In the space between yes and no, there's a lifetime.
It's the difference between the path you walk and
the one you leave behind; it's the gap between who
you thought you could be and who you really are;
its the legroom for the lies you'll tell yourself in the future.
~ Picoult
.
All he had to do was keep the damned spider away from the Inquisitor and Hawke as they ran for the rift. He didn't have to survive. He didn't have to try to live through this fight ... but he couldn't make himself stop. Couldn't give up the knowledge that somewhere beyond the Fade, she was waiting for him and they had promised each other that next time would be forever. It didn't matter anymore how afraid he was, or that he hated spiders. It didn't matter when the thing dropped him to his knees, not when he could get back up and fight again. And again. And again.
He'd fought an Arch Demon. What was a giant spider compared to that? When he saw the flash of the fading rift, he did what any sane person would do. He ran.
It takes knowledge and will to survive as a warden. Sometimes, it just takes knowing the right person at the right time. On the boat across the Waking Sea, she reminded herself of this as she reread the letters she'd been sent. The one promising hope, even as it described the energies required to rip open a seam between reality and dreams, Morrigan's letter had contained enough information to keep her moving … along with some pithy comments about how her good man had died an honorable death. Leliana's letter had been less infuriating, of course, but it had also been less helpful.
Her horse was covered with foam and sweat by the time she stopped at the inn in the foothills of the Frostbacks to fling gold at the innkeeper for a fresh pair of horses before taking off again. The pounding of hooves into earth as they raced along the road into the mountains felt like the pounding of her heart, winging upward with fury and impatience. She wanted to be there already, to be grabbing someone by the throat and wringing an answer out of them. Why had they left him? Of all the people to leave behi… she stopped herself. It was too difficult. Too distracting.
Switching horses halfway through, she made it to Skyhold as the stars were blinking into the black velvet sky overhead. Lights flickered along the walls of the castle and the Inquisitor's banner floated and snapped above the gate. She rode along the causeway toward the gate, dismounting and leading them as she approached the armored men to either side of the open doors.
The gate guard tried to stop her, eying the blowing horses and the furious elf in blue and silver armor with a frown. "I can't just let y'go in there," He said. "State yer business like everybody else. Warden's aren't exactly the most welcome people right now."
Steely gold-green eyes met his, glinting as she said in a cold, clear tone, "Tell Commander Cullen that Surana is here for the Inquisitor and see if he agrees that you should continue to make me wait."
"Ahh ..." He glanced back at the other gate guard and she pushed by him. No more had she passed through the than she had taken her staff from its place at the back of her saddle, handed her horses off to a startled passerby, and headed toward the stairs, taking them two at a time. She reached the front doors of the Great Hall before any of the many guards racing after her could catch up, her boot heels striking the floor in a sharp, staccato rhythm. She paused in front of the throne and turned, glaring at those nearest.
"The Inquisitor. Where is she?"
"Ahhh," the masked Orlesian man nearest her took several steps back and pointed toward one of the doors.
She paused, seeing the guards heading toward her and lifted a brow, her jaw tensing briefly as her fingers flexed on her staff. Everyone nearby shrank back a little, and she turned on her heel and slammed through the door, marching through the empty office and down the hall. Near the end she found a tall, dark haired woman standing with a dwarf, speaking quietly. The dwarf saw her first and straightened, his hand going for the crossbow resting against the wall next to him.
"Hawke?" The elf's voice was sharp, her eyes narrowed to slits.
" Ah, Warden. I turned back from Weisshaupt as soon as I got your note," the Champion answered. "We must have been ahead of you."
"Where is the Inquisitor?"
"In the War Room." Hawke glanced behind the elf, a smile lifting one side of her mouth. "And you've got company."
She turned to face the soldiers aligned behind her. At least one was a chevalier and there were two in Templar armor. Her eyes narrowed and she turned back toward the doors. "If anyone gets in my way …"
"They won't," Hawke said, stepping forward and lifting her hands while Surana shoved open the doors to the War Room. Letting them fall shut behind her with a resounding thud.
The Fade was a disgusting place, and there were odd things everywhere. He limped along the twisting pathways, dodging behind breaks in the rocks until he found a good hiding spot behind an old Tevinter statue, tilted at a crazy angle. There was a campfire behind it, and an old bedroll. Binding his wounds as best he could, Alistair leaned his head back against the stones and wondered what happened if you slept when you were physically in the Fade. Would he dream of reality?
He looked up at the Breach in the sky, watching as it rotated and spat out lines of green light. At least here he couldn't hear the damned song.
At the sight of the Warden, both Cullen and Leliana paused, their faces blanking in shock. Neither able to move before Surana had the Inquisitor shoved across the War Table, map markers and war pieces flying in all directions as she glared down at the other woman, her voice a steady, deadly sound as her gauntleted hands tightened around the human's neck. "My husband is still in the Fade."
"Ysri," Morrigan said, her voice shaken, and Surana glanced upward, the look in her eyes sending the witch back a step. When she looked back at the Inquisitor, she found the human staring at her with a look not of fear, but of wary comprehension. They stared at one another for several beats before anyone spoke.
"I think you can understand how I want him back," Surana bit out each word. There was a sound of drawn steel and she said, without looking. "She'd be dead before you could kill me or stop me, Commander. I recommend you keep very still while your lady and I have discuss the whereabouts of my husband. Where is the rift this …" she grabbed the Inquisitor's left hand and lifted it, "… this can still open?"
"Ysri, let her go," Leliana was pulling her back, hand gentle but firm. "He is lost, my friend."
"He's lost when I have his body in my arms," the elf snapped. "Morrigan believes we could manage it."
The witch shrugged lightly. "Yes, though I don't know why you would want to. The man is -" she stopped abruptly at the look in Surana's eyes and her lips pressed tight together.
"You won't survive leaving this room at the rate you're going," The Inquisitor managed to say, coughing a little as she was released. "Not exactly wonderful for the reputation of Wardens, is it?"
"Ashe," Cullen's voice carried a warning.
"I am not playing The Game, right now," Surana snapped, moving forward again, but unable to reach the Inquisitor as stronger arms than Leliana's pulled her back. Hawke held the elf tightly, wincing as a booted foot kicked her in the knee. "I want my husband back."
There was a sound of ringing metal in the hallway behind them and Varric said, "Uh … Cassandra, it's kind of a … okay. Well, this is going to go bloody … "
"Seeker," Cullen said, sounding relieved, but the Inquisitor held up a hand, shaking her head while she rubbed at her neck and sat up. "No. I … Alistair was an ally." She sighed and shook her head, pained. "He stayed behind at my request. If there is a chance … any chance to get him back, we should take it. I owe him that."
"But what about the power necessary for such a feat?" Cullen's eyes had gone wide. "You may need that against Corypheus."
Ashe Trevelyan met Ysri Surana's eyes for a long moment, then she turned to look at the Commander, a smile tilting her lips. "You think I wouldn't do the same for you?"
He had food in his belt pouch and a skin of water. It wouldn't last long, but if he was careful, he might last a few days. He ate a little cheese and a little bread, drank a mouthful of water and then rested, thinking of Ysri and wishing he'd had a chance to say goodbye. A part of him wondered why he hadn't just let the giant spider have him. At least he'd have been spared the slow death, but ... he hadn't wanted to give her up. Not just yet. Not ever, really.