Don't forget me
I walk into the ED with 2 letters in my hand. I need to act normal or people with think something's wrong.
'Hi Tess.' Noel shouts to me from reception.
'Hi Noel.' I shout back and then make my way to Zoe's office. I knock on the door and wait.
'Come in.' I hear Zoe shout through the door and I walk in, shutting the door behind me. She looks at me and sits back in her chair.
'What can I do for you Tess?' Zoe asks me as I sit down on the sofa near her desk.
'I'm handing in my resignation.' I said while looking at the floor, not wanting to see Zoe's reaction.
'What?!' Zoe asked, shocked by the sudden revelation.
'I'm handing in my resignation and I'm going away. I can't stay here anymore Zoe. It's too hard, too tedious. I can't cope with it anymore. All the guilt, the loneliness, the sadness.' I said to her as tears threatened to fall down my face.
'Oh Tess. You can't go. How will we last without you?' Zoe said and chuckled. Tess joined in and looked up at Zoe.
'You don't need me. You have Charlie. And you have Fletch.' Tess said, dropping her voice as she said Fletch's name. Zoe looked at her and tilted her head.
'Tess, are you sure about this?' Zoe asked.
'Yes.' I said while nodding slowly.
'It's Fletch, isn't it?' Zoe said to me slowly. I looked up at her and nodded.
'I can't do it Zoe. I can't stand by and watch as he reunites with his family. As he has a baby with his wife when I killed ours. I just can't.' I said as tears fell from my eyes. I quickly wiped them away, not wanting to show any weakness.
'Oh Tess.' Zoe said and walked over to me. She hugged me and I hugged her back, knowing that it would be the last time that I would see her. I pulled away and held out the two letters in my hand.
'My resignation and... Don't open this until 9:00.' I said, looking at the piece of paper addressed to 'everyone'.
'What is it?' Zoe asked, rather confused as she took the letters.
'I can't tell you, but just trust me.' I said, looking directly at Zoe. She nodded and I stood up.
'I have to go. I can't tell anyone else that I'm leaving, it's too hard...' I said, hoping that Zoe would do it for me.
'Do you want me to tell them?' She asked nicely, and I smiled weakly.
'Yes please. But, wait until I've left. Thank you Zoe.' I said sincerely. She stood up and we walked to the door. I opened it and she walked out with me. There were a few nurses and doctors stood around the nurses station laughing. I looked over and Fletch looked at me. I held the gaze for a while before I turned back to Zoe.
'Thanks Zoe, for everything. I'm going to miss you.' I said while the tears filled up my eyes.
'I'm going to miss you too.' Zoe said to me as her tears threatened to fall.
'Oh come here.' I said and hugged Zoe again. We stayed in the embrace for a while before I pulled away... I had to leave. I could see the tear marks down Zoe's face and could feel the tear marks down mine. I wiped them away and Zoe did the same. We both chuckled.
'It's going to be hard getting used to an ED without your bossiness.' She said to me and I laughed more.
'I know... It's going to be hard to stay away from this place. But, I have to go.' I said and Zoe nodded.
'I guess this is a goodbye then.' She said and I nodded. I hugged her again and then pulled away,
'Bye Zoe.' I said and then walked away. I walked to the exit and didn't look back, knowing that if I did I wouldn't be able to leave.
Zoe watched Tess leave and sighed to herself. She knew how much Tess had been through but never thought that she would leave. Fletch walked over to Zoe with a frown creasing his brow.
'What was all that about?' He asked Zoe. Zoe turned to face him.
'Do me a favour and get all of the staff to gather at the nurses station now.' Zoe said.
'Okay.' Fletch said uncertainly.
A couple of minutes later and all of the staff had gathered at the nurses station. Zoe walked over to them and took a deep breath, trying to think of a way to break the news to them.
'Okay, listen up!' She shouted to get their attention. They all looked at her and she continued.
'We will be hiring another clinical nurse manager soon. So, anyone that's a band 6 nurse can apply for it.' Zoe said and Charlie and Fletch looked at each other.
'Why?' Fletch asked, confused.
'Because Tess has left. About 5 minutes ago she handed me her resignation and told me that she has to leave. She said that she's going away because of personal reasons. Tess worked here for well over 20 years and the ED won't be the same without her. That's why I think that we should throw a party tonight in her honour.' Zoe said carefully. No-one could speak. They always imagined that Tess would always be there. Fletch didn't know what to do. He still loved Tess and couldn't face not seeing her every day, or every other day. He pushed through the crowd and headed outside. Everyone turned and watch him as he stormed out; his fists clenched. Charlie and Zoe, the only people that knew about Tess and Fletch, looked at each other. They followed Fletch outside.
'I can't believe she's left.' Robyn said to the other people that were sat and stood in a circle. They included: Rita, Ash, Ethan, Caleb, Lofty, Jamie, Lily and Max.
'Well she had to leave at some point.' Lily said factually and everyone just looked at her.
'What's that supposed to mean?' Rita asked and Lily just pushed up her glasses.
'Well, she is getting old. She can't keep working forever.' Lily said and Ash was shocked that she would say something like that.
'Lily, she was our colleague and is our friend! How dare you say that.' Ash said and everyone nodded. Lily didn't realise that she had said something that bad and looked at everyone that was facing her. She just walked off, not wanting to make the situation worse.
'So, why do you think Fletch stormed off then?' Caleb asked, wanting to know some gossip.
'Well, I think him and Tess were quite close.' Rita said back, thinking back to all the times that she'd seen them laughing or hugging.
'Really?' Lofty asked, surprised that they would be close.
'Yep.' Rita said.
'Mmm.' Lofty mumbled in reply.
Meanwhile, Fletch went and sat on the kerb outside the ED. He put his head in his hands and sighed deeply. He thought about everything. Him and Tess. The best days of his life. The night they kissed. He knew that he loved her right from that moment. Then he mind flicked to the baby that Tess had aborted. He wished that she had told him before. He would have dropped everything to be with her and their baby. A tear fell down his face and he made no attempt to wipe it away. He looked up and saw Zoe and Charlie walk out of the ED and over to him. They looked at each other and then back at Fletch. They sat down, Charlie on one side of Fletch and Zoe on the other.
'She left because of me, didn't she?' Fletch said, looking straight ahead but directing the question at Zoe.
'Yes.' Zoe said simply and Fletch just sighed. Another tear ran down his cheek as he sniffed. Zoe looked at him and rubbed his arm reassuringly.
'You can still talk to her over the phone. And visit her if she gives you the address.' Zoe said trying to compromise.
'She wouldn't answer my call. I've been trying to talk to her for the past couple of weeks but every time I've tried, she's ignored me. I ring her every night and she doesn't answer. I try and find her at work every time we have the same shift, but she's either left before me or she says she's busy. I went to her house once but she wouldn't open the door. I could see her, crying, but I couldn't do anything, so I left. And the worst thing is, I don't blame her.' Fletch said, pouring his heart out to Tess' closest friends.
'Maybe she just needed some space Fletch. Space to breath.' Zoe tried to reason.
'But don't you see? I drove her to this. I should never have got back with Natalie. I love Tess. I still love her.' Fletch said and in that moment he realised that he couldn't live without her. He needed her in his life, even if that was just as his boss.
'Zoe, let me quit. Tell Tess that I won't be here. Make her stay in Holby. Please.' Fletch said, turning to Zoe. Zoe looked to Charlie for help, but he was too shocked by the fact that Fletch would give up his job for her.
'Fletch she said that she has to go. I know Tess and she won't change her mind.' Zoe said sadly. Fletch sighed.
'I can't believe she's gone.' Fletch said. He wiped off his tears and stood up silently. He walked back into the ED and headed for Tess' office. Once Fletch reached Tess' office he typed in the code and walked in. He saw her scarf hung up and took it down. He smelt it and smiled. He could recognise that smell anywhere. Tess Bateman. He loved her with all his heart. He would lay down his life for her. He sat in her chair and took another sniff of her scarf. He looked at her desk, immaculate as always, and smiled. Everything in the hospital reminded him of Tess and he knew that everyday from then he would think of Tess. He smelt her scarf one more time before leaving it on the desk and walking out.
'I didn't realise how much Fletch loves her. I just thought that it was a fling.' Charlie said as he turned to Zoe.
'It was more than a fling. Tess loves him too, but she assumed he is happy with his wife again.' Zoe said. Then she realised that she had the letter that Tess gave her in her pocket. Since Tess gave her it, it had been playing on her mind as to what it was. It was 8:55 but Tess said don't open it until 9:00. Zoe took out the letter and held it in front of her. It was addressed to 'everyone'.
'What's that?' Charlie asked, recognising the handwriting.
'I don't know. Tess gave me it with her resignation but told me not to open it until 9:00.' Zoe said. She opened it anyway and still held it up so that Charlie could read it too. They read the couple of sentences and their faces dropped and turned pale. The first two sentences read:
If you haven't already guessed by looking at this letter, this is a suicide note. I know it's a cowardice thing to do, but it's too hard to tell you all in person.