Disclaimer: Obligator disclaimer. I don't own anything, except Natalya and Maria Despiar, and Serras Nerra. The 'other' OC belongs to DA. This is an AQ AU.

Letters of the Heart

Dear Natalya,

I'm sorry to be the one to bring this news to you, but I think it would be better to hear it in my own words, then have someone else tell you. Someone else who doesn't understand the gravity of the situation. Serras was seeing someone else. She would sneak across the tower every night, and lie in bed with another person. I can't tell you who... I don't feel right ruining two friendships. You know them, that's all I can say.

I don't know why Serras would choose someone else over you. You're beautiful. More beautiful then most women could stay when faced with what you've faced. I suppose I should get to the reason I'm writing this. It's not easy for me to say, but again, I feel that it is for the best if I force it from my own lips, then have another say it bluntly.

We've been friends for some time, Natalya. You're the best friend a guy could ask for, but there are certain things where friends are only burdens. They don't help, only hinder. My predicament, is one of those situations. I killed her, Nat. I had to. I took the very life from Serras' body... and watched it leave.

I won't lie. It wasn't fast. She suffered. Possibly greatly. She bled out, the life blood flowing from her wounds, watering and feeding the plants that surround her body. I stood over her, sneering like some madman. I... I couldn't stop myself... it was... glorious in it's own way. You've never... killed... until you've taken the life of someone close to you. You've never killed... until you look them in they eye as they die. You watch the very breath vacate their body. You would have done the same thing! It's only natural, right? You see someone hurting a friend, and you take care of it. Well... I took care of it.

I won't hide it any longer. I love you, Natalya. The love I carry for you matches only the love I carried for your sister. But the love she had for me, is gone, replaced only by this cold, unfeeling understanding we share. It's not enough! I wanted you, Natalya. But I knew I could never have you. And I accepted this. When you proposed to Serras, I was ecstatic. As ecstatic as anyone else in that room. But I was angry, as well... Angry that you would deny me what could only be true love. You shunned me when all I had for you was respect. Trust, love and respect.

That bitterness towards you has died. I no longer harbor any rage or discontent to you for your choice. But... to sleep with you... then turn around and sleep with another?! Unforgiving. I killed Serras out of love! Love for you! I didn't want to save you the heartache of learning of it. I wanted to... spare you that pain. Even if I must pain you in some other way, you must understand that all I did... all I ever do... is for you! You and you alone! No one can ever rob me of my feelings to you. Come death, separation, or worse, I will always be by your side to protect you from the evil in this world.

You won't see me again, probably. I've had to run away. Captain Krieger has sent a search party out for me, and they'll be upon me any day now. Hell, by the time you get this letter, I may very well be half way to the gallows. But I want you to know that I have no regrets. Given a second chance, I would do it all over again! I would slay Serras a thousand times over, if only to gain back your love and trust! Could you give a message to your sister? Tell her that that short one night we shared together was something magical. But I knew it could not last. I knew that, deep within my heart, she was destined for another.

Natalya Despair. My angel borne from Fire and Brimstone. You've lit my way all these many years. And now, I must give you away to fate and destiny. I've always been told, that if you love someone, you have to let them go. Well... I'm letting you go now, Natalya. Live a full, happy life. Live my life for me, too. Show the world that I wasn't a murderer. I didn't kill Serras out of malice, hate or even an argument. I killed her because what she did was wrong! She hurt you, and I cannot allow that to pass! I love you.

I can hear them at the door now. Pounding, hitting. Ten minutes... that's how long that door will probably hold at this rate. I have to be quick. I have my elegy, epitaph and obituary prepared. You could do me no greater honor... then if you spoke... if not out of love, but out of kindness. 'Spite not the name of the man who took from you the love of your life. Instead, pity him. His is a sorrow that knows no bounds. Show him the path to the Kingdom of Heaven.' I think it's pretty... I've always wanted something pretty on my headstone. Nothing... evil. I know that's what they'll brand me as. A monster. A demon. Only you know the real me.

I love you Natalya. I love you like the sun loves the sky. I love you as the moon loves the stars. I love you like only a kindred spirit can. I would trade anything for another moment to hold you in my arms again...

I hear them at my door. Shouting, screaming. And piercing the very essence of that chorus is a single, noticeable angelic voice. You've come for me too. Don't let them destroy this letter. You must read it. You must know my feelings. If I pray hard enough, maybe I can wait for you at the gate... maybe Saint Peter will let me wait outside for you... I'll wait. I'll wait until the Judgment for you to come to me. I love you, Natalya Despair.

Blazier Montgomery; Yours Forever

-

Natalya read the words scrawled with love on the parchment, tears streaming down her face. She had killed him. She killed the only man who ever saw her for what she was. But... how was she to know? Blaze had killed Serras... and he had to pay... but at what cost? Who else had paid for this exchange of blood? Natalya. She, herself had paid dearly.

"If only you came to me earlier, you stupid bastard!" She shouted, crying over his bloody, lifeless body. "If only you told me earlier, this could have been avoided, you selfish, self centered bloody stupid bastard!" She continued. Artix approached her from behind and placed a caring hand on her shoulder.

"Come on. It's time." He muttered softly. She nodded, tears continuing. If it wasn't bad enough she had to bury Serras, she also had to bury another lover. It was all too much for her.