A/N this is another Dramione oneshot from me, using, once again, the rather unoriginal concept of the Head's Common Room/dormitories. Oh and it's a songfic. Enjoy :)
Disclaimer – I don't own Harry Potter or the song Frozen I am making no profit from this story whatsoever.
Frozen
Hermione was sitting on the sofa in the Head's Common Room, wrapped in a blanket, a mug of coffee in her hand. A book lay open on her lap and the fire crackled away in the fireplace. Snow was falling delicately onto the windowsill outside and the Hogwarts grounds were covered in a pure white carpet.
Hermione sighed. She could not concentrate on her book – she was too worried. She had been worried for a while now, for several weeks in fact. She looked at her watch. It was one o clock in the morning and still, there was no sign of him. He had been doing this a lot recently, staying out all night, not returning until the early hours. Hermione had no idea where he went to and she did not go to bed until she knew he was back and whenever he returned she would go through the same, repetitive refrain – "where have you been? What's the matter? Why do you keep doing this? Please, talk to me, let me help you?"
And the reply was almost always the same – "no, I'm fine…leave me alone. For fucks sake, Hermione just give it a rest!"
The clock above the mantelpiece ticked by the minutes…half past one…two o clock. Hermione wrung her hands and went to the window, staring out into the snowy landscape beyond the castle, the frozen Quidditch pitch, the Forbidden Forest with its snow flecked tree tops. If he was in the grounds, she hoped he had a cloak on.
Many times she had considered going looking for him, wandering outside into the darkness of the school grounds or Hogsmeade, scouring the corridors and empty classrooms, the library…anywhere she thought he might be. But she knew that even if she did manage to find him when he disappeared, he would not listen to her, would push her away, tell her to leave him alone, insist that he was fine and didn't need her help or her sympathy.
You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You're frozen
When your heart's not open
She had cried so many tears for him, the young man who she never dreamt would become her friend but had done…he had become her rock, her confidante, the person she would seek out when feeling lonely, or sad or when she just needed someone beside her. He would listen to her selfish, petty little problems and wouldn't patronise her…he would be completely honest and frank with her and tell her the truth, even if the truth was not what she wanted to hear. He was what she needed, and she missed him when he was not near her.
And yet still, she could not get him to open up to her, she could not get him to listen to her, she could not make him tell her his problems, his fears and insecurities. She reached out for him and he would just distance himself further from her. She wished she could make him see that she wanted to help, that she could help, that she would be there for him if he needed her like she so desperately needed him.
She knew he could be selfish, arrogant and stuck up at times and their arguments, when they had them, were never just disagreements – he would hold nothing back when shouting at her,
would call her names and make her feel worthless and small and she would retreat to her room and cry into her pillow, waiting for him to come and apologise. He always did. He always said sorry afterwards and she always forgave him for the insults and the nastiness that she knew she did not deserve but put up with because she knew that he didn't mean it, he never really meant it.
You're so consumed with how much you get
You waste your time with hate and regret
You're broken
When your heart's not open
At half past two, the door flew open and Hermione turned sharply to see him striding into the Common Room. He slammed the door behind him and shook the snow out of his hair, a scowl on his face.
Hermione took a tentative step towards him "Draco, where have you –"
"Not now, Hermione"
She watched him hurry upstairs to his room, not daring to follow. She would talk to him later, when he had calmed a little. She could hear him sobbing and the sound wrenched at her heart. She sat back down on the sofa and picked up her book again, trying to read but not really taking in the words because all she could think about was Draco, alone and miserable in his room.
A crash made Hermione leap to her feet, the book flying from her lap. "Draco, what are you doing?" she called but her voice was drowned out by another crash, a thump and what sounded like breaking china. She raced towards his room, taking the stairs two at a time. She had her wand drawn, goodness knows what she intended to do with it but it made her feel more secure. Throwing the door open she stood there for a moment, watching as Draco picked up a wooden chair from in front of his desk and threw it across the room. It hit the wall and shattered, splinters of wood skittering across the floor.
"You're not being childish at all, are you?" said Hermione as a drawer full of quills and parchment went flying past "will you stop it, please?"
Draco didn't listen. He strode over to the bed and tore the hangings from it, throwing them in a tangled bundle onto the floor before seizing his school books and scattering them about the room
"Draco, please!" said Hermione pleadingly "you're frightening me!"
Draco whipped out his wand, breathing hard and pointed it at Hermione "get out"
"No!" said Hermione raising her own wand "not until you tell me what the matter is!"
"GET OUT!" Draco bellowed, making Hermione flinch but she didn't move. She walked slowly into the room, her wand still drawn and grasped hold of Draco's hand. He pulled it away forcefully.
"You're freezing" said Hermione quietly "why did you go outside without a cloak?
"Hermione, just get the fuck out of my room before I do something I know I'm going to regret"
"Fine!" said Hermione, close to tears now "jinx me! Go on! Do it!" she dropped her wand to the floor and grabbed Draco's hand which still held his wand, pointing it towards herself "do it, if it will make you feel any better!"
Draco looked into her tear glazed eyes, then to the wand in his hand, looking disgusted at himself. He opened his fist and the wand went clattering to the floor. He collapsed onto the bed, shaking with anger and cold
Hermione gazed at him, her face forlorn "why won't you talk to me, Draco?"
If I could melt your heart
We'd never be apart
Give yourself to me
You hold the key
"You can't help me" he said "I know you want to, but you can't. You don't know what I've been through this past few months, you have no idea"
"Your father –"
"My father!" shouted Draco "my father is an arsehole"
"You still love him" said Hermione gently "I know you do"
"After what he did? After how many Order members he killed last year before being sent to Azkaban? How can you even think that I could possibly still love him after all that?" he paused "my mother…my mother is…" he trailed off, leaving the sentence unfinished
"Your mother is what?" said Hermione carefully, wondering just how far she could push this
"Dying" said Draco in a strained voice that brought a lump to Hermione's throat "she hasn't been looking after herself…the house is a mess. She's distraught over what happened to my father"
"And there's nothing –"
"Nothing. Nothing can be done for her. I can't do anything to help her and its killing me inside, Hermione" Draco put his head in his hands, breathing hard and Hermione knew he was trying not to cry, to betray his emotions…act weak. Because Draco did not like to have a weakness, he preferred to put on a front, pretend as though everything was alright. In lessons, in the Great Hall he would act as he normally did, haughty, composed, confident and self assured and to anyone who saw him, spoke to him, they would not realise, they would not be able to see just how broken he was because he was so good at acting, at lying and pretending.
Hermione was sure she was the only one who ever saw him break down, give in to the anger and misery welled up inside him. She longed to help, to make it better for him, take a little of his pain into herself so he didn't have to put up with it all any longer. She wanted to be there for him, to hold him in her arms and dry his tears and reassure him, make him see that he didn't have to go through everything alone.
Now there's no point in placing the blame
And you should know I suffer the same
If I lose you
My heart will be broken
"My father will die in Azkaban" Draco went on "he deserves it. But my mother, she shouldn't have to suffer because of his mistakes. She was never…she never was a particularly maternal sort, but she was a good parent. She cares for me and I know I'm going to lose her soon and then I will have lost everything. I just…" Draco took another deep breath and stood up, surveying the wreckage of his room "I shouldn't be telling you this" he said evenly "you don't need to know this"
"I do need to know it!" said Hermione, sitting down on the bed too. She took hold of his hand and this time he did not pull it away "you can't keep it all bottled up inside you, Draco because it will only make you even more miserable. Please Draco, let me in, let me be there for you"
Love is a bird
She needs to fly
Let all the hurt inside of you die
You're frozen
When your heart's not open
"I don't need you" said Draco and these words stung Hermione, they cut through her heart like a knife "I don't need you and I don't need anyone else. These are my problems, this is my life, its up to me to get over this. You always need to help someone, Hermione but you can't help me, you can't fix me. You can't make this better"
"I can try" said Hermione quietly
If I could melt your heart
We'd never be apart
Give yourself to me
You hold the key
"I can't handle it anymore, Hermione I feel like I'm going crazy. I don't know what to do, I feel so hopeless" said Draco and now there were tears running down his face too and Hermione stood up and embraced him and he held onto her tightly, crying silently into her hair
You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You're frozen
When your heart's not open
"You'll always have me, Draco" said Hermione "whenever you want to talk, or need someone to listen or just don't want to be alone, I'll be there for you"
"I know" said Draco "I know"
If I could melt your heart
We'd never be apart
Give yourself to me
You hold the key
They stood there together for what felt like an age, holding each other, both of them gaining comfort from the embrace. Draco pulled gently away from Hermione, took her hand and pulled her onto the bed, holding her close
"It may not seem like it" he said "but I don't know what I would do without you, Hermione"
Hermione did not return to her room that night but remained with Draco until dawn, watching him sleep, feeling no inclination to sleep herself. As the sun rose over the horizon, casting a pale yellow glow across the snowy Hogwarts grounds, Hermione made her way back to her own room at last, hoping that someday, Draco would fully realise just how much he meant to her and just how much she longed for him to be happy.
If I could melt your heart.