"Starting a little early there, don't you think?" Sam criticized as Dean took a swig of bourbon straight out the bottle. "I can hear your liver begging for mercy from here."
"Hey, if I die young that's my prerogative," he argued. Just then his phone rang, and after digging through his pocket, it showed an unknown number was calling. "Who's this?" he demanded in a not entirely friendly manner; he hadn't had his morning whiskey yet. A smile crept on his face. "Yeah, I know her. Fun times," he reminisced. "What's this about?" The smile was replaced by a surprised, saddened look. "Oh."
"What's up?" Sam asked, immediately on red alert.
A million different emotions that Sam couldn't keep up with passed through Dean's eyes as whoever he was talking to replied. "Are you sure?" he said. His eyes were wide with shock.
"Dean, what?" Sam demanded.
"I - I'll be right there," he said, hanging up. He was pale, and if not for their profession Sam would've said he looked like he'd just seen a ghost. Then suddenly he was full speed ahead. "We gotta get to California, and quick," he said, grabbing his duffle and unceremoniously shoving his belongings inside.
"Woah, woah, Dean," Sam said, trying to slow him down so he at least knew what he was getting into. "Talk to me man. What happened? Is Mom okay?"
"It's nothing bad," he assured. "Well, actually, yeah it is, it's really bad, but not in the way you're thinking."
"Dean, I swear to God if you don't just hurry up and tell me," Sam threatened, because despite his brother's not-so-assuring reassurance, he was getting worried.
Dean's eyes flitted between Sam and the floor, trying to figure out how to word the news. "No," he decided, holding fast to his word when his brother shot him the dirtiest bitch-face he'd ever seen. "Not til we're on the road and you can't kill me without killing yourself."
"Dean..." he warned, because at this point, he might just kill him anyway.
"I'm-" he started. No. He wasn't ready to use the D word just yet. "You're an uncle," he said, trying to pass it off as no big deal because honestly, who would be that surprised that Dean had procreated? "Maybe," he added.
Sam blinked, taking a second for the revelation to process. "I'm a- Dean!" he shouted.
"What!" Dean shot back like he was the innocent party here.
"Have you never heard of a goddamn condom!?"
"I'm not an idiot Sam," he said half-angry, which then changed as he considered how he'd gotten here. He shrugged. "I just didn't think I needed it."
"Ohhh for fuck's sake," Sam lamented. The gears turned a little more. "What do you mean by maybe?"
"Well..." He sighed, because he was getting to the depressing part. "I guess she died giving birth, but she wrote down the contact info of me and another potential baby-daddy before that. So now me and this other guy gotta go do a DNA test or something."
"Oh my God, Dean," he said, sitting down on the bed, because this was too much to handle this early in the morning. "What are we gonna do?" he asked, because despite the fact that this was Dean's fuck-up, Sam wasn't going to let him go this one alone.
"Go to California I guess," Dean sighed again, resigned to his fate.
They sat in silence for a moment. Sam stood up after a bit and started pacing, trying to wrap his head around this whole situation.
"Boy or girl?" Sam finally asked.
Dean sat up straight. "You need to sit down for this one," he said with a somber face.
"What do you mean- ugh, fine." So he did. They sat in silence again. "Soooo," Sam prompted again, "boy or a girl?"
"Yes."
Sam rolled his eyes at what he thought was his brother's poor attempt at humor. "What does that-" Sam's eyes widened. "DEAN!" he shouted again, jumping off the bed, because this was un-fucking-believable. Of course his idiot of a brother would get himself into a situation like this. "TWINS?"
"Twins," Dean repeated, not believing it himself.
"Twins?" he asked once more, just to make sure this was real life.
"Yeah, Sam, should we get your hearing checked? Jesus."
Sam's hands shot up to his mess of hair as he started pacing again. More silence. Dean was surprisingly patient as he waited for Sam to calm down, or maybe he was just trying to not freak the fuck out himself. Finally Sam sat down on the edge of the bed again. Five seconds passed before they gave each other a sideways glance.
"Holy shit," they said in unison.