Remus Lupin… Twelve years old, second year student at Hogwarts.
If you happened to catch a glance of him, he didn't really come across as anything special.
His body and facial features seemed normal, and there was a pleasant kind of air around him. His smile was always very soft and so were his eyes. His voice to would usually be quiet and it happened more than ones that his fellow school mates had to ask him to speak as it could be hard to catch his soft murmurs. Clearly he was rather timid.
As a student he was every teachers dream, he always did his homework on time, had above average marks on most subjects, he was always neat and always extremely polite. He addressed all the adults with respect and treated all fellow student with a quiet kindness, even if people couldn't help but point out he was indeed a bit reserved.
He never got mad, even when his school mates did kind of stupid things, he was beyond patient, perhaps a bit to much of a softie when it came to the people around him, but it was hard to get angry at him for it.
All in all… It was nearly impossible to dislike the twelve year old. No one could even recall one single time he had said anything rude or done anything to stand out. His best friends even started to tease him about it, which would only make Remus bow his head in a slight blush, but he wouldn't push back, he never did. He was just to gentle to do such a thing.
It really was hard to believe… That it was that sort of a person whom was a werewolf.
Just last night had been fullmoon, Remus had ones again spend the night alone at the shrieking shack.
The kind half giant Hagrid had ones again come to pick him up to carry him the entire way back to Hogwarts and to the hospital wing.
Ones again Remus had turned a weak head towards him and whispered a weak "Thank you." while the gentle soul that was Hagrid would be sniffing, his eyes clearly filled with tears as he proclaimed Remus should think nothing of it!
Madam Pomfrey would be a lot less emotional which Remus quite frankly appreciated, he didn't really like when people were crying over him, it always made him feel a hundred times worse.
This time Pomfrey found a huge red bite mark on Remus's arm oozing with what looked like a green sort of poison liquid which she huffed at, annoyed that Werewolf bites couldn't just be healed with a spell.
Remus closed his eyes… The wolf did not like being locked in in the small shack, in pure frustration it was hurting itself, ramming its own body into all the walls and furniture, biting its own limbs like now… And it was up to Pomfrey to deal with the after effects as of now where she carefully cleaned the wound.
"I'm… Sorry." Remus muttered.
"I told you ones, I told you a thousand times." Madam Pomfrey huffed. "There is nothing to be sorry about, it's not like you control this is it?" she asked.
Remus smiled lightly then shook his head… "No."
He kept being amazed at how lucky he was, he remembered when Dumbledore had first come to his house and announced he was going to Hogwarts.
Remus couldn't believe it, neither could his parents. They kept asking how, Dumbledore though was merely stating that Remus had a right to education and it was his duty as Headmaster to provide it. And that was that.
It really was unbelievable, Remus had never even met other children his own age! Ever since he had been bitten he had spend his life in hiding, barely seeing anyone but his parents.
Remus had gone to meet the teachers even before the school year startec, their reactions had been… divided.
Some had been pleasant and kind, others had looked very hesitant.
Only shortly after Remus had started though, did it seem like most of them had warmed up to him and his presence.
Madame Pomfrey had been one of the most hesitant, Remus had heard her talking about how dangerous this was, and how they had a duty to protect all the other students. Now though, she was one of his biggest defenders.
McGonagall had been quite the figure from the start, she had looked at him and stated that as long as he was at Hogwarts, he would be just the same as any of the other students. If he did something bad, he would be punished, if he followed the rules and did his homework he would be fine, it was up to him.
That attitude had stunned Remus, she was strict but incredible fair, it was clear that in her eyes he was equal to everybody else and would be treated accordingly. It was exactly that which made Remus wish that he would get sorted into her house, and he was so very happy that he did. Just as Remus thought of it, the woman herself came into the hospital wing, looking as strict as ever in her emerald green robe walking directly to Remus's bed.
"Ha-Hallo Professor." Remus stammered a bit nervous. In the beginning McGonagall had come to check on him at every fullmoon, she was also the one always following him to the whomping willow, she said as his head of house it was her responsibility. As time had gone by though things had become routine and McGonagall only came ones in a while. Which honestly suited Remus fine, he didn't really have any desire to be anymore of a bother than he already was.
"I have a letter from Mr. Potter." McGonagall informed holding a letter. "I believe he hopes your mother will feel better soon."
Remus blushed deeply as he accepted the letter… That would have to be awkward, James thinking he was sending a letter to England and instead McGonagall had just taken it and turned straight around to hand it to Remus whom was… not in England but inside the castle.
"Thank you." He spoke quietly holding the letter.
"I trust there are no issues?" McGonagall asked, her way of asking if Remus was doing okay.
"No." Remus shook his head. "It's nothing worse than usual, I should be able to return to class tomorrow."
"I would prefer to keep you over night." Madam Pomfrey snapped.
"I'll take it slow." Remus promised. "It's just… we are going over this chapter in charms tomorrow and I got a lot of questions about it." he admitted. "I.. really don't want to miss it."
Clearly Madame Pomfrey tried not to soften up but failed as her eyes softened, then she snapped out of it shaking his head. "Very well, but if I see you here again before next full moon!" she lectured.
Remus smiled amused. "I'll take it easy, I promise." he swore then he opened the letter and pulled out the parchment to read and his eyes lightened up as he smiled amused, especially his eyes lingered at the last words.
"You gotta hurry back Remus! It's just not the same without you!"
To think… He of all people could have such friends, friends whom really wanted him around… A shame they could never know. If they did… Remus closed his eyes.
"I shall expect to soon see you in class then." McGonagall stated.
"Yes professor, thank you." Remus replied.
McGonagall softened, offering Remus one of her rare smiles and finally walked away allowing Remus to lay back as he sighed deeply.
There were a lot of things to hate about this curse…. The fear that he would hurt someone, worst of all bite someone. His mothers crying when Fullmoon approached, even though she would try to hide it… which kind of made it worse.
The way people would huff at him ones they realized what he were… The worst of it all though, was the pure loneliness. He had clearly been told, he was not allowed to tell any other student about his condition. He had to lie… Every month, day in and day out.
When he got to play with James, Sirius and Peter, he was happy. Happy when just for such a short amount of time he was allowed to forget, to push the issue aside. But then a situation would arise when he had to lie… again, and again, and again.
He had to though… It was always the same, people were kind to him at first but the moment they found out, a shadow would fall over their eyes and they would step away.
The mere thought of that shadow appearing in James's eyes… in Sirius's or Peters… it hurt… Hurt so badly. He could never tell…
Late evening, just as curfew had arrived Remus had finally managed to talk Madame Pomfrey into letting him go, pointing out it was better for him to sleep in his own bed anyway. And swearing he was going to take it easy the next day.
He was patched up as well as could be, any scratches or blue marks had simply been healed away by the flick of a wand, the only visible sign remaining was the self inflicted bite mark on his left arm, which was hidden well beneath tight white bandages and a long sleeve.
Remus though couldn't deny that he was exhausted as he crawled through the portrait hole, there were only a few students sitting around in the common room, a pair of first years playing chess and a fifth year working on her essay. Remus yawned deeply heading for the stairs to the dorm he shared with James, Sirius and Peter, wondering if they were a sleep already. Regardless he just looked forward to see them, the moment Remus opened the door he was greeted by quite the sight, all three boys sitting on their beds, looked like they had been up talking.
By his entrance all three boys turned to him. "REMUS!" They all shouted as Remus smiled weakly raising a hand.
"Hey guys." he replied sheepishly.
Then suddenly it got quiet as all three boys looked at him and Remus's hand lowered… Something was going on, what?
"Erh… Is something wrong?" Remus asked honestly confused.
James swallowed then he sat up. "Remus… mate. We kind of need to ask you something."
"Oh." Remus blinked. "Sure… Are you late with your homework again?" he asked. "I can look at it if you want.."
James shook his head. "No it's not that, please sit down." he asked.
"Why?" Remus asked in a frown. "Guys, what is this?"
"You've been to your aunt Maggies funeral three times all right!" Sirius suddenly exclaimed making Remus's eyes widen.
"Wha.. What?" Remus asked. "Guys, what are you saying?" he asked in a fake chuckle. "Clearly you must be remembering wrong." he stated clearly sweating bullets.
"Your mother keeps being ill, but she looked fine last summer." Peter chimed in awkwardly.
Remus swallowed wrapping his arms around himself. "It… It's different how she is." she stated.
"Like… She only gets ill ones a month right? Like… Every full moon?" James asked and Remus let out an unwilling 'eep', only to cover his mouth. "Geesh you are a terrible liar, you know that?" James asked.
"I don't know what you're talking about!" Remus blurted turning his head away.
"You weren't with your parents at all today, were you?" James asked. "You were in the hospital wing. Weren't you?"
Remus's eyes widened as his head was still turned away. "No-No." he stammered. "Why would you think that?" he asked with squinted eyes clutching his own arm, holding it so tight it started to hurt.
James stood up then walked in front of Remus. "Remus… ever since we started Hogwarts, you've gone away. Ones every month, and when you come back, you always look sick." he stated. "It's not your mother whom is sick is it? Clearly it's you."
Remus gasped, suddenly it felt like the air was cut off to his brain, all sounds seemed to echo, he felt dizzy, he felt sick.
"Please, just answer me honestly." James asked and everything went silent. "Are you a werewolf?"
Remus's eyes opened wide as his body froze, it was like the entire world stood completely still, not one single sound was to be heard… Slowly Remus lifted his head, meeting James's patient brown eyes behind his glasses, then suddenly… Remus sniffed, his face contorted in a painful face expression and he let our a cry, tears streamed down his face as he covered his eyes with his hands, unable to stop the sobs then he fell to his knees.
"REMUS!" James shouted falling down on his knees with he. "Remus, are you okay?" he asked concerned.
Remus though, he couldn't stop, couldn't stop crying.
"Blimey." Sirius came down to followed by Peter.
"It's okay, we didn't mean." James tried. "You are a werewolf though right? That's why you keep getting..." he didn't get to say anymore as Remus burst out crying, curling together as he wrapped his arms around himself.
"So it's true." Sirius breathed.
Remus hissed… So they had figured it out, of course they would, these people were not stupid. He covered his eyes, he didn't want to look. Didn't want to see their hurt and confusion nor their fright, that shadow in their eyes. It was all justified of course, but that didn't mean he wanted to see it.
"Hey." James voice suddenly sounded, sounding rather soft and he touched Remus's shoulder making Remus look up meeting his brown eyes and surprisingly… James eyes didn't look hurtful, they looked very concerned. "Are you okay?" he asked.
Remus gasped, then he sniffed again suddenly throwing himself at James as he cried.
"Blimey." Sirius gasped. "Remus, we're so sorry mate."
And Remus turned to him with tearful eyes, also realizing he looked concerned, even Peter did.
"Seriously! We didn't mean to upset you!" Sirius exclaimed. "It's just, what has gone on with you was super weird so we got super concerned about you."
Remus sniffed as he sat up, finally managed to get it a bit under control.
"You are a werewolf, right?" James asked for a third time.
And finally, Remus nodded as he burst together again. "I..." he sobbed. "I… I'm a… a." he swallowed. He couldn't even say it, the words just stuck to his throat.
"You are a werewolf." Sirius finished for him and Remus looked up, only to see that he to looked purely concerned, even Peter did. "And you probably were even before going to Hogwarts, right?" he asked.
Remus swallowed but nodded again. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry." he cried.
"What?" James asked sounding utterly confused and Remus looked up. "What on earth do you have to be sorry about Rem?" he asked honestly dumbfounded.
"Huh?" Remus asked.
"You can't help that you are a werewolf can you?" James asked. "That's terrible!"
"You don't deserve it at all!" Sirius exclaimed.
Gaping Remus looked at them. "Gu-Guys?" he asked.
"Are you okay Remus?" Peter asked wondering.
Then Remus sniffed and he broke together again.
"REMUS!" James shouted grabbing his shoulder.
"I'm sorry, I don't even know why I." Remus sobbed, trying to dry away the tears but it barely helped any as it just kept coming. "I just can't stop!"
James smiled defeated. "How about I make you some tea so you can calm down?" he asked as he stood up, grabbing Remus's arm helping his fellow teen up from the floor and guided him to his own bed where he could sit down.
There was mostly just quiet aside from Remus's sobs as James made the tea as promised, finally Sirius started to help him, seemingly just to have something to do and at last all four of them sat with each their cup.
The warm cup in Remus's hand did help him to calm down, and he felt his shaking become less and less as suddenly it started to down on him… His friends, they knew… And they weren't angry, they were making him tea. Slowly he glanced up, his eyes though still red rimmed, now though the tears were just quietly rolling down his cheeks.
"Werewolf huh?" James asked. "For… How long?" he asked.
Remus swallowed. "I was… Almost five." he admitted and all the others eyes widened as Remus glanced away.
"Four… How?" Sirius asked bewildered.
"My dad… he got into a confrontation with Fenrir Greyback… To get back at my dad… Fenrir went for me. I don't remember much of it to be honest." Remus admitted. "It was really dark, I was just sleeping… Someone broke into our house, sounded like a huge beast. It was… Then it was in my room- I remember it had really big yellows eyes, I thought I was going to die honestly, and then." he swallowed. "Right here." he pointed at his torso. "Then my dad came and shouted, he hexed the beast but… Well, it was to late. My mom… She was crying a lot, I didn't really understand why back then."
Sirius looked at Remus's torso looking fascinated. "Can I see?" he finally asked.
Remus sighed, put pulled up his shirt to clearly showcase scars from a bite, clest as day and he let go again.
"Fenrir Greyback, I heard about him." James commented holding his chin. "He's that guy whom deliberately targets children, and then collects them as his own a while after… If they survived that is." he turned to Remus. "Blimey."
Remus blushed deeply as he looked down. "Most other parents cast the child aside after they are bitten, it makes it easy for Fenrir to pick them up… I was lucky, my parents refused." he stated. "He tried to collect me several times, but they kept me well hidden. Then Dumbledore came and.." his voice broke again. "He said that… I had a right to education, I couldn't believe it!" he stated and he sniffed. "Neither could my parents. They… They said no, but I wanted to go! I wanted to go so badly!" he cried. "I don't want my entire life just to be hiding! I don't want." and he chocked. "I know I probably wont ever be able to do much but… If there's just. Something."
James put a hand on Remus's shoulder making Remus wide-eyed look up.
"Something?" James asked. "You're our friend, you helped us so many times already. That's something isn't it?" he asked then let go. "You're the smartest person in this room, you help so many people. That's stuff to right? Look, I wont pretend to understand but… What-ever you need, we're here for you. You know?" he asked.
Remus swallowed and he nodded.
"We're friends with a werewolf?" Sirius asked. "Hah! That's cool!"
"No it's not." Remus muttered.
"So you got a fury little problem, so what?" James asked.
"Fury little…?" Remus asked. "Seriously?"
"Yup." James grinned. "It's kind of fury, and just a little problem." he measured with his fingers, Remus couldn't help but chuckle at that.
"Are you… Okay?" Peter asked.
Remus nodded. "Yeah… Thank you guys. All of you." he sniffed.
"Just promise us one thing!" James asked. "No more lies okay?"
Remus shook his head. "No-No." he hiccuped. "O-Of course not." he sniffed having to wipe his nose to.
"Thank god." Sirius exhaled deeply. "That's a relief." he laid back on the bed and Remus smiled lightly as he looked, up, tears still rolling down his face, but his smile was genuine.
Everyone could see how tired Remus was in didn't bother him with a plephera of questions, rather they allowed him to sleep.
And Remus felt into a deep sleep quickly, feeling a safe cocoon by the mere presence of his friends that didn't seem to hate him, but was protecting him with their warm presence.
The next month was… odd to Remus, he tried to comprehend it, that these people they know and yet… It was like nothing had changed in the least! They acted… completely the same, and it kept confusing Remus.
Sometimes he wondered if he had just imagined it, if they didn't know. Then fullmoon came closer and the usual symptoms were to be found, Remus became more withdrawn, more nervous.
How-ever this time… His friends merely looked at him with understanding eyes rather than confusion, and finally cracked a joke to tear him up.
Then it was the evening before fullmoon, Remus was shaking… This was the time where normally he would have to make up a lie.
Though suddenly he looked at them… And he didn't even have to. It was… Really odd.
"So…. What happens exactly?" James asked. "Where do you go?"
"Erhm." Remus swallowed. "You know the shrieking shack, on Hogsmead? The howls that comes from it every fullmoon these days?"
James's eyes widened. "That's you?" he asked.
"Ye… Yeah." Remus blushed deeply. "There's a secret tunnel, going from under the whomping willow which was planted on our first school year. Exactly to hide the entrance." he admitted. "McGonagall brings me there, we go to the shack. Dumbledore warded it up so no one can escape it, not even a werewolf." he stated. "We go so I am there like an hour before fullmoon… The place was really nice when we began. They had furnaced it and everything…. Most of that stuff is completely broken now." he admitted holding his arm. "A-Anyway, I transform in there and erhm, do-do the thing. Then around dawn Hagrid picks me up and gets me back."
"I see." James nodded. "That's good, they are really taking as good care of you as they can."
"Ye-Yeah." Remus nodded. "I really owe them, and Dumbledore. They are doing so much for me, I don't really deserve." he bit his lip.
"Of course you do." James assured and Remus glanced up to meet James's honest eyes. "You deserve it as much as anyone!"
And Remus smiled lightly as he blushed, he could though not stop his own body from shivering.
"Does it hurt?" Peter asked quietly and Remus glanced up. "So-sorry!" Peter exclaimed at ones. "I didn't mean."
"It's fine." Remus assured.
"Does it though?" Sirius asked and Remus's cheeks blushed deep.
"It's not so bad." Remus assured.
"Geesh, you are a terrible liar." James snorted. "So it hurts huh."
Ashamed Remus closed his eyes. "It's like my entire body is breaking apart." he admitted then glanced up. "If it was just the pain though, that would be fine, I could live with that. It's more... What I could do." he bit his lip. "There's this... Rage. It's coming from inside of me. I.. I can't control it. I don't remember what." he squinted his eyes. "What if I broke free?" he asked. "What if I.." he swallowed frightened.
"That wont happen!" James assured. "Dumbledore is the most powerful wizard in the world! And he was the one warding the place right? So you wont escape! So there's nothing to be afraid of!"
Remus nodded slowly. "I know, still I.." he grabbed his arm as he glanced away. "That is the worst thing that could ever happen, If it was to happen I... I couldn't live with myself." he admitted making the three other boys look stunned at him. "So-Sorry, don't listen to that." Remus asked.
"No, it's fine." James assured. "It's really nice finally getting to hear it from your own mouth." he stated and Remus smiled weakly.
Remus was ready to swear… The transformation hadn't been as bad this time as the times before, oh sure, he had still been ramming his body into the wall and he could barely even move so Hagrid had to pick him up ones again, teary eyed as usually.
This time though Remus offered him a light smile. "Thank you Hagrid."
Hagrid blinked astounded, then he softened in a warm smile. "It's nothing." he assured. "What-ever I can do."
"Do you think… I could have one of your brownies one of these days?" Remus asked… Of course Hagrids cooking was the absolute worst and impossible to eat for anyone else than Hagrid himself, thankfully the gentle half giant was easily fooled if you would just slip the treat into your pocket and the effect was the same as the half giant brightened up. "Of course!" he exclaimed happily. "Ya know you can come by any time!"
And Remus smiled as he nodded. "I'll look forward to it." he stated and closed his eyes in exhaustion.
As usual Remus was put into a hospital bed just as the sun was rising, Madame Pomfrey was all over him at ones to check on his wounds, then though something new happened, McGonagalls voice came from the door.
"Mr. Potter, Black and Petigrew! if you have nothing to do here, please return to either your dorm of the great hall! I believe there is still two hours until your first lesson!" she snapped.
"Professor, we know that Remus is a werewolf." James's voice stated and there was silence. "He didn't tell us, we found out. We know he transformed last night, he must be back now though right? Please let us see him!" he asked.
A few moments went by then McGonagalls voice sounding surprisingly soft. "Very well Mr. Potter."
Remus perked up just as three people came running towards him and he gasped. "Guys."
"Wow!" James exclaimed. "You look terrible!"
"Eat some chocolate it helps!" Sirius stated pulling up a plate he had brought.
"I got your book!" Peter exclaimed holding up Remus's transfiguration book.
"You're… Here." Remus gasped, then he swallowed and he smiled.
"Well of course we are, our friend is sick! We came to check up on him. Just until class though." James stated. "Don't want to miss it! We need to take notes for you!"
"Guys." Remus breathed.
"Fair is fair." Sirius stated. "You bailed us out with our homework to, so at these times, we'll help you!"
Peter nodded.
Astounded Remus looked at them, then he swallowed as ones again, the waterworks started to run from his eyes.
McGonagall could not help but smile as she observed them from afar, then let go a sigh of relief before finding her stern face expression and walked in making all four turn to her.
"Professor!" they exclaimed.
McGonagall looked harshly at them. "I suppose it was to be expected that Remus's own dorm mates would find out sooner or later." she acknowledged. "How-ever, I must remind you it is crucial that no one is to know about Mr Lupins unfortunate condition." she stated. "If words slips out, we may very well be forced to remove him from school."
James gaped. "You can't do that!" he exclaimed. "Remus is the best student here! He doesn't."
McGonagall held up a hand. "I have no desire to see him go." she stated. "That is exactly why I wish for you to understand the severity of the situation." she stated. "Dumbledore went to great lengths at his own risk to allow Mr. Lupin here, if parents of other students were to find out about this, they might very well complain, pressure both Dumbledore and the ministry of magic to remove Mr. Lupin from the grounds." she informed. "It is likely that we the teachers would be utterly powerless to stop it."
"That's so unfair!" James exclaimed. "Remus didn't."
"Fair or unfair, it is reality." McGonagall stated. "Mr. Lupins fate is now in your hands, if you wish to proof you truly are his friends, you will keep quiet about this." she stated.
"Guys." Remus spoke quietly. "Professor McGonagall is just telling you the way it is." he informed as he glanced up. "The facts are simple… I am a werewolf. Werewolves kills people, and infect others. Parents are right to be scared."
"But you don't!" James gasped.
Remus shook his head then he smiled. "I am so happy… That I am even allowed to be here, that this could happen." he stated his eyes getting wet. "I am so happy, that you would all be my friends."
"You are a bloody idiot you know that?" James asked as he sat down. "Of course we want to be your friends, you are way to nice for your own good."
"Also you always bail us out when we are behind in homework." Sirius stated as he leaned on James's head.
"You shared your chocolate with me." Peter muttered sheepishly. "It's… a little scary. But you are our friend." he stated.
Remus smiled, though his eyes was starting to shut, clearly he was drowsy, and entire night of being a wolf on a rampage would do that to a person.
"Get some sleep Rem." James asked padding Remus on the shoulder. "We'll see you after class okay?" he asked.
Remus nodded drowsily.
"I hate taking notes, but for you. Fine." Sirius gave him a blink.
"Get well real quick!" Peter finished.
"Thank you guys." Remus breathed and finally the three left to get some breakfast and Remus laid down with closed eyes, looking way more peaceful than he ever had before after a fullmoon.
Madame Pomfrey had to hand McGonagall a handkerchief so the old transfiguration's professor could dry her eyes.
"What nice kids." Pomfrey had to admit and McGonagall nodded.
"You know, I was questioning Dumbledore when he said Mr. Lupin should be allowed here, now I am so glad I gave in." McGonagall stated looking at the sleeping thirteen year old. "It was without a doubt the right decision."
Madame Pomfrey nodded. "Yes indeed. You should go get some breakfast to before class Minerva."
"Yes." McGonagall nodded. "Will I see you there Poppy?" she asked.
"No, I'll have a house elf bring me some." Pomfrey stated. "I want to keep an eye on Mr. Lupin."
"Of course, thank you." McGonagall nodded and finally walked away finally allowing Pomfrey to work, she was also very relieved as she had a feeling to, Remus's wounds probably wouldn't just go away but… they probably wouldn't be so bad anymore either… Thank god.
And Remus, his sleep was indeed peaceful. It was odd, but... great. That feeling inside of his chest, that loneliness, it was being filled out, with warmth, with acceptance. Finally he started to realize what this meant, and he felt so warm and so light inside as a small tear fell down his face. James... Sirius... Peter... Thank you.