To See Hope, a final fantasy vii fanfic

Hello, again! I fished this out of my computer just now, and thought I'd finally post it!

I understand the plot-line's a little outta wack, so, here's a little summary.

Summary: Tifa, a frilly teenage girl, was perfectly content with her life. Then, with one fated car-crash, her whole family dies, and she's left with abilities to read people's minds. It affected her horribly, and now, just a little while later, she's changed to a great extent. She avoids contact with all people, and is seen as an outcast. But, her boyfriend from Before has made another show in her life, and she crumbles. He brings back painful things she doesn't want to remember, and arises the question: Can she be happy in the life she's stuck with?

Originally, I had this as a one-shot, but, thanks to my Beta OCV, it's become a work-in-progress. I won't be able to update this as soon as I like, because I have no inspiration for it right now. But, it will be updated~

Thank you to ObsessiveCompulsiveValkyrie for Beta-ing!

Disclaimer: I don't own FFVII, or the song 'Start Again' by RED!

---

To See Hope

Chapter 1: Second Chances

I walked through the crowds in the park, cringing when some people got too close, and what I 'saw' from them was enhanced by physical contact. Most everyone were thinking about some band that was suppose to perform in a little bit, though I pushed away the more private stuff that leaked into my head. I didn't want to know about someone's mom who just died and whose dad was coming home drunk and stupid, stumbling into walls. No, I didn't want to know, but I did. I did know, and that's why everything changed.

My dad was driving me, my mom, and my sister, Marlene, back home. He only had one drink. One. That shouldn't have been a problem, right? Oh, was I so wrong.

He didn't see the light that had turned red and flew right through it; we didn't think to stop him since we were all busy with something else. Mom was reading, Marlene was sleeping, and I was listening to some music, sporting my usual; a bright pink, tight tank-top with some cut-offs and my favorite pair of flip-flops. I looked up and everything went into slow motion, my screaming drowned out with the music that was playing in my ears. My dad hit the brakes, but it was too late, we skidded and slammed into another oncoming car, the front smashed into the side of the other car.

All I remember from then was screaming and then blackness. Complete, total darkness. And an incomprehensible pain crippling my body, the emptiness only making it worse. The next thing I remember was waking up into blinding light, everything swirling after having the strangest dream. Or, what I thought was a dream.

In the dream, I was in a field of flowers, nothing unusual, but instead of green grass, it was silver. The flowers were shimmering and changing colors. I began walking around, touching the colorful flowers, and gasping when they evaporated into water, rinsing my fingers. I heard some footsteps and whirled around. I saw my family walking together, away from me, and as they got farther away, they began to blur. I sprinted towards them, calling their names, desperate for them to stop and wait for me.

As I got closer to them, a shape began to form. You could describe it as a bridge, but it wasn't exactly like one. It had a silver spiral around the actual railings, and the floor of the bridge was encrusted with golden flecks, dazzling in the sunlight.

I stopped walking, distracted with the bridge, but my family didn't, they walked right on. I called for them again, not expecting any answer, but then, they stopped and turned to face me. Smiling, they beckoned to me. I shook my head, calling their names, trying to get them away from the bridge for whatever reason. It was their turn to shake their heads, and they started again.

When their feet touched the golden-like wood, they began to glow. Then, as they continued on, the glowing intensified until I could no longer make out their shapes. They shimmered one last time, Marlene glancing at me and flashing a quick smile, and then disappeared completely. I took one step to the gleaming bridge, tears threatening my eyes, but when I moved, this dreamland swirled, I fell to the ground, and then everything blacked out again.

I was brought back to the present by a couple of pushes and shoves and a few specifically chosen words. I walked on, ignoring them and their petty thoughts. I wrapped my arms around my stomach and continued blindly through the crowds having only one destination in mind, but I knew I could never go there. I wanted to go back to the way things were, with my family and not having to live with this curse.

I passed by something reflective and caught my image. I was wearing a pair of my favorite black shorts, which I've worn so much that they were beginning to fade and strings were hanging down. I had on a tank top that had red crisscrossing down the front and knee high buckle boots on, the perfect way to scare anyone away who just might approach me. I couldn't give all the credit to my clothes though, because my black and silver make-up made me 100% unapproachable. I had made sure of it a long time ago, not because I wanted to, but because I had to.

Thinking about my past was too much; I had to get my mind off of it. I tuned into the thoughts around, and scurried in the direction that they pointed me too. Okay, fine. I'd listen to this band everyone was making such a fuss over.

***

Ten minutes later, I was in the middle of a mass crowd, getting trampled over because everyone wants to get closer before the show started. From everyone's thoughts, I've learned that the band's called 'Black Ties' and that they're pretty hard-core. It was an all guy group, so they'd be heavy on the drums and scream the lyrics, just like all the others. I didn't mind, though, because it would hopefully block out all my thoughts invading my momentary peace of mind.

My hands clenched into fists as I tried to ignore the thoughts that kept gripping and tugging at me, trying to get my attention back on them… And they were winning. I felt the familiar sting in my eyes and the hollowness in my stomach, twisting into uncomfortable patterns. I drew in a ragged breath, mentally slapping myself. I shouldn't have thought of what it was like, here, ofall places.

Luckily, no one paid any attention to me, giving me the chance to slip out from the crowd unnoticed.

I tried moving, but everyone was pushing me in the wrong direction, forward towards the stage. I tried struggling back, but all the thoughts and feelings were overwhelming me, and I gave up, moving closer to avoid more avid thoughts.

Just then, cheers and applause erupted through the crowd and I reflexively looked towards the stage and did a double take.

So there was a drummer, not a biggie. Another man had a bass guitar, so what? The thing that got my attention was the man walking towards the center, holding a guitar and walking towards a mic, because I knew him. I knew his blonde spikes that defied gravity and his odd and startlingly bright blue eyes.

I made a strange half gasp, half scream of anger, fear, and unknown warmth that spread through my chest in the most odd way. I hadn't had this feeling in awhile, that's for sure. Some of the people that were in ear-shot gave me mean looks with meaner thoughts and shuffled to the side, away from me.

I felt sick, I wanted to drop into the ground, simply stop existing. Anything to get away from here and away from him. Cloud. The one person in the whole universe that knew me. The real me, and the secrets that came with it.

He still hadn't seen me, which gave me the opportunity to slip away through the crowd unnoticed. Yes, that's exactly what I'd do. Just slip away, and all this would become simple memories.

Only one problem. I couldn't move. Everyone was crowding closer than ever, and I couldn't take a step anywhere. I was stuck here.

"Shit," I mumbled under my breath, too low for anyone to hear. I needed to get away from here, but there was nowhere to go.

Clutching at my forever-aching chest, I thought up a new plan. I just had to make sure that he didn't see me. Besides, who from my old life would recognize me now? After all the changes I made, no one would see me as Tifa, the perky, pretty-in-pink girl.

I blew out a breath I didn't know I was holding and waited. I focused on the stage to distract me from the swirling thoughts of those around me.

Just then, music started to sound and unlike the deafening scream I expected, it was soft and building. My eyes glued onto Cloud, whose eyes were scanning the crowd when I noticed something. His eyes weren't the way I remembered them. They weren't happy and full of life, now they were dull, emotionless. I couldn't get the thought that I was responsible for that change out of my head. But no, it couldn't be, because he was the one who left me.

I was broken from my reverie by lyrics sung from his low, powerful voice.

And I remember everything

Everything I loved

I gave it away

Like it wasn't enough

All the words I said and all you forgive

How could I hurt you again?

Okay, I'll admit. He was good. Really good. Much better than I could have ever imagined.

A random thought popped into my head. It was one where I was still little; maybe fourteen, and Cloud and I were only friends then. It was before it happened, and we were in my room--pink, of course--and I was lying on my bed, facing the ceiling, while talking animatedly to Cloud. He was reading over some lyrics I had written and I was asking him if he could make some music that went along with it.

He was learning to play the guitar, and he was really good. He agreed and we were set. We had everything planned. Only I didn't know that the next night everything would change, and we would never get to play the song.

I was shaken out of my thoughts as I heard the next lyrics, but I couldn't believe my own ears.

What if I let you win?

What if I make it right?

What if I give it up?

What if I want to try?

What if you take a chance?

What if I learn to love?

What if, what if we start again?

I gasped. I didn't believe it. Those were my lyrics! That was my freaking song! He got the music and everything! It all fit together perfectly, everything sounded awesome! I felt so proud; I almost burst with long overdue happiness. I didn't think he stole my song, because technically, it was our song.

All my suppressed feelings and memories from the past came rushing back so fast that it made me sway on the spot. I felt my eyes prick and my vision go fuzzy. My head was light-headed and foggy and I was losing the fight with darkness. I was about to fall over when Cloud's next words rang through my dense and fuzzy head.

All this time

I can make it right

With one more try

Can we start again?

His words echoed and bounced around in my head, leaving me dazed but blissfully unaware of the thoughts that kept trying to get my attention. Without me really even knowing it, I started to sing along with him.

In my eyes

You can see it now

Can we start again?

As the chorus progressed, I sang louder and with more confidence. The people around me started staring, well, more like gaping, at me. I stopped abruptly, because I thought I was disrupting the band. I smiled, well, more like a small raise of the muscles around my mouth, which hopefully looked apologetic.

To my ultimate surprise, I heard encouragements from the people around me. Their thoughts not so mean anymore, but ones of complete and utter shock that the freaky chick was good at singing. I raised my brows incredulously, automatically taking a step back and shaking my hands in front of me, telling them without speaking that there was no way in hottest places of hell that I was going to sing when I knew they were listening.

That was until I looked up at Cloud and he was staring at me, his brows knitted together like he was in deep concentration. The music slowed down slightly, due to the fact that Cloud wasn't singing. The crowd started murmuring to each other, some starting to leave. I decided to take it on myself to sing the song. I personally didn't know how the song went, but the band sure did. By seeing how and when Cloud was supposed to be singing, I opened my mouth and began.

Emptiness inside me, wonder if you see

It's my mistake, and it's hurting me

I know where we've been, how'd we get so far?

What if, what if we start again?

I had closed my eyes somewhere in the middle of singing, but opened my eyes as a guitar solo cut in. I saw Cloud was still staring at me. Seriously, hadn't anyone taught him it was rude to stare? It didn't matter though, because I stared right back. I felt my lips turn down into a smirk, for, the lyrics I just sang described Cloud in a heartbeat.

Then, a spark of recognition twinkled in his eyes, and then his mouth practically fell of his face and dropped to the floor. I wanted to smack him so freaking bad for making a scene. Well, I guess I couldn't blame it all on him, because technically I was the one who started singing.

Cloud opened his mouth to sing, and, as stupid as I was, I started singing along with him.

All this time

I can make it right

With one more try

Can we start again?

In my eyes

You can see it now

Can we start again?

Our voices weaved in and out of each others in perfect harmony, and, for the first time in what seemed like forever, I felt good. I felt free. Free from this damn curse I live through day after day. I locked eyes with him, just beaming, but not smiling. I didn't think I could really smile anymore. He looked back at me and played the next lyrics in his head purposely for me. I took a deep breath and resumed singing.

I'm lost inside the pain I feel without you

I can't stop holding on

I need you with me

I'm caught inside the pain

Can we ever start again?

I'm lost without you

As the song reached the climax, Cloud beckoned to me with one of his hands. I looked at him like he was crazy. No way. Absolutely not. No way in hell was he going to get me to go up there and—

One look at his puppy-dog face sent to pieces. Damn him. He always did that to me. I moved automatically forward and everyone separated for me. When I got close enough, Cloud reached down and grabbed my hand, hoisting me up. I wasn't fazed by his thoughts, because I'd heard them all before, but, there were some more recent ones that caught my attention. But I couldn't think about them now. Someone supplied another mic and handed it to me. I faced towards the sea of people, and my heart went into overdrive. Damn, I knew there were a lot of people here, but, come on! Did there have to be over, like, 200? God dammit, Cloud. Did he do this to me because he thought it'd be funny?

I huffed, but my anger dissolved immediately when he gently squeezed my hand, reassuring thoughts racing through his head. He played my lyrics through his head again, and, we began to sing together.

One more try

Can we start again?

In my eyes

Can you forgive me now?

Can we start again?

(One more try)

Can we start again?

(Can you forgive me now?)

Can we start again?

As the music faded, I felt on a high when the cheering and applauding erupted from the crowd of people. I was breathing heavily and my eyes were sparkling. I didn't even know my own body anymore, because I smiled. I freaking smiled.

My eyes widened and I gasped quietly. I needed to get away from there, and now. I ripped my hand from Cloud's, which I just realized he was still holding, and bolted off the stage, running through the suddenly stunned and silent crowd.

I ran blindly around shops that were beginning to pack up and go home. I started to run in circles, so I found an empty bench away from everyone and sprinted towards it. Once I was safely sitting down, I crumpled over in a heap. I let out a strangled sob, trying to muffle it and failing miserably.

Since when was I smiling? And, when have I ever felt that normal? Before the accident, no doubt.

My eyebrows crinkled together, piecing together the very confusing puzzle. Or, attempting to, at least.

I didn't like this, not at all. All these emotions I thought were long since gone were coming back. They were slowly chipping away at the wall I put up when I learned that I was the only survivor. Why were they all coming back, now? What the hell changed?

Suddenly, everything clicked.

The reason everything changed now, was because of that damn boy. Cloud. That damn remnant from my past was breaking down my wall.

I stopped crying, letting my tears stain my cheeks, not bothering to wipe them away. I hated him for it. Absolutely loathed him. The number one memory that I have been blocking away came back in a rush, making me live that god-awful day again.

***

I was lying in bed,patiently waiting for Cloud to get his ass over here to the hospital. I had called him over an hour ago, and he still wasn't here.

I crossed my arms over my chest, and blew a stray piece of hair out of my face.

My body was aching, but I hadn't seen a living being since I woke up, so I couldn't complain to anyone. I was pissed off. Really pissed off. I needed to know what the hell was going on and there was no one here! I wanted to get out of this freaking bed, but, seeing as I had a cast on both my legs, I didn't think I could do that very easily without help.

Glaring at everything in sight, I was startled when somebody did come in. Cloud. I narrowed my eyes at him. He was hiding something behind his back and wouldn't look me in the eyes. But that wasn't what distracted me. I forgot how mad I was at everyone and anyone and my eyes widened in horror at what I saw. Or, would 'heard' be the right word?

I was hearing this 'voice' inside my head, and, it sounded a hell of a lot like Cloud's voice. It was saying, "'God, she looks awful. I wonder if I should tell her about her family…'"

"What about my family?" I hissed at him, not knowing he wasn't speaking out loud.

His eyes widened also, and, he took a step back. Again, the voice spoke, "'W-what the hell?! Did…did she just hear what I was thinking?'"

"Wait…you mean to say…you're not talking…?" I asked in confusion.

"…N-no…I wasn't…." He took another involuntary step back and I cringed at the voice in my head. It was saying, "Freak! Who the hell is this, cuz' this definitely ain't the Tifa I know! I must've gotten the room wrong; this girl doesn't look half as good like my girl does, anyways."

I would've felt better if he'd stabbed me in my heart and slowly ripped it out. I looked up at him, crushed, and felt tears begin to burn my eyes. I swallowed, trying to stop the tears, not wanting him to see me so weak.

Cloud stared at me like I'd lost my mind. I quoted him bitterly, "'Freak! This ain't the Tifa I know! She doesn't look as good as my girl does…" I stared at him, my anger from before leaking into my eyes.

He gasped and his mind was blank. "…Did you hear that, too?" he asked, not wanting to believe it.

I gave him a quick, curt nod. We just stared at each other, him trying to stop his thoughts before I could read them.

It was too surreal. I didn't believe it. How could I read minds? I crossed my arms and attempted to block out what he was thinking, but, I failed. Miserably.

"'What the hell is going on? Shit, what did I get myself into? Why couldn't I just go with that blonde chick, Brenda, than get myself mixed up with some girl who isn't worth it?'"

I couldn't hold it in anymore. I broke into sobs and screamed at him in rage.

"Cloud! You know I can freaking hear you! Do you think I want this… this… curse? You think I asked for this!?"

He took yet another step back and gasped again. He opened his mouth to talk, but I cut him off.

"You know what, Cloud? Go tell it to some other girl that doesn't care that you're vain, selfish and totally ignorant of others' feelings! A girl that only cares for someone that's a good kisser! Someone not like me!" I screeched at him, knowing I struck low.

He tried to reason with my yet again, but, right now reason was on hold. "Don't you think I'm confused and scared, too? I just learned my whole family's dead, so you're definitely not in a position to complain." I stated bitterly, throwing at him the information I'd 'heard' a few minutes ago.

"I thought you loved me, but obviously not," I whispered quietly. He gaped at me, and opened his mouth to talk. He then closed it again, not knowing what to say. Cloud was never good with words. I took the liberty of ending this.

"But don't worry, Cloud. I was just fooling myself into think that you loved me. I guess I can't read people well." I snorted at the irony of my own words. " I thought I loved you, too…" I trailed off, not wanting to finish. Cloud stared at me expectantly. Sighing, I continued.

"But I don't; at least not anymore. Just go, Cloud, you don't need to stay," I finished, finally looking at him in the eyes.

I didn't bother trying to block out his thoughts, instead I just ignored them. Or, attempted to. Without a word, he turned his back to me and walked out of the room and out of my life.

***

Opening my eyes, I wiped away the tears that had rinsed my cheeks. Sniffling, I looked around, trying to get my bearings, and gasped when I saw who was standing right next to me, his glowing eyes digging daggers into my heart.

"…C-Cloud. W-what do you w-want?" I stuttered through the sentence, mentally cursing myself for sounding so weak, so broken. He just stared at me, not moving, blinking, or even breathing. Just staring.

Huffing, I pulled at my streaked-blue hair, suddenly self-conscious of the fact that he was looking me up and down, and he raised an eyebrow in question. I shook my head, not trusting my voice.

He sighed and moved to sit down next to me. I scooted as far as I could get away from him, which only made him growl under his breath, obviously noting the, what I thought was subtle, change in seating I made. I shrugged it off.

"Tifa. How long has it been? Two years? God, it's seem like so much time has passed. How've ya been? You seem to, uh, have changed your, um, style." he rambled and just barely got out the last sentence. I flinched, not from his words but from his thoughts. I wrapped my arms around my stomach, shivering from the coldness from the night and from very real sharp things coming from his mind.

His eyes widened, and he thought pointedly towards me, did you hear that?

I scoffed to hide the pain lashing relentlessly through my chest, "Did you seriously just notice it now?" I asked acidly, referring to my change of wardrobe, while rolling my eyes.

To understate, he looked shocked and hell-bent all at the same time. I smirked at his idiotic thoughts. "Same old Cloud. Only caring about what he sees, not bothering to learn the reason behind things." I felt victorious at this win, while he looked like I punched him straight in the nose. Actually, that didn't sound like such a bad idea.

His mind was blank, so I took the liberty of explaining it to him. "The clothes, Cloud, are to keep people off of me. Just hearing their thoughts from a distance is enough, I don't need the effects heightened." I stated nonchalantly, waving my hand dismissively.

"…Oh. I didn't kn-" he started but I cut him off.

"Whatever, Cloud. It doesn't matter," I said bitterly towards him.

We sat in silence for a bit, awkward for him, completely natural for me. I unconsciously began rocking myself back and forth slightly, trying in vain to ward off the pain that had nothing to do with the cold.

Cloud instinctively wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me closer without thinking it through. I widened my eyes in horror, the past two years of his life flashing through my head, and yanked away from him so viscous and quickly that I landed flat on my butt on the ground.

My mind was swimming with his emotions, his memories of his own past. It was too much. So much more than all the other times I've accidentally bumped into someone, only then it was overwhelming for a second. Now the feeling just wouldn't let me go.

I stared unseeingly at Cloud, who looked very confused and dazed as well. I began to see spots, while still watching Cloud's memories. I lost the mental battle, and fell over onto the cold, hard ground. The last thing I heard was, "Tifa!"

***

I shifted in the darkness, and when I did, I felt warmth near me somewhere. I was so freaking cold. I searched for the warmth, and cuddled up next to it when I found it. I sighed in contentment. Then I realized the warmth was laughing like an idiot, so I opened my eyes, and gasped at what I saw. Or should I say who I saw?

"Cloud?" I asked uncertainly, unaware of how close he was. My mind was still fighting the haze, so I didn't recognize, or register, the same thoughts that knocked me out swirling, yet again, around in my head.

"Tifa. What the hell happened to you? One minute you were shivering, the next you were out cold on the ground!" Cloud screamed in my face. My old habits, ones I thought were long gone, rose up again, which made me cringe in terror of him yelling at me.

He realized the problem and apologized quickly. I shook my hand at him. I guess he deserved an answer, so I replied to his question, "Cloud, I'm not exactly sure. I've seen your memories before, but just now…They were so much more overwhelming than the others…Maybe it's because I know you? Or, because we kept contact…" I trailed off, my voice getting quieter and quieter until it stopped working all-together.

My mind was clearing, and I needed to get away from him. I tried to tug out of his grip, but he just tightened his hands around my waist. I started to struggle but he didn't release me. Letting out a noise of anger, I looked up into his eyes, mine silently asking him kindly, what the hell, Cloud?

He chuckled at my look, and did something unexpected. Something I'd never thought I would ever feel again. He kissed me. Just a quick peck on the lips, then he moved back suddenly shock in his own eyes.

Gasping, I did what was natural to me. I slapped him. Hard. Across the face.

My eyes turned hard, and I hissed at him, "Don't you ever do that again, Strife. Or I swear you'll wish you'd never been born."

I ripped away from him, and ran towards the water. I jumped in. Freezing water jabbed me like ice, but I didn't care. I swam under the surface until I needed air. Rubbing my eyes, I looked around. I was about half-way to the other side of the river when I came up. I began to swim on the surface.

Just as I was about to reach the block of land in front of me, a strong undercurrent pulled me down the river. Struggling, I gasped when my foot hit the bottom, getting stuck in hidden mud. Yanking, I tried to pull it free. But I couldn't. I was stuck. With the water rushing over my head. I could barely breathe.

Suddenly not giving a damn about the fight I was just in, I screamed as best I could with the water moving over my head, "Cloud! Cloud, help! I'm stuck! My foot! Dear Shiva, Cloud, help me!"

Nothing.

I heard nothing.

I gave another scream, the sound bouncing off of trees and into the empty sky. My world was spinning in and out of focus, and I gave in.

I felt my body falling under the surface, and I was about to lose consciousness when two arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me up.

Gasping for much needed air, I let myself be pulled to the ground. The next thing I knew I was laying on the grass, dripping wet, in someone's arms. Stiffening when I realized who it was, I tried to pull away, but my muscles had other ideas. They wouldn't move! Cursing them, I allowed myself a glance to Cloud's face, expecting anger for my stupid impulses, but I saw kindness instead. I let my head rest on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

I was silent for awhile, and Cloud chuckled. I looked up at him, and cocked an eyebrow.

Laughing, he said, "What? No slaps or sudden dives in freezing waters?" I cringed a little in embarrassment, and was startled when I felt heat creep onto my face. Since when do I blush?

For once, I ignored everything that was racing in my head, including my own that were screaming at me to punch him and leave.

Sighing, I stared dreamily at the stars, not a care in the world.

Cloud.

Me.

We would need work, neither of us were perfect separately. But, together...

We made a whole. A whole person, a whole heart...

For we both had broken bits, but, those things didn't matter right now.

We had both been given second chances, and we weren't going to waste them.

So, what didja think? Like it? Hate it? Drop a review and tell me!

Until next, fellow readers/writers!

~Niyati