I took a sip from my beer. I just wanted to get so high and drunk that I cold forget what happened last week. Or that I would just die from an over dose.
Francis had offered to take me out for a drink. I had said no. Antonio said he would come over and just be there for me if I wanted. I said no again. Even West had said he and Feli could come and live in this big empty house with me or I could sell the house and come live with them again. I told he hell no and kicked him out.
Lovino had sent me a big box full of ever kind of drug that the mafia could get their hands on. There was a note on it that said it was a present and I didn't have to pay. Very unlike Lovino.
I gave my self another shot. My arms and legs were bruised black and blue from the needles. Damn it! Why did my skin have to be so pale and sensitive?
I closed my eyes and remembered, even though I tried not to, what had happened.
Roderick had been going to his place to conduct the orchestra. I my self had been in the left wing waiting for the music to start and my queue to come out. I had the first song all to my self then a three-page monolog. It was then that I heard the gunfire.
Roderick was falling. Falling onto the stage. I ran from my place in the wings to him the audience screaming and ducking down under the seats. I had caught Roderick before he hit the ground. He had been shaking and blood was slowly oozing through his nice white shirt. "NO! You can't die! Nein! Ich brauche dich!" I choked out. Roderick looked up at my face, those violet eyes brimming with tears. "Ick leibe dick." He whispered. He died, right there in my arms.
Every thing after that was a blur. I felt West's strong arms pull me away from Roderick's body even though I kicked and fought to get to him. The next thing I remember is waking up in our room. West sitting in a chair next to the bed and Feliciano curled up on a chair in the corner. West explained to me what had happened and the man who had killed my Roderick, my Roddy, my Ricky, my specks, had been caught and was in court.
I thanked him and sent him out and on his way. As soon as he had left I had taken out the beer and all of my drugs and gotten so drunk and high, it's amazing I didn't die.
And that's how I had spent that week. My first week with out sunlight. My first week with out the only man I ever loved, and ever will love.
I finally looked up from my beer to go to the bathroom. My ruby eyes scanned the once beautiful, but now stained with vomit, beer, and blood, kitchen. My eyes fell on the bloody knife I had been cutting my self with. I tore my eyes from it, pushing away the urge to take it and slip my own throat.
Instead my eyes fell on a paper stuck to the fridge, that hadn't been there since the last time I checked. I got up and took it off the fridge and read it.
Dear Gil,
If you are reading this, that means I'm dead. And that you saw me die or held me while I died. I don't want you to turn to drugs and beer and what ever else you are doing. I want you to stay Fish. My Fish. The man who goes out with his three best friends and they all drag their dates with them but don't pay attention to them at all. The man who can talk to chickens. And plays the most beautiful songs on the viola and flute.
I love you with all my heart Gilbert "Fish" Beldschmit,
Roderick Eclenstein
My eyes swam with tears. I had failed him. And he had planed his death. "The man who can talk to chickens." I whispered and thought of the dead little fluff ball in the dinning room. " I guess, since he wanted me to continue on with life I should call West." I walked out of the kitchen and into the hall, staring at that room I dare not go in for if I did… I would lose it. I grabbed my cell phone from one of the hall tables and dialed West's number. " Ich leibe dich Roderick. Ich leibe dich."
Translations
Nein! Ich brauche dich!
Translation: No! I need you!
Ich leibe dich.
Translation: I love you.
A/N: I cried while I wrote this. It even made my friend Wolfcry (she isn't online so don't bother looking for her) cry. And PLEASE review!