Summary: Commander Alexandra Shepard and Captain James T. Kirk still bravely carry on their fight alongside the Rebel Alliance, against an insidious, merciless, Galactic Empire. But six additional newcomers to this galaxy in conflict will either tip the scales of war in favor of the forces of good, or further plunge it into fiery chaos and death.
Disclaimer: We own nothing. Not Mass Effect, Star Trek 2009 or Into Darkness, the Clone Wars, Star Wars, or any other references that come along.
Authors' notes: Archer83; In the words of a certain genetically enhanced villain, "So, shall we begin?"
Vergil1989; Creepy Archer, way too creepy lol. But yes, the drums of war have begun to beat again, and this time, there will be no victory without grave sacrifice. They got off lightly last time, that won't be happening again as the Empire escalates their war to new heights of twisted cruelty. For those that know my reputation, which you'd also know is fact if you've perused my Verse fic, you know not to take my warning lightly. Enjoy!
(Cue the Star Wars theme!)
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...
Razor's Edge
Episode 2: The Needs Of The Few.
By: Archer83 and Vergil1989 the Crossover King
It is a dark time for the Rebel Alliance.
The evil clone of Commander Alexandra Shepard, Cassandra Shepard, and an equally insidious, twisted, mirror version of Captain James T. Kirk, have launched a massively effective smear campaign against their counterparts.
Rebel supply lines are in danger of being cut completely, and allied support has been drastically reduced. Much of the galaxy is unaware that these two great symbols of hope have been falsely implicated in the mass genocide on the wookie homeworld of Kashyyyk, and other equally horrible acts.
Meanwhile, Lord Vader further weakens Rebel morale and support as he leads his troops in an effort to route out any forces that are still in league with the Rebels, while pushing forward a hidden agenda of his own.
But not all hope is lost, as Alex, Jim, Galen, Ahsoka, Luke, and many more heroes across the galaxy do all they can to push back the Empire at every turn. With every victory comes losses they can ill afford however, and the Rebel Alliance is nearing a breaking point.
But in a distant corner of the Outer Rim, a storm is brewing…
Chapter 1: A Lightning Storm In Space
In the mid Outer Rim.
Not far from the Mustafar system.
More than just the desolate void of space bore witness to the same energy disturbance that had simultaneously brought forth a probe and a small group of allies from two entirely different realities. Except this time, the swirling vortex of unstable energies, that were never meant to be combined, was significantly larger, as were the two objects that were traversing through it. Successfully navigating a probe or minuscule craft through this violent dimensional gateway was vastly different from a pair of similarly sized transport ships of vastly different design. A lesson that the crews aboard them were already learning the hard way, as dozens of arcs of energy coalesced all around them in a deadly, volatile display.
"I need auxiliary power to the barriers! We won't even make it out of the event horizon if these shearing forces on the hull keep building!" One Liara T'Soni, an asari that would have rather been known for her archaeological skills than her spy craft as the infamous Shadow Broker, shouted, her fingers flying over the haptic controls in front of her while her quarian companion made frantic adjustments to the drive core and the engines from the back.
Rerouting power was an easy task for her, but Tali'Zorah vas Pathfinder was far more concerned with the number of systems going into the red as her fingers flew over the board before her. Turning her visored head to the cockpit, she shouted back to her old friend. "Transferring power from life support now!" At Liara's shocked glare over her shoulder, Tali merely shrugged. "What? It's not like we're going to need it if we explode inside a wormhole."
Liara gave an annoyed shake of her head as she turned back to the controls. "Says the woman with the airtight envirosuit. How long till we-"
The quarian engineer was two steps ahead of her friend as she turned back to the cockpit. "We will be clear in...now! Full thrust Liara! Oh, and try not to hit any lightning."
Liara frowned at the beautiful, yet incredibly deadly, cascading arcs of energy all around them. "Easier said than done!" The asari's bright blue eyes widened as the proximity alert on her console blared to life, warning of an imminent collision moments before a new ship appeared in their current trajectory. "What could possibly be- Tali brace yourself!"
Before she had even finished her warning, Liara's slender blue fingers rapidly darted over her glowing haptic display, instantly sending their ship on a new heading. A supply crate slammed into a bulkhead during her desperate evasive maneuver, moments before both women heard a loud and very familiar yelp of fear. "WHAT THE SHIT?! I KNEW IT! THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I SHOULD HAVE FLOWN!" Tali and Liara shared a frustrated glance before their eyes snapped to the decidedly sarcastic sounding crate. "Oh….oops. Um, hello ladies. Funny meeting you two here. I swear I can explain, I snuck on board when you weren't looking. There, that was easy."
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE JOKER?!" Tali and Liara shouted at the same time, as the sheepish looking pilot carefully popped out of a container in the cargo hold between the small vessel's cockpit and the drive core chamber. "Nevermind, get up here now!" Liara shouted, needing his expertise at the helm before they all crashed and burned.
Thank you, ultra well timed impending disaster, you just saved my brittle ass. "Move, move, move! Faster would be better Liara!" Liara tried not to take offense as a hobbling Joker practically threw her out of the pilot seat and took the controls, barely managing to avoid slamming into the ship
coming right at them at the last possible moment by less than a meter. Once the crisis was past, only then did Joker throw a smirk at the lovely duo behind him. "See, this right here is why you only go with a professional pilot. Instead of, you know, lying to him when he asks what the hell you're really up to." Joker continued before either of the shocked women could get a word in edgewise.
"Hey Liara, do asari even have cockpits? Oh that's right, they don't." The pilot held up a finger before Liara could respond to his rude joke. "Because from the way you almost got us all killed, I'd guess you've never been in one before. I know, someone far less qualified than yours truly had to fly, but sheesh! Cutting it a bit close, even for a daring rescue. Shepard would probably kill us if we wound up dead trying to save her, again." When he noticed both of them waiting for him to stop ranting, he just shrugged. "Okay, I'm done. So, what's new with you guys? Besides the entire universe you apparently sent us to?"
Thank the goddess that he is such a stubborn, incorrigible, kind hearted egomaniac. Liara breathed a sigh of relief, despite their unexpected guest's well deserved rant, as she took the copilot seat. "Joker, I'd kiss you, but I wouldn't want to break your incredibly annoying face."
"And now I'm tempted to try it anyway, Shadow Brokeress. And you're too late, I think I busted a rib, or five, getting your big blue ass out of the way." Jeff said with a groan, as he tightly clutched at his aching side.
"You could have just asked." Liara countered, an amused twinkle in her pale blue eyes as she met the seasoned pilot's gaze for a moment.
"I kinda needed that half a second, in case you didn't notice our impending death at the time." Joker pointed towards a flashing comm icon. "Speaking of which, they're callin'. I wonder if they want to exchange insurance info or something? Not like I even scratched the damn paint."
Let's hope he doesn't start another galactic war with his usual charming personality. "Better answer it then, you sarcastically heroic bosh'tet, just so you can brag." Tali chuckled even as she fell into a seat, the excitement having been more than she could bear after getting this far, only to almost end up smashed against another ship. "Keelah, I am so not doing that again. Let's hope this is the right general area at least."
Joker casually tapped at the console in front of him and proceeded to give the other vessel his standard brand of snark. "Hello, awesome pilot that just narrowly avoided your drunk asses currently speak-" Jeff's green eyes widened at the intense brown glare staring back at him. Damn, I wouldn't want to be the unlucky SOB who has her for a girlfriend. They'd need nerves of steel to put up with her. That thought apparently didn't manage to stop Jeff from being his usual sarcastic self however. "Whoa...smoking hot babe off the port bow! Who could probably break me with her pinky."
"Oh brother, out of all the people I could have gotten on your ancient crap for a comm line, it had to be another sarcastic space hick. Can I talk to someone with more than two brain cells please?" Nyoto Uhura sighed, feeling a tension headache coming on. The last thing I need after almost getting vaporized and smashed is this idiot. Jim is at least tolerable.
"Good God woman, I thought you said you had basic flight training?! I've been in car crashes that were less terrifying than that!" A certain cantankerous CMO named Leonard 'Bones' McCoy growled from the copilot seat in the ship before them, looking ready to puke his guts out from the very near miss. Maybe the damn divorce was worse, barely.
Liara couldn't help but grin at the friendly wave they received from the other human man, sitting behind the justifiably upset doctor and female pilot. The miracle working Scottish engineer, Montgomery Scott, grinned back at the fascinating woman. "Aye. Ah certainly recall offering to handle the piloting, lass. That was a wee bit too close to instant, horrible death for ma taste. And hello there!" At least the neighbors are friendly, if a wee bit reckless. Scotty raised an eyebrow as their long range sensors picked up something heading right towards them. "Oh, bloody hell. That canna be a good thing." Before anyone could ask what the thickly accented man meant, a massive white wedge shaped vessel came into view from behind a nearby planet.
Joker, meanwhile, was a little late on the uptake. "Hey don't change the subj-what the hell?! That ship is friggin' huge! Like Collector ship huge." The shocked pilot said, as he saw the signature on the scanner moments before the ship started to turn right towards them. "Um, is it just me, or are they coming right towards us?"
"You're not wrong Joker." Liara stated as she and the five other people watching the approaching ship with growing concern immediately wondered if making a run for it was a better idea than sticking around. In their past experiences, nothing as big as the grey ship heading towards them had good intentions.
"I take it you're the one in charge?" McCoy said with a drawl, a quizzical look on his face as he pointed to Liara. "Tell that jackass next to you to follow us the hell out of here."
"Actually, since I created the technology that allowed-" Liara glared at Tali before she could say another word. "Let's just say it was a specialized Re-" The three on screen leaned in closer to look at the strange blue glow surrounding the suddenly silent alien woman.
The gruff doctor suddenly seemed the most concerned about the strange situation that was unfolding in front of their screen. "Did she just have a stroke or something? And what's with that funny blue glow?"
"She's fine, but as you just pointed out we should probably get out of here. I have a bad feeling about that giant cruiser." Thoughts of the last time a ship that size had honed in on them like a varren hot on their scent flicked through the asari's mind, and she truly hoped it didn't end in a similar fashion. Shepard had died that time, and Liara wasn't eager to test her luck in a mere scout ship.
Uhura threw her hands in the air in exasperation, glancing at the seeming idiots behind and in front of her. "Um...why don't we just talk to them? It couldn't hurt to find out who we're dealing with." Ever the diplomat, Uhura wasn't so easily convinced the ship bearing down on them was an enemy just yet. Even after they had closed within weapons range, the cruiser hadn't fired upon them, which only further convinced the xenolinguist that they weren't among an enemy force. "Screw it, I'm opening a comm line. Patching you in." Uhura was mildly irritated when her hail seemed to be ignored for a few minutes, but when it was eventually answered, she and the men on either side of her were shocked, to say the least.
Staring back at them was one Captain James Tiberius Kirk, and he looked just as surprised as they felt. "Nyota?! Christ, it's good to see you! I never thought-"
Uhura's brief moment of utter joy instantly turned to icy fear and rage. Oh my God. I know those cruel, cold blue eyes. He's not Jim! "You... Don't bother trying to play that card with us you bastard. You are not my captain!" Scotty and McCoy's faces were also a study in barely contained rage and shock as the man on screen wolfishly smiled at all of them.
The blue glow around Tali dispersed, and the quarian glared daggers at Liara for a split second. "You tentacle headed bosh'tet! Don't do that aga- Oh keelah." The way Tali's hands were darting over her haptic display didn't exactly fill Joker and Laira with confidence. "They are locking on to us, as if that smug bosh'tet on screen wasn't obvious enough of a reason to get away from here."
Scotty quickly jumped up from his seat and moved out of camera range, having seen enough of Evil Jim to last him a lifetime. Well isn't this a fine mess we've gotten ourselves into ten bloody minutes after departing. The fact our jump didn't vaporize us is a plus, but ah almost wish it had now. At least we have some unexpected friends. Pulling out the comm device from his back pocket, Scotty made sure he was in engineering before getting their unexpected allies in this rather insane situation back on the comm. "Ah'm sure by now ye can see we're in for a bit of trouble from that daft bastard on screen, but whatever ye do, ya canna trust a word he says." Scotty whispered, hoping no one was paying attention to him as he worked furiously to get the warp drive prepared for their imminent escape.
"Liara, you might wanna- oh right. The whole information broker thing." Jeff's eyes flicked to the display on Liara's omni-tool, the transmission between the two ships already being recorded from the moment the channel opened. "Guy looks like a real charmer." Why do I think this asshole would get along famously with TIM? If Shepard hadn't talked him into doing the galaxy a gigantic favor by putting a bullet in his skull anyway.
Back on the other ship, Uhura and Bones continued to glower at the smiling, sick caricature of a man they had grown to respect and trust. "Awe! You remembered me! I'm touched. Really. I just can't wait to meet you all in person again. Especially your own little glowing 'Star of Freedom', in Swahili, right?" The predatory smile only widened at the intense scowls directed at him. Uhura, McCoy, and Scotty unfortunately knew this man, and his complete lack of moral fiber, all too well. Seemingly unaffected by their intense glares, 'Jim' just shrugged. "What? I read. You aren't gonna be free for long sweetheart."
"Give me two minutes on my operating table, I'll show you who'll be touched." McCoy growled back, briefly forgetting he was a doctor, not a psychopathic criminal, unlike some people. "How in the Hell did you get here you insane nutjob?!"
Before McCoy could say anything else, the ship lurched. Scotty recognized the reason immediately as he looked to his friends in stunned shock. It seemed they had tractor beams, or something very similar in this reality, a fact they soon caught onto as their ship started to get pulled in closer to the immense cruiser.
Damn, talk about a bad bedside manner. Note to self, do not piss that guy off. He makes an angry Karin Chakwas look nice. "Okay, I officially like Grumpy. But I have bad news and worse news, I'll let you guess which is which. They've locked onto them with some type of energy beam, and they're trying to do the same to us. Time to get the hell out of Dodge boys and girls." After a moment of thought, Jeff was quick to amend his statement. "You too Liara."
The asari glowered at Joker as he started rapidly adjusting his controls. "We aren't leaving them behind."
Jeff's eye flicked over to glance to Liara even as his hands dashed over the haptic console. "Who said anything about leaving anybody?" Turning back to his display, Joker yelled over his shoulder towards their resident quarian engineer. "Tali, I'm assuming you're already pulling some fancy tech crap right now since we aren't, you know, getting yanked in like a trout alongside our buddies over there."
Fortunately for all of them, Tali was already two steps ahead of the clearly hostile ship's crew. Considering her three fingered hands were flying over the controls faster than ever, she was in the process of doing just that. "I'm manually fluctuating our drive core's mass effect field output, that should stop them from getting a 'tractor' lock on us. Even so, I can't do this for long without causing serious damage to our ship."
Back on the screen, 'Kirk' was continuing to mock his now ensnared prey, having seemingly forgotten about the crew of the other ship for the moment. "Language Bones, I thought your ex wife would have beaten that out of you by now." They all watched as the man nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders. "As to how I got there, I actually don't know. I woke up next to some strange alien scum street vendor, but I was picked up by the local authorities almost an hour later. How's that adorable little Joanna of yours Bones?" Liara suddenly felt the intense urge to crush the man's head against a bulkhead with her biotics. Whether that was before or after she flayed him alive first was up for debate.
It seemed McCoy shared her sentiment, as he looked ready to jump through the screen and strangle the man with his bare hands if given half a chance. "Far, far away from you, you sick son of a bitch. Like we're going to be any second now."
The grinning man just stared at his apparently broken right hand for a moment before gazing back up at the infuriated doctor. "Really? Because if you're desperately hoping Scotty will pull another amazing feat of engineering out of his ass at the last possible moment, I wouldn't count on it."
"Hey! Ah heard that ye daft bastard!" While he was out of sight, he wasn't out of earshot as he stuck his head out of the compartment far in the back before disappearing again. It wasn't the warp core he was worried about this time, having already made the adjustments needed to make a fast getaway, but the evil nutcase didn't need to know that. Speaking into his com link again, Scotty hoped their new friends were still listening. "I have a way to get you lot off yer ship. Ever hear of matter transportation?"
"As interesting as that sounds, I highly suggest you use whatever weapons you have on the energy emitter currently holding your ship! I am sending the coordinates now!" Liara hissed into her omni-tool, making sure the engineer and his companions didn't miss her urgency as she turned to Jeff, who was already priming their own weapons. Their kinetic weaponry most likely wouldn't be enough on their own, but they had to try something. We don't leave people behind. Shepard proved that countless times before. I'm not about to dishonor that belief now.
"Way ahead of you Blue." Uhura said, nodding to McCoy as he fired the low yield phasers Scotty had adamantly insisted on installing in the smuggling vessel they had 'borrowed' from the Enterprise's main shuttlebay.
Joker was quick to activate their own ship's limited weapons systems a split second after seeing the red beams of energy slam into the tractor emitters. The only problem was that the shield around the ship's hull wasn't letting their combined attacks through.
McCoy's angry yell was enough to make Jeff's ears ring. "Keep up your attack, we have to take those emitters down!"
"Not happening Grumpy. There's no way we're going to punch through...except maybe if..." One of his crazy plans came to mind, and Jeff immediately looked to his two old friends. "Liara, Tali, get your asses into the escape pod now!"
The quarian knew what Joker was planning the moment he gave the order to abandon ship, and she didn't like the odds at all. Even with his abilities behind the 'wheel', she didn't think he'd make the trip in one piece. "That's not going to happen Jeff!" Tali shouted, having long since figured out his suicidal plan to make sure the others escaped. "I am not leaving you behind!" What is that damn tingling feeling?! Why are there a bunch of orbiting lights around my head?!
"Um, hello there. Welcome aboard." Scotty said as he looked between the two new arrivals, who quickly rounded on him next once the matter transportation was complete.
Even through her tinted visor, Scotty didn't need to see her facial expression to know he was receiving the mother of all death glares from the suited woman. "Send me back, you damn bosh'tet!"
Liara quickly pulled the pistol she'd been carrying off her hip. "I second her idea. We aren't leaving him to die." The fact her voice was unusually cold and calm belied just how easy she would have found it to put a bullet through his head in order to save her friend.
Yep, definitely nay about ta piss this lady off. Even as he put his hands up, Scotty was both relieved and startled to see Uhura and McCoy had pulled their own weapons and pointed them at the asari. "Whoa! Ah nay think it's a good idea to be aimin' a sidearm at me in such an enclosed space. Especially something as ancient looking as that one is. Shoot me if ye must, but Ah nay will be sending you anywhere. Don't worry yer pretty little heads lassies, Ah plan ta have yer crazy friend join us any second now." Scotty was quick to reply, hoping to avoid getting his head ventilated by the strange gun in the blue alien's unusually steady hand.
Are they seriously giving me the silent treatment right now? When the cockpit got unusually quiet, Joker looked over his shoulder. "Just get the hell out of he- Hey, where'd you guys go?" Jeff blinked his eyes twice before shaking his head. He had a job to do, and they were safely out of the way.
Somehow. "Thanks Guy-Who-Sounds-Like-Donnelly, I owe you one." He only had one shot at this, and with the cruiser bringing to bear every bit of laser fire it had on him, Joker was bringing his best game. Jinking, rolling, looping and dodging his way past most of the enemy fire heading his way, he closed his fear filled green eyes after lining up the bow of the scout ship with the main emitter directly in front of him. Taking his final moments to think of his lost family and loved ones. I'll be seeing you all real soon. Synthetic heaven better be just as nice as regular heaven, or I'm lodging a complaint for you EDI.
It's not your time yet Jeff. Whether it was his own thought or not, Jeff didn't know, but it startled him none the less as he opened his eyes and looked to his right, half expecting to see her in the copilot chair. He was disappointed, but the fast approaching hull didn't let him linger on that line of thought for long. "Maybe it's true and you really do see your life flash before your eyes?' Joker felt an odd warm tingling over his body a split second later. Huh, so this is what dying feels like? Kinda nice actu- OW! "Dammit! My fucking leg!" Jeff cursed as he crashed into something very hard and not at all warm, only to see Liara, Tali, and one very satisfied looking Scottish engineer staring back at him. "Oh. Hi guys. This isn't hell right? Just checking is all."
"Joker...you stupid bosh'tet! I'm going to snap every bone in your body!" Joker flinched in fear as Tali ran towards him, only to lightly wrap her arms around the very relieved pilot. "I thought you were done for this time."
"For a second I thought I would be Tali. Speaking of, how am I even here?" Joker asked as he looked around the new ship, before his eyes fell on the three pads lined up against the right wall.
"Just because you lost her doesn't give you the right to throw your life away! Now stop fidgeting and let me take a look at that leg!" Liara immediately regretted those words even before she had finished speaking. EDI's destruction had hit them all hard, Jeff most of all, and she knew she shouldn't have brought it up, let alone now.
"Excuse me? Do you want to run that by me again?" As expected, Jeff turned his head towards her. Just as his fist began to clench up, someone interrupted the heated argument before it could come to blows.
A shrill whistle pierced the air as Jeff slammed his hands over his ears. "Hey! Idiots!" Uhura shouted, having heard enough bickering today to last her a lifetime. "Shut up and sit down before I make you."
If I didn't know better, I'd think Alex just walked in. She certainly would get along with this woman, that's for sure. Stepping forward before pushing her way past Liara and Jeff, who were in no shape to talk civilly to anyone, Tali looked to the only other woman in the new ship they had somehow been transported over to without their knowledge. "Thank you for saving our lives. Now, I'm going to take an educated guess and say you're after someone important to you in this new dimension, reality, galaxy, whatever you'd call it, as well? So can we at least get to know each other before we start acting like children again?" Tali made it a point to glare at her two companions, who could only look at the deck between their feet.
"Finally, someone with a little common sense." Uhura replied, nodding her head to the suited alien in approval. "Might as well get the basics over with first. I'm Nyota Uhura, comm officer and a xenolinguist by trade. The guy behind you, he's the one who actually saved your butts by the way, is Montgomery Scott, our engineer. Just call him Scotty for short, it'll save you the headache later." The petite woman jabbed a thumb over her shoulder at a frowning McCoy. "And the cheerful gentleman behind me is Leonard McCoy, our doctor. Don't worry, he grows on you. Eventually."
"No I don't. Leave me the hell alone if you're not sick or injured, and we'll get along just fine. Funny how they never mention in the part of the captain's oath about how 'seeking out new life and new civilizations' equals new bacterium and god knows what other diseases." McCoy said, his frown deepening as he ran a quick scan of the two humanoids onboard the smuggler craft. Their injured friend could wait for a moment until his own conscious and curiosity was sated. He'd rather be sure he didn't have to worry about his face melting off due to some new bug he didn't anticipate thank you very much. Looking at the results of his scan, McCoy raised an eyebrow as he examined the readings he had picked up from the blue alien. "I don't mean to alarm you, but you do realize you have various, almost cancer like, nodules along your entire nervous system right?"
"Long story, but they're harmless…..to me anyway." Liara retorted, in no mood to discuss biotics with these people while they were still in danger, or so she thought until she saw that the view outside consisted of stars blazing past at an alarming speed. "Are we in FTL?"
Before Scotty could correct her, McCoy interrupted him as he read off Tali's scan results, his eyes widening considerably. "And you...my god woman! Why in the hell are you walking around in what looks to be a damn jury rigged envirosuit?! One breach and-"
Waving his scanning device away, Tali gave voice to her dislike of his stating the obvious. "Oh, thank you for pointing that out Doctor. How could I have possibly not noticed my near complete lack of an immune system by now?" Tali crossed her arms in annoyance, wondering how they had wound up with such a brash and rude medical expert on this trip.
"There's no need to get feisty miss...ah, never got your name during the not quite getting killed part." McCoy countered, feeling like an ass for upsetting their new guests as he walked over and knelt by Joker as he started to catalog his injuries for treatment. Let's see what we got here...four broken ribs, cracked right humerus, and a fractured left tibia. Christ, what was this guy doing, wrestling a damn Klingon?!
"Tali'Zorah vas...Nedas, for now at least." Tali said in a mildly depressed tone as she thought of their very recently lost ship. And I just got the drive core calibrated perfectly too! It figures.
Tali...it's the first time she's ever truly had to consider herself as vas Nedas. Liara knew from the quarian's slumped shoulders that she had realized it as well, and as much as she wanted to give Tali something else to think about, now was not the time, as she turned to the other members of the ship. "Liara T'Soni, it's a pleasure to meet all of you. You have my eternal gratitude for saving us. I have the feeling we would be in an infinitely worse situation now, if not for your timely assistance. And I...apologize for my earlier rash behavior towards our rescuers, of all people."
Way to go Liara, you could have at least tried to cheer Tali up...even if you're right about us being screwed otherwise. And her acting rash? Forget it, I probably don't want to know. The image of her shooting all three people onboard the ship came to mind as Jeff propped himself up against the console behind him, despite McCoy's repeated warnings not to move. "You can call me Systems Alliance Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau. Or just Joker for short, your choice." From his spot next to McCoy on the deck, Jeff waved to get Uhura's attention. "Hey, hot babe with the talented tongue, this tin can got a name?"
"It's Uhura, not 'hot babe'." And if you hadn't just saved our lives a few minutes ago, I'd snap your other arm and leg like a twig. And then Leonard would no doubt bitch my ear off for a few hours at least. Nah, not worth it. "We never got around to changing the registry since we….sort of impounded this vessel from smugglers over a year ago..." The comm officer sighed as the wounded pilot gestured for her to get to the point already, as McCoy finished temporarily patching him up. Uhura meanwhile pulled up the data on the ship, and wasn't that surprised by the name she found attached to the registry information. "Mudd Slinger. The guy who originally owned it apparently had no imagination."
Mudd Slinger? Thank you Buddha, Jesus, Allah, Flying Spaghetti Monster and anyone else who might be listening for the awesomeness you have bestowed on me. It was all too easy for Joker to come up with an answer to Tali's problem. "That is just awesome Tali, I know how to make you feel better. I dub thee, Tali'Zorah vas Mudd Slinger! Happy now Tali? I know I would be happy with an awesome new name like that." It was all Joker could do not to start laughing like a maniac as Tali shot him a glare that could have melted titanium.
While his intention was very touching, if infuriating, in Tali's opinion, the quarian wasn't so ready to accept Joker's 'new name' for her. "Not...really. It's almost as bad as Qwib-Qwib. Actually...it might be worse."
"Nope, no backsies...Ms. vas Mudd Slinger." Joker finally gave in and burst into laughter, even as he groaned in pain at the same time. "Now we just need to add some mud stains to that suit of yours and you'll have the badass look to go with the name." Tali could only drop her helmeted head into her hands in utter shame as Joker gave her two enthusiastic thumbs up.
"Let's not." Uhura replied, catching onto the woman's growing unease at the continued good natured teasing on the pilot's part. Instead, she focused on the source of the quarian's discomfort. "Hhmmm, I think the translator got that right. Vas Nedas, 'Person of Nowhere' right? You must add ship names to your own as part of a ritual or something right? And their ship just got vaporized into space dust saving our butts. Hence the Nowhere part. Damn. Maybe I'll change it for her.
Tali jerked her head up in curious surprise at the stranger's shockingly accurate intuition about her people. "Yes, but how'd you know that? And it's 'crew of nowhere' actually, but you got the general meaning correct."
Liara was the first to answer her friend's question, and from the small smile on her face, she approved of Uhura's chosen profession. Not so much for what it meant, but for what Uhura had so far used it for, to increase her understanding of life beyond her own. "Xenolinguistics, she's clearly a natural at the study of alien languages. That includes phonetics, syntax, morphology, and phonology." Liara gestured towards the three humans, nodding with respect. "It's easy to see why the three of you were picked to work together. You make an excellent team."
Yeah, right. "Picked, my ass. Someone had to make sure these two clearly insane people, who I happen have the grave misfortune of calling close friends, stayed in one piece." More like I got morally Shanghaied into this damn mess. "Still, coming from you Ms. T'Soni, it doesn't seem like such an insult."
"Will you stop complaining Leonard?! Not like it's going to do any good now." Uhura said, throwing her hands in the air before quickly reeling her emotions back in. They were in too deep to be trying to tear each other apart now.
"Not likely." McCoy grumbled as he finished with Joker's leg, but not before scanning him as well. "Vrolik's Syndrome? Good god man, that genetic disorder was cured over a century ago. The three of you are like a damn walking collection of what we in the medical profession kindly refer to as 'fascinomas'."
"Great, I meet my cynical yet sarcastic ancient twin from another reality." Joker grumbled before his brain registered what McCoy had said. "Wait what? You cured Vroliks? How the heck did you pull that off?"
Ah like these folks! It's so exciting! Scotty, who had paused for a moment to quietly watch the goings on around him with a wry grin, finally decided to speak up once more. "When ya say it like that Leonard, ye do make us sound like we're a wee bit insane. Although, ah don't remember ya putting up much of a fight when security was chasing us through the shuttlebay."
Yeah, and if Lt. 'Cupcake' hadn't 'tripped' trying to grab you, we would have been royally screwed. "Scotty, go choke on some engine grease or somethin'." Their three 'guests' had long since seen past the insulting banter between them, and knew they were among a closely knit group of close friends, family even, and it was clear the human crew were just as close as they were to Commander Shepard and the rest of her crew from the Normandy. Liara and Tali looked to Jeff for a moment and shared a silent nod out of the pilot's sight. Not everyone was happy to be here, including them, if they were being honest. But it was already obvious that none of these six people were there for their health or peace of mind.
Joker's smug look disappeared as he turned to face McCoy, while Liara rolled her eyes, already knowing what was coming. For being the most unpredictable yet skilled pilot she had ever seen, some of his mannerisms were utterly predictable. "So, be honest Doc, I'm not gonna lose my leg? Right? Please Doc, I have enough issues without having a stump."
No one failed to notice how Uhura's and Scotty's eyebrows shot up when McCoy's tone immediately turned far more somber and comforting. "Well kid, look I uh...I think you're going to be-"
Before a suddenly far more humane McCoy could finish trying to reassure his 'patient', Tali interrupted Joker's twisted little prank. "Don't take anything he says seriously. He's always had a terrible sense of humor."
Joker, predictably, took offense. "Hey! I'll have you know, I am hilarious."
"...a massive pain in the ass." Leonard finished with a scowl, glaring at Jeff after looking over his shoulder towards Tali. "Good for you, Jester. You're just as bad as the arrogant damn fool that calls himself our captain."
Ignoring the possible argument between McCoy and Jeff, Liara went to the nearest computer terminal before plugging her omni-tool into the ship's data banks. It took a little creative use of her omni-gel stores to create an acceptable plug in, of sorts, but Liara pulled it off as her omni-tool's interface lit up with the access she had gained from her connection with the ship. "I'm going to see if I can access any long distance communication networks and get a better idea of our current situation."
Uhura crossed her arms in a surprising familiar posture, as she quirked an irritated eyebrow at the asari. "Um...what do you think you're doing?"
Looking briefly over her shoulder at the woman, Liara turned back to her work while she tried to calm the situation at hand. "Please, now is not the time to worry about trust, Nyota. If we were planning on betraying you, I don't think we would have gone to the trouble of having a massive unknown vessel attack both of ours. Do you?" It's a good idea though, I might have to consider it later.
Uhura's eyes widened ever so slightly as she stepped over to the console Liara had commandeered. "Don't call me that again. It's just Uhura, got it?"
Having two incredibly stubborn women in his life, his ex wife, Jocelyn, and his daughter, Joanna, Leonard knew a brewing catfight when he saw one. So he bravely placed himself between the two women who were about to fight, yet again, and did his best to defuse the situation before it could get any worse. "Hey, why don't we worry about the important stuff first." McCoy pointed towards the display over Liara's arm. "For starters, if there's safe harbor anywhere near here."
"I've managed to hack into the….HoloNet. The information I've gathered doesn't look promising. This Galactic Empire is massive, and their main method of enforcing their laws seems to be strength in arms, and they have the resources to pull it off. The ship we saw is one of theirs." Liara explained, having pulled up a holographic image of a similar cruiser that had been seemingly waiting for them.
"Oh Keelah...Liara, look at this." Tali quickly sent the data she had discovered, having hacked into the local communications even faster than the talented information broker. "That's not Shepard."
Leonard peered closer at the screen alongside Uhura, while Scotty helped Jeff to a seat as Tali showed them her display. "Who the hell is this 'Shepard' anyway? And why does she make Nero and Khan look like boy scouts?" McCoy quickly explained, seeing the confused looks directed his way. "Genocidal bad guys, let's leave it at that."
"She's the reason we're here. Commander Alexandra Shepard got us through Hell and back, and we're returning the favor." Tali stated firmly, while Jeff gave a reluctant nod of agreement. "She has always been the center of our 'family'. Even when things were at their worst, she held us together."
Ignoring the question, Liara launched into an explanation that coincided with Tali's comment. "Indeed. Aside from the atrocities she is supposed to have taken part in, the facial expressions in these videos are all wrong. She's enjoying herself, she's enjoying ruining the Commander's name." Putting her folded hands under her chin as she fell into deep thought, Liara looked at the screen intently before speaking once more. "The fact her clone is here is most disturbing."
"Bloody Hell. One psychotic imposter was bad enough. Since this Shepard of yours sounds like a decent lass, then ah nay think it's safe to say she isn't this monster that's bein' paraded for all the galaxy to see." Scotty quickly chimed in, before realizing his choice of words might not have been the best when his suited counterpart glared at him. That look was nay set to stun.
"There's no thinking about it. That is not our Shepard." Tali all but hissed as she pointed an accusing finger at the image on screen that was announcing the destruction of a planet called Kashyyyk. "That bosh'tet tried to steal Shepard's ship, our home, and tried to kill us all while she was at it. I knew something was wrong when they didn't find the body, but Alex just told me I was being paranoid. That there probably hadn't been much of a body left to find in the first place, the way she 'died'. Everyone thought she was killed, and it looks like we were wrong."
"Can you blame her for thinking so Tali? We had a war to worry about, a lone clone with an ax to grind was a little low on our list of priorities." Jeff shrugged as the two women on his side of the ship shot him a brief glare. "Just sayin'."
Uhura held up a hand to stop the private little conversation in its tracks. "I've got no idea what the Hell you people are talking about, but I take it the highlights are that we clearly have to worry about another version of Kirk and this Shepard?"
"By the Goddess...that's far from the worst thing we have to worry about. These...these people in authority have decimated or outright destroyed entire worlds. There once was a planet called Alderaan. According to the Rebel Alliance's shadow network I've managed to find, the Empire used a super weapon called the Death Star to obliterate it, a moon sized space station. Another world's population, Kashyyyk, was mercilessly slaughtered from orbit. At least it's safe to say that if Alex is still alive, she will most likely be fighting for this 'Rebel Alliance.' I could see her doing no less if given the chance. Hmmm….yes, that confirms it. Tali, Jeff, do you recognize anything in this image?" Liara smirked as she enlarged an image she had found, showing a distinctive red stripe and an equally recognizable symbol on one of the Rebels' armored uniforms.
Jeff was the first to recognize what Liara had pointed out, and even he couldn't help but grin at the possible implications. "Is that an N7? I'll be damned. Look at you Commander, going from one war right into another one." Always gotta stand up for the little guy, don't you Shepard? I'd give anything to see the look on Anderson's face if he had heard about this, doubt he'd be surprised. "Admiral Hackett might not like her giving up Alliance secrets, but I think he'd let that slide given the dark, twisted shit going on here."
"What's that symbol got to do with anything?" McCoy asked, obviously confused as he scratched the back of his neck. "I take it it's some kind of special forces mark?"
"Long story short, only the best of the best in the human Systems Alliance where we come from are allowed to wear the N7 number and stripe. It seems she's taken it a step further and included more than just humans into the prestigious ranks of the N-Series." And I'm glad she has. This galaxy needs more heroes like her if they wish to stand against this Empire. One look at Tali, and Liara could tell that she approved of their Commander's actions in this reality as well. To know that Alex hadn't changed since they had last seen her was refreshing and reassuring when everything else was uncertain for them.
"Wait, Shepard's drawing all the species of this galaxy together to fight a massively superior enemy that totally outguns them?" Joker waited just long enough for Liara and Tali to give him odd looks. "What a total shock."
"Wait, Liara, I think I found something you should see." Tali pulled up a video from her station, and her other five crewmates were treated to a sight that was right out of sci fi video. The battle that she found unfolding was on a planet called Felucia, if the Galactic Empire's coverage of the event was to be believed. "Um, is that orange alien using two energy swords as if they're a part of her arms, or is it just me?"
"The woman next to that dangerous lass looks awfully familiar, doesn't she?" Scotty went to tap curiously at a similarly armed Shepard next to the alien, mildly surprised when his finger just kept going. "Ahh...a haptic display. Ah take it that device requires a genetic scan from the user? Perhaps implants in the fingertips for proper feedback?"
Tali sighed in relief the instant she laid eyes on the the image. Now that is the real Alex we know. Not some cheap copy. "Keelah! At least we know she's still alive! And you're good Mr. Scott. Both in fact. Give me some time and a pile of scraps and I'll build you one later." Tali replied, surprised that the engineer had taken one look at their technology and had figured out how it worked. It seemed she had found her counterpart in the most unlikely of places, but Tali didn't mind as she grinned at the Scotsman from behind her tinted visor. Our chances went from slim to moderate. It helps to have an engineer around who is easy to get along with, and just as smart as I am if I'm not mistaken. Our technological achievements might be different, but genius is universal.
It's official, Ah am in love. Sounds like this lass could build a warp core with a few scraps of tritanium and chewing gum. "Why thank ye, and no need to try and be subtle about scanning our tech. Ah would be happy to answer any questions ye might have lass."
Completely lost in the moment, Tali kept going excitedly without any clear indication of stopping soon "How did you manage to construct transparent aluminum? No wait, let me take a guess. Atom rearrangement? What about the magnetic containment on your antimatter reactor? Keelah. I can't believe I just got to say that! You have antimatter power! And these shield emitters of yours, how do-"
Scotty had to hold up his hands even as his eyes opened wide in awe at Tali's quick comprehension of the technology involved in their ship's operations. "Whoa , whoa, one at time lass! And ye were obviously at the top of yer class, I'm rather impressed, Ms. vas Mu-."
The quarian stuck her gloved hands out to stop Scotty in his tracks. "Please, just call me Tali. Anything but that name."
"Oh great, it's the attack of the nerds back there." Joker grumbled from his spot in the copilot seat, having stolen the spot from McCoy while he had been busy elsewhere. "Hhmmm comfy. I could get used to this. Mind if a take a look at the contr-"
"Touch that helm and you'll regret it." Uhura stated matter of factly as she sat down next to him.
"Easy Ny-Uhura, I can fly anything that has an engine. Just ask my two lovely ladies back there." Joker replied, the smirk on his face not born of overconfidence, but simple fact. He had flown pretty much any fighter craft from his reality, and once he had mastered the controls, he had blown away his instructors' expectations, especially given his 'limitations'. "I might be handicapped, but every mark on my record, every commendation, I earned those."
"He's not exaggerating, Uhura. He pulled us out of many situations any other pilot wouldn't have dared get close to." Liara was quick to chime in, hoping to put Uhura's worry to rest. "He can be...overconfident and rash at times, but his heart has always been in the right place."
"See, now watch how a professional does it." Joker leaned forward to tap at the controls in front of him, only to have a blaring alarm go off seconds later.
"Warning! Warning! Course correction inputted exceeds maximum structural integrity load by 457%. Please disengage warp drive before attempting maneuver at sub light speeds."
"I knew that…." Joker chuckled nervously as he rapidly put the ship back on its original course, not about to test the ship's integrity while they were inside it. He was crazy, but not that crazy. "So...got any tips?"
"Fine, lesson number one. Don't do that again. Lesson number two, you do anything without my permission like that again, I'll break one of your fingers, starting with your pinky, got it?" Uhura growled as she slammed her hand onto the panel in front of the arrogant jackass that had almost gotten them vaporized. "Lesson number three-"
"You seem really tense. Maybe now isn't the best time. I'll just-" Joker moved to lean away from the console but froze as Uhura's glare only intensified.
Continuing to glare at him as she crossed her arms, and leaned back in her seat before the communications specialist gave him some 'friendly' advice. "Don't interrupt me."
Oh man. This chick is going to kill me if I keep pissing her off, I just know it. He just couldn't stop himself though. "Was that lesson three, or just a general thing?"
Without even taking her brown eyes off of the suddenly nervously looking pilot, Uhura called towards the back of the ship. "Leonard? Still good as ever at setting broken fingers?"
Without missing a beat, McCoy almost eagerly added his two credits into the conversation. "Yup. And you should really shut up now fly boy. She isn't bluffing, trust me. That poor Bolian bastard was never the same."
"Don't piss off the alien language expert. Got it. And for the record, I'd just like to apologize for that whole 'hot babe with the talented tongue thing'. And I just made it worse, didn't I?" Yup. Worse. Much, much worse.
"Shut up. And listen." Uhura groaned, getting the feeling nothing short of ripping his tongue out would stop Jeff from using it. Never thought I'd miss Jim's unique sense of humor this much. Compared to this guy, he was almost mellow.
"On the bright side laddie, ye nay can do a worse job of piloting, unless ye fly us into a sun anyway. Or another ion storm. That was bloody bit of excitement Ah'd rather not go through again."
"Scotty..." Uhura quietly warned, her tone of voice making it clear she was in no mood.
"Shuttin' ma haggis hole ma'am." Scotty replied quickly, hoping to save his life before he was forced out of an airlock.
"Now... you paying attention Jeffery?" Jeff opened his mouth to complain, but wisely shut it a split second later and merely nodded as Uhura pointed to the controls one at a time. "Warp drive controls, impulse drive controls, navigational thrusters, shields, weapons, navigation. Any questions?"
Joker scratched at his beard for a second before admitting out loud how stupid he felt right then. "Just one, what's a warp drive? Also what the hell is an impulse drive? Sorry, that was two, please don't hit me."
Ack. It's like we ended up in the bloody dark ages or somethin'. "You're joking right laddie?"
"Please forgive our lack of understanding Mr. Scott. The technology of our galaxy is somewhat limited compared to yours, and the one we now find ourselves in, because of….hyper advanced machines that had been bent on wiping out all sentient life every 50,000 years. They left behind advanced technology for sentient races to find in order to control their technological progression. We called them the Reapers." Liara paused and looked away for a moment. "If not for Shepard, they would have succeeded in wiping us out as well, and continued their endless cycle of harvesting sentient life to create more of their kind."
"Jesus Christ." McCoy muttered under his breath, voicing the shared abject horror he and his friends felt at the terrifying situation Liara had described as if she were talking about their current flight path, rather than the repeated extinction of an entire galaxy. "How? How did you survive when so many others didn't?" He finally asked, and he didn't have to look at Uhura and Scotty to know they were wanting to know as well.
It didn't take a genius to hear just how much their friend meant to them as Tali continued her companion's explanation. "As Liara stated a moment ago, our success was thanks to the Commander. She united our galaxy by righting so many wrongs we had committed against each other. I could go on for several standard weeks about her exploits, about the things she did, but let's just say that when everyone else would have surely fallen, she carried on the fight to the bitter end. And now she's here, doing the exact same thing yet again. As Jeff implied, all of us would expect no less of her, given the situation at hand."
Yep, batarians don't have a chance against her, and she also likes to blow up synthetic girlfriends. Out loud, Jeff put on a small smirk before speaking up once again. "Yup. Never one to let a bully beat the crap out of the little guys, that's the Commander in a nutshell." She didn't have to see the light go out of EDI's eyes when the wave hit though.
"Our Jim's kind of the same way, just on a much smaller scale." Uhura chuckled softly as she kept an eye on the ship's sensor readouts, and her current copilot. "He only helped us to save Earth, twice, not to mention the rest of the Federation. He also prevented a war from spilling out between us and the Klingons."
"Cling Ons? They sound so needy." With one glare from Uhura, Joker instantly turned back to studying the helm controls intently. "Aye aye ma'am, more learning shit, less snark. Got it."
"Wait...stop the ship! I'm picking a weak signal on my omni-tool...it's Legion! It looks like some type of distress beacon! Alter our course to these coordinates!" Jeff didn't have to be told twice as Tali stuck her display in his face, and carefully punched in the given coordinates while Uhura closely watched his every move.
"Who's Legion anyway?" Uhura asked after a moment, having already figured that he was another of their allies that had been sent to this galaxy. "How do we know you're not sending us into a trap?"
Liara was right on top of the situation however, and calmly laid the woman's fears to rest. "Uhura. I know you haven't known us long at all, but that is the first thing I considered. With her clone, and this odd mirror version of your friend, anything is possible. That's why I'm hoping this ship can scan the area from a distance so we don't have to get close. We can tell you what to look for, and if all goes well, we can be in and out without someone catching us unawares."
"Okay, I apologize, you obviously know what you're doing." Uhura was quick to say, surprised by just how clever the asari was. She'd make a very dangerous opponent. Let's hope I won't have to stun her.
"Thank you. Mr. Scott, would you mind initiating the scan, as I am unfamiliar with your controls." Of course Glyph, or myself could easily take control of your systems, but that might seem rather extreme. Even so, it's something to consider, but only as a last resort.
"Um...course set. I think. The beeping thing is telling me ETA, ten minutes." Joker said in a slightly unsure voice as Uhura literally looked over his shoulder to double check him.
"Oh great, I feel more confident in the new guy already." McCoy just sighed in annoyance, not happy to be zipping through space at unholy velocities in a tiny ship on a good day, let alone with an amuteur at the helm.
Ignoring McCoy's discomfort, Uhura nodded her head as she looked at Jeff before speaking. "You're catching on." Turning her chair to face Tali and Liara, the older woman chose to address the quarian. "Can I get a look at that signal? I'd like to learn what I can of your ally's language."
"Ah nay think you'll be able to translate this gibberish lass, looks more like software programing than any spoken language Ah know of." Scotty replied, unable to keep from scratching his head at the strange readout he was looking at.
Tali however, had a ready explanation this time. "It's highly sophisticated code, used by the geth, an artificially intelligent species who gained true individual sentience near the end of the Reaper war. Yet another in a long list of Shepard's accomplishments."
A mildly embarrassed Nyota could only say one thing to that. "Oh..." No wonder it's giving me a massive headache trying to find the basic lingual structure, there isn't any. It's code, highly advanced computer code, unlike anything I've ever seen.
As if he were a predator sensing a moment of weakness, Joker was quick to pounce. "You didn't even tell 'em the best part Tali. Although….maybe that's not such a good thing." Jeff chuckled nervously, suddenly feeling like an idiot as he turned to the stars streaking by the window. Why did I open my big mouth?
Uhura's now seemingly constant glare while she was around Joker was back in full force as she crossed her arms in annoyance. "That being, wiseass?"
"He means that the geth were our creation. They drove us off our homeworld after we attacked them out of fear, when they started asking questions about their existence. About whether or not they had 'souls', among other things. They had started to become sentient well before Shepard got involved, and our ancestors panicked. The geth retaliated in self defense. It wasn't one of my people's proudest moments." Nyota took note of the fact that Jeff seemed far more guilty over making light of the plight of Tali's species, than any insult he had thrown her way. "If not for Shepard, we wouldn't have our world back, and we wouldn't be working alongside our former 'slaves' as we are now, or were last time I checked. Hopefully when we get back, I'll still have a world to go back to."
"Ah I wouldn't worry too much Tali. I'm sure your Aunt can hold down the fort until we get back." Joker replied as he noticed that they were nearing their destination. "Okay ma'am, let's see if I got this down yet. Switching over to sublight engines." Oh good, we didn't even explode or anything. I'm getting the hang of this.
Opening her mouth, Uhura's frown deepened as she was interrupted yet again, this time by the view outside. "Are you sure we're in the right place?" This planet makes New Vulcan look like a day spa.
"Coordinates 1 31 64 93. Beacon transmitting at 28.4 degrees north, 67.9 degrees west according to this this other...blinky thing. Yeah, I'm pretty sure this is the right place Uhura. How do you get the-ah thanks." Joker gave Uhura a nod of thanks as she magnified the image on the small viewscreen in front of them. The way both of their jaws dropped in shock at the images displayed might have been comical under other circumstances. "Um Tali, Liara, I think Legion had some issues." It didn't take them long to see that the geth base had been blasted into oblivion some time ago. Volcanic ash had covered everything, leaving only some pieces of dark purple metal sticking out of the layer of black dust. "Some heavily armed issues."
Leonard glared at the screen, knowing a slaughter when he saw one. "Looks like a damn ambush." Sorry to say, but someone obviously hit your friends hard." Glancing over his shoulder to see the young suited girl's down right despondent posture behind him, McCoy gently put a comforting hand on her arm. "We'll go down and see if we can find any survivors, Tali."
"There won't be any survivors. We would have seen some by now if there were." Tali stated firmly, and no one could find a way to counter her given the obvious fact that they were her people's creation. "Besides, something doesn't seem right about this. That beacon shouldn't be active, not if their data storage unit was destroyed, and I can see from here that it was. They are still linked intelligences, working together for common cause."
"That's not the only weird thing about this, I can see where they set up shop, but I don't see any bodies….sorry Tali." Joker earnestly told her, before he looked back at the shaken quarian for a moment before turning back to the images on his screen,
Scotty rubbed at his chin in thought while looking over several scans of the area, a particular thought troubling him. These scans say the area's been abandoned for a few months, at least. "Aye...almost looks as if this happened quite some time ago-" The engineer's eyes suddenly darted to Tali's visor as the her own silvery glowing eyes widened in equal understanding. "Joker, Uhura, get us the bloody Hell out of here now!"
It's a damn trap! It's Cerberus all over again! "Already on it! Got incoming on screen. Looks like a pair of….okay what the Hell are those?!" Looks like a pair of solar panels attached to a friggin escape pod. You couldn't pay me enough to fly one of those death traps. Just as Joker finished that thought, the unusually shaped ships started opening fire, sending green lasers in their general direction. Joker and Uhura gave each other a nod before banking hard. "Uhura, get me a map of the local systems. Let's see if we can lose 'em!"
"Who's flying this bucket of bolts again?!" Tali asked no one in particular, not about to get in the way of their two pilots as she tried not to lose her lunch. Flying in the Normandy had been one thing, but this was just crazy! "Keelah, I think they're getting closer, and I think I'm going to be sick."
"Leonard, get yer arse at weapons control, Ah'm powering up the phaser banks now." Scotty yelled as he frantically flipped switches, diverting power to the weapons systems.
"What the hell good is that going to do man?!" McCoy growled, before dashing over to the newly installed console, glaring at the screen as his frown slowly turned into a smirk. "Oh...no shields. Finally, we get a damn break."
"They don't have shields Doc!' Joker shouted in agreement, even as the ship gave a violent lurch when a laser smashed into the starboard side, throwing sparks in all directions. "I ran a sensor sweep over those fighters, and I can't detect any protective shields of any kind."
"We can all see that jackass, just get us in behind them if you can. Only got forward firing phaser banks on this crate." Uhura was quick to shout back, just as she and Joker spun the ship hard to port to face their pursuers. "Surprise boys! Open fire!"
"Are you two crazy?!" McCoy shouted, even as Tali pushed him out of the way and took control of the gun emplacement console. "Hey you don't even-" Tali stabbed at the firing control, sending red lances of death towards the no doubt astounded Imperial pilots as one of the fighter craft instantly exploded. "Okay, I see you've got the basics down. Nice shot!"
"I've always been a quick study Doctor. I've lived on one ship or another for most of my life." Tali explained, having immediately fallen in love with the highly advanced weapons systems on their current ship.
"Hate to break it to you but there's six more contacts coming in hot. Better get that gun warmed up again! Make that ten contacts!" Jeff impatiently gestured towards the red dots on his screen rapidly approaching them. "Start shooting any time now guys! Uh oh….I think we have bigger problems." Jeff stated even as Tali let the phaser banks rip into the enemy ships, having plotted a course to get them clear of the planet, only to catch a much larger signature on the smuggler craft's sensors. "I think someone has a hard on for us. It's the same big ass cruiser, I'd bet my last shiny penny on it."
"I'm setting us a course out of here, just keep them off us for thirty seconds Jeff while I get the warp drive online." Uhura had already started inputting the requested coordinates before she had even finished speaking.
"You don't know who you're talking to babe." Jeff grinned after Uhura gave him manual control while she made the proper calculations to quickly get them out of the battle zone. Between his fancy flying even in the sluggish smuggler craft and Tali's unerringly accurate use of the phasers, they were able to destroy five more of the fighters while sustaining only minimum damage themselves before they were ready to make their jump.
"Warp in three, two, one!" Uhura shouted as the familiar hum of the drive filled the craft's small interior.
Joker's eye widened in shock at seeing the very stars themselves distort, and then begin to streak past the ships at incredible speed. He had been too busy with a busted up leg to notice the view the first time. "Holy shit! Holy shit shit shit shit HOLY SHIT!"
"Calm down fly boy. Best way to travel." Uhura smirked, finding she liked this version of Jeff. Appropriately humbled by their far superior technology. She could get used to seeing that stunned look on his face since she had a feeling he wasn't shocked often.
"Certainly not the safest." Seeing Jeff's panicked eyes managing to widen even more, Leonard quickly amending his statement before the man had a panic attack, or a glaring Scotty punched him. "I mean, warp flight is perfectly safe...unless the inertial dampeners give out and we get turned into- nevermind."
"Turned into what?! Giant piles of gooey flesh?!" Joker shouted back, wanting an answer while at the same time, not wanting to confirm what his imagination had already supplied to him.
"Now you're just puttin' words in my mouth." Leonard paused for a moment as he relished the suddenly not so cocky expression on the pilot's face. He just casually shrugged after a moment. "I'd say more like puddles than piles, kid."
"Not helping Doc." Uhura grumbled as she looked at their navi-computer readout. "We should be hitting our destination in about two days. Get comfy guys, hopefully we'll have a friendly welcome. So….anyone hungry?"
Jeff continued to stare in awe out the cockpit window before glancing at the navigation display. What the hell is a warp factor? I'll ask later. Here's hoping six isn't that slow. "Why not pick a planet that's closer anyway? No offense but I don't look forward to sharing the bathroom….if this thing even has one."
"Because Joker, I want more data before we commit to a concrete course." Liara stated flatly, having been the one to supply the coordinates in the first place. "The nearest populated planet is heavily infested with these Imperials we keep running into. According to the level of encoded transmissions I picked up from a system called Tosste, which as you asked, is the closest to our current position, we'd be walking right into enemy hands. Barkhesh, our destination, is not. There will be plenty of places to hide between the world we left behind and where we're going now, if we must."
"Great, hiding. Oh how the mighty have fallen." Jeff sighed as he leaned back before putting his feet up on the console. "Wake me if we get attacked again. Or Uhura starts changing her clothes, either way." With that, Jeff pulled his hat over his eyes before folding his hands under his neck.
"That was some good flying, Joker." Uhura smirked, even as she reached out and knocked Jeff's hat off of his head. "But don't get any ideas wiseass."
End Notes; Archer83; And so, another journey, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away has just begun.
Vergil1989; The Empire grows ever more powerful, yet all hope is not yet lost guys and gals. As you can see, someone had it right in the reviews in saying that Liara, Tali, and Joker got out in time thanks to Scotty. Now, they're on their way to possibly reunite with old friends, or end up in enemy clutches. Only time will tell. D I love cliffhangers lol. Feedback as always, is very welcome guys and gals. Reviews, PMs, favorites, follows, we'll even take fanart and fansongs. D Until next time, live long and prosper.
Archer83; And may the Force be with you, always.
Vergil1989; Or as Shepard might say, we won't stop until the bitter end, no matter where it might take us.