Nao: Shu... what the fuck?

Me: ...I... I don't know...

Natsuki: Um...

Me: Okay, I read some Poe, and it made me think. And than my friend Olivia had to go and cheat on Rylie and it make me question everything! She explained everything she knew and her reasons but in the end she was just as confused as I was... So this is me writing about it using people I can manipulate

Natsuki: -.-

Nao: Deal with it, she's the author -kisses a frog-

Me: ...Yes I aam :D IDK Y I WROTE THIS, DON'T HATE ME

Frog: RIBBIT

Confusion on Cheating (aka my ramblings in writings)

So, I have a girlfriend. Her name is Shizuru Fujino. She's the student body president and I'm the school rebel. A match made in hell, and yet we're the hottest couple in school. Mostly likely because we're both girls. People love lesbians. I've noticed that that's the gay double-standard. Most everyone gets uncomfortable around gay men, but everyone loves lesbians. I guess we're lucky that way. We've been going out for a few months now and everything's great. Regular dates, regular sex, regular fights and make ups.

Usual relationship, ya know?

Sorta.

I have this problem, you see... my friend. Nao Yuuki. She gets along with Shizuru... moderately well, wishes me luck in everything I do and hopes for the best. She's the best friend anyone could ever want. Now here's the problem: She's fucking gorgeous.

You know that girl that when she walks out of a pool, you just want to pause life and stare for about ten hours? That's Nao! Her body isn't like a super model's and she's not the most beautiful girl I've ever seen or some bullshit like that. I think she's gorgeous because she's near perfect. Not VOUGE magazine perfect or anything, just perfect. Perfect for me.

Her body is well proportioned and she's thin. Her personality is almost a direct match to mine. She's cuddlier than a teddy bear. Crimson hair, lime colored eyes, and her lips! Her face is cute and (somehow) sexy at the same time. Oh, and she's pretty girly. Always has a nail file in her hand and always messing with her hair. She's girly, but she could kick a guy's ass in a quarter second. Good thing she has a soft spot for me, or else I'd be screwed.

Now, back to the girlfriend thing. I love Shizuru. I want to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her – though I guess that could just be the lesbian curse. You know, girls get too committed, too fast. But hell, if she's the one, she's the one! No point in questioning it.

I love her like no other, and I will always be faithful to her. That's the problem.

'Oh, but Natsuki, you have a perfect girlfriend and a good friend who loves you, what's the problem with not cheating?'

That, my dear... reader, is the source of my anxiety. I wish I could cheat. I wish I could just up and fuck any girl I want and feel no regret, but I can't. Be it my inner morals or just sheer will power, but I cannot bring myself to cheat on Shizuru. But I want Nao. I'd kill for a night with her alone, but I dare not touch her.

The worst part is, she feels the same way!

Nao has openly told me that if I ever get tired of 'little miss perfect', as she so crudely (yet accurately) nick-named Shizuru, that I could come to her and she'd fix all my problems. She ended that sentence with a wink, if you can imagine it.

Now my dilemma:

I have the perfect girlfriend who I could never cheat on. The perfect friend who I want to have sex with but I can't because of the last sentence. Oh, and the constant opportunities that randomly pop up that test my will power.

Example A:

Finally getting home, after a long night of walking around downtown, Natsuki and Nao went into Natsuki's apartment late at night. "Kami, I'm so tired!" Nao complained, throwing her jacket somewhere in the living room and leaning against the kitchen counter, "So, how many missed calls tonight?" she asked.

Natsuki took out her cell phone and yawned, turning it on and wincing at the bright light that came from the object, "Nao turn on the lights, its too dark in here…"

"Yea yea..." the red head muttered, walking over to flip the switch, bringing light to the darkness.

Scrolling through her phone, Natsuki chuckled a bit, "7 missed calls." she said, holding her phone but for her friend to see.

Nao grabbed the thing and grinned at the screen, "Whoa, Shizuru, a little worried are we? That's more messages than last night!" she said, shaking her head in distaste, "Hey wait, one of these is from your mom. Damnit! That means she didn't beat her record!" the red head complained, flopping onto the couch next to her.

"How come you want her to break her record so badly?" Natsuki asked, going into the kitchen.

Nao rolled onto her back and shrugged, "I think it's funny how nervous she gets when we hang out. It's like she thinks I'm gonna take you on the Tunnel of Love and steal you away from her." she answered in a sarcastic tone.

Natsuki came back out of the kitchen taking a swig from a water bottle, "No, you like making her jealous. Besides, you couldn't steal me away anyway." she said, grinning at her friend and walking past the couch and into her bedroom.

Gaping at her friend's lack of trust in her seduction skills, Nao jumped off the couch and followed her friend, stopping at the doorway of the bedroom to glare, "What, you think you're too good for me, Mutt?"

"No, Spider, I think I'm better than you." Natsuki muttered, turning to look at her friend and throwing the water bottle on the bed.

"There's no difference!" Nao yelled, her ego slightly bruised, "I'm better than Fujino anyway." She muttered, stepping closer to her friend and pushing the bluenette onto the bed. Natsuki immediately opened her arms, awating.

Nao smiled slightly and snuggled into her friend's arms as they went through their rituals. Go out, come back, fight, cuddle, sleep. And a dash of alcohol in there somewhere, every once in a while. It was fun and wasn't over done, but that's how the night usually went

Usually.

But of course this night couldn't be that easy...

Nao slowly pushed herself off the bed and looked at her friend earnestly, "So how are you and Fujino doing, anyway?"

"We're fine."

"Just fine?"

"Just fine." Natsuki said, trying to avoid the subject. Whenever they talked about her relationship with Shizuru, things got sticky. It conversation would always turn from a simple question to... to something else...

Nao pursed her lips and nodded, looking at her friend happily, "That's good. I wish they were better though. You guys are a good couple, so I'm happy that she can be the one to make you happy."Nao said, looking her friend dead in the eye.

She was lying. Natsuki knew it. Nao always got that glint of light in the back of her eye whenever she lied. As if lying made her happy and cause something fun to happen in her brain. Nao didn't shit whether or not her and Shizuru were going well, if fact, Nao would rather have it the other way around. The worse off they are, the more she approves.

And that was the moment Natsuki regretted looking into Nao's eyes.

And in that moment was the spark. The spark that made a moment. Does that ever happen to you guys? When you just look at someone and nothing is said, neither of you move, but you both feel something? That moment you shared... its weird.

They say that the eyes are a passage way into a person's soul. That's a lie. But it is a pretty good way to see the truth. Nao didn't like that Shizuru and I were together. She didn't care that Shizuru made me happy. And she sure as hell didn't think that Shizuru was better for me.

But I already knew all that stuff. I knew that from the very beginning, so none of this came as a real shock to me. The thing that got me was the amount of other stuff in her eyes. All that sadness, that regret, and that shame.

She and I both knew that we wanted to be together and the only reason was because I had a girlfriend. If I was single, we'd be best friends as always with no sexual tension. We both knew that it was the wrong thing to do and that's why we wanted to do it

Who has not, a hundred times, found himself committing a vile or a silly action, for no other reason than because he knows he should not?

This question has become the subject of my musings – such as this – far more times than I am willing to admit. But I can't help it. I want to do a vile or silly act. I want to so badly. I want to corner Nao in a secluded part of school and make her my own. I want to make out with her on the Shizuru's desk in the counselors office. I want to take her to my apartment and fuck her on the bed Shizuru first told me she loved me.

Dear Kami I want to cheat on my girlfriend! But I can't. Thank god I can't. I'd hate myself if I did.

And now I must suffer on this endless path of confusion. Why the hell am I so bent on self destruction? Why can't I just let my girlfriend be and let my best friend be, and why can't I just let them stay where they are? Why do I want to cross lines that are there for a reason?

Why do I, Natsuki Kuga, want to cheat on my girlfriend?

Because I know I shouldn't.

And I won't.

Why would I, anyway? I love Shizuru with all my heart. I would never cheat on her. But that won't stop me from lusting after that feeling of complete and utter failure as a person.

I have no reason to cheat on her and

I don't want to.

And yet, I want to.

OMAKE

Shizuru: Ara... why am I the victim?

Me: Cause you freak me out..

Nao: Shu you are the weirdest person ever

Natsuki: Nah, she just wants to know why people would cheat on people they love

Me: ...Damn you Olivia, you've forced me to quote Poe! That's so depressing!

Nao: Isn't he your favorite writer?

Me: =w= dear god, yes

Shizuru: Now that depressing

Me: I swear he's gonna make me take up psychology... Thank you for making it this far! I figured if I made this long than everyone would get freaked out and leave

Poe: I am pleased, Shu -pets my head-

Me: =w= i wuvs havin my hed petted