Summery: Harry and Ron, in a way you never wanted to see them.
Disclaimer: I ain't no playa hatin', theavin' mo-fo.
A/N: Well, I think this is funny. Mildly racist though. NO OFFENSE MEANT.
This is my 3rd fic, so please let me know what you think:D
I need a little helpful feedback at the moment, so please help me out.
Pimpin' Up Hogwartz
"Whattup nigga?" Harry politely asked his best friend, Ronald Weasley.
"Frizzy's not been keepin' up witt da' payments. But ya' know; ain't no thing but a chicken wing." Frizzy was Hermione's street name.
By sheer coincidence, Hermione just happened to be passing by in her tight little skirt and tall leather boots.
"Yo hoe! Where's my dough?" Ron pointedly rapped.
Hermione turned to meet eyes with her pink, fur covered pimp.
"It's right here Tall-Daddy!" Hermione ruffled through her small crocodile skin purse for the money she had collected.
"Damn straight." Ron replied after receiving said money.
They stared into each other's eyes for a moment, until Ron grabbed several locks of her hair and pulled themselves into a passionate kiss. Once Ron was satisfied he threw her away and exclaimed: "Better not be late again, hoe, or ya'll get da' cane!"
Hermione nodded assurance and left after giving a quick smile. The two prodigal pimps of the school continued on, using they're pimp canes to help balance on they're unnecessarily tall disco shoes. Two of Harry's best hoes, Padma and Parvati Patil came from behind him then and followed.
"Harry honey we love you!" They shouted.
"Shut up, baby, I know it." Harry shrugged.
At this point they passed Malfoy whom was surrounded by a pack of tea-drinking, scone-consuming friends of his. Malfoy noticed the duo and directed attention to them with his squeaky British accent.
"Oh look! It's Potter and Weasley!" The whole group sniggered.
The two flamboyantly coloured pimps turned on the skinny, limey excuse for a Brit.
"Whatch'you doin' whiteboy? Pickin' fights witt niggas from da' hood?" Ron aggressively asked.
"Poor, delusional Potter and Weasley!" Malfoy cackled. "They think they're big and black!"
"Oh no you did-ent!" Parvati argued, waving her finger while bobbing her head.
The twins advanced on the small, albino man and poked him in the chest.
"Now it's gonna' get all crazy up in 'ere!" Padma exclaimed.
"Get away from me before I turn you into a crumpet!" Malfoy threatened in return.
A flash of fists, feet and fur later, and Malfoy was on the ground, doubled over. The two men whom had committed the deed had at this point pulled out there obscenely large semi-automatic pistols, and shot up the group's fine glass table, along with their exquisite food. Before leaving, Ron kicked Malfoy in the ribs once more to flip him over, just so he could spit in his face.
"Bitch ass motha-fucka'." Harry patronised into the crippled boy's face.
"Ohhhh yea'!" The twins said in unison.
From atop his tower, Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster, had watched the whole incident. But being lazy, diseased and inbred enabled him to do nothing more than shakily mumble under his breath: "Damn dirty niggers…"
A/N: LOL. I am neither black, nor racist. I just love the strange jokes.
R&R Please!
Dragon