entitled; mad girls' love song
summary; i shut my eyes and all the world drops dead; i lift my lids and all is born again. (i think i made you up inside my head.) - Sylvia Plath; Mad Girl's Love Song
rating; m
disclaimer; i own nothing that you recognize, really.
word count; 4458
notes; criticize my changes. please. i thrive on feedback. believe it or not it does help.
prologue ; wishing i was somewhere else
.
in the dark with the music on
wishing i was somewhere else
taking all your anger out on me, somebody help
i would rather rot alone
then spend a minute with you
i'm gone, i'm gone
—open wounds, skillet
"I'm leaving."
For a brief moment, the string of words almost didn't make sense to Rachel; everything between them had been going so well, and the possibility of him just up and leaving had never once crossed her mind. It just wasn't possible.
Finally, though, after a few minutes of silence, the pieces clicked together in her head, and the realization sunk in.
"W-what?" Rachel mumbled almost breathlessly; her heart was breaking in her chest and it felt as if the air had been knocked out of her, "Leaving to where? Why?"
Jesse sighed, crossing his arms over his chest, "I don't know, Rachel," he told her, his gaze carefully drifting anywhere and everywhere that wasn't her, "It's my senior year and my parents are having some problems, so they're sending me out of town. I'm positive that by the time they fix things, I'll be headed to college. So... I wanted to tell you not to wait for me."
While her heart had already been slowly but surely crumbling, those words served to shatter it completely; after everything that happened—-everything with Finn and Quinn, and finally getting with Jesse, Rachel was positive that she was in love with Jesse. That he was her one, true love—-no matter how irritatingly cliché and fairy tale that was.
And now he was leaving town.
Leaving her.
"B-but surely we can call each other—or Skype! And there are always text messages, emails and handwritten let—!" her mind sputtered for any and all possibilities; anything to stop him from basically breaking up with her, but he quickly cut her off.
"Rachel, stop." He told her, his voice so commanding that Rachel couldn't bring herself to go against him. Still, she felt her eyes burn with the unshed tears she was trying to blink away.
"I'm sorry," he told her. And for a good minute she believed it to be a completely sincere apology, but his following words persuaded her otherwise, "Don't try to salvage this. We had a good run, you and I. It was a short one, I admit, but it was a good one nonetheless. We were kidding ourselves if we honestly thought we would make it past high school together. We have our lives to think about. We won't have time to maintain a serious relationship through all of that," he paused for a moment, finally bringing himself to look down at her, "And the last thing I want to do is pull Rachel Berry away from her dreams."
That's what did it; the flood of tears began and Rachel wasn't sure she'd be able to stop any time soon. The world was falling apart at her feet and it felt like she couldn't breathe. She was barely conscious of Jesse mumbling an apology and leaning forward to press a soft kiss to her forehead before saying his final goodbye, leaving her standing there all alone.
.
"You're moving?"
Quinn stared up at her boyfriend in blatant disbelief; everything was finally perfect in her life after that spectacle with her, Finn and the hobbit, so how could it be possible that he was leaving her?
"I'm sorry, Quinn," Sam told her, his expression one of anguish as he looked down at her, "But my dad losing his job put us in a tough place, and this was the first good job he's been able to find. And I'm only 16, I can't stay here without them."
"I can't believe this." she breathed, her head shaking back and forth as she looked up at him, eyes glistening with tears, "Everything was perfect. We were perfect. This can't be happening."
Sam took at step towards her, wanting to pull her into his arms but she stepped back, shaking her head, "Quinn..."
"Don't..." she started, holding her arms up in an attempt to keep him a safe distance away, "You can't just... You can't bring this up to me just a few hours before you're planning on leaving town, Sam! You cannot expect me to just be okay with this! I love you and you're leaving me!"
"You're acting like this is something I can control, Quinn!" Sam shouted, "My dad lost his job! You can't possibly think I would ever leave you if I had the choice!"
Quinn's lower lip quivered and she knew holding the tears back was no longer possible. The first one fell over and she whimpered, "I know, I know... I just... I don't want to say goodbye, Sam."
Sighing softly, Sam reached for her again, thankful that she actually let him hold her this time, "I know, Quinn. I don't want to either, but... I have to go. My parents need me to take care of Stevie and Stacey. But we won't lose touch, okay? Text messages and emails, and I'll even write you some cheesy romantic letters."
A small laugh left Quinn's lips and the sniffling slowed a bit, "I'm going to miss you, Sam."
"I'm going to miss you too, Quinn," he murmured, pressing his lips to her cheek, "But I have to go. Do you need me to drop you off at home, or do you have cheerio practice today?"
Quinn shook her head, "Unfortunately, I have practice, so I have to stay here." She explained, feeling the pain wrap itself around her heart once more.
Frowning, Sam nodded, leaning forward to press his lips against hers for a brief moment before pulling back and murmuring, "I love you. Goodbye, Quinn."
Taking a deep breath, Quinn managed a faint smile, "I love you, too. Goodbye, Sam."
.
She should have been home by now, Rachel knew; her fathers were probably worrying about her not being home. Though, she knew they would have called her cell phone if they were truly worried. They probably just assumed she was doing some vocal practices in the choir room like she always was.
Sighing, Rachel couldn't help wishing it was that simple; Jesse was gone and she knew she would need to move past it eventually, but she couldn't bring herself to think about anything else for the time being. Not with the tears still threatening to bubble back up and the pain that had settled in her chest.
Sniffling, Rachel turned the corner, finding herself in the girls' locker room with a tearful Quinn Fabray standing just a few feet away.
Seeming to have spotted the tiny brunette, Quinn quickly wiped the tears from her eyes and glared at Rachel, who was doing the same with her own tears, "What do you want, Hobbit?"
Rachel inhaled deeply, shaking her head at Quinn as she spoke, hoping her voice wouldn't crack, "I was just..."
"You know what, I don't even care." Quinn mumbled, pushing herself off of one of the many red lockers. She was ready to push her way past Rachel when they heard a loud crash come from the door on the opposite end of the room—-the door that led to the school's gym.
"What was that...?" Rachel asked, turning to Quinn who had become just as paranoid as she was—body tense, rapid breathing visible from the erratic rising and falling of her chest.
"I don't know..." Quinn mumbled, "But I have this horrible feeling it might be whoever's been following me around since... Well, since we ended things with Finn. For good."
Rachel jerked her head in Quinn's direction, eyes wide, "You too?"
Quinn brows furrowed at the knowledge, wanting to question the tiny brunette more about it, but another sound made them jump and their attention was turned back to the door.
"We should probably go..." Rachel mumbled, the panic rising slowly, but Quinn shook her head.
"No." she said firmly, "Don't you want to know who's been following us?"
"Are you insane?" Rachel nearly shrieked, shaking her head, "What if it's some psycho? We don't have anything to protect ourselves with, Quinn!"
After contemplating Rachel's words, Quinn glanced around the room until settling on a basket of metal bats in the corner behind them. Walking over, she pulled one out for herself, and one for Rachel, who took it reluctantly before following Quinn towards the door to the gym.
"Maybe we should just call the police, Quinn..." Rachel mumbled, biting nervously at her lower lip.
"And tell them what? That we're on school grounds when we shouldn't be?" Quinn hissed, "That we heard a noise in the other room?"
"Fine, fine!" Rachel gave a frustrated sigh and followed Quinn as she pushed the door open.
The instant they looked inside the metal bats in their hands clattered to the floor and their worlds quickly fell apart at the seams.
.
Rachel was staring down at the dead bodies of her two fathers, blood pooled around them as the numbness took over. They were cold and as hard as stone. Their necks were ripped open and their hearts torn out, strewn across the room somewhere, she hadn't paid too much attention to where. The sight was a horrifying one, but Rachel couldn't pull away. They were her fathers, how could she?
Tearing her eyes from her own parents for a brief moment, Rachel looked over at Quinn—the girl who had made her life a living hell from the day they started middle school—who was doing the same with the corpses of her own parents. She looked as lost and devastated as Rachel felt.
Staring at the blood that had completely pooled far too quickly around herself and Quinn, Rachel found herself thinking. How had things gotten to this? What wrong had they done to deserve this? Sure, there had been several accounts where both girls had put their selfish needs above others, where they had made mistakes and hurt people, but they had gotten passed that. And those were the petty mistakes of two teenage girls, who would hold that against them?
She couldn't fathom.
She couldn't bring herself to even care. She could not believe that this was actually happening.
The sudden sound of something crashing to the floor inside the boys' locker room made the two girls jump. Their eyes went wide as they found themselves pulling away from the dead bodies of their parents and moving closer to each other. Disregarding the fact that they were completely covered in blood, they started moving backward, in the direction of the double doors that were the entrance to McKinley High School's gymnasium.
"Rachel," came Quinn's harsh whisper as she gripped tightly at the brunette's arm, "We need to go."
Shaking her head, Rachel pulled her arm from Quinn's grasp. She reached for one of the metal bats they'd discarded when they first entered the gym and hissed, "No. Not yet. I need to see who did this. I have to see the face of the monster that did this!"
Rachel's eyes were brimming with tears again, and almost as if it had heard her, the murderer stepped out of the boys' locker room.
With it, a loud scream was pulled from both girls' lips. "Rachel, run!" Quinn shouted, and the next thing she knew, she was being grabbed by Rachel, who had quickly discarded the bat she'd picked up and was pulling her towards the double doors that led out into the yard, exiting the building.
They stumbled a few times through the halls of McKinley High, earning them a few scratches, and a good amount of tears in their clothing, but they made it out alive. Still, the fear hadn't left Rachel for a moment; she had been metaphorical in calling the murderer a monster, she hadn't been literal in any sense. But that was exactly what had stepped out of the boys' locker room.
A monster.
That was the thing that stepped into the gym almost as if at her demand.
And it had been hideous.
Blood red eyes with golden pupils, sharp teeth with elongated canines. It's body was mutilated, arms and legs bent at awkward angles, skin black with random spews of hair growing in certain places. It was obviously not human, but Rachel hadn't the slightest idea of what it could possibly be. Still, she was pretty sure that it was the person—or, well, thing—that had been following her and Quinn around for the past few months.
Rachel was running out of breath; she was positive they'd been running for hours, but in reality, she knew it couldn't have been nearly as long. She wanted to shout for Quinn, tell her to run faster, but she was scared of letting their pursuer knowing exactly where they were. Still, in order to make sure the blonde wasn't too far behind her, Rachel risked a glance behind her. She was grateful to find Quinn not too far behind and even managed to grab a hold of the girl's hand to pull her along as she started running a bit faster.
She didn't want to risk running towards either of their houses until she was positive they were well ahead of whoever—whatever—it was that was following them. Though it struck her then as ridiculous, because it had gotten to their parents, so there was a very good chance that their pursuer already knew where they lived. The thought alone almost made her stop in her tracks.
Almost.
Her steps faltered slightly as she tried to think of where else to go; where on earth could they possibly run to without putting anyone else in danger? The possibilities of them running anywhere in town and keeping the people in it safe, were slim, so making a split second decision, Rachel started in the direction of the Lima Police Station.
The minute they arrived, the girls pushed the doors open together and everything after that particular point was nothing but a blur of all hell breaking loose. The officers running towards them as they screamed for help, the amount of officers that ran out the front doors towards the school after they said their parents were there, the looks on their faces as the girls described the thing they had seen, the fight they put up when they were told they were mentally unstable and in shock from seeing their parents' bodies as they were.
Everything was nothing but a painful, painful blur.
Not even the numbness that had enveloped them had made that pain go away. And the next thing they knew, they were being tranquilized inside the Lima Heights Sanatorium.
.
.
.
two years later
.
.
.
Rachel Berry stared down at the bottle of pills in her hand with disgust etched all over her features for a brief moment, before throwing it into her bag of things with a glare.
She had desperately hoped that upon leaving this horrid place, there would be no need for them, but she was wrong. Oh, was she wrong. In fact, the 'doctors' had prescribed her—and Quinn—with refills to last them the next 7 months, and they were to get blood drawn every month so they were sure that the girls were actually taking them.
The sheer thought of it was infuriating; she was not insane. No matter what those idiots who called themselves 'doctors' said.
"Rachel… Are you ready to go?"
Rachel turned to see Quinn standing in her doorway, an anxious look on her pretty face as she glanced around the empty white room, with its bare walls and polished surfaces. They'd never been that close, but after what they'd been through together, they were all they had left for each other.
"I'm ready," Rachel nodded, shutting her bag before slipping it over her shoulder, "What did they say?"
"They don't think either of us should be driving so soon, but they understand why we'd want to leave town right away and blahblahblah," Quinn sighed, "But to give this information to whatever doctor we get assigned to wherever we end up staying, so they can be sure we're getting our treatment there."
Rachel stared at the manila folder Quinn was holding, thick with papers and fought the urge to roll her eyes, "They're going to know if we don't do what they say, aren't they?"
Quinn grimaced, "They always do."
Sighing, the two girls walked toward the entrance, checked themselves out and collected their cell phones—the only things they'd had on them on the night they were checked in—before heading out of the building. Checking her phone, Quinn noted several text messages and missed calls from Sam, and felt a sharp pain in her chest at the thought of him; she wanted so desperately to call back, to talk to him and hear his voice, but everything was so different now and she didn't think she could relive all the insanity all over again by explaining all that had happened to her in the past two years.
Sighing, she cleared her inbox and call log as the cold air began whipping at their faces.
"This is almost too good to be true…" Quinn mumbled, letting her eyes fall shut as she put her phone away and took everything in; the lack of chemicals in the air, the wind in their hair, the smallest warmth from the rays of sun that were piercing through the dark clouds above them—she had missed it all so much.
Smiling at her friend, Rachel slipped her hand into hers and gave it a gentle squeeze before dialing the cab service, hoping that they drove this far out of town. She'd never really taken a cab before and was positive Quinn hadn't either. They both had cars and had taken good care of them, so when the person on the other line agreed and told Rachel how much their ride into town would cost, she made sure to tell them that the driver would have to wait for them to get their wallets from the storage.
Rachel grimaced as the thought entered her mind; they would have to get all their things out of storage soon, she really didn't want to end up having the bank throw in another payment. Their parents had left them enough money in their wills—wills that Rachel was amazed anyone would have so early in their lives—to keep them stable through their college years, but Rachel wanted to save as much of that money as possible.
They were going to be living on their own now, and though they were splitting bills wherever they went, it was still a large amount of money they would be getting rid of. Granted, a lot of it was going to be gathering interest in the bank, and their parents' life and health insurance had taken care of whatever treatment they were receiving in the sanatorium, but they would both be needing jobs soon. That however, required them to have a home, a stable home that they weren't going to bail out of any time soon. That was going to take some time to find.
It was a only a few more minutes before Rachel and Quinn were in the backseat of a yellow cab, on their way to the storage place they had stuffed their things in when the real estate owners came by the sanatorium claiming that they would need to empty out the houses soon or everything would be dumped in order to put the houses on the market again.
They had been so distraught then, they literally almost told the men to do just that. The idea of keeping anything, just made them hurt more than they already were. But their parents' lawyers had come along with the real estate agents and had told them to think things over, decide what things they wanted to keep so they could call a storage service to collect their things and store them away until they were released. After some time to think, they had just decided to throw everything in there. They could sell, pawn or throw out whatever they didn't want or need when they got out.
Unfortunately, that didn't apply to their cars. Or Quinn's car, more specifically. Her parents hadn't finished the payments on it, so it was repossessed. They probably could have kept paying it, with the amount of money they had left, but they still had Rachel's car, whose dads had finished paying it off just a year before the incident. The storage services were kind enough to let them rent a whole other garage to keep the car in, without extra charge.
Rachel always assumed it was just a pity favor. She hated that.
Still, she knew they couldn't afford to refuse such an offer; they had nowhere else to leave the car, and there was a good chance even if they did leave it elsewhere, they'd be paying whoever was taking care of it, and she had been as picky with spending money then as she was now. She supposed she had put so much focus into it to keep her from going over the edge. Both of them, really, because Quinn had taken just as much interest in these things as she had, she was just a bit quieter about it. She preferred Rachel do the talking, even if Quinn had just much input in all of this as she did.
"Alright, here we are girls." The driver spat as the cab came to a quick halt; Rachel had the sneaking suspicion he didn't trust them to come back with the money they owed him. The hostility in his voice didn't help change her mind much on the subject either.
"We'll be right back." Rachel answered, looking over at Quinn, who had already exited the vehicle and walked up to the small cubicle to get the keys to the garages that held their things and Rachel's car.
Quickly getting out of the car herself, Rachel couldn't help glancing over her shoulder every now and then; they'd been chased by… whatever two years ago, but the paranoia hadn't gone away in the slightest. In fact, she was positive it had only gotten worse over the past two years.
Still, she caught up with Quinn and they quickly made their way through the maze of doors and quickly found the two that held their things and Rachel's car. The first thing Quinn reached for was her purse, pulling out a wallet and turning to Rachel, "I'll go pay the cab driver. You get the important things and get them into your car. I'm not staying in this town one night if we can avoid it."
Nodding, Rachel turned her attention back to the large mass of things staring at her as Quinn walked away. The first thing she grabbed was a suitcase popping out of the bottom right corner and pulled it open. Inside, there were a few papers that weren't all that important, so she tossed them into a nearby trash can and left it open as she quickly tried to spot her drawer set, pushing a few boxes and lamps out of the way to get to it. Once she reached it, she pulled it open and grabbed a few random sets of clothes—enough for about two weeks—before searching for Quinn's things. She had to delve a bit deeper, but quickly found a set of drawers slightly bigger than Rachel's and started doing the same, trying her best not to drop anything on the floor as she made her way back to the suitcase, where Quinn was pulling out another one to fill.
"You shouldn't have gotten everything at once," Quinn commented with a frown, "Something could have fallen on you."
Rachel shrugged, handing Quinn the load of her clothes before focusing on organizing her things in her own suitcase.
"So clothes…" Quinn mumbled, folding a few shirts, "We're going to need pillows and blankets—-we're probably going to end up sleeping in the car a few times unless you want to splurge on a hotel."
"We'll see," Rachel sighed, "It'll still be better if we have our own things. Less mess to clean up."
"True." Quinn agreed, "I threw our make-up bags in your car while you were digging in there, but we might be forced to buy some shampoo and body wash along the way."
"Noted." Rachel sighed, "How much money do we have in cash?"
"After paying the cabby, I only have about $30." Quinn explained, "Have you checked your wallet?"
Shaking her head, Rachel folded the last dress she'd grabbed and shut her suitcase before going back in to look for her own purse. It was two years ago, but she was positive the last place her wallet had been was her small Victoria's Secret Pink brand tote bag. It took her another few minutes, but she finally found it in a random mass of picture frames. On pulling it out, Rachel dropped one, thankfully it didn't break, but at the sight of the picture it was holding, she almost did.
It was a photo of her and her two dads when she was about 8 years old. The picture had been taken by her dance instructor on the day of her first recital that year. Desperately trying to blink the oncoming tears away, Rachel flipped the frame over and hastily pulled the back of the frame off, taking the photo out and stuffing it into her tote before setting the frame back atop the mess of others.
Scuffling back towards Quinn, Rachel pulled out her wallet and counted the crisp bills that had been sitting in there for the past two years and frowned, "A little over $40," she told Quinn, "So that should do for the little things… And if we stay in the hotel, we use the credit cards."
"Right." Quinn nodded, "Well, I got the pillows and blankets into the backseats, threw the suitcases into the trunk… Is that all?"
Rachel turned to stare at the mess in the storage room and nodded, "Yeah. We'll find a place, and rent a moving van wherever we end up. One of us can drive the van back and the other, my car. Once there, we can pawn or sell whatever valuables we don't need and throw out anything else."
"Sounds like a plan." Quinn answered, pulling the door down and clasping the lock on before she followed Rachel to her car, waiting just outside as Rachel drove out of it so she could pull that door shut and lock it as well.
Once the blonde was inside, Rachel turned to her and asked, "So, where to?"
"Just drive," Quinn sighed, her gaze drifting towards the dark sky above them, "I'll let you know when we get there."
tbc.