on the inside of her delicate wrist.
"I should probably get going," She says standing, he stands too. "School night and everything,"
He smiles at her and watches her walk away. He thinks that he really is a selfish bastard.
This time is different. He chides himself.
A dark part of himself that has already given up speaks up You say that every time.
He presses the heel of his hand into his eyes and turns away from the smell of hormones and the increasing smell of teenage sweat and flashes into the dark forest.
#
There was way too much muttering in the hallways, girls where in groups, whispering and looking around for something? Someone?
Bonnie frowned and weaved her ways through the gossiping cliques to her locker. Caroline leaned casually against it and smiled at her.
"The whole school has officially heard about him," She frowns "A lot slower than I thought they would actually. Hmm, the degrading efficiency of the gossip network?" She adds on, musing to herself.
Bonnie shrugs.
"Don't shrug at me Miss Lady. They're buzzing about you too. 'Seen on his arm at the back to school party,' 'The startlingly handsome new guy with hero hair goes after the gorgeous cheerleader' "
Bonnie flinches and looks around the hallways slowly again and she does notice the stares and whispers that break about around her. She rolls her eyes and Caroline changes the subject.
"Practice after school by the way, don't be late." Caroline taps the Morse code for 'love you' on the inside of Bonnie's wrist and she smiles watching her blonde friend weave through the crowd.
They had learnt Morse code when they were 13; a way to communicate without being overhead by their 'rents. It became a necessity after the trio had paid a senior who worked in the movie theatre to buy tickets for them to see an R rated movie and Elena had accidentally spilled the beans by talking too loud and her Grams heard them.
It was their first time seeing a sex scene and Bonnie sat with her hands over her eyes for the rest of the movie. Caroline was gushing after the movie while Elena was as red as a tomato; even the tips of her ears where red. Bonnie hadn't known what she looked like and she wasn't concerned; all she cared about was purging the images out of her mind.
#
He swaggered into the Mystic Grill. His arrogance blocking out the light like blotting paper. It would be easy to say that he looks like a jerk. His methane blue eyes leering at passing women; his presence an offense. But it would depend on which angle you sit in relation to the light.
Here, where Elena was perched, the dying sun had escaped into his presence and you are instead conscious of an alluring darkness and fierce energy; an abandoned prodigality of being that is at once attractive and repulsive.
Particles of darkness like motes of dust on sunlight rush, swirl, eagerly towards him, he draws them in. And flings them out.
He is like a constant wave of the sea. Dangerous but appealing to her at the same time. She suddenly feels like taking a risk and getting a fix of the adrenaline that she knows he can get pumping within her but when he passes by their table, his eyes slide over her with surprize and then a cool distasteful detachment that has her shivering and hiding behind her hair but not before his eyes fixate on the studious looking Bonnie - hunched over her Biology book totally consumed - and narrow at her in interest.
Elena feels a rush of foreign emotion and purses her lips in annoyance and her eyes slide up to Caroline who is watching her with keen interest. She realizes at the moment that this is probably what Caroline felt when they were younger; when there was an unspoken competition between them and an imaginary scoreboard that Elena had always one upped her in. Elena nods at her offering a truce and she does the same in acceptance which all goes unnoticed by Bonnie who is still chewing thoughtfully at the end of her mechanical pencil and tapping her fingers of her left hand on the book in front of her.
"Hottie alert," Caroline says smiling and gestures with her head when Bonnie looks up. They follow her gaze and he is staring unabashedly in their direction. His too blue eyes are trained on Bonnie; his over-confidence startlingly evident in his posture at bar and Bonnie tilts her head precariously and examines him in a clinical way.
He winks at her and she loses her interest in her examination and turns back to her book.
"What's the answer for number 4?"
Caroline's mouth is hanging open in disbelief and Elena's brows are furrowed in confusion. There was a point in their lives when they had wondered if Bonnie was lesbian or asexual because of her limited romantic encounters with the opposite sex but now they wondered if she just didn't get the cues that guys are interested in her.
"He was so checking you out!" Caroline finally says looking from Bonnie to Elena is disbelief. Bonnie frowned and then looked down at the book in front of her and then at both her friends before she got it.
"Oh," Bonnie says and flushes which has Elena watching her fondly. Her innocence was endearing and refreshing to be honest. "Really?"
Elena raises one eyebrow "Bonnie, you're gorgeous."
Bonnie blushes at the compliment and smiles. Elena feels the jealously in the pit of her stomach evaporating at Bonnie's obliviousness to her beauty, she tilts her head to examine her mocha skinned friend. Her green eyes that turned as light as anti-freeze when she was angry, her full lips that she worried when she was nervous and the mass of chocolate curls that framed her heart shaped face. She had been awkward and thin when they were younger but she had filled out nicely now. She was still tiny but now she had curves and an ample bosom and butt. The boys could no longer tease her can call her 'string bean'.
Besides she was so smitten with Stefan already. Elena felt another stab of jealous but brushed it off, Stefan may be eerily handsome – a god in disguise – with hero hair and sports cars but he was way too intense for Elena.
Not that I had a chance, She thinks a bit bitterly.
They parted ways after eating and idly chatting; Elena and Caroline splitting a burger and Bonnie nibbling on onion rings.
She went home and stood in the dark foyer, Jenna was probably still at work and Jeremy was having a much harder time than her. He didn't really have a strong support group like she did.
Elena heaved a sigh, she wanted more than anything in the world to hear her mother humming and fumbling about in the kitchen making dinner and her father to be in his study; his door cracked a bit to let us know that no matter how busy he still had time for us. She stood there for a moment too long, waiting. Longing for the sign of normalcy.
A sob escapes her body when it doesn't come and she stumbles up the stairs to her bathroom stripping off her clothes and sitting in the shower; letting the hot water beat harshly against her bare skin. She cries and screams but it does nothing to help relieve the pain.
She reaches blindly, her hand coming in contact with the razor blade she left on the bathroom counter after she shaved her eyebrows. It slides the pad of her thumb and she watches in fascination as a bead of blood swells and falls onto the tiles. Her hand grips the blade and she moves without thought, sliding it against the wrist of her left hand. She sucks in an unsteady breath, watching the red liquid spill on to the bathroom floor.
It feels as if a pressure is being relieved from inside her. Like all her emotions that's threatening to suffocate her is in her blood, the blood that's now slipping out of her body. She moves her hand again and makes 3 more lines across her wrist.
It makes no sense.
Using pain to relieve pain but she thinks it's strangely beautiful.
##
Deleted scene: Set two weeks before the end of summer.
Bonnie yawned and skipped down the steps of the library; she had stayed too late again but she had to catch up on her required reading for school which started in less than 2 weeks. She sighed.
Darkness had fallen unto Mystic Falls and she stood for a moment in the middle of the sidewalk; watching the deserted streets and the darkness that threatened to consume her.
She closes her eyes and allows the sounds of silence to ring inside her ears. A swooshing sound has her eyes snapping open and she almost stumbles back when she sees someone in the middle of the street, right in front of her.
He's standing under the dim streetlight; the coloured light illuminating dark hair and clothing. He's not looking in her direction, just staring blankly down the road.
She knows she should walk away and not give a second thought to the stranger but she doesn't. Instead she stands there and observes the way he stands still, like a statue and lets the neck of an alcohol bottle hang from between his fingers.
"Hello?" She calls out hesitantly, probably he was lost.
Or an axe murderer looking for another victim. Nice job Bonnie. She thinks sarcastically. His eyes find her and then he's taking long strides over to her.
"Bonnie?" he whispers and now she definitely wants to run but her legs have turned to lead and they refuse to move. His blue are the colour of an open flame and suddenly she's on fire but she has no desire to be put out.
"Do I know you?" She asks after glancing nervously over her shoulder. He frowns at her and then sighs.
"Not anymore,"
She frowns at his cryptic words and he steps forward, his warm alcohol laced breath fanning out on her face as he invades her personal bubble. He reaches up top touch her face tenderly and then her blood is rushing in her ears and she can hear nothing besides the erratic thumping of her heart.
He searches her eyes for something, she can't tell what but he suddenly swoops down and captures her lips against his. The kiss is gentle and he doesn't try to stick his tongue down her throat. Bonnie loses count of how many times he presses his lips against her like he's trying to commit her texture and taste to memory. When he finally pulls away; she's mortified that she just let a gorgeous stranger take her first kiss.
Before she has time to run, his pupils dilate and he's taking it all away from her or probably taking it back, wishing the incident away as much as she was. He's erasing the feeling of his cold hands against her face, his lips warm and responsive against hers and the shivers that accompany it and erases how beautiful he looked standing in the middle of the road; lost. He hesitates and then he's gone; into the night.
Bonnie is standing in the middle of the sidewalk, and she blinks, looks around and then shakes her head to clear the cobwebs before walking home to an empty house.
End AN: Elena is still the doppelgänger btw. It's just things played out a bit differently with Katherine in this story which we will come to in a few chapters. Thank you so much for reading. Please review.