Batman and Wife Chapter 1

by dewayneelbertknight

This was to have been the 1980s revival of the Batman television series starring Adam West and Joyce DeWitt as the Caped Crusaders. The pilot episode would have featured a gigantic menacing insect invading Gotham City. By this time, Robin would have become Nightwing while Barbara "Batgirl" Gordon would have likely been disabled by the Joker.

INVASION OF KILLER COCKROACH

A BATMAN & WIFE STORY

IN SO MANY TWEETS

Originally told to Adam "Batman" West

on Twitter and edited for content

CHAPTER ONE

A menacing pest invades Gotham City! Killer Cockroach uses pickled egg bombs, causing residents to cough, gag and otherwise faint. All the while, the mighty gigantic insect robs various banks, museums and other places of interest.

The Gotham SWAT Patrol suddenly rushes in with assault rifles and other assorted ammunition. The bullets just bounce off, like Superman! Turns out Killer Cockroach is wearing a bulletproof body armor as he swats at the oncoming law officers...one of those lawmen, Chief O'Hara, tries to call Commissioner Gordon at the police station, but then WHACK! O'Hara is out cold!

At police headquarters, Gordon reaches for the red Batphone upon receiving O'Hara's distress call...

...while at stately Wayne Manor, millionaire Bruce Wayne and his new wife, the former Janet Wood from the television series Three's Company, are completing a jigsaw puzzle of the Gotham City skyline. Janet notices the flashing Bat-signal at the top of the completed picture.

"Bruce, we're needed!" exclaimed Janet as the Batphone rings in the next room.

"That couldn't be more apparent," replied Bruce as Alfred comes into the study.

"It's for you, Master Wayne," says Alfred as he hands Bruce the Batphone.

"We know," Bruce grumbled as he takes the receiver and Alfred leaves.

Then, into the Batphone, Bruce exclaims, "Yes, Commissioner...Killer Cockroach is gonna do what?! We're headed out, chief!" Bruce hangs up the Batphone.

"Bruce, what's wrong?" asked Janet.

"That fiendish roach is headed for New Guersney," Bruce answered.

"...which has a toxic waste plant," Janet continued the thought.

Bruce presses the call button for the Batlift. He adds, "If we don't get there soon, we're all goners! To the Batlift!"

In place of the Batpoles, there is a private elevator cage that takes Bruce and Janet to the Batcave. After the doors open, they enter and the doors gently close.

After a bout of passionate coitus as the Batlift descends, Bruce and Janet become Batman and Wife, wearing identical costumes worn by Adam West in the 1960s TV series.

When the Batlift re-opens, Batman and Batwife enter the Batcave and head for the Batmobile, where they strap themselves in. Batman drives the Batmobile out of the Batcave toward New Guersney, across the Martha Washington Bridge.

Upon heading toward the bridge, Batman realizes that neither he nor his wife have either money or an InterCard to pay the fare.

"I can't believe I forgot to account for paying the toll on this bridge," Batman exclaimed, as if he were having one of his senior moments.

"SH*T!" was all his wife could yell out.

Batman steps on the gas.

"Batman, what are you doing?" Batwife asked, worriedly.

"I'm gonna do a Knight Rider and jump over this thing."

"You'll get us killed!"

"Not to worry...Michael Knight taught me all I needed to know about aeronautics..."

The Batmobile leaves the ground near the toll gate, much to Batwife's chagrin. She begins screaming. As the Batmobile soars in midair over the Martha Washington Bridge, Killer Cockroach appears along the Gotham River.

The pesky critter uses its arms to grab the Batmobile and shake it vigorously, leaving Batman and Batwife spinning in circles. Can the Charismatic Couple get themselves out of this tizzy? Find out soon, same Bat-Time, Same Bat-Channel.