Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII or any of its characters. That right belongs solely to Square Enix.

(Yuffie POV)

You're stupid!

Huh? You think I'm stupid, eh?

I suppose that's why I was appointed head of the WRO's intelligence and espinoge gathering, recruited by the one and only Reeve Tuesti. And I dearly hope you're not suggesting that Reeve was being idiotic to appoint me, because if there's one smart human being, it's Reeve.

Of course, if you think I'm stupid, you probably think Reeve is too, so I think you're a lost cause anyways.

I'd like you to know that I finished college when I was fifteen, a year before Avalanche, with a perfect 4.0 GPA. And don't suggest that it's just because Wutai has poor education. Wutai is a tourist trap with tourists. Our education is perfectly fine.

Not to mention the fact that I also had tough physical training in order to be a ninja and domestic training in order to be a princess (I admit that I did fail that class).

Now, let's see your transcript.

You are so uncaring! You had to be drafted into the WRO! You wouldn't help the people out on your own!

Oh, sorry.

I was a little busy trying to help my own country. Being a princess and all.

I'd like to see you be happy the next time your supposed friend forces you to fight for another cause when your country is in shame.

You're loud and annoying!

Honey, right now, you're being annoying, if not loud.

In Avalanche, I was sixteen. I bet that your parents could vouch that you, at sixteen, were very loud and very annoying. If you're not, then you must have a very boring personality.

Or are you referring to when I was in the Shera, moaning about Kadaj and his gang being larvae? The thought of a person hatching out of an egg, covered with slime and slowly morphing into an insect-human hybrid doesn't creep you out? Everyone has a fear. One of mine happens to include insects.

Or maybe the time when I accused Cid of being sexist? He was being sexist. Shera said so too (and Shera does not go against anything Cid does).

Or maybe my air sickness? I get sick on airships. Once in your life, you've probably gotten sick too. I know plenty of people that get airsick, carsick, seasick, whatever. Leave me alone and go bother one of them, because then they'll have the means to physically hurt you.

You're too cheerful!

Sorry if my cheerfulness bothers you.

I'll tell Square Enix to make a team full of angst-ridden, emo male eye candy warriors in Final Fantasy XIV. I don't think tht the majority of the video gamers, who are mostly male, will like that, but maybe you'll appreciate that team better.

Oh, and it's healthier to be cheerful. Being happy increases your life span. So at least I'll live longer than you depressed people.

Would you like me better if I cut myself and committed suicide?

…You probably would, but suicide's a sin, so I'll take my chances and forego your approval.

You tried to steal materia from your friends!

I'm a ninja. I'm trying to save my country. It's what I do.

I love Wutai, and I will do every cunning, traitorous, back-stabbing trick to help it.

I had barely known Avalanche, and I had been living with Wutai for a very, very long time. It wasn't a hard decision. I had no regrets then and I barely have any regrets then (because if I hadn't tried to steal the materia, I wouldn't have met my lovely friends).

I did give my materia back and help fight with Avalanche. And offered to give it to Cloud to help battle Kadaj.

You're a thief!

Yes, so I steal.

Go complain of the others for murdering (with good cause, but murder nonetheless).

You have no respect for your father!

…Do you?

If you do, then I am very, very impressed, because not many teenagers have any respect for their parents. Even now, I barely have any respect for Godo.

Your clothing is too revealing!

I guess you're living in the medieval times, when girls were treated like dirt and had to dress all proper; covered ankles, high neckline, long skirts, etc.

It's kind of difficult to wear pretty dresses like Aeris (Leviathan bless her) or tight-fitting clothes like Tifa (by the way, her clothes during Avalanche times were also pretty revealing), whatever it is that Shelke wears (plus, I don't think they sell clothes like that) or even suits like Elena when you're a ninja: doing flips, running, dodging stuff because ninjas have low vitality.

I need to wear clothing that is comfortable and won't hinder my movement. I honestly don't care what you think of it.

You're ugly!

I admit that I'm not hot like Tifa or pretty like Aeris.

But I do think that I at least qualify as 'cute' and many people will probably agree that I'm better looking than you are. While we're on the subject, you must have a pretty nice life if all you think about is looks.

And since you live in today's society, there's a good chance I'm skinnier than you.

You're a whore that seduces men!

Me, with my small breasts, petite figure, and short hair?

Please. I have the exotic…ness, but not much else.

u tlk funny!

u wrte funny!

I hate your voice!

Genetics, my friend. You have no control over it and neither do I.

You slapped Shelke!

I had good cause.

Shalua (Leviathan bless) was a very good friend.

Shelke insulted Shalua.

If your friend died and a very ungrateful sister insulted said friend, you'd probably slap her as well. If you don't, then you weren't very good friends, so don't take it out on me.

You hate Shelke!

I do?

Since when?

…Oh, you mean because she's Miss Quiet and I'm Mrs. Loudmouth?

I get along with Vincent and kindofCloud (the kind of is just because he keeps on ignoring Tifa), don't I?

You get in the way of Vincent and Tifa/Cid/Reeve/Lucrecia/Aeris/Shelke!

I'm sorry that I get in the way of your pairings of Vincent and Tifa (who's in love with Cloud)/Cid (who's married to Shera)/Reeve (who had a thing for Shalua so I don't think he swings that way)/ Lucrecia (who's as good as dead)/Aeris (who is dead, the dear girl)/Shelke (little sister, dear).

I'll try to force the authors to write your preferred Vincent pairing.

You're useless!

Hmm.

Dear me, so however did I join Avalanche and help them battle Sephiroth and other icky monsters?

How did I ever battle Bahamut?

How did I ever try to help Wutai?

How did I ever help the WRO?

How did I save the Vincent Valentine, the I-don't-need-your-help-because-I'm-too-cool, more than once?

Useless I must be.

You're weak! You're not strong!

Even if you do think I'm stupid, give me some credit. I know what weak means.

I'm not suited for strength. Cloud and his Buster Swords of Doom and Cid and his Venus Gospel and Tifa and her Fists are suited for strength.

Barret is more suited for long-range strength, but strength nonetheless.

Red XIII's a good all around fighter.

I am more suited for speed. Long range attacks and dexterity are my kind of thing.

Aeris is more suited for magic, not strength.

Cait Sith is a whoopin' ass-kicking magic user.

Even Vincent Valentine (whom I am pretty sure is the reason for why most of you hate me) would be next to useless without his demons and his handy gun (what strength? I've seen a lot of him, and he doesn't have nearly as much muscle as, say, Cloud).

Reeve is suited for leadership, spying, mechanics and the like.

A five year old kid could beat up Reno by simply waiting until he became drunk (same situation, really, with Cid and Barret, but I digress).

Marlene and Denzel are little kids. Cute kids, but children nonetheless.

Shera's an intelligent engineer.

If you dislike me for my lack of strength, I will assume you dislike the above eight characters as equally.

You're too boastful!

I like showing everybody my strengths and good characteristics. You seem to think that I have none, so it stands to reason that I should be more proud of the ones that I do have.

You should be more modest!

Why? I'm not sweet Aeris or I'm-useless Cloud.

You're a meanie!

Um, okay. You're the one insulting me, but all right.

I hate you!

Good for you.

Envy's another deadly sin, y'know.

-----

Hate me all you want. I know that:

I'm cute.

I'm fit.

I'm a ninja.

I'm a princess.

I enjoy life.

I'm married to a hot vampire gunslinger.

And you aren't.

Quick story writtenwhen I was a little annoyed at Yuffie bashers.

Bring it on, Yuffie haters.