Author's Note:
Prompt: Abandoned
Okita stands once again on the road he spent so many hours on as a child, but he's also not the same person he used to be. Falling in love with Chizuru has changed him in more ways than one.
Just a short, slightly fluffy piece written for VerasPromptChallenge on Tumblr. Partially inspired by the cg of young Souji and Kondou standing on the road watching the sun set.
Hope you enjoy, and reviews always welcome ;)
The Long Road
The path in front of Okita was as familiar to him as his sword. Just as fingers knew every ridge and dip in the silk that wrapped its hilt and his hands knew intimately the weight of the steel that was an extension of his own arm, so he knew every twist and turn in the road that faded into the distance. Everything about the scene before him was imprinted permanently in his memory from the hours he'd spent watching and waiting. Hoping for something that he knew would probably never be.
He wasn't sure how many hours he'd stood in that exact spot, hoping to see the slightest sign of those who had walked on without him, but time had always meant little to him here. The only sign of its passage was slow sinking of the sun behind the hills and the fading of the light from salmons and oranges, to the deeper shades of red and violet. To anyone else the scene would have been beautiful, but for him it was too tied up in the bitterness of loss and abandonment for him to ever see it except through jaded eyes.
Too many people he'd cared about had walked down that road, leaving him behind and abandoning him to walk their own paths. One by one they'd slipped through his fingers, regardless of how tightly he'd tried to hold on to them.
His parents had been first, taken by an illness he hadn't understood, and his sister had been next, leaving him to walk down this very road unhindered by his presence. He'd lost Saito and the others who'd been his brothers-in-arms when he'd lacked the strength to carry their banner forward with them, and only in moments like this would he admit to even missing Hijikata. As much as he'd been jealous of Hijikata for doing what he never could for Kondou, there was some part of him that had cared for the man who had almost been like a brother to him. Finally, and most painfully, Kondou had walked down a road he should have been strong enough to walk in his place.
As the last of the light faded from the sky and darkness crept toward him, his memories threw back at him the thoughts that had haunted him in some form for most of his life. Not wanted… Not needed… Never enough…
He shivered as the darkness wrapped around him and the chill it brought crept up his limbs and made every icy breath sharp and painful. There was no point in hoping. He was alone and none of the people he'd cared about were ever coming back. Part of him wanted something to fight, to do anything that would allow him to rage against the darkness, but shadows couldn't be cut with a sword. They had no heart he could pierce, or blood he could spill. There was nothing he could do to fight the encroaching night.
So slowly it was almost undetectable, the darkness began to lift, giving way to a soft white light. Where the sun had disappeared, the moon was now inching its way above the crest of the hills, its form appearing impossibly large against the horizon. Though, what truly held his attention was the small figure highlighted by the silver glow standing several feet down the path. The gentle breeze played with the loose strands of dark hair that had grown to reach down her back and her brown eyes sparkled with an honest light he would never tire of seeing. Chizuru smiled softly as she held out a hand to him and with that one gesture, she managed to push back all of his doubts and fears. Her smile told him that he was wanted, that he was needed, and above all, that he was loved completely and unconditionally. It was a heady feeling and almost without realizing it, he easily took his first steps down the path.
When he reached her, Chizuru twined her small fingers with his, holding his hand in a grip he was sure would defy even the strongest attempts to break it. Together they looked down road lit by moonlight and he realized that the moonlight combined with those few steps he'd taken, had altered the landscape before him. What had previously held only pain and bitterness now seemed more hopeful and held promises of things yet to come. Maybe at it's end he would meet the others who had gone down this long road before him, but for now it was enough that he would be walking it with Chizuru.
He closed his eyes for a moment, savoring the soft breeze and the warmth of Chizuru's hand in his own. When he opened them, the road and hills were gone, and instead his gaze was met by the familiar knots and whorls of the wood ceiling. The scene before him may have disappeared, but not everything from his dream had faded. From where it streamed through the open window, the moonlight gave the room a soft glow and Chizuru lay curled up next to him, her fingers woven tightly through his even as she slept.
If she'd done that, it probably meant he'd been moving while he dreamed, but right then he needed more than just her hand in his. Doing his best not to wake her, he rolled onto his side and worked his arms around her waist until he could pull her petite figure against him. As he did so, her dark hair shifted, revealing the nape of her neck, and he couldn't resist the temptation to press a tender kiss against her skin as he inhaled the comforting scent that was uniquely her. No matter the season, the scent of her skin always reminded him of spring.
Apparently that last was one sensation too many, because Chizuru shifted in his arms. "Hmm, Souji?"
He didn't think he'd ever tire of hearing his name on her lips, and not willing to let such a perfect opportunity escape, he nuzzled his cheek against the side of her neck as he murmured, "Sorry, didn't mean to wake you."
"Was it another dream?" Chizuru was careful not to break his hold on her waist as she rolled to face him, one of her hands trailing lightly down his side. From her heavily lidded eyes and muted voice, he could tell she wasn't truly awake. He felt bad for waking her, but knew it probably wouldn't be too hard for him to soothe her back to sleep.
He shrugged slightly as he began to run his one of his hands through her hair, his fingers running along her scalp in a way he knew she wouldn't be able to resist. "Yeah, but this one wasn't too bad." And it was true, this particular recurring dream wasn't the worst of the ones that had plagued him over the years.
Once their lives had settled down, it hadn't taken him long to figure out just how easily she'd succumb to anything his clever fingers did, and he had absolutely no qualms about taking advantage of that. He loved how long her hair had grown, and was glad she rarely ever tied it up like she used to.
Normally running his fingers through her hair when she was like this would have had Chizuru out like a light in seconds, and currently his best time was just over three minutes when she was wide awake and trying to focus on chores… Not that he did it often, since she always ended up scolding him for distracting her when she woke up, but sometimes he just couldn't resist. He loved watching her slowly relax and slip toward sleep, especially if he was the one helping her get there. She did more for him than he could ever deserve… plus Chizuru trying to be serious and scold him was just too damn adorable to pass up.
Except apparently she was more awake, and as always, more perceptive than she initially appeared. Instead of instantly drifting off like he expected her to, Chizuru shifted closer until every inch of her body was pressed against his and her head was tucked against his chest. Her warm breath ghosted over his skin and even more than before, he could feel the heat of her body soaking into him. All of it a constant reminder that she was there, that she was his, and that he wasn't alone.
When she stopped moving, he picked up where he'd left off and resumed running his fingers through her hair. He couldn't help just a hint of a satisfied smirk as Chizuru sighed, her eyes drifting shut as she settled more heavily against him and her breathing slowed. Before she could completely drift off, he said, "Hey, have I ever told you that you remind me of the moon?"
She shook her head languidly and mumbled what might have been a no.
Feeling his own body and mind pulling him back towards sleep, he pressed his lips to her forehead as he whispered, "You always shine brightest in the dark and you never fail to drive it away."
Chizuru tried to say something, but it was lost as he felt her finally give in to the sensations and her own tiredness. With her slow breathing as a constant and soothing rhythm against his skin, he let himself drift back to sleep, knowing that no matter what his dreams and memories threw at him, Chizuru would always be there keep them at bay.