They never tell you.
There's a million things they never tell you, when they say it's such an honor to die for your village, your family, your comrades. They talk about proud you should be.
What a bunch of fucking liars.
They never tell you how scared you'll be, even though you've gone into battle more times than you can count, but this time it's worse because you know for sure there is no going back, no coming home. The panic is creeping up your throat, choking you mercilessly- what if this doesn't work, what if something happens, what if the seal doesn't hold-you swallow it down with a shuddering breath and try to concentrate.
They never tell you how sad you'll be to leave everything behind. How you would give anything just to be able to see one more sunrise, one more snowfall, have one more drink with the boys because, dammit, there is still so much that you wanted to do. They never say how much you'll miss your wife, how much you miss her already, knowing you'll never get the chance to see her smile or run your fingers through her long red hair or just hold her and breathe her in.
They never tell you how angry you'll be it has to end this way, that somehow you thought you could cheat death, because you're the Yellow Flash, and the Yellow Flash doesn't die. But you're the Hokage now, and Hokages tend to have a bad habit of dying, so soon all that you are, all that you could've been will be reduced to an impassive stone face, and fading memories.
But what breaks your heart the most is when you look down at this tiny, squalling baby in your arms, and realize that this is your son, your only son, the child you wanted so badly, and you will never get the chance to know him. You won't see his first steps, or get to hear him call you "dad", never teach him that really cool shuriken trick to impress the girls with.
You hold him tightly, press your lips to his soft head, breathe in his sweet newborn smell. For a moment, since your eyes are closed, you can almost block out the acrid smoke, the desperate shouts of the ninja below you, the demonic screams of the Kyuubi that send chills down your spine.
Your son stops crying, and for one impossibly long second you look in to his incredible blue eyes (that are just like yours). That's when you smile. They also never tell you how the best reason for dying can be so small, but so completely worth it.
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