Title: The Courage to Suffer

Rating: T

Pairings: Neil/Grace

Summary: Just as Neil, Grace and Jake settle into their new roles, they find that getting together was a lot easier than staying together.

Disclaimer: Talkback Thames, not I, hold the rights to the Bill.

Content Warnings: profanity in later chapters; mature content relating to serious health conditions

Author's Note: Hello! This is the long planned conclusion to my Reaching Normality tale. It chronologically follows The Great Shenanigans, but there is no need to read that to read this. The title of this story comes from a quote by an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist, Dr Viktor Frankl. The full quote reads thus: "But there was no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bore witness that a man had the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer." Proving I am incapable of writing short tales, this story is nearly finished and is approximately 14 000 words long. So buckle up! I hope you enjoy it.

It had been even easier than Jake had thought . Mrs Wilkinson was too busy trying to stop Corey and Luke from fighting each other with the toy swords they'd bought at the museum while trying to herd everyone onto the buses that it was easy for Jake to slip away. Conor, busy engaged in misdirecting Mr Patterson, grinned over the teacher's shoulder at him.

Jake checked his watch. It was already 12.20pm (they were running really late).

It was exactly like Uncle Ricky always said: "walk with your head high like you belong, and nobody will notice you." Mum had always disapproved of Uncle Ricky's advice.

As Jake walked through the halls of St. Hugh's, nobody even looked twice at him, despite the incongruity of a Dulwich school blazer in those corridors during a school day. He took a slight detour on the familiar walk to the children's wards, spending a good five minutes or so scrubbing his hands, arms (and his face just in case) spotlessly clean.

The only tricky bit was managing to avoid the nurses' gazes once he did get to the Children's Wing. If Ellie or Erica saw him, he was done for. His luck held, though, and within no time he'd sat down in the seat next to Tim's bed.

"Jake," his friend smiled weakly, but with his customary good humour. "You're late. Thought you weren't going to make it!"

"Wild horses couldn't keep me away," Jake reminded him. "How you doing today?"

Tim sighed and shrugged. "Y'know how it is," he said bravely. Jake smiled sadly at him and reached out to pat his friend on the arm.

"Cards? You promised to teach me that game you played with your dad in here," Tim suggested after a beat, gesturing to a worn-out deck of Doctor Who playing cards on his bedside table. Jake obediently fetched them, shuffling the cards before setting them up just like Dad did as he quickly explained the game.

"Hey, Jake," Tim casually began a few rounds later.

"Mmm," Jake frowned as he rearranged his hand.

"You ever...you know... thought about having kids?" Tim asked hesitantly.

Jake looked up in surprise.

"Kids?" he repeated. Tim nodded. "Um...I don't know. I mean, that's kind of...that's kind of what you do right? Grow up, have girlfriends, eventually marry one, and have a kid?"

"Yeah...do you want to do that?" Tim pursued his question. Jake paused for a second to think.

"I think so," he replied with a shrug. "I'd make sure I got the right girl first; I'm never getting divorced, but yeah. I guess. Why?"

"Dr Lawson told me that I might not be able to have kids anymore," Tim's words came out quickly, accompanied by a flood of vague discomfort mixed with some relief.

"Oh," Jake said, searching for words. "Um...are you okay?"

"I don't know. I was just...just wondering if you were going to have kids," Tim muttered. "I mean, I'd always thought I would."

"Well, you're gonna be my kids' godfather," Jake promised after a beat. "My godfather's like a second dad to me...you'd be great at it! Anyway," he continued with a wave of his hand. "With that IVF thing, there's bound to be some way for you to have kids."

Tim perked up. "Hey, you're right," he said, a hopeful grin spreading back across his face. "That must be able to fix it! Maybe Dr Lawson just doesn't know about it."

"Yeah! She can't know everything, right?" Jake concurred, returning the grin.

The moment that ensued was silent, and both boys began to feel acutely uncomfortable.

"2 kings," Tim announced, recommencing the game, much to their relief.

"Guv," Jack looked up at the knock to see his DI at the door. "Got a sec?"

"What is it, Neil?" Jack said, waving the younger man into a seat. His brow furrowed as he noticed that the DI was uncharacteristically fidgety.

"I got a job offer," Neil said abruptly after a beat. "DCI with MIT. I'd be in charge of the team for this area."

"Oh," Jack was surprised, both at how out of the blue it seemed, and at how disappointed he felt. "You're taking it, aren't you?"

Neil nodded. There was a long pause, before Jack chuckled.

"Just thinking, if someone had told me eight years ago that I'd be sad to see the back of you I think I'd have laughed them out of my office," he said, as Neil looked askance at him. "Congratulations, you deserve it."

Neil returned the smile. "No, I've well, enjoyed working here...once you and I sorted ourselves out, but I think it's time to move on."

"Grace," Jack nodded. "Well, that will be easier to manage."

"And Jake," Neil nodded. "The DCI job..."

"More admin than front-line," Jack completed, speaking from bitter experience. Neil had been a very hands-on DI, which he'd appreciated.

"Just gives me that flexibility while he's still in maintenance," Neil added. "I love the hands on-stuff, but I think...It's unfair to you, to have a DI who needs as much time off as I do, and comes with the extra burden of being unable to be put in charge of one of the DCs. As a DCI I'd have more paperwork than legwork, which I can do at home if need be. The Super in charge is aware of my situation. Plus, I could use the raise with a teenager in the house!" Jack laughed knowingly.

"Didn't know you were looking for a new job," he commented idly. "How long do I have to find a new DI?"

"We talked about it at the Christmas party, remember?" Neil sounded amused. "I hadn't realised you were quite so deep in your cups. There's some time yet; they've hired me as the replacement for Rowan Morrell – you remember her?"

"Of course!" Jack protested, scratching his head as he tried to remember the Christmas party. "Why's Morell off?"

"Maternity leave. She wants a year off, then she was looking at a job at Hendon. Doesn't want to be working in homicide with a young baby," Neil replied.

"That's right, I remember her coming up, saying hello, then dragging you off somewhere," Jack said with an air of vindication. As he recalled, that was right before Mickey had challenged him to a drinking contest, the rules of which remained hazy.

"Yeah, she recommended me," Neil said. "Baby's due in late March, but I'll be starting earlier than that."

"We've a while-" Jack was interrupted by Neil's phone.

"Sorry, guv," he said distractedly, staring at the screen. "Neil Manson. No. Yes, he was going on that trip, but he was supposed to go back to the school – are you sure he's not with Sister? Okay. Okay. I think – no, I think I know where he'll be. Yes, I'll call back. Bye."

He hung up, and quickly hit a speed dial number.

"Ellie, hi," he said once the new call connected. "It's Neil Manson. I'm just wondering if my son happens to be visiting Tim Saunders? Thanks."

Their peaceful game was interrupted by Lewis' entrance.

"Ellie," he called down the corridor. "He's here."

"What's going on?" Tim asked. Jake felt his stomach open up into a deep pit.

Lewis ignored the ill boy, focussing his attention on the other. "Your dad's not very happy with you. The school called him, mate, they were looking all over for you."

"Well, he found me didn't he?" Jake muttered sullenly.

"I don't think that is the point, Jake, nor do I think he'll see it that way," Lewis said in grim amusement.

Lewis' prediction was shown to be true a mere ten minutes later. Tim sighed, laying back against his pillows as he heard Dr Lawson's familiar heels with Mr Manson's displeased voice. Jake looked to the door as well, his jaw hardening.